Death In The Family
Mar 24th 2005, 7:56 am
#1
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Victoria
Posts: 1,280
Death In The Family
Hi all,
I'm just wondering how any of you guys here in Australia coped with the news of the death of a loved one back in your old country. My uncle died late last week. My mother called and told me on Sunday. Whilst I was not really close to my uncle as we lived in separate towns, we would go to the football at Sutton United a few times a year and if my mum was visiting her sister I'd go too and join my uncle for a pint at the local (my uncle and aunt lived in the same road).
I wish I could get back to England for the funeral and genral helping out with the clearing up of his house etc. but I feel quite helpless being so far away from my family at this time of grief. Especially my mother who had waited a few days to tell me as she is so distraught. I called last night and ordered some flowers to be delivered to her (my mother), and I think it's mainly causing me hurt that I know she is really really upset and sad about the loss of her brother, rather than the fact that I have lost an uncle. Although I am ganuinely saddened by his departure, he was not ill beforehand and died in his sleep one night quite unexpectedly.
Anyways I'm rambling on but I just wondered what feelings anyone else who has moved to Australia experienced on hearing the loss of a loved one back in the UK...
regards
NJJ
I'm just wondering how any of you guys here in Australia coped with the news of the death of a loved one back in your old country. My uncle died late last week. My mother called and told me on Sunday. Whilst I was not really close to my uncle as we lived in separate towns, we would go to the football at Sutton United a few times a year and if my mum was visiting her sister I'd go too and join my uncle for a pint at the local (my uncle and aunt lived in the same road).
I wish I could get back to England for the funeral and genral helping out with the clearing up of his house etc. but I feel quite helpless being so far away from my family at this time of grief. Especially my mother who had waited a few days to tell me as she is so distraught. I called last night and ordered some flowers to be delivered to her (my mother), and I think it's mainly causing me hurt that I know she is really really upset and sad about the loss of her brother, rather than the fact that I have lost an uncle. Although I am ganuinely saddened by his departure, he was not ill beforehand and died in his sleep one night quite unexpectedly.
Anyways I'm rambling on but I just wondered what feelings anyone else who has moved to Australia experienced on hearing the loss of a loved one back in the UK...
regards
NJJ
Mar 24th 2005, 8:08 am
#2
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 7,834
Re: Death In The Family
Originally Posted by NJJ
Hi all,
I'm just wondering how any of you guys here in Australia coped with the news of the death of a loved one back in your old country. My uncle died late last week. My mother called and told me on Sunday. Whilst I was not really close to my uncle as we lived in separate towns, we would go to the football at Sutton United a few times a year and if my mum was visiting her sister I'd go too and join my uncle for a pint at the local (my uncle and aunt lived in the same road).
I wish I could get back to England for the funeral and genral helping out with the clearing up of his house etc. but I feel quite helpless being so far away from my family at this time of grief. Especially my mother who had waited a few days to tell me as she is so distraught. I called last night and ordered some flowers to be delivered to her (my mother), and I think it's mainly causing me hurt that I know she is really really upset and sad about the loss of her brother, rather than the fact that I have lost an uncle. Although I am ganuinely saddened by his departure, he was not ill beforehand and died in his sleep one night quite unexpectedly.
Anyways I'm rambling on but I just wondered what feelings anyone else who has moved to Australia experienced on hearing the loss of a loved one back in the UK...
regards
NJJ
I'm just wondering how any of you guys here in Australia coped with the news of the death of a loved one back in your old country. My uncle died late last week. My mother called and told me on Sunday. Whilst I was not really close to my uncle as we lived in separate towns, we would go to the football at Sutton United a few times a year and if my mum was visiting her sister I'd go too and join my uncle for a pint at the local (my uncle and aunt lived in the same road).
I wish I could get back to England for the funeral and genral helping out with the clearing up of his house etc. but I feel quite helpless being so far away from my family at this time of grief. Especially my mother who had waited a few days to tell me as she is so distraught. I called last night and ordered some flowers to be delivered to her (my mother), and I think it's mainly causing me hurt that I know she is really really upset and sad about the loss of her brother, rather than the fact that I have lost an uncle. Although I am ganuinely saddened by his departure, he was not ill beforehand and died in his sleep one night quite unexpectedly.
Anyways I'm rambling on but I just wondered what feelings anyone else who has moved to Australia experienced on hearing the loss of a loved one back in the UK...
regards
NJJ
Firstly I an sorry to hear of your loss. I have yet to get that dreaded fone call, but my neighbour from England got the call last week to say her Nan has passed away.
