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Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Old Jun 23rd 2006, 12:26 am
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Default Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

My husband has got us here without any thought of his pay. If we rent a decent house we can not afford to live let alone pay our mortgage back home.We are use to a good standard of life and I have never felt so out of control in my life. The worse part is we have three children and gave them all the promises of a new happy life here after three years of crap in France. He is also use to earning good money and I can not believe what he has done. Has anyone else been in this situation because right now I just do not know what to do.Have no family or friends here to talk to, maybe someone knows of a support group, even though for me this would be very much against the grain and truly depressing for me. I dont know why I am writing this for all to see because this is out of character , but maybe writing this will help. The situation has left me not wanting to be in the same room as him. Do I just leave but where do I go, any answers or help appreciated. Gop
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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 12:44 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Originally Posted by gop
My husband has got us here without any thought of his pay. If we rent a decent house we can not afford to live let alone pay our mortgage back home.We are use to a good standard of life and I have never felt so out of control in my life. The worse part is we have three children and gave them all the promises of a new happy life here after three years of crap in France. He is also use to earning good money and I can not believe what he has done. Has anyone else been in this situation because right now I just do not know what to do.Have no family or friends here to talk to, maybe someone knows of a support group, even though for me this would be very much against the grain and truly depressing for me. I dont know why I am writing this for all to see because this is out of character , but maybe writing this will help. The situation has left me not wanting to be in the same room as him. Do I just leave but where do I go, any answers or help appreciated. Gop
You're in a state of shock. You've just made a huge move. Send me a PM if you want to get away for a while and meet up for a cuppa. I'm in the Western suburbs.

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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 12:59 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Originally Posted by gop
My husband has got us here without any thought of his pay. If we rent a decent house we can not afford to live let alone pay our mortgage back home.We are use to a good standard of life and I have never felt so out of control in my life. The worse part is we have three children and gave them all the promises of a new happy life here after three years of crap in France. He is also use to earning good money and I can not believe what he has done. Has anyone else been in this situation because right now I just do not know what to do.Have no family or friends here to talk to, maybe someone knows of a support group, even though for me this would be very much against the grain and truly depressing for me. I dont know why I am writing this for all to see because this is out of character , but maybe writing this will help. The situation has left me not wanting to be in the same room as him. Do I just leave but where do I go, any answers or help appreciated. Gop
Its what we call 'Culture Shock' gop! Try not to stress out too much about it. I felt exactly the same way when we first arrived 3 months ago too. Still struggling with money a little but I find that I dont spend it the same way I used to in the UK anyway. I used to pass the time of day shopping for rubbish that we really didnt need. I dont do that anymore (cant afford to obviously but dont really have any desire to either) and dont miss it. The weather as it is at the moment doesnt help but at the end of the day it is Winter - this wont last long. Soon we'll all be spening out days outdoors all the time and doing lots of 'family' things. Keep posting here and you should quite quickly be able to build a new network of friends - not just online but through meets etc. I'm in NSW not Brisbane but am more than happy for you to keep in touch with me. Just pm me and we can either keep in touch via email/msn or pm's!

Take care

Rach xxxx
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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 1:13 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Originally Posted by gop
My husband has got us here without any thought of his pay. If we rent a decent house we can not afford to live let alone pay our mortgage back home.We are use to a good standard of life and I have never felt so out of control in my life. The worse part is we have three children and gave them all the promises of a new happy life here after three years of crap in France. He is also use to earning good money and I can not believe what he has done. Has anyone else been in this situation because right now I just do not know what to do.Have no family or friends here to talk to, maybe someone knows of a support group, even though for me this would be very much against the grain and truly depressing for me. I dont know why I am writing this for all to see because this is out of character , but maybe writing this will help. The situation has left me not wanting to be in the same room as him. Do I just leave but where do I go, any answers or help appreciated. Gop
Lots of us in Brisbane in various suburbs - I'm in Aspley, on the north side.. Drop me a pm if I can help
If you've read any of my posts you'll know I can understand some of your feelings.
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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 1:19 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

hiya mate,please dont feel your on your own cos your not,your support group is right here,everyone is willing to help,im in bayside,if you fancy a chat i ll be glad to meet up with you

