do you let emotions get in the way?
 

I have just got back from a holiday in Adelaide with my wife and two children and we thought it was wonderful. We talked about applying to emigrate before we went but decided to wait until we returned from holiday so we could have more to base our decision on.

I have, and still am very keen to go ahead with applying to emigrate, but my wife is not, purely because she is close to her mum and she does not want to leave her, thinking that she may never see her again.

We have spoken to her mum about our thoughts and she went very quite and did not want to talk about it saying that she understood that it would be better for us but she would miss us, which I understand. This has made my wife feel very guilty and clam up, not talking to me about it. She feels that whatever decision she makes she will upset her mum or me.

What I wanted to know is- has anyone else had the same problem (I’m sure you all have) where you are close to your parents, what decision did you make? How hard was it to make it, and did you let emotions stop you providing a better future for your family.

Any advise or help is much appreciated.

Re: do you let emotions get in the way?
 

Hi,

have a look at a previous thread by Tazzy on what to say to Mum and Dad. There was a huge response.

Noodle

Kevt,
You've come to the right place!!
I've posted a couple of threads about my parents. If you read any thread from"Tazzy", you'll see what I've been going through too.
I can sympathise with your wife. I don't know why but girls seem to be closer to their folks and its difficult to let go, even if it is a better lifestyle for the rest of the family.
Have a read of the comments other people gave to me. Their advice is pretty sound and helpful.
However, my advice to you is to give your wife time, don't force the issue. She will talk to you about it when she's ready.
Get your holiday snaps devevloped, frame a couple, leave gentle reminders round the house that you are still thinking about it, but don't talk about it just yet. Your wife needs to get her head round the benefits of living in Oz first.
Good luck
Tazzy

Tazzy

Just been reading your thread and found it very useful. I can see that there are a lot of people with simular problems. I have just printed the whole thread off and will bring it home to my wife tonight for her to read. I might even let her parents read it, to see if that will start them talking about it.

I will just have give them all time to see if that will help them come to terms with it and then maybe my wife will be able to tell them that she wants to go, because i think deep down she does, but like you, you don't want to upset them.

Hope all works out for you.

Kevin

Kevin,
emotions run riot at times like these. It leaves my mum in tears every time I mention it. Wait untill I tell them that they are going to be grand parents and that I'm then emmigrating only half way around the world!!

In the end Kevin it is you & your partners decision and you have to live with the consequences of going or staying.

There are no easy answers and tears will be spilt either way.

Hope you make the right decision for you and your family. You only have one life, live it how you won't to. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.

Bye Markeh

I'm quite miserable at the mo, see and talk to mum only when I have to. Haven't even spoken to her about it myself yet, left that to hubby. She doesn't want to talk about it, she knows how it feels as my brother went to Utah 4 years ago (I personally don't think it was a great loss, ha ha)

See her this morning, she was as miserable as sin. Didn't have much to say. I know I'm doing the right thing for my family, so why does it hurt so bloody much, at the moment I feel rotten to the core. :(

Time is the key, I think. Take one day at a time, your wife will probably be changing her mind constantly purely through guilt. She needs to try and think what would it be like for the whole family if you stayed. I know I would only be staying for my parents, but they are not a small only, they are my past, present and future.

I'm woffling and getting confusing, but it's a bloody confusing time

Surfer Chick,
I think your last line applies to us all;

"I'm woffling and getting confusing, but it's a bloody confusing time."

Bye all
Markeh

Some wise words from Tazzy&co. My wife is an Aussie and has tried to get me to go for 18 years I always said no(fool):o
Don't try to push your Mrs to much,if you make her feel guilty it could backfire later on maybe in Aus if things go wrong,or if and when the enevitable happens to her Mum,as there is only one thing we are all garunteed in life and that is death.

Thanks for all your wise advice.

I did speak a bit more to my wife last night and she said that if her mum said she would visit us in oz, then she would emigrate.

I am listenening to everyones advice now and giving her some space. It does get frustrating as time goes by and you see your dream disappearing away, but i am doing my best.

I'm seeing the mother inlaw this weekend so the subject may come up, it may help if it does to try and clear the air and get evryones worrys in the open.

Do any of you applying like me still have doubts that what you are doing the right thing for you and your family?

Thanks
Kevin

Ohh yes.

Im going on the 4th Dec.

Hubby has 2 sisters - both in Oz
I have 1 - also in oz

Both sets of parents are split up, so in a way we have had to go through it 4 times.

also my Grandfather is 93.

Slightly different that when i told my father, he said he would be devastated if we went , but not as devistated as if he thought he had held back our lives and opportunities.

It hurts like hell, but As my Dad said, 'We can only live our lives once'

Yep it is hard , im very close to my parents and the day i said good bye will stop in my thoughts forever. But they where 100% behind us and felt it was the best thing for kids etc , but that doesnt make it any easier . For the first few phonecalls we made to each other one of us would cry , especially when mum spoke to the kids , the kids would say mum , granny has gone , so grandad would quickly come on the line. We can all talk without crying now which is good , i miss them but the same now as i missed them in the UK , as they lived 4 hours away anyway . They arrive in 3 weeks for a month , so then we have to do the goodbyes again , lets hope its a little easier , god we hope. Bet after a few weeks of my dad i will be willing him on the plane , bless him:D
Joanne

Hi Kev, I've sent you an email.

I think most of us have gone thru the same situation (I have not leaved yet so I remember this every day :( ).

I would recomend to let things flow at their own speed... pushing won´t do any good :rolleyes: ...

Cheers and good luck...

Families are indeed a difficult thing
 

Hello

similar story; went to Oz last year - now in application process for migration.

My uncle moved out 15 years ago (and luckily is sponsoring us) so it's something that's been on my mind for a long time & I've spoken with my family about it a lot, but being the eldest of 6 children & our dad having died when we were little I was expecting a very difficult time from my mum. Surprisingly whilst she is very upset she is being really supportive and is actually surprised that we'd not tried to make the move sooner!

It is my hubby's mum that's not taken it so well. His dad has offered to help financially but she gets extremely upset and doesn't understand why anyone would want to leave their families. It's difficult for her to accept we want to go and now she knows it's always been a dream of mine I get a terrible sense that I will end up the 'wicked witch' even though Ben was as taken with Oz as I was. What makes it worse is that hubby has never been the one to have a 'good old chat' with his mum so I feel like I'm coming across as pushing him into it.

Apart from this topic we get on extremely well and it is horrible seeing her so upset at something that we're doing. We can't use the 'you can come out and see us' tactic as she will not fly and I don't know if it's realistic of us to promise that we could come back every year.

We are expecting a response very soon so it's not a subject that we can avoid. If any of you have any suggestions on ways of bridging the gap they'd be most welcome!