Don't come to Australia if...
Apr 19th 2007, 12:43 am
#1
A former regular of BE
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Carramar, Perth
Posts: 6,241
Don't come to Australia if...
Tongue mostly in cheek… 
You like shopping – Try Singapore – they love it there, but then there is nothing else to do but work and sleep! Some clothes are lower quality here but then subject anything to a top-loading washing machine and then hang it out in the blazing sun and it will be knackered after a few months
You like to have half a dozen pubs within walking distance of home - You’d need a train to get between them here and probably die of heat stroke doing a summer pub crawl – There is nowhere better in the world for pubs than the UK
You are very close to your parents / older kids / best mate – the number of people who go back and had seemingly not thought they would miss them amazes me
You have a rocky relationship and hope this might fix it – Partly due to the stresses of the move and partly because you might find different interests here you are much more likely to force a split than mend one
You expect Australia to be like the UK with sun – In so many subtle but crucial ways the culture is different
You don’t have an open mind – Which is more likely to be the exception – you who has just stepped off the plane or 20 Million Aussies that have lived here all their lives?
You take yourself too seriously – The Aussies will hate you for it
You are a whinger – The Aussies will hate you for that too
You are negative – Change your vocabulary – Eg I went to the pub , got slaughtered and the next day I felt “average” – Anything less positive than that will have people thinking you are suicidal
You are impatient – I got huffy with a girl in a supermarket soon after arrival and she looked at me like I had escaped from the loony bin – Get used to waiting, you will do it a lot
You are not willing to give it a go of getting into AFL / NRL – they are religions here – if you are not with the religion in your state then you are a heretic and will be ostracised (and maybe stoned)
You like music other than rock – For this religion getting stoned is a good thing
You don’t drink
– Again drinking is a religion. There is nothing wrong with drink-driving here, only getting caught doing it and even then you will be back on the road in months
You don’t like heat – You can stay out of the sun in the shops until 5pm then go home to a cool house I guess but then why bother coming to Australia when you could do that in the UK
You don’t like the great outdoors – boating, fishing, camping etc are compulsory on long weekends
You expect everything to be half the price of the UK – sure some things are cheaper than the UK but others are more expensive – it averages out about the same
You have not been here before and imagine that cities of 1M+ people are going to be quaint little towns with a dirt track through the middle (don’t laugh – that is how my dad expected to find Perth, but then he did think we would spend weeks in a detention centre on arrival too.)
You think it is going to be just like Neighbours – I have not met anyone who has had a short career as a pop star
You think people will make all the moves to make you their friend when you get here – You have to work bloody hard at it, perhaps harder than at making a home, getting a job. So you are shy – we all are really. Have the spuds to introduce yourself to people
You think Aussies will be desperate to be your friend – They hate Poms only second to Kiwis and they already have a large circle of friends and family so don't need a whinging Pom in their life too
Any more?
You like shopping – Try Singapore – they love it there, but then there is nothing else to do but work and sleep! Some clothes are lower quality here but then subject anything to a top-loading washing machine and then hang it out in the blazing sun and it will be knackered after a few months
You like to have half a dozen pubs within walking distance of home - You’d need a train to get between them here and probably die of heat stroke doing a summer pub crawl – There is nowhere better in the world for pubs than the UK
You are very close to your parents / older kids / best mate – the number of people who go back and had seemingly not thought they would miss them amazes me
You have a rocky relationship and hope this might fix it – Partly due to the stresses of the move and partly because you might find different interests here you are much more likely to force a split than mend one
You expect Australia to be like the UK with sun – In so many subtle but crucial ways the culture is different
You don’t have an open mind – Which is more likely to be the exception – you who has just stepped off the plane or 20 Million Aussies that have lived here all their lives?
You take yourself too seriously – The Aussies will hate you for it
You are a whinger – The Aussies will hate you for that too
You are negative – Change your vocabulary – Eg I went to the pub , got slaughtered and the next day I felt “average” – Anything less positive than that will have people thinking you are suicidal
You are impatient – I got huffy with a girl in a supermarket soon after arrival and she looked at me like I had escaped from the loony bin – Get used to waiting, you will do it a lot
You are not willing to give it a go of getting into AFL / NRL – they are religions here – if you are not with the religion in your state then you are a heretic and will be ostracised (and maybe stoned)
You like music other than rock – For this religion getting stoned is a good thing
You don’t drink
– Again drinking is a religion. There is nothing wrong with drink-driving here, only getting caught doing it and even then you will be back on the road in monthsYou don’t like heat – You can stay out of the sun in the shops until 5pm then go home to a cool house I guess but then why bother coming to Australia when you could do that in the UK
You don’t like the great outdoors – boating, fishing, camping etc are compulsory on long weekends
You expect everything to be half the price of the UK – sure some things are cheaper than the UK but others are more expensive – it averages out about the same
You have not been here before and imagine that cities of 1M+ people are going to be quaint little towns with a dirt track through the middle (don’t laugh – that is how my dad expected to find Perth, but then he did think we would spend weeks in a detention centre on arrival too.
