MarkMyWords

I would liken the feeling more to carrying a very large heavy rucksack around all the time. One large enough that you're carrying on your back but it still drags on the ground.

Also there's the insane jealousy of all these other normal-looking people wandering around apparently quite happy and unburdened! You b*****ds you!

Not seeing any way out sounds horribly familiar.

Fun eh? Not something I would wish on anyone.

Mark

jandjuk

if really badly depressed - you feel as if life is pointless, hopeless - all is lost, and no course of action is the one you want to take.

sleeping is often a preferred option.

eternal hangover is a good description. like that feeling of wanting it to be tomorrow so you won't be hungover anymore - only the next day you're just as hungover!

not a pleasant place to be

Grayling

Hi all
I have had a lot of involvement in the treatment of depression over the years. I worked as a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist in the NHS for many years.
Do not underestimate depression , it can be a debilitating illness and can have serious consequences. Fortunately is is readily treatable with both Anti depressants and psychological therapies and most people make good recoveries.

In relation to Migration many people will find they may be particularly liable to depression which can be triggered or worsened by stress.
Some of the descriptions of the difficulties some experience on moving to another country sound like a form of depression and can affect everyone no matter how well prepared they feel.
It could happen to any of us so perhaps we should be more understanding of people who can not adapt to their new life.

It also strikes me that some of the posters who express such unhappiness with their current lives are also showing some signs similar to depression and the idea and process of migration can act as a diversion for a while. Unfortunately the gloom will reappear when the distraction ends and for some they will be worse off having left their support network behind and when they realise the fantasy was better than the reality.

No doubt I will get slated for this and have, in the past, deliberately kept these opinions to myself. However ,now the subject has been raised , I feel able to contribute.

No one really likes to think of the Psychological consequences of such a major change in their lives but, unfortunately, it is impossible to escape what is in your own head.

This will not apply to everyone but don't underestimate the potential for difficulties.

Sorry, seem to have strayed off the original point.

Best wishes

G

MarkMyWords

Ok, I'll stand by you and get slated too then. I too wonder if a lot of people emigrate to get away from what they perceive as their problems but fail to realise that the problem is internal and that the one thing they can't get away from is themselves. It takes a lot of self-honesty to admit to yourself that this may be the case as it's a really hard thing to face up to and just as hard to deal with constructively.

You can see a lot of this watching those programmes about emigrants coping (or not) with their new lives.

Of course it's not just emigration. People do all sorts of life-changing things to distract themselves from the real problems.

Of course I am not at all saying that every emigrant is mis-motivated in this way. Especially me! Ahem.

Mark

cadabra

A physical and mental tiredness so strong you cannot face getting dressed

the world is INSIDE the fish bowl and you cant get in. you are on the outside looking in.

These were two of the ways i used to describe the feelings of depression. I suffered with it on and off for several years. I have recovered well, but still worry it will return one day.

I was treated with mainstream drugs (prozac). I hate it when people dismiss it as bad and unneccessary to use antidepressants. They gave me back my life and no, they are not addictive. I just stopped one day and never had a single side effect from it.
I will say that once you get over the depression, you can often go through a stage of anger. I did. Was filled with anger at my mistreatment and lack of compassion from most people around me.
Took a while to get back to normal, but i wanted to tell you all this to show there is life after it, and a very happy one too!!

bondipom

Grayling and MarkmyWords, what you are saying is true. A promise of a fresh start away from ones existing troubles can seem so tempting. I believe it was Janeyray who posted an excellent thread about fixing up things before migrating.

Stress is a known trigger of depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Moving house on its own can be enough of a trigger. Add in moving 10,000 miles away from ones comefort zones and support can be asking for trouble.

I am not saying do not migrate but to make sure that one is mentally prepared for the task in hand.

Pants

G sound advice........

Great contribution.!!!

finsbury

Alborg

With me there was a whole raft of things that are difficult to describe. Almost out of body experiences. I would talk but the voice that I was hearing didn't sound like mine. I would feel like I was moving in slow motion and I would zone out completely i.e. - have no thoughts or anything go on in my head and when I would 'come back' I'd find that x amount of time had drifted by.

I know this doesn't really sound much but when you add it up to everything else that's going on in your life you can't help but wonder - am I going mad? Which of course makes you worry more, become more negative and ultimately, more ill. Depression is the most pernicious of diseases because it is cyclical. It spirals out of control and you find yourself in the centre of a personal maelstrom, unable to get out.

Antidepressants and CBT help you manage your depression - chemically and through new ways of thinking. They help you to stop the storm before it starts or to help you find a way out of the maelstrom, if you're stuck in it.

I first suffered depression in 97 and had a very serious recurrence last year and greatly worried about taking antidepressants again. They are hard but they do work. I'm a big fan of CBT but it doesn't work for everyone.

I also think Grayling should be applauded for his courage in broaching a very difficult subject. None of us wants to think that our dream move could make us unwell but it is a huge change of life with enormous stress attached. I'm lucky - my partner is Australian and I already have a family and social network to tap into. I've also lived in 5 different countries so I have some experience of knowing what to expect when you land somewhere new. I'm confident, that despite my recent setback with depression, that I will be able to adjust to Australian life, and more importantly, that we are moving for the right reasons. We decided to move before my illness really struck home and I'm happy that is still the right decision for me and for us.

I have had plenty of time to reflect during the last year but I'm sure of my reasons for moving - I want to see what life is like in Australia. I don't particularly want to escape UK life. I've spent a lot of time reading this website during the last couple of months in preparation for my visa application. It's struck me how many people have moved to escape their problems or to find their dream place.

I don't think you can do either. You only transfer your problems with you and you have to make your dreams happen. They don't just materialise. And maybe that is what some people don't realise. That the move is just the first step - it's what you make of your life, regardless of where you live - and that's what is important.

Heck, it's a lovely sunny day in London so who needs Aussie weather! Just kidding ; )

Bella

I have suffered with depression in the past, probably on
& off since a teenager. About 5-6 yrs ago was prescribed Prozac & it was bloody marvellous - just felt like I got back to my normal self & that is wonderful after feeling so unhappy & not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Didn't experience another episode until ................ I moved here to Oz. Grayling is absolutely right in stating that migration is a major upheaval & being adrift from your comfort zone can effect you in ways you may not imagine. It took about 3 months before I stopped feeling dreadful all the time.

I am a mental health nurse & work here in Oz in the community & I don't agree that there is less stigma in Oz than UK - in my experience it is the same.

Migration can be like a bereavement for some even though it may be providing loads of great opportunities.

A supportive partner certainly helps!!

Alborg

Did it make you feel run down, angry, jealous, tired, de-motivated, flat, insecure and also change the way you perceived life and the people around you?

callé

depression? yes. I was treated for it twice in my past. I know the feeling. you dont feel quite like you are in your body. Or grounded as it were. even happy events seem like they dont reach you, and you live ina gloomy dark world. No one that feels this way should let it go, thinking it'll go away. Many people suffer depression and under the tremendous amount of stress some of us deal with, like it has been said, your seratonin goes whacky. there are so many antidepressents around now. I took a very mild one for about 6-9 months both times. worked wonders. also I found out lots of exercise works for me to keep it away. it really helps you to de-stress.

jandjuk

I agree 110% with Grayling.

Bottom line is that emigrating to escape something you are unhappy with, by and large ain't going to work.

To me, that's a negative reason to emigrate, and it will have probably have some negative consequences. A positive reason would be because you have a love or interest in your new country, it's people, culture etc etc. A negative reason would just be picking a country more and less at random because you don't like your existing country/life situation.

of course we all escape things now and again, and that can be positive. but emigration ain't a magic happy pill that will cure any problems you may have in life - it'll distract you for a while, and then just make it harder.

That's not to say that things which harder cannot be even more rewarding.

Pollyana

My friend emigrated to Oz back in 1980, I think he suffered from depression back then too and there was certainly an element of "Australia will solve it". When I first came over and visited him, 5 years ago, he spent so much time telling me how good life is here, and how he loved it, and comparing it to stuff in the UK - looking back, I wonder whether he was trying to convince me, or himself.

He used that quote once too, in one of his more lucid moments. His depression eventually got into a vicious spiral with alcoholism, and he would refuse any help from anywhere. The ironic thing was that he worked in a major hospital, and had so many friends who would have helped him, but he was just determined not to be helped.
Very sad situation - I really feel for anyone going through it, and for their partners and friends.

hevs

Tired, so you go to bed, sleep for a couple of hours, then no more.
Morning comes and you are so tired that the effort of getting out of bed is gargantuan. Feet feel like lead, eyes DO NOT want to open.
You shout at the kids cos they are driving you up the wall, get them off to school, get home and sit down, not knowing where to start.
You find yourself forgetting things, confused, foggy.....and it gets worse and worse.
You do stranger things by the day, like going to the shops without any bag or purse, so that you are stuck in the pay to leave car park! or stranger still as you put the washing in the fridge.
Finally you might realise that things are way out of control by the look of total astoundment on a friends face as you are desperatley trying to get the paint out of a cloth, by dipping it into the paint tin and wringing it out manically, pannicking cos its just as paint ridden :scared:
After your trip to the drs and bursting into tears like some big jessie "oh god i'm sorry, i'm so pathetic, i don't do crying" you are prscribed with prozac. OH MY GOD!!! its official, i'm a nutter, a faliure, everyone else can cope, why can't i. I am crap
Then the side effects come from the prozac, the main one being that you can't sleep Freekin marvelous, so back off to the quacks, here have some trimazapan, they'll help you out!!!
Oh god will i ever be normal again

Well this is me two years later, with tonnes of family support and understanding. Off the prozac and fighting fit, though i occaisonally dabble in the other ones when i am struggling for a week or so with sleep.
Normal?? who knows. But happy? yes, very

All the best of luck to the other nutters on here,() never feel ashamed, or weak its down to chemicals in the brain and nothing to do with the strength of your charecter etc xxxx

Grayling

Yes Alborg It can do .
And make you feel guilty,ashamed,worthless,scared,panicky and a whole range of other symptoms and emotions.

When Graham started this thread he probably did not expect this response. When I added my bit I did not expect it either.
There are some very brave people who have posted their experiences.
How many, I wonder, have been or still are afraid to discuss their particular difficulties for fear of being attacked or ridiculed or dismissed as weak.
It is seen as acceptable to drink to blot out misery but not to take medication

I was not trying to be clever or to make a silly point and have tried to avoid such matters except to give the occasional advice about treating flying or spider phobias:scared:

I am sorry if some find this upsetting but I am sure ,for others, it must be a relief to see that you are not alone.
One thing is for sure it will not go away by ignoring it and I ,for one, am really encouraged that this forum can also do a lot of good and need not always be simply a place to slag each other and our choices off.

Best wishes to you all

G