tonyandwendy

Our little story starts like this;
2009-me (now 45) partner and our 2 young daughters moved to perth on a sponsored 457 visa-as i had previously gone there to get my trade cerificate and stay with our best friends who moved there 6 years previous so after a holiday there we thought wow this could be for us!!

anyway after all the humdrum of getting it sorted its may 2009 and were there. i got on ok with my job but the wages werent great and my partner found it difficult to find work so money was tight but we struggled on. after 9 months of missing family and me losing my job due to an unfair and unfortunate incident we returned to the uk. my partner was devestated as she loved it there but it was like one big holiday for her as i worked.

i liked it there-we lived in ellenbrook and i had i quad which i regularly rode in the bushland-awesome!! however a part of us went there to be with our friends but although we lived a couple of miles away we didnt see that much of them

since weve been back its easy to look back and remember all the good about being away on the other side of the world living a nice life but forgot about the hurt of hardly ever seeing our family-taking the grandchildren away etc. my partner wants to totally forget we ever went to try and get some sort of closure but would move back tomorrow at the drop of a hat!

i would like to go back but also like it here in the uk-family, seasons etc but am torn between 2 places both of which have their own pluses and minuses...basically i guess the reason i am posting this is am wondering if there are any others out there that feel the same way?

in a way we wish we never went as its like tasting the forbidden fruit.

life was good there but felt lonely-i know we should have given it more time but lost job meant returning home so here we are still. the uk seems to be continually going downhill so one part of me wants to go back and the other half of me to stay for family sake etc.

its especially hard looking at the photos and pics-my parner wont even look at them and doesnt like talking about perth as it depresse's her

my ever increasing fear is knowing the next right thing to do, try to go back or stay-either way we're stuffed!!

any opinions or advice for some sort of closure would be wecome
thanks for taking the time to read this
tony

louie

You're certainly not alone. But do you even have an option? At 45, you're unlikely to qualify for a permanent visa, which means if you do want to go back and get another 457, sooner or later you'll have to come back to the UK again and go through the pain again.

Work out your options. At least if you find out you can't emigrate, you can start to come to terms with that.

Bermudashorts

I think your closure might be around ability to get a visa. It is very, very difficult for anyone 45 or over to get a skilled migrant visa.

At least if you get clarity on that you can stop wondering about whether you should go back or not, it won't be an option. Certainty brings closure.

I enjoyed my university days on the whole, it doesn't mean I wish I had never left or wish I could go back. But I like to look back and think that was a good life adventure. Hopefully in time you will start to see your Perth adventure in a similar way.

quoll

Closure is all in the mind unfortunately and sometimes the line just has to be drawn. In some ways it is easier, as the others have said, if someone else draws that line for you and I suspect they are right that your age is against you for returning to Australia and even if it weren't a visa issue then it would be a readiness for a comfortable retirement issue - you wouldn't have much time to build a decent retirement income.

OTOH you could look at it as a parent and you probably don't want your kids, when adult, point out to you the isolation of your little family miles away from any of their extended family like both my boys did, independently, to me. In some ways I think it has made them both harder and perhaps more selfish than I would have liked them to be and both find it challenging to deal with their respective partners' close knit extended family groups. An unintended consequence of our selfish decisions unfortunately!

The grass may be greener but it still needs mowing! Good luck whichever way you jump, tough decisions are always going to be difficult! But if you do stay, throw yourself into each and every opportunity you have to make your life as interesting and fulfilled as it can possibly be rather than living in a kind of limbo.

Machine

You may also find that things have changed somewhat. Australia continues to become more and more expensive so unless you and/or your partner earn a decent wage it may not be worth it in terms of affordability and lifestyle.

Snap Shot

I can more or less relate to the original poster. I'm 45 and have been in NZ since Feb 2011 on a family category visa as I'm married to a kiwi. When it comes to NZ I can basically take it or leave it. Which is how I felt on my first visit to meet his family in Auckland in 1994. Further visits in 1996/7 and 2006 didn't change my point of view. I still feel the same after nearly two years living here. My most recent temporary contract of employment ended on 21st December. I'm looking for work, preferably permanent which in small town NZ is frustrating. My husband is the professional and is in permanent employment, I'm into admin.

Should we ever leave NZ I accept I will need closure. However, it should just be the end of a chapter. I don't know about all this having an adventure stuff. I'm not 13 years old, I really don't need an adventure.

Stay in Britain, you know you want to.

tonyandwendy

thankyou to all of you who have taken the time to read and reply-its certainly has given me food for thought and a better perspective

Angie78

Hi understand fully how you and your partner are feeling. We also lived in Ellenbrook, yes at times it was hard and a bit lonely but we loved it. I came back to the uk because my dad fell ill. I also could not look at pics or tv if anything of Australia was on, I was the only one who wanted to come back to the uk, we have been home now for nearly 3 yrs and i regret it so much. I would go back tomorrow if i could. We are talking about going back but my parents are not very supportive about it.They were not happy that we went the first time now they are saying how bad it is of us to take the kids away again. My parents are the only ones holding me back at the mo. Anyway hope what ever you do you will be happy with it Goodluck

Tr1boy

I/we have been back and forth 3 times (currently in the UK) but at some point we will head back. Mrs TB is not from Oz originally or the UK, so our decisons are only weighted on my side with regards to the UK.

I used to want closure, I used to want 'this is it' decisions. But now I realise that our lives are just not working out like that and we are likely to be 'this is where we are at this moment' kind of thing. This situation always suited me as I've lived in 5 countries, but I always felt like I needed closure with regards to Oz/UK.

I never used to want to see stuff about Oz when I was in the UK, because it didn't mean anything to me. But now I read stuff with mild curiosity more than anything, and I keep in touch with all my friends there.

I'm not sure what I'm getting at, but probably something like:

Not everyone fits the 'closure' mentality and even if the do, sometimes we can't have what we want. Forcing a closure issue is likely to result in the 'box' flying open and smacking you in the face when you least expect it. Let it close of it's own accord, and if it doesn't, then it doesn't.

Much better to look on the times with fondness rather than deny they happened IMO. Live you lives though as they are now though and I think you will find the issue gets more manageable of its own accord, in either direction.

louie

But it's different for you, Tr1boy, as you can swap between the two as often as you want, assuming you and your wife are citizens. I think it's much more difficult to cope with if you know the door is closing in your face and you won't always have the option to go back, assuming that the OP does even have an option now. I reckon it's easier if either you can go back (as citizens) or can't go back (as too old for PR) rather than being in limbo because you could go back but don't know whether to or have a partner that doesn't agree with what you want to do.

Tr1boy

Apart from the citenship ease of movement, how is that any different for me? My wife wants to return, I don't. In some it ways it makes it harder, because those options never go away, you just have to learn to live with them being in the air.

Snap Shot

I really relate to your posts, especially the sentiment of the one above.