tracey
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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 1:25 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Please please, let at least one of us know where you are - having read your other posts you sound like you are really really down. We're all a friendly crowd you know, so let someone know eherabouts you are and the Brit Expats Rescue Club will sort you out
Troubles shared always seem less horrible, I know that from experience, and people from this site have kept me going, the can do the same for you
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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 1:26 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Originally Posted by gop
My husband has got us here without any thought of his pay. If we rent a decent house we can not afford to live let alone pay our mortgage back home.We are use to a good standard of life and I have never felt so out of control in my life. The worse part is we have three children and gave them all the promises of a new happy life here after three years of crap in France. He is also use to earning good money and I can not believe what he has done. Has anyone else been in this situation because right now I just do not know what to do.Have no family or friends here to talk to, maybe someone knows of a support group, even though for me this would be very much against the grain and truly depressing for me. I dont know why I am writing this for all to see because this is out of character , but maybe writing this will help. The situation has left me not wanting to be in the same room as him. Do I just leave but where do I go, any answers or help appreciated. Gop

Many people go through it - shock, the reality of it all hits, all the hard work begins, especially once the day to day grind and bills start, its all the same as anywhere and its a bit of a shock as the reality sinks in. loads of people go throught it perfectly normal

Can you not rent something cheaper, rents can be very reasonable here, you dont even have to pay rates or water usually, surely as long as you dont want the dream with pool, brissie rents could be as low as $300 for a decent sized house, older tho. Thats the key, were renting now, oldie house, very untrendy unless you like the 70's era and no sign of a pool, but its seconds to the beach, $290.

Also wages in OZ can seem low, but check out the tax breaks if you have 3 kids, probably going to get most of the tax you pay back, well not if your incomes high but if its around the $50,000 you will get most back. So the low income might not be as low as you expect.

Dont know about the UK mortage on aussie wages, thats a bit deep, cant you put some tenants in to pay it?
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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 1:32 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Originally Posted by gop
My husband has got us here without any thought of his pay. If we rent a decent house we can not afford to live let alone pay our mortgage back home.We are use to a good standard of life and I have never felt so out of control in my life. The worse part is we have three children and gave them all the promises of a new happy life here after three years of crap in France. He is also use to earning good money and I can not believe what he has done. Has anyone else been in this situation because right now I just do not know what to do.Have no family or friends here to talk to, maybe someone knows of a support group, even though for me this would be very much against the grain and truly depressing for me. I dont know why I am writing this for all to see because this is out of character , but maybe writing this will help. The situation has left me not wanting to be in the same room as him. Do I just leave but where do I go, any answers or help appreciated. Gop
I feel for you, I really do. I don't know the the full story of why you moved here (obviously) but it sounds like your husband has got swept up in the "grass is greener down-under" thing. The grass is not greener in Australia, it's just a different shade of green. I'd take up Jane's offer of a chat over a cuppa if I were you. I'm sure she would help just by listening. I know you're angry with your husband. If you were to tell him how angry you were but leave out the accusations toward him, I'm sure he'd try and 'put things right'. Men don't like being told it's their fault, even when it is. Just like women don't like being told the solutions to their problems by men when all they want is someone to listen to and be understood. When you tell him how p*ssed off you are; try and just concentrate on how you're feeling. "I'm p*ssed off. I'm scared, I'm alone, I can't cope" rather than, "You've p*ssed me off, why did you have to bring us here? this is your fault".

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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 1:41 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

I agree with Rach on needing to rethink expenditure. We'd merrily trotted along in the UK with me in a comfortable job and borrowing little bit extra against equity in the house. Australia looked like a clean sheet, but we're now paying for schooling, have a mortgage bigger than back home and are having to scrutinise expenditure in far more detail. It's amazing where you can economise if you try.

You need to work through the domestic and financial stresses. It's not always the best solution to give up and go back. We did this when we moved to the States in the mid-90s and regretted afterwards not making more of a go of it.

