Originally Posted by Icarus (Post 8440589)

Is it me or are the trolls around here just not trying hard enough ?

Originally Posted by Hino (Post 8440579)

As a 'Strain I have to say that we'll be sorry to lose you :(

Though after trying your best, to sort out the problems of this country for eight whole weeks, I can only imagine how exhausted you are, and I thank you for your efforts.

May I suggest that you fly home B.A. ?

They have a great reputation. Here's a cut and paste from their latest company promotion......

G'Day ladies and gentlemen and welcome aboard B.A.'s ( Boomerang Airways ), direct flight from Shitville to Ukopia.

Please refrain from shouts of "Oh ****ing hell, fank ****ing gawd we're ****ing out of that ****ing place", until the pilot has advised that the aircraft is out of Australian airspace.

Please be advised that all our toilets are fitted with smoke detectors and the burning of Australian passports in the toilets is a federal offence. If any of our guests have a pressing need to destroy documentation, please contact the cabin crew who can provide a shredder for your convienience.

As soon as we reach cruising altitude the cabin staff will be serving refreshments. A fine selection of real beers, with Irn Bru and Tizer for those who have been away from the homeland for an extended period, and are having trouble getting back into the habit of getting totally legless on international flights.

Once drinks have been served we will be serving dinner. Real fish and chips, with a compote of real mushy peas and a side serve of HP sauce Jus with brown vinegar highlights. (The aircraft's air conditioning system prevents us from serving neat brown vinegar as it effects the head on the real beer ).

International fire safety regulations prevent us from serving this delicacy in it's traditional exotic newspaper wrapping but BA are happy to serve it on paper plates with real plastic knives and forks, to make you feel more at home.

Our in flight movie's will be Zulu, Tunes of Glory, The Dam Busters and Mrs. Brown. Audio channels will provide the listener with an extensive collection of recordings from The last night of the Proms.

In the morning a real egg and bacon butty will be served, with real fatty bacon on real white bread. Those passengers who are travelling in first and business class will find that the crusts have already been removed for their convienience, and they will also have a choice of individual HP or Heinz tomato ketchup sachets.

Before landing, a complimentary 'Welcome Home' kit will be issued, it contains a plastic mac, a disposable scraper for removing chewing gum and dogggy poo from shoes and a selection of popular welfare benefit forms.

Once we land, you will once again be back in God's own country and obviously in no further need of this airline's services, so we thank you for flying BA and watch out for the ice out there, apparently it's deadly.

For those of traveling on to other destinations, we wish to advise that due to inclement weather, ours was the last flight able to land and the airport is now closed. The roads are also impassable and all rail services are apparently having severe delays due to snow on the rails.........welcome home :)


Have a safe trip home Newbie. It's a shame you didn't stay long enough to get yer knees brown :)

Originally Posted by Lord_Farquar (Post 8440592)

I don't know they got a fair few biters.

Originally Posted by Newbie_and_Leaving (Post 8440536)

I've been in Melbourne two months, my experiences:

1. Customs & Excise charge the earth for inspection and do not do their job. They are trying to charge me $850 for destroying a plastic bucket that they say contains "traces of chemicals" - it's detergent you morons!!

2. Job agents are the worst I have ever encountered, bad manners is just one of their traits.

3. Tram inspectors behave like The Gestapo and are racist, they bully old people and are afraid of youths who DO evade paying.

4. The train operators cannot even gets their clocks in synch let alone run a service!

5. An internet connection is the most expensive of any of the 6 countries I have lived in.

6. The Govt allow a duopoly for the supermarkets, therefore any item is twice the price it should be.

7. Every public official I have had to deal with wants money to do their job.

And I haven't even started on the cost to live here....


Australia - great place to holiday a nightmare to live, I'm off and so is my taxable income.

Originally Posted by Newbie_and_Leaving (Post 8440536)

Australia - great place to holiday a nightmare to live, I'm off and so is my taxable income.

Originally Posted by Professional Princess (Post 8440610)

I cant imagine anyone wanting to be paid purely for doing their job, that is terrible.

Originally Posted by martynbaker (Post 8440625)

Just been reading through this and deciding whether to cancel my Easter long weeend trip to Melbourne or not!!!!!!! :thumbsup:

Originally Posted by iamthecreaturefromuranus (Post 8440629)

I think they are suggesting that they want a bit more than their pay for doing their job... backhanders are endemic in certain councils in Australia. Corruption and incompetence have got my two local councils closed by the State.

Originally Posted by Newbie_and_Leaving (Post 8440536)

I've been in Melbourne two months, my experiences:

1. Customs & Excise charge the earth for inspection and do not do their job. They are trying to charge me $850 for destroying a plastic bucket that they say contains "traces of chemicals" - it's detergent you morons!!

2. Job agents are the worst I have ever encountered, bad manners is just one of their traits.

3. Tram inspectors behave like The Gestapo and are racist, they bully old people and are afraid of youths who DO evade paying.

4. The train operators cannot even gets their clocks in synch let alone run a service!

5. An internet connection is the most expensive of any of the 6 countries I have lived in.

6. The Govt allow a duopoly for the supermarkets, therefore any item is twice the price it should be.

7. Every public official I have had to deal with wants money to do their job.

And I haven't even started on the cost to live here....


Australia - great place to holiday a nightmare to live, I'm off and so is my taxable income.

Originally Posted by Newbie_and_Leaving (Post 8440536)

I'm off and so is my taxable income.

Originally Posted by spart (Post 8440649)

Ballox!! I have never met (or heard of) a public servant in Australia asking for backsheesh.
Fees for services perhaps - every permit, licence, registration or other costs money. Is the OP seriously suggesting that you would get a drivers licence issued for free in England?

Local councils of unpaid members on the other hand have been shown as open to influence, especially of the property developer type in western and southern Sydney.

Originally Posted by chrisfromusa (Post 8440652)

Ah so the rose tinted glasses have finally come off then? Whining pom :rofl: