Don't Come to Australia
Mar 23rd 2010, 10:04 pm
#106
Social Grenade Thrower
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: South Coast, NSW
Posts: 3,625
Re: Don't Come to Australia
As a 'Strain I have to say that we'll be sorry to lose you 
Though after trying your best, to sort out the problems of this country for eight whole weeks, I can only imagine how exhausted you are, and I thank you for your efforts.
May I suggest that you fly home B.A. ?
They have a great reputation. Here's a cut and paste from their latest company promotion......
G'Day ladies and gentlemen and welcome aboard B.A.'s ( Boomerang Airways ), direct flight from Shitville to Ukopia.
Please refrain from shouts of "Oh ****ing hell, fank ****ing gawd we're ****ing out of that ****ing place", until the pilot has advised that the aircraft is out of Australian airspace.
Please be advised that all our toilets are fitted with smoke detectors and the burning of Australian passports in the toilets is a federal offence. If any of our guests have a pressing need to destroy documentation, please contact the cabin crew who can provide a shredder for your convienience.
As soon as we reach cruising altitude the cabin staff will be serving refreshments. A fine selection of real beers, with Irn Bru and Tizer for those who have been away from the homeland for an extended period, and are having trouble getting back into the habit of getting totally legless on international flights.
Once drinks have been served we will be serving dinner. Real fish and chips, with a compote of real mushy peas and a side serve of HP sauce Jus with brown vinegar highlights. (The aircraft's air conditioning system prevents us from serving neat brown vinegar as it effects the head on the real beer ).
International fire safety regulations prevent us from serving this delicacy in it's traditional exotic newspaper wrapping but BA are happy to serve it on paper plates with real plastic knives and forks, to make you feel more at home.
Our in flight movie's will be Zulu, Tunes of Glory, The Dam Busters and Mrs. Brown. Audio channels will provide the listener with an extensive collection of recordings from The last night of the Proms.
In the morning a real egg and bacon butty will be served, with real fatty bacon on real white bread. Those passengers who are travelling in first and business class will find that the crusts have already been removed for their convienience, and they will also have a choice of individual HP or Heinz tomato ketchup sachets.
Before landing, a complimentary 'Welcome Home' kit will be issued, it contains a plastic mac, a disposable scraper for removing chewing gum and dogggy poo from shoes and a selection of popular welfare benefit forms.
Once we land, you will once again be back in God's own country and obviously in no further need of this airline's services, so we thank you for flying BA and watch out for the ice out there, apparently it's deadly.
For those of traveling on to other destinations, we wish to advise that due to inclement weather, ours was the last flight able to land and the airport is now closed. The roads are also impassable and all rail services are apparently having severe delays due to snow on the rails.........welcome home
Have a safe trip home Newbie. It's a shame you didn't stay long enough to get yer knees brown
Though after trying your best, to sort out the problems of this country for eight whole weeks, I can only imagine how exhausted you are, and I thank you for your efforts.
May I suggest that you fly home B.A. ?
They have a great reputation. Here's a cut and paste from their latest company promotion......
G'Day ladies and gentlemen and welcome aboard B.A.'s ( Boomerang Airways ), direct flight from Shitville to Ukopia.
Please refrain from shouts of "Oh ****ing hell, fank ****ing gawd we're ****ing out of that ****ing place", until the pilot has advised that the aircraft is out of Australian airspace.
Please be advised that all our toilets are fitted with smoke detectors and the burning of Australian passports in the toilets is a federal offence. If any of our guests have a pressing need to destroy documentation, please contact the cabin crew who can provide a shredder for your convienience.
As soon as we reach cruising altitude the cabin staff will be serving refreshments. A fine selection of real beers, with Irn Bru and Tizer for those who have been away from the homeland for an extended period, and are having trouble getting back into the habit of getting totally legless on international flights.