She so wanted to go back to England to be with her family, but trying to get time off work etc was proving difficult.......she knew that the trip would be ringed with sadness and the whole trip would most likely be one she would not want to remember. She felt quilty that she decided not to go back, but once I had chatted to her, and said that I'm sure her Nan would have wanted her to remember her when she was well and happy and not remember her with a long trip, jet lag, distraught relatives etc etc....I said to her to take some quiet time out to herself when the funeral would be happening in the UK, and then give family a call and just let them, know that she was there for them. It really is a difficult one, but you just can't be there all the time when you want to be...life doesnt work that way....its making sure people know that you are thinking of them and giving them support. I hope everything goes OK for you
Mar 24th 2005, 10:51 pm
#3
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Edens Landing, half way between Brisbane and Gold coast
Posts: 652
Re: Death In The Family
Hi
Sorry to hear your loss of your uncle.
In january my father in law phoned us up and it was 5 am in the morning,And yes it was bad news.Telling us that nana was in hosptial.And again at 7 am to tell us he needs to get hold of is bother who works for bristh airways and he did not know were he was.but lucky he find him.
In the usa.Both bothers talked and came to a decision ,lucky pauls dad told paul he did not what to make the decision by himseif.
So we stayed in all morning and at 1 20 pm the phone ring again at it was the news we were not looking forward to hearing,
I was very upset because i told nana that we are coming home for her funeral if she died.
I do not think that it has sunk in yet.
Pauls dad is coming in 3 weeks time to see us all.He needs to see us.
We are looking forward to seeing him as will.
Going back home for a hoilday in december and than i think it will sunk in than and we can say are goodbye than.
Take care and sorry for wrighing this much.
hope you can read this
Ann Marie
Sorry to hear your loss of your uncle.
In january my father in law phoned us up and it was 5 am in the morning,And yes it was bad news.Telling us that nana was in hosptial.And again at 7 am to tell us he needs to get hold of is bother who works for bristh airways and he did not know were he was.but lucky he find him.
In the usa.Both bothers talked and came to a decision ,lucky pauls dad told paul he did not what to make the decision by himseif.
So we stayed in all morning and at 1 20 pm the phone ring again at it was the news we were not looking forward to hearing,
I was very upset because i told nana that we are coming home for her funeral if she died.
I do not think that it has sunk in yet.
Pauls dad is coming in 3 weeks time to see us all.He needs to see us.
We are looking forward to seeing him as will.
Going back home for a hoilday in december and than i think it will sunk in than and we can say are goodbye than.
Take care and sorry for wrighing this much.
hope you can read this
Ann Marie
Mar 24th 2005, 10:56 pm
#4
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: Death In The Family
Originally Posted by NJJ
Hi all,
I'm just wondering how any of you guys here in Australia coped with the news of the death of a loved one back in your old country. My uncle died late last week. My mother called and told me on Sunday. Whilst I was not really close to my uncle as we lived in separate towns, we would go to the football at Sutton United a few times a year and if my mum was visiting her sister I'd go too and join my uncle for a pint at the local (my uncle and aunt lived in the same road).
I wish I could get back to England for the funeral and genral helping out with the clearing up of his house etc. but I feel quite helpless being so far away from my family at this time of grief. Especially my mother who had waited a few days to tell me as she is so distraught. I called last night and ordered some flowers to be delivered to her (my mother), and I think it's mainly causing me hurt that I know she is really really upset and sad about the loss of her brother, rather than the fact that I have lost an uncle. Although I am ganuinely saddened by his departure, he was not ill beforehand and died in his sleep one night quite unexpectedly.
Anyways I'm rambling on but I just wondered what feelings anyone else who has moved to Australia experienced on hearing the loss of a loved one back in the UK...
regards
NJJ
I'm just wondering how any of you guys here in Australia coped with the news of the death of a loved one back in your old country. My uncle died late last week. My mother called and told me on Sunday. Whilst I was not really close to my uncle as we lived in separate towns, we would go to the football at Sutton United a few times a year and if my mum was visiting her sister I'd go too and join my uncle for a pint at the local (my uncle and aunt lived in the same road).
I wish I could get back to England for the funeral and genral helping out with the clearing up of his house etc. but I feel quite helpless being so far away from my family at this time of grief. Especially my mother who had waited a few days to tell me as she is so distraught. I called last night and ordered some flowers to be delivered to her (my mother), and I think it's mainly causing me hurt that I know she is really really upset and sad about the loss of her brother, rather than the fact that I have lost an uncle. Although I am ganuinely saddened by his departure, he was not ill beforehand and died in his sleep one night quite unexpectedly.
Anyways I'm rambling on but I just wondered what feelings anyone else who has moved to Australia experienced on hearing the loss of a loved one back in the UK...
regards
NJJ
oh i really didnt want to think about the thread topic. its one thing i really dread
it will come, that we know.
come to think of it, its better we do all talk about this. it may help when the time comes.
great thead mate
Mar 24th 2005, 11:32 pm
#5
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 597
Re: Death In The Family
I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
I lost my Dad six weeks before I emigrated last September; he had a stroke and was in hospital for a couple of days before he died so I was able to say goodbye although he was unconscious the whole time.