)You think it is going to be just like Neighbours – I have not met anyone who has had a short career as a pop star
You think people will make all the moves to make you their friend when you get here – You have to work bloody hard at it, perhaps harder than at making a home, getting a job. So you are shy – we all are really. Have the spuds to introduce yourself to people
You think Aussies will be desperate to be your friend – They hate Poms only second to Kiwis and they already have a large circle of friends and family so don't need a whinging Pom in their life too
Any more?
Apr 19th 2007, 12:48 am
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 81
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
ha ha, great post
Apr 19th 2007, 12:56 am
#3
Australia's Doorman
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: The Shoalhaven, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 11,056
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
Pretty good list mate - but far and away the number one object of hatred for all the aussies I've met - is the saffa.
Apr 19th 2007, 12:56 am
#4
been there........
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Perth, WA
Posts: 349
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
Spot on!!!!!!!!!!
Apr 19th 2007, 1:00 am
#5
been there........
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Perth, WA
Posts: 349
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
Oh, you forgot to say "If you care how people look, rather than what they are, don't bother coming here."
In the Kimberley, the more battered and sweat-stained the hat, the more land area the wearer controls; and unless they're on horseback, they're usually (shhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!) not wearing shoes.
In the Kimberley, the more battered and sweat-stained the hat, the more land area the wearer controls; and unless they're on horseback, they're usually (shhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!) not wearing shoes.
Apr 19th 2007, 1:17 am
#6
Australia's Doorman
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: The Shoalhaven, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 11,056
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
... you can't stop comparing everything with the UK. Newflash Tonto, you're in Australia now, who gives a shit if everyone does 95mph on the M4 and gets away with it. I was watching one of those Wanted: Down Under shows the other night and this couple from Oxforshire (sorry if you're forum regulars but I pissed myself laughing) are viewing this house on the edge of reserve-land and the lady looks out of the window over the verdant rain-forest and says "Well you wouldn't get that in Bicester" 
Apr 19th 2007, 1:45 am
#7
Made the move -
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 2,910
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
Tongue mostly in cheek…
You like shopping – Try Singapore – they love it there, but then there is nothing else to do but work and sleep! Some clothes are lower quality here but then subject anything to a top-loading washing machine and then hang it out in the blazing sun and it will be knackered after a few months
You like to have half a dozen pubs within walking distance of home - You’d need a train to get between them here and probably die of heat stroke doing a summer pub crawl – There is nowhere better in the world for pubs than the UK
You are very close to your parents / older kids / best mate – the number of people who go back and had seemingly not thought they would miss them amazes me
You have a rocky relationship and hope this might fix it – Partly due to the stresses of the move and partly because you might find different interests here you are much more likely to force a split than mend one
You expect Australia to be like the UK with sun – In so many subtle but crucial ways the culture is different
You don’t have an open mind – Which is more likely to be the exception – you who has just stepped off the plane or 20 Million Aussies that have lived here all their lives?
You take yourself too seriously – The Aussies will hate you for it
You are a whinger – The Aussies will hate you for that too
You are negative – Change your vocabulary – Eg I went to the pub , got slaughtered and the next day I felt “average” – Anything less positive than that will have people thinking you are suicidal
You are impatient – I got huffy with a girl in a supermarket soon after arrival and she looked at me like I had escaped from the loony bin – Get used to waiting, you will do it a lot
You are not willing to give it a go of getting into AFL / NRL – they are religions here – if you are not with the religion in your state then you are a heretic and will be ostracised (and maybe stoned)
You like music other than rock – For this religion getting stoned is a good thing
You don’t drink – Again drinking is a religion. There is nothing wrong with drink-driving here, only getting caught doing it and even then you will be back on the road in months
You don’t like heat – You can stay out of the sun in the shops until 5pm then go home to a cool house I guess but then why bother coming to Australia when you could do that in the UK
You don’t like the great outdoors – boating, fishing, camping etc are compulsory on long weekends
You expect everything to be half the price of the UK – sure some things are cheaper than the UK but others are more expensive – it averages out about the same
You have not been here before and imagine that cities of 1M+ people are going to be quaint little towns with a dirt track through the middle (don’t laugh – that is how my dad expected to find Perth, but then he did think we would spend weeks in a detention centre on arrival too.)
You think it is going to be just like Neighbours – I have not met anyone who has had a short career as a pop star
You think people will make all the moves to make you their friend when you get here – You have to work bloody hard at it, perhaps harder than at making a home, getting a job. So you are shy – we all are really. Have the spuds to introduce yourself to people
You think Aussies will be desperate to be your friend – They hate Poms only second to Kiwis and they already have a large circle of friends and family so don't need a whinging Pom in their life too
Any more?
