playbunny75

Hello

I just wondered what people's view was on whether relocating is harder or more emotional process for women than it is for men? we have met quite alot of expats since we have been here not through expats mostly by chance! and I have noticed than every women I have spoke to seems to be having a tougher time and while the men will have found it stressful it tends to be more to do with pratical stuff like selling the house etc.I guess the cirumstances for why you come in the first place will have a big impact in cases where most parties want to come it still seems the women find it harder.

What do you think?

Flutterscutter

I would say yes, women tend to have more problems than men, although i've seen men who have suffered too, and add to that the fact that men are notoriously bad at expressing how they really feel, there could be more than we think.

Women have a natural tendency to need other females to lean on or support them in bad times, and i feel this is very much compounded when you move a long way from home and realise there ISN'T anyone to turn to.

surfdude

I really don't think it is a case of gender, its more your state of mind and personality. Making such a move should be well thought out before any attempt is made - take the rough with the smooth, male or female !

Pomster

Oh the whole, I think yes they do.

Perhaps it is because women generally are far more attached to family and friends and place great store on close contacts. Men - generally- seem to be happy enough with starting afresh. Maybe there is something in that saying:
' a son is a son until he gets a wife, a daughter is a daughter all her life', which applies to migrating too!

My H has settled here far more easily than I did. He had a much smaller family, who are now no longer around.
Sometimes I really yearn for my sister, mum and good, long term friends, whereas H is happy to go off and chop wood/fish/other things that men do. I also miss having friends who understand things I refer to, which have context for people who were schooled and brought up in UK. However as time goes on this feeling out of place has lessened, and having made a couple of good friends locally has helped hugely.

Don't give up too quickly- I think 2-3 years really indicates whether you can make this home. And remember - your children will never know anywhere else and UK will just be somewhere you and their dad reminisce about!

Shellfish

hey again

I definitely think that woman have a harder time adjusting. We are more emotional and in alot of cases just feel it more being away from family. For eg. my husband is quite happy to call home maybe twice a month where as I call much more often. It's not that my husband isn't close to his family but he doesn't feel this need to communicate with them constantly.

Another problem I think, is that more often than not men are out and about, working and interacting with people and feeling that they are accomplishing things where as women who don't work outside the home feel they are trapped inside doing the same old thing day after day and aren't meeting as many people or interacting as much. I was at home for a couple of months after we arrived organising the house and looking for a job and that time was pretty trying.

Shellfish

[QUOTE=Pomster] Maybe there is something in that saying:
' a son is a son until he gets a wife, a daughter is a daughter all her life', which applies to migrating too!

QUOTE]
I have never heard that before but it's very true

renth

Yes, definitely. Generally women find it tougher than blokes.

madsad

I wouldnt say women find it harder than men,i would say though it depends on individual circumstances.

What about a poll ? you may get a rough idea if most people on expats voted

Donna.

Fiona&malc

Hubby and i both went through a hard time about 3 months after we arrived here, when the 'honeymoon' period ended and we both started missing things and people from the UK, we both had our good days and bad days but we kinda bounced off each other, and helped each other through it. Nearly 7 months on, we have the odd day of homesickness, but we still manage to get through it, so i'd agree with Donna, it does depend on the person i suppose.

Geordie George

I think saying that women find it harder than men is untrue. Men and women will find the emigrating process difficult - maybe to different degrees and in different regards, to an extent. But I certainly don't think Mr GG has had it easier than me in our emigration.

He's a lot closer to his family than I am to mine (Patrick calls home or is called by his parents once a week; I might call home every month/six weeks or so); this is exactly how it was in the UK. In that respect, I do think it's down to personality. He feels he needs to keep in touch to be close, I don't. Thinking about it, I've still not called home to thank people for my birthday pressies and my birthday was nine days ago now. Should probably get 'round to doing that.

I've also been the one taking a lead on the social side of things - I've been the one going out for drinks with people from work, people I've met through different classes, through BE etc. Patrick's relying on me far too much in that regard - I shall have words with him! So I really do think it depends on the type of person someone is, not their gender per se.

Stu.E

I'd have to agree with that. It totally depends on the person/situation regardless of gender.

If you are a stay at home mum who's husband is at work all day and you're used to seeing friends/family during the day, of course you're gonna suffer more that the guy who's out there making buddies at work.

If both work (or are actively looking for work) and don't end up with too many empty hours on their hands I'd expect it would be much easier on both.

If you are someone with a common interest that makes it easy to meet and make friends with others, again its easier. I never relied on my OH for social stuff with her friends/family and quite happily made good friends through my sport and at work.

gedge

It is, as surfdude says, a matter of the individual in question. We all deal with things differently.
But in my experience I would say it is more noticeable that women have trouble adjusting. This could be down to the way that women show their emotion more than men do. Us blokes do have a soft side but we don't like anyone to see it no matter how close they are to us.
It's not easy for anyone in normal circumstances to leave their friends and family and start again on the other side.

playbunny75

Just to add that I remeber very clearly when we told friends we were leaving the reaction from hubby's friends was "great well done" and "good for you" the reaction from my friends was "I could never do that" or "what about your family" and for me since we have arrived her I have heard it 100x "I could never leave my family like that" my husband has never heard this not once that says something!!

It does of course depends on the realtionship you had with people back home my husabnd didn't see his mum too much so as a result is used to not relying on her while i am guilty on perhaps leaning my mine too much!

Geordie George

That ties in exactly with Chris' point - reactions are expected to be different in men and women and people respond accordingly. Women are expected to behave one way and men another - people act to reinforce that, regardless of whether it's true or not.

pako

I agree, I think a lot is to do with circumstance. I think that someone, that has lived many years away from their families, lived in various places, would adjust easier, maybe than someone that had lived in the same place near their families for their whole lives. I think if you left the family home at a young age that you learn to stand on your own two feet a lot quicker. Also to take into consideration is how a person normally handles stressful situations and their coping skills. However I do agree that women are far more emotional. I guess there's a lot of factors to consider.