My sister was already in Aus and found it hard that she couldn't be there; I felt I was there with Dad in those last few days on behalf of her and my brother who couldn't get back home either.
She took some time out on the day of the funeral; she bought a lovely weeping cherry tree to plant in her garden in Dad's memory. It's doing well and we all feel we have something there to remember him by.
It's hard to be so far away, but your loved one would know you're thinking of them; and you are still there to listen and support the rest of your family.
People often say they will fly home at the drop of a hat if needed but it's never that easy. But the distance is only physical and although you may not be there to help with the practical arrangements, you can still help a lot by listening and talking to your mum as she goes through this difficult time.
All the best,
Elaine M
I lost my Dad six weeks before I emigrated last September; he had a stroke and was in hospital for a couple of days before he died so I was able to say goodbye although he was unconscious the whole time.
My sister was already in Aus and found it hard that she couldn't be there; I felt I was there with Dad in those last few days on behalf of her and my brother who couldn't get back home either.
She took some time out on the day of the funeral; she bought a lovely weeping cherry tree to plant in her garden in Dad's memory. It's doing well and we all feel we have something there to remember him by.
It's hard to be so far away, but your loved one would know you're thinking of them; and you are still there to listen and support the rest of your family.
People often say they will fly home at the drop of a hat if needed but it's never that easy. But the distance is only physical and although you may not be there to help with the practical arrangements, you can still help a lot by listening and talking to your mum as she goes through this difficult time.
All the best,
Elaine M
Mar 25th 2005, 12:15 am
#6
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 275
Re: Death In The Family
sorry to hear about the loss of your uncle, i know how hard it is being away from all your family at times like these.
i moved here 9 months ago and i lost my nan she was 99 and died of old age two weeks after moving here and i lost my uncle to suicide three weeks ago i didnt go back for either funeral we just cant afford to fly back, its an awfull feeling when you are so far away and you are just want to be there with your family. i sent flowers and wrote a poem that was read out at the funeral and that helped because i felt that i had contributed to the day even if i couldnt be there.
we made the decision to move here and i knew times like these were inevitable but nothing prepares you for the shock of getting that phone call to tell you a loved one has died.
let your family know you are thinking of them and that you are there to listen if they need someone to talk to and also call them if you need someone to talk to, they are all there going through the bad times together sharing there grief while your out here going through it alone.
take care
lucy x
i moved here 9 months ago and i lost my nan she was 99 and died of old age two weeks after moving here and i lost my uncle to suicide three weeks ago i didnt go back for either funeral we just cant afford to fly back, its an awfull feeling when you are so far away and you are just want to be there with your family. i sent flowers and wrote a poem that was read out at the funeral and that helped because i felt that i had contributed to the day even if i couldnt be there.
we made the decision to move here and i knew times like these were inevitable but nothing prepares you for the shock of getting that phone call to tell you a loved one has died.
let your family know you are thinking of them and that you are there to listen if they need someone to talk to and also call them if you need someone to talk to, they are all there going through the bad times together sharing there grief while your out here going through it alone.
take care
lucy x
Mar 25th 2005, 12:40 am
#7
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Victoria
Posts: 1,280
Re: Death In The Family
Thankyou for your kind words all, I knew there would be other members on here that have had to face similar circumstances. As one previous poster said it is more than likely that the majority of us that decide to migrate, will experience a situation of a death in the family back home at some point. There is no 1 simple answer of how to deal with the situation either..
NJJ
NJJ
Mar 25th 2005, 1:09 am
#8
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 11,149
Re: Death In The Family
NJJ my condolences for your loss.
Gran passed away a few weeks ago but fortunately I had some money put aside for such a purpose and I made it for the funeral. More importantly I was able to support mum and other members of the family. It has made me think as I have a littlun on the way and such a trip would be impossible later on in the year. I think not being there for the others was the hardest thing to deal with. Some people have found it impossible to find flights at peak times and even if they wanted to have not made it home.
To be rather cold I am having to list out whose weddings and funerals I can justify spending the money and time off work for.
Gran passed away a few weeks ago but fortunately I had some money put aside for such a purpose and I made it for the funeral. More importantly I was able to support mum and other members of the family. It has made me think as I have a littlun on the way and such a trip would be impossible later on in the year. I think not being there for the others was the hardest thing to deal with. Some people have found it impossible to find flights at peak times and even if they wanted to have not made it home.
To be rather cold I am having to list out whose weddings and funerals I can justify spending the money and time off work for.