Once drinks have been served we will be serving dinner. Real fish and chips, with a compote of real mushy peas and a side serve of HP sauce Jus with brown vinegar highlights. (The aircraft's air conditioning system prevents us from serving neat brown vinegar as it effects the head on the real beer ).
International fire safety regulations prevent us from serving this delicacy in it's traditional exotic newspaper wrapping but BA are happy to serve it on paper plates with real plastic knives and forks, to make you feel more at home.
Our in flight movie's will be Zulu, Tunes of Glory, The Dam Busters and Mrs. Brown. Audio channels will provide the listener with an extensive collection of recordings from The last night of the Proms.
In the morning a real egg and bacon butty will be served, with real fatty bacon on real white bread. Those passengers who are travelling in first and business class will find that the crusts have already been removed for their convienience, and they will also have a choice of individual HP or Heinz tomato ketchup sachets.
Before landing, a complimentary 'Welcome Home' kit will be issued, it contains a plastic mac, a disposable scraper for removing chewing gum and dogggy poo from shoes and a selection of popular welfare benefit forms.
Once we land, you will once again be back in God's own country and obviously in no further need of this airline's services, so we thank you for flying BA and watch out for the ice out there, apparently it's deadly.
For those of traveling on to other destinations, we wish to advise that due to inclement weather, ours was the last flight able to land and the airport is now closed. The roads are also impassable and all rail services are apparently having severe delays due to snow on the rails.........welcome home
Have a safe trip home Newbie. It's a shame you didn't stay long enough to get yer knees brown
Mar 23rd 2010, 10:08 pm
#108
Social Grenade Thrower
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: South Coast, NSW
Posts: 3,625
Mar 23rd 2010, 10:13 pm
#109
Account Closed
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 10,784
Re: Don't Come to Australia
Ah come on you lot! The dude is as entitled to hate it here as I am to love it. Who cares if he thinks it's crap? As long as you are happy, does anyone else's opinion matter?
I knew within 8 weeks I liked it here so if he decides in 8 weeks he doesn't, so what?
I knew within 8 weeks I liked it here so if he decides in 8 weeks he doesn't, so what?
Mar 23rd 2010, 10:16 pm
#110
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,809
Re: Don't Come to Australia
My thoughts exactly! I may not like the place particularly, but it doesn't make me feel that everyone else should dislike it too. Be very boring if we all liked the same things after all, so I really don't understand why some people can't accept that not everyone has the same opinion about life here.
Mar 23rd 2010, 10:21 pm
#111
Account Open
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 4,298
Re: Don't Come to Australia
Ah.. you must be living in a parallel universe?? Oh wait - you are in Brisbane.
1. Customs & Excise charge the earth for inspection and do not do their job. They are trying to charge me $850 for destroying a plastic bucket that they say contains "traces of chemicals" - it's detergent you morons!!
What - and you want them to just believe you? Oh, sorry Mr Terrorist, on your way
2. Job agents are the worst I have ever encountered, bad manners is just one of their traits.
Most of them are geezers on the razz. You're criticising your own kind tiger.
3. Tram inspectors behave like The Gestapo and are racist, they bully old people and are afraid of youths who DO evade paying.
Racist? Stop it. What a load of cods. You live in Brisbane by the way - are you an expert on Melbourne tram inspectors?
4. The train operators cannot even gets their clocks in synch let alone run a service!
Its a new operator who have been running the trains for a matter of weeks.
5. An internet connection is the most expensive of any of the 6 countries I have lived in.
Try getting internet in the UAE - Dh380 a month for 2Mb.
6. The Govt allow a duopoly for the supermarkets, therefore any item is twice the price it should be.
There are three supermarket operators in Melbourne Coles, Safeway and ALDI.
7. Every public official I have had to deal with wants money to do their job.
That is just a blatant lie. Public officials asking for bribes? Stop it...
1. Customs & Excise charge the earth for inspection and do not do their job. They are trying to charge me $850 for destroying a plastic bucket that they say contains "traces of chemicals" - it's detergent you morons!!