Last but not least, you'll never be short of friendly support on here.
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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 1:48 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

well said mate

Originally Posted by Fenton Beasley
I feel for you, I really do. I don't know the the full story of why you moved here (obviously) but it sounds like your husband has got swept up in the "grass is greener down-under" thing. The grass is not greener in Australia, it's just a different shade of green. I'd take up Jane's offer of a chat over a cuppa if I were you. I'm sure she would help just by listening. I know you're angry with your husband. If you were to tell him how angry you were but leave out the accusations toward him, I'm sure he'd try and 'put things right'. Men don't like being told it's their fault, even when it is. Just like women don't like being told the solutions to their problems by men when all they want is someone to listen to and be understood. When you tell him how p*ssed off you are; try and just concentrate on how you're feeling. "I'm p*ssed off. I'm scared, I'm alone, I can't cope" rather than, "You've p*ssed me off, why did you have to bring us here? this is your fault".

There's help here if you need it. Use us, we don't mind
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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 2:15 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Originally Posted by Pollyana
Please please, let at least one of us know where you are -
Have had a PM and the lady sounds a bit better. She's undecided about where to settle, but once that's happened, things will look better.

Jane
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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 2:17 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Originally Posted by gop
My husband has got us here without any thought of his pay. If we rent a decent house we can not afford to live let alone pay our mortgage back home.We are use to a good standard of life and I have never felt so out of control in my life. The worse part is we have three children and gave them all the promises of a new happy life here after three years of crap in France. He is also use to earning good money and I can not believe what he has done. Has anyone else been in this situation because right now I just do not know what to do.Have no family or friends here to talk to, maybe someone knows of a support group, even though for me this would be very much against the grain and truly depressing for me. I dont know why I am writing this for all to see because this is out of character , but maybe writing this will help. The situation has left me not wanting to be in the same room as him. Do I just leave but where do I go, any answers or help appreciated. Gop
We did the 4 years of crap in France, nothing much changes i'm afraid, they just don't speak French here. All I can offer is moral support from afar and say you're not alone. Although we have passed the initial crap the kids don't get out anymore than they did before, I'm still friendless and very unhappy. Nothings changed. You do still have your UK house, at least you have somewhere to go back to if it really all becomes too much. I wish I did.
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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 4:11 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Originally Posted by annn
We did the 4 years of crap in France, nothing much changes i'm afraid, they just don't speak French here. All I can offer is moral support from afar and say you're not alone. Although we have passed the initial crap the kids don't get out anymore than they did before, I'm still friendless and very unhappy. Nothings changed. You do still have your UK house, at least you have somewhere to go back to if it really all becomes too much. I wish I did.
Sorry to hear that you're having a rough time too. Whereabouts are you? I'll be happy to keep in touch if you'd like to? I'm in NSW.

Take care

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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 4:51 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Originally Posted by Pollyana
Lots of us in Brisbane in various suburbs - I'm in Aspley, on the north side..
Polly
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Old Jun 23rd 2006, 8:25 am
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Default Re: Depressed,And my husband has been a Prat

Originally Posted by gop
My husband has got us here without any thought of his pay. If we rent a decent house we can not afford to live let alone pay our mortgage back home.We are use to a good standard of life and I have never felt so out of control in my life. The worse part is we have three children and gave them all the promises of a new happy life here after three years of crap in France. He is also use to earning good money and I can not believe what he has done. Has anyone else been in this situation because right now I just do not know what to do.Have no family or friends here to talk to, maybe someone knows of a support group, even though for me this would be very much against the grain and truly depressing for me. I dont know why I am writing this for all to see because this is out of character , but maybe writing this will help. The situation has left me not wanting to be in the same room as him. Do I just leave but where do I go, any answers or help appreciated. Gop
Like most posts have already said, I think you will begin to feel a lot better once you meet with people and talk things over...please take up the offer. You will find that talking with others who have been through simillar experiences helps and hey...it is always best to get things off your chest else you become a pressure cooker...cheer up .

Your husband and kids need you to be strong...don't for one second think that he wants you and the kids to go through pain...we all suffer from uninformed optimism from time-to-time but working as a 'team' is the best way to turn things around.

I take it when you say you are paying the mortgage back home you mean the mortgage in the UK...if this is so, once you have it rented or sold, things are bound to improve.

Remember, take up the offers and meet with people...keep your chin up and give the hubby a hug he needs it...
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