debsnshaun

Hi Guys

My daughter is causing me and great concern about not wanting to come to Oz, I appreciate she is only 15 and as worries about leaving her friends and everything.

We have been in the process of coming for the last year and she is as always said I am not coming you cannot make me come. Which is making life difficult for me and my partner who wants to go as soon as possible and said he doesn't want to wait any longer!!

I went to London with her at the weekend and spoke about her just trying it for 12 months but no she is not interested, we are taking her over to Melbourne for a rekki in October and hope this changes her mind.

As anybody else been in this predicament please? And what were the outcomes?

I know that I couldn't leave her here when she is 16 living with my mum I would feel she was too young and don't know if I could settle out there the same.

One very distressed mum.

Many thanks

Debbie

nightnurse2

Don't mean to be blunt, but she is 15, not yet an adult and she has to go.
I know that is a lot easier to write than put into practice, but hopefully they'll be posters who have experienced this and can help you get through it.

Chances are, she'll love it when she settles and wonders what all the fuss was about. But she has to come with you. Please don't give up your dream because of her. How would you feel if you didn't go and then when she's 18 she decides to go backpacking round Oz, loves it and stays and you have missed the boat?

Best of luck,
Tracey

suesk

Hi Debbie

My daughter is 14 and felt the same way (on occasions still does).

Have you tried taking her on local meets where she can meet others in the same predicament. After we went to the first meet and she met a few teenagers she seems to have changed her mind as she feels at least there are other teens in the same boat.

Like the other poster said she is 15 so she doesnt really have a choice and if she wants to come back in a few years then go from there.

Good luck

Suexx

mum01753

I would have to agree with tracey she is only 15yrs make her go with you but tell it will only be untill she is 18yrs if she really hates it she can go home to nan then.
I think its time to get tough stop pussy footing around and let her know what the outcome will be if she carries on being selfish ie: splitting up the family.
You may not be ale to go without her and then whats left for you and your oh.

Im lucky my two teenagers are really keen to go.

Try getting her to look on the youth section on this site my daugther goes on it too she is 17yrs if your daughter would like to have a chat her username is samonster
At the end of the day how is she gonna feel being left without you there tell her to serious think about it.

Geelong Gent

Where is Mags?

Amazulu

Tell her that she's going and to deal with it. End of.
She is 15, not 25.

Bexie

Debbie,
I totally understand. It's not the end of it to just say you are coming. I didn't listen to my 16 yr olds worries, and forgot that she was nearly an adult, I have paid big time for brushing her feelings under the carpet. She left home....walked out and went to her grans. She has been there 6 months and my heart is absolutely broken. I am not a bad mum, no one can advise you on what to do, you must do what your instincts tell you, they will be right. Zoe is coming out with us at end of July to validate her visa then returning to do her A levels...educatonally more sound at the stage she is at. She has promised to come and spend a gap year. I just pray that shw will fall in love or in love with Oz during that time! I also know that she may fall in love here and not want to come out! I have learnt big time from this. I love my daughter an she loves me dearly, but I needed to listen to her. I have had to compromise. Children grow up and mature at different times , not an easy one. I can't tell you what is right for you and your family, but let your daughter know that you are listening and understand her fears. Let us know how you get on.
Bexie

Here comes the sun

Hi
I think the sooner you get out there the sooner she has to deal with it. Fifteen is a difficult age and its scary enough for the adults going to a new place and meeting new people so i can imagine how she feels.

I think theres a forum on here for teenagers moving abroad, respect her opinions but tell her straight that staying home is not an option.

Im so glad my daughters only four im not looking forward to the teenage years, but if it wasnt moving to Aus the arguments would be about something else. Teenagers just like to feel hard done by its part of their nature to hate everything!! Only three years to go.

Amazulu

This girl is 15 not 16.

Bexie

Hard to empathise unless yours are teens. They are young, but they have the same feelings. They just don't have the same life experience to deal with those feelings.

JoolsB

This seems to be the case alot-my OH's 16 yr old is not coming with us (mother has custody) but he said he would only ever want to live in London (or perhaps New York) anyway so if we had custody would no doubt be probs..
It's a real shame-my parents shuttled me back & forth a couple of times in my teens (they could never decide which country they liked best!) & I found it really exciting-but I wouldn't have had a choice anyway. I thought being young was all about adventure and new experiences...?
At the end of the day she is (only just) at an age where she has to go along with your plans-get her out there, give her lots of support and good times and with any luck she'll love it

seashelle33

My daughter felt like this when we first mentioned the idea of moving to Oz (screaming, yelling, stamping feet - and she was 15 at the time ), but she has gradually come around to the idea - we just occaisionally mentioned it in general conversation and her reaction to the 'A' word gradually improved.
She knows that if we do it it will be in a couple of years- when I finish Uni - and the other day she even mentioned doing a gap year and spending half of it in Oz and half in the states. She seemed even keener when I said she might be able to work her way around (to avoid saving before - her idea, not mine).

I nearly fell over

brandn

[QUOTE=mum01753;4878783]I would have to agree with tracey she is only 15yrs make her go with you but tell it will only be untill she is 18yrs if she really hates it she can go home to nan then.
I think its time to get tough stop pussy footing around and let her know what the outcome will be if she carries on being selfish ie: splitting up the family.
You may not be ale to go without her and then whats left for you and your oh.


I would be careful about not listening to her and just forcing her into it. Sure, legally you could force her, but bullying her into it (which is how she may see it) without acknowledging that her concerns are real and perhaps even correct could end in disaster. Telling her she is being selfish and splitting the family seems a daft idea, she could easily say the same to you, and you may just make the situation worse. When people are pushed into a corner we will often fight tooth and nail.

Hopefully the reckie will convince her but you have to accept that perhaps this is not the best option for her at the moment. At least dont discount that possibility. Listen to her fears and go for some sort of compromise.

Hopefully she will love the reckie and you can all go forward together otherwise somone is going to have to compromise. Moving country is potentially fantastic but in the end some things are more important.

Just my opinion.
Good luck hope it works out.

Janet Rutledge

I know how you feel as my 16 year old daughter is not keen on moving to Australia. We are moving there in august and although she is not pleased about it knows that she is too young to be left behind. She has a wide network of friends who are all really important to her and feels that as we are dragging her away from them we are effectively ruining her life. To a point I can understand how she feels but am hoping that once she starts at school she will make friends who will be friends for life and take the edge of those friends back in the UK. Although we have not even gone she has made plans with her friends to return to the UK at Christmas 2008 and stay with them and renew friendships. We have allowed her to make these plans and are hoping that once in Australia she will have made new friends and will want to spend time with them and will not be too concerned with returning to the UK but if she does still want to go we will allow her as it will only make her more unhappy.
We have also said to her that if she finishes her education and has a way of supporting herself, if she did not feel that Australia was right for her then we would allow her to return to the UK as I would not want her living there if she was unhappy.I would not force my children to live somewhere where they obviously do not want to be. At the end of the day I want them to be happy and if that means them not living in Australia then we will have to deal with it and just look forward to (hopefully) regular visits from them as I would rather that than damage the relationship that I have got with them by making them live somewhere they do not want to be.

Janet

Here comes the sun

I dont think you need to have teenagers to understand. I can still remember being a teenager myself (only just!) and can understand how shes feeling. But they are part of a family and if the parents feel a move to Aus is in the best interest of their family then they should go, i dont think a 15 year old should be dictating what happens when it affects everyone. When she is 18 she can make up her own mind. I agree her feelings need to be taken in to consideration and she should be involved in the process.