What - and you want them to just believe you? Oh, sorry Mr Terrorist, on your way
2. Job agents are the worst I have ever encountered, bad manners is just one of their traits.
Most of them are geezers on the razz. You're criticising your own kind tiger.
3. Tram inspectors behave like The Gestapo and are racist, they bully old people and are afraid of youths who DO evade paying.
Racist? Stop it. What a load of cods. You live in Brisbane by the way - are you an expert on Melbourne tram inspectors?
4. The train operators cannot even gets their clocks in synch let alone run a service!
Its a new operator who have been running the trains for a matter of weeks.
5. An internet connection is the most expensive of any of the 6 countries I have lived in.
Try getting internet in the UAE - Dh380 a month for 2Mb.
6. The Govt allow a duopoly for the supermarkets, therefore any item is twice the price it should be.
There are three supermarket operators in Melbourne Coles, Safeway and ALDI.
7. Every public official I have had to deal with wants money to do their job.
That is just a blatant lie. Public officials asking for bribes? Stop it...
Yes, I actually live in a parallel universe, and sometimes I open up a portal into this one to leave a few messages on BE. What's your problem?
Reading back over the OP's points, the only one I would disagree with would be "tram inspectors are racist".
Mar 23rd 2010, 10:25 pm
#112
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 9,316
Re: Don't Come to Australia
Mar 23rd 2010, 10:28 pm
#113
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 9,316
Re: Don't Come to Australia
I've never had to pay a government official to do their job. (Except through taxation.)
Mar 23rd 2010, 10:53 pm
#114
Account Open
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 4,298
Re: Don't Come to Australia
When he said "wants money to do their job" - he meant that practically every single government service over here has some fee or licence regime attached to it.
Mar 23rd 2010, 11:06 pm
#115
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 9,316
Re: Don't Come to Australia
Of course not, neither have I... But the OP isn't talking about literally bribing officials /paying back handers to get things done !!
When he said "wants money to do their job" - he meant that practically every single government service over here has some fee or licence regime attached to it.
When he said "wants money to do their job" - he meant that practically every single government service over here has some fee or licence regime attached to it.
With things like driving licences or even citizenship you're paying for the product not the person to his/her job.
GPs are about the only "government" thing I can think of that I pay for personally that I didn't pay for in the UK (and there's obviously the choice of bulk billing). On the other hand I don't have to pay the "government" to watch TV.
So what is the OP saying? It's the same as elsewhere but somehow it's horrid when the Aussies do it?
Last edited by MartinLuther; Mar 23rd 2010 at 11:12 pm.
Mar 23rd 2010, 11:14 pm
#116
Account Open
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 4,298
Re: Don't Come to Australia
But I don't pay the tax man, I don't pay the police. I didn't pay the librarian.
With things like driving licences or even citizenship you're paying for the product not the person to his/her job.
GPs are about the only "government" thing I can think of that I pay for personally that I didn't pay for in the UK (and there's obviously the choice of bulk billing). On the other hand I don't have to pay the "government" to watch TV.
So what is the OP saying? It's the same as elsewhere but somehow it's horrid when the Aussies do it?
With things like driving licences or even citizenship you're paying for the product not the person to his/her job.
GPs are about the only "government" thing I can think of that I pay for personally that I didn't pay for in the UK (and there's obviously the choice of bulk billing). On the other hand I don't have to pay the "government" to watch TV.
So what is the OP saying? It's the same as elsewhere but somehow it's horrid when the Aussies do it?
Mar 23rd 2010, 11:16 pm
#117
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 208
Re: Don't Come to Australia
Evberthing's horrid when the Aussies do it
Mar 23rd 2010, 11:17 pm
#118
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 9,316
Re: Don't Come to Australia
I'd better remember to leave a tenner with the bins tomorrow.
Mar 23rd 2010, 11:19 pm
#120
Account Closed
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 10,784
Re: Don't Come to Australia