lucyb

Anyone got any advice? I am particularly close to my Mum, and she isnt taking this very well at all. I was in tears watching no going back last week when that pilates instructor was saying goodbye to her parents. Those of you who already left, and those just about to.....how DO you do it? (Im not changing my mind, just trying to find a way to deal with it and help Mum!)

glittababe

Hi there,

We're leaving in 4 weeks and understand completely how you feel. My hubby's parents live opposite us, round for cuppa's and chats daily, they look after the kids even taking them and collecting them from school! I'm really close to my mum in law as my mum died when I was young and she kinda adopted me!

Its really hard but we prepared family well in advance plus we started to distance ourselves from close family over the past 6 mths, only seeing my mum in law once a week! We've taken lots of photo's done stacks of cam cording and when we do see them we're spending more formal, quality time together. Good luck with it and don't let anyone change your mind!!!

JackTheLad

Hi Lucy,

There's no easy way to say goodbye to some you love.

I've lived away from my parents for school/uni since I was 14 and only seeing them on holidays, till I was working back in Hong Kong, but that was just for 7 years, then I was away again. I got used to it somehow. It is always harder for my mother than for me.

This time, we are leaving JTL's parents to whom we are very very close. To make the parting less painful, we decided to not have the going-away meal the day before we leave. We leave on Sunday August 8th, but the dinner with JTL's parents, grandmother, brother, sister-in-law and two sweet little nephews, is a few days earlier on Thursday. That way at dinner there won't be the nonsense of "we won't see one another for a while". We'll still be dropping by to see JTL's mother everyday until we leave.

Another thing we've been doing, though not necessarily suitable for everyone, is that we get parents involved in our migration process - looking at houses to rent and cars to buy on the web with them, asking (or pretending to be asking) for advice on location of the house (on hill not in valley, etc), etc. Getting them involved in the process somehow reduces their sense of a imminent loss.

Also it helps in our situation we can emphasize that they will see us again soon whether it's this Christmas or next. Until we meet again, we are leaving JTL's parents and brother a couple of international call cards so that they can call us for free. We've thought of webcams but unfortunately they're not technologically advanced enough to use them. Just have to wait till the nephews are old enough.

Lucy, hope things will turn out okay for you and your family. Just remember we all go through the same thing with you.

Cheers,
Mrs JTL

S Oldfield

Cant give you any advice....just letting you know `you are not alone` in this!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sitting here once again with that `sinking feeling`

delboy

hi there im allison delboys wife

and i am having the same situation with my mum and dad.

my mum has suffered depression for some time now

and has been admitted into hospital last week

i am supposed to be flying out on the 5 th september to perth



my departing was the the icing on the cake

so im in a awfull situation at moment
dad isnt being to good about me going,leaving mum

hubby is very good ,but as you can imagine is very worried about our plans

just dont know what to do now

im trying to keep posivitive but it is getting soooo


hard

bye for now


keep smiling

S Oldfield

Hiya, I have had the same problems recently.........but if you dont go now WHEN will you go?????????????? If ever.

Paul&Ann-Marie

Hi this is a very hard post i lived with my mum for 19 years and now i am going away.She as 3 other kids who are older then me so i am the baby of the famliy very close to her.she looked ofther are 2 kids since there were baby both of us working.I have a big famliy and paul only as mum and dad and nana that all.so he be fine.We are all going out to the zoo brfor we go all my famliy that would possble about 20 of us are more.lol
We had a leaving do last week my mum was crying all the time i was very carm and did not cry at all just had some drop in my eyes every now and again,

like when my friends brought me a photo off all of us going out befor i met paul that was nice.
and callum football kit which was in a photo fame that was great

we all have to be hard but i possble cry when i am out in oz hope not.

take care

ann marie

HiddenPaw

Hiya Lucy
It's never an easy one to deal with....but didn't your parents leave the UK for a number of years with you when you were little? Can you play on this fact - would she be more understanding if you took her back to when she was young and wanted to live overseas. How did she explain it to her parents?

Good luck, stay focused!
HP

bundy

Hmmm....it's going to be hard, no point avoiding it. I think all you can do is remember that the world is not that big a place any more, that you can get home in a day. Maybe sort out things like webcams, email etc if your mum is technologically inclined.

At the end of the day, this is your chance to make something else of your life. Nobody goes without leaving people they care about behind. Sometimes absent family can be closer than those present - it's all in the attitude and the efforts you make.

My mum has been seriously ill this year, which is why we delayed going to Oz for a year. Leaving her is going to be particularly hard, but she wants us to go, and I have to respect that as much as anything else.

callé

you certainly shouldnt postpone your leaving. remember, as with most its most stressful leading up to the leaving. for them just as much as you. once you do leave, they will settle down and readjust. they will see that their world has not ended, just changed. you can then reassure them that you are still a part of their life by having frequent contact with them, whether by mail, email or phone calls. I know its still hard now but keep chin up and looking forward.

CRAZYboutOZ

Hi glittababe, that is excellent advice. Especially the gradual distancing part. We are doing that now and it is working very well considering that the inlaws have been very possessive an manipulative the past few years.

LucyB, just remember that major changes in your life will shake up the comfort zone of the people close to you. That is why they act the way they do. Not many people like major changes and some people are very comfortable the way they are. How dare you come and shake up their perfect world? Remember that they have the right to feel the way they do and try to respect that. If you try to change their minds and attitude you WILL end up waisting your time.

sj oldfield, I read your other post. I heard the following words of wisdom in a movie once and it taught me a very important lesson: "You cannot take away people's right to be assholes." I have come to except it and respect their point of view. They have the right to feel the way they do and I have been sacrificing my quality of life and happiness by expecting THEM to change. I have learned to change myself and except things as they are. Now I am happy and they are misrable because they are unable to except change. Exceptance is a very important life skill. Life is all about change and those who don't know how to deal with it, will fall out of the game of life.

Don

Yoikes!

lucyb

sj oldfield, I read your other post. I heard the following words of wisdom in a movie once and it taught me a very important lesson: "You cannot take away people's right to be assholes." [quote]



I wish I had heard that quote BEFORE I met my mother and father in law.