al150n

It's 6 months today since we left the UK & I said goodbye to my boys at the airport. It's now 8 months since I last saw my daughter as she threw a wobbler & refused to speak to me until after we got here.

I speak to them all & catch up on facebook, etc & chat to my daughter a lot on skype (even get to see one of my old cats who is always completely confused by hearing my voice) which all helps but it's not the same as a hug with them.

It was my younger daughter's 6th birthday on Friday & I really felt it that other than us she didn't have any other family about or her big brothers & sister. I know my elder daughter was feeling the distance too & missing not seeing her or being here for her party at the weekend. The girls did speak on skype which as always was lovely & my eldest rang to speak to wish her a happy birthday too which was lovely but just not the same as having them about.

I was very close to using my credit card a few weeks back to book myself a flight just to see my kids for a few days. But hubby said if I went back now in 6 months time I'm going to be feeling exactly the same & he's probably right. I'd also have to go through saying goodbye to them again which I don't think I could do.

I love it here & if I'm honest I can't seen us going back to the UK, just miss my kids so much.

Think it's also a bad day today as both the little ones are at school & the little fella's only just started kindy so I notice the house being empty.

May be I'll take my book, get myself a coffee & take a drive down to the beach for a bit.

Alison x

moneypenny20

It's a common time to have these feelings, so don't stress the feelings, you just have to learn to deal with them which is the hard part. You've done the move and stopped doing the technical moving stuff and now living real life. I have both my girls here with me and don't want to imagine having left them behind, especially in cross circumstances. Personally I wouldn't go back for a visit yet because I don't think it would be 'real'.

It does get easier if you really want to be here and can live without the kids. If your heart isn't really in it then no matter how long you give it, it won't be right. Tough but true I think.

Some people actually find that Skype makes it harder - being able to see but not touch - can be harder than not seeing at all but to others it's definitely a lifeline.

Don't know what to say but you're not alone. Good luck.

avi

Hi I am sorry you are having a tough time with the leaving every body. (((((HUGS)))))) I hope you feel better soon. Have you a chance that your daughter might come out later? Maybe getting them out for a holiday with you might convince them?

I cant imagine my girls not coming with us and I feel for you.

Avril

Scotty1

I can tell you it does get better. My hubby left his 12 year old in the uk - we have been here 15 months now and he was not good for the first few months. His son also threw a few strops - angry texts - refused to skype etc. I think the turning point for both was when his ex agreed to his son coming over to live if he wanted (this was very brave on her part).
A neutral family member asked him on his own what he wanted to do and he thought about it and decided he wanted to stay in uk. Since then both have been much better.
His son has been over twice and is due in April again. He is also going to uk in August for a couple of weeks. Its always bad saying goodbye too.
There are still days when he is down, but they are fewer as time goes on. Birthdays, fathers day (both!) and christmas are the worst. But I can tell you it gets better with time and the pain heals a bit- but I doubt it will go away completely until they are adults.
Hope this helps
Scotty

Family of 3

I don't suppose any of us can fully understand unless we've left kids behind - it's not the same with anyone else.

It DOES get easier generally, and keep reminding yourself that your older kids are at the age where they'd soon be leaving home (and maybe travelling on gap years etc.) anyway. Try not to feel guilty that you left them (I'm not saying that you should, but I think you might) as you were doing what you thought was best for your family overall.

al150n

Thank you for the replies

I'm sure if they came out for holidays they'd want to stay but it's getting them here in the first place (money, ex husband, etc) but I live in hope.

I had an email from my Mum earlier with a load of photos of the boys & my eldest's girlfriend (she's like another daughter) taken over the half term holiday, all at places I've previously been with them & that set me off again. I really don't think being home alone does me any good some days.

I did take my book & went & sat in the car by the beach for a bit in the end & felt much better for it. And I was down the school early waiting for the kids to come out.

Alison x

Drell

Hi Alison,

I feel for you, I really do but you have to remember one thing. Your children chose not to come with you, they clearly miss you but put their lives and interests first and you must try and start to do the same. You will always be their mum and they will always miss you but they'll have a great place to visit for holidays and the opportunities afforded to your youngest daughter will be better in Australia than what's going on here in the UK at the minute.

brits1

You will get these times, they usually happen around Christmas, Birthdays, Weddings etc, in time you do get "use" to "these feelings" but as you get into a routine in Aus it helps a little to make it easier, it's never going to be easy at these times but you have to think of whats best for you now and try not to worry to far into the future. Try and arrange a visit for your family in the UK to come and see you, maybe not to soon as it will be a lot harder to settle again once the head back to the UK. Give yourself time and try and take each day as it comes. All the best

babysinead

My heart goes out to you.....it must be breaking.

You dont state how many you have left behind, but, tomorrow go out and buy each child a money box.
Every week/month, put in as much as you can even if it's just $10.00, tell them you are saving up for them all to fly over and spend time with you and the little one, this might help fill a bit of the big void that has been left in your heart.

Be strong, remember your reasons for emigrating. xxxx

al150n

I've left 3 teenagers behind, 2 boys aged 16 & nearly 18 & a girl aged 14. I have 2 little ones here with us, a girl aged 6 (going on flippin 16) & boy aged 4.

My older 3 have lived with their dad for the last 8 years which is why they didn't/couldn't come with me. I didn't think it would be quite so hard leaving them as they haven't lived with me for so long but I use to see them once a fortnight & in between that I'd pick them up to go shopping or for a maccys if I was passing theirs. They'd cycle over occasionally & would always be about for birthdays. I also worked with my eldest so he'd quite often stay if we were on the same shifts & then would stay a few more days as he'd get well fed, looked after & all his washing done, etc (has to fend for himself at home) plus he loved being about his little brother & sister as they all did.

I know me being here opens up a lot of opportunities for them but that feels like so far in the future at times.

Thanks again for the replies

Alison x

ozzieeagle

The 16 and 18 yo's aren't that far from being able to travel to you on their lonesome. The 14 YO about 3 to 4 years away. When you do see them it could be in one big lump equivalent to the time you would have missed out on anyway....Assuming they come for 4 weeks or more.

HTH

Good luck with this, you'd be doing it tougher than most.