You like shopping – Try Singapore – they love it there, but then there is nothing else to do but work and sleep! Some clothes are lower quality here but then subject anything to a top-loading washing machine and then hang it out in the blazing sun and it will be knackered after a few months
You like to have half a dozen pubs within walking distance of home - You’d need a train to get between them here and probably die of heat stroke doing a summer pub crawl – There is nowhere better in the world for pubs than the UK
You are very close to your parents / older kids / best mate – the number of people who go back and had seemingly not thought they would miss them amazes me
You have a rocky relationship and hope this might fix it – Partly due to the stresses of the move and partly because you might find different interests here you are much more likely to force a split than mend one
You expect Australia to be like the UK with sun – In so many subtle but crucial ways the culture is different
You don’t have an open mind – Which is more likely to be the exception – you who has just stepped off the plane or 20 Million Aussies that have lived here all their lives?
You take yourself too seriously – The Aussies will hate you for it
You are a whinger – The Aussies will hate you for that too
You are negative – Change your vocabulary – Eg I went to the pub , got slaughtered and the next day I felt “average” – Anything less positive than that will have people thinking you are suicidal
You are impatient – I got huffy with a girl in a supermarket soon after arrival and she looked at me like I had escaped from the loony bin – Get used to waiting, you will do it a lot
You are not willing to give it a go of getting into AFL / NRL – they are religions here – if you are not with the religion in your state then you are a heretic and will be ostracised (and maybe stoned)
You like music other than rock – For this religion getting stoned is a good thing
You don’t drink
– Again drinking is a religion. There is nothing wrong with drink-driving here, only getting caught doing it and even then you will be back on the road in monthsYou don’t like heat – You can stay out of the sun in the shops until 5pm then go home to a cool house I guess but then why bother coming to Australia when you could do that in the UK
You don’t like the great outdoors – boating, fishing, camping etc are compulsory on long weekends
You expect everything to be half the price of the UK – sure some things are cheaper than the UK but others are more expensive – it averages out about the same
You have not been here before and imagine that cities of 1M+ people are going to be quaint little towns with a dirt track through the middle (don’t laugh – that is how my dad expected to find Perth, but then he did think we would spend weeks in a detention centre on arrival too.
)You think it is going to be just like Neighbours – I have not met anyone who has had a short career as a pop star
You think people will make all the moves to make you their friend when you get here – You have to work bloody hard at it, perhaps harder than at making a home, getting a job. So you are shy – we all are really. Have the spuds to introduce yourself to people
You think Aussies will be desperate to be your friend – They hate Poms only second to Kiwis and they already have a large circle of friends and family so don't need a whinging Pom in their life too
Any more?
Apr 19th 2007, 1:52 am
#8
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: brisbane
Posts: 639
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
why do they hate the kiwis?
Apr 19th 2007, 2:14 am
#9
A former regular of BE
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Carramar, Perth
Posts: 6,241
Apr 19th 2007, 2:42 am
#10
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Waikiki W.A.
Posts: 496
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
We don't hate Kiwi's. or Pom's or Saffa's
What Aussies love to do is sledgeing, slagging off, banter, winding up. Some see it as hatred but it's anything but. If you hate someone, you usually don't bother with them, not go out of your way to rib them.
What Aussies love to do is sledgeing, slagging off, banter, winding up. Some see it as hatred but it's anything but. If you hate someone, you usually don't bother with them, not go out of your way to rib them.
Apr 19th 2007, 2:45 am
#11
Account Closed
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,375
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
But how much is this post in pounds ... ?
Apr 19th 2007, 2:50 am
#12
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,199
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
Now you tell me!!! One year too late.
Apr 19th 2007, 3:29 am
#13
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: WA but NOT Perth!!!!!
Posts: 3,318
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
Apr 19th 2007, 3:43 am
#14
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2002
Location: brisbane
Posts: 1,020
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
Our friends piddled theirselves laughing when i said hubby was bringing home the lorry from work
donna
Yes its different here, but we love it and wanted to experience something different.
donna
donna
Yes its different here, but we love it and wanted to experience something different.
donna
Apr 19th 2007, 4:51 am
#15
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Hill overlooking the SE Melbourne suburbs
Posts: 16,622
Re: Don't come to Australia if...
... you can't stop comparing everything with the UK. Newflash Tonto, you're in Australia now, who gives a shit if everyone does 95mph on the M4 and gets away with it. I was watching one of those Wanted: Down Under shows the other night and this couple from Oxforshire (sorry if you're forum regulars but I pissed myself laughing) are viewing this house on the edge of reserve-land and the lady looks out of the window over the verdant rain-forest and says "Well you wouldn't get that in Bicester"