Consider your family
#1
Consider your family
Having been on BE for a while now and reading many posts by people who are unhappy in oz/planning to return/have returned I've noticed a common theme.
Missing family seems to be a major factor in how well people settle (in particular women). I would suggest that those who are planning a move think long and hard about their relationship to family members they will leave behind and what is important to them in life. Do you spend a lot of time with family, rely on them for support and turn to them with problems?
It is easy to get caught up in organising a move and the excitement of a 'new life'. But, be honest with yourself about how you will cope without family close by. You are going to be on the other side of the world going through a very stressful settling period. You may be able to ring/email, but it is not the same and they will not understand because they have no experience of your location etc. You will not be able to rely on them to help sort out problems which arise, or share your excitement about your new home.
I feel lucky that I enjoy the distance between myself and my extended family. But, I know that I am a minority in this attitude (and a bit strange).
Rachel
Missing family seems to be a major factor in how well people settle (in particular women). I would suggest that those who are planning a move think long and hard about their relationship to family members they will leave behind and what is important to them in life. Do you spend a lot of time with family, rely on them for support and turn to them with problems?
It is easy to get caught up in organising a move and the excitement of a 'new life'. But, be honest with yourself about how you will cope without family close by. You are going to be on the other side of the world going through a very stressful settling period. You may be able to ring/email, but it is not the same and they will not understand because they have no experience of your location etc. You will not be able to rely on them to help sort out problems which arise, or share your excitement about your new home.
I feel lucky that I enjoy the distance between myself and my extended family. But, I know that I am a minority in this attitude (and a bit strange).
Rachel
#2
Re: Consider your family
Hi Rachel
I agree if you are a close family, regular meetings and are very interactive then coming such a long distance is bound to cause problems and feeling homesick. Like you though I am quite happy for my clan to be on the other side of the world, and yep they can ring but I have found its always one sided from here anyhow, they seem unable to pick up the phone in England.
We found our old friends seem to change, but I honestly think a part of their being distant with us is jealousy because of not only what we have now but of actually getting off our butts and doing it in the first place.
Just as well we have emails hey?
Jenny
I agree if you are a close family, regular meetings and are very interactive then coming such a long distance is bound to cause problems and feeling homesick. Like you though I am quite happy for my clan to be on the other side of the world, and yep they can ring but I have found its always one sided from here anyhow, they seem unable to pick up the phone in England.
We found our old friends seem to change, but I honestly think a part of their being distant with us is jealousy because of not only what we have now but of actually getting off our butts and doing it in the first place.
Just as well we have emails hey?
Jenny
#3
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Joined: May 2005
Location: Bunbury WA
Posts: 1,844
Re: Consider your family
Originally Posted by jensteve
Hi Rachel
I agree if you are a close family, regular meetings and are very interactive then coming such a long distance is bound to cause problems and feeling homesick. Like you though I am quite happy for my clan to be on the other side of the world, and yep they can ring but I have found its always one sided from here anyhow, they seem unable to pick up the phone in England.
We found our old friends seem to change, but I honestly think a part of their being distant with us is jealousy because of not only what we have now but of actually getting off our butts and doing it in the first place.
Just as well we have emails hey?
Jenny
I agree if you are a close family, regular meetings and are very interactive then coming such a long distance is bound to cause problems and feeling homesick. Like you though I am quite happy for my clan to be on the other side of the world, and yep they can ring but I have found its always one sided from here anyhow, they seem unable to pick up the phone in England.
We found our old friends seem to change, but I honestly think a part of their being distant with us is jealousy because of not only what we have now but of actually getting off our butts and doing it in the first place.
Just as well we have emails hey?
Jenny
we always had get togethers, but the last couple of times there was trouble, so i dont miss them any more, i speak on the web cam lots, so i dont really miss them, this is my family , me , hubby and our brood of six.
David does not miss his, never saw them anyway, they dont know where we are. Denise
#4
Re: Consider your family
I agree, it can have a funny effect on friends. I think they get a bit sick of the emails and photos of you having a fantastic time in a beautiful environment. I have even been accused of being 'smug' after sending an update about how happy we are here. What do I have to do? Lie and say it's s*it. I think you are right. People are jealous because they haven't got the guts to do it. I get the feeling that there alot of people in the UK (ex work colleagues and aquaintences) just waiting for it all to fall to pieces so that can feel justified in not taking the risk.
Rachel
Rachel
#5
Re: Consider your family
Originally Posted by RReed
I feel lucky that I enjoy the distance between myself and my extended family. But, I know that I am a minority in this attitude (and a bit strange).
Rachel
no its not strange i personally can not wait until certain minipulative
and selfish relatives are at a distance that i dont have to worry about them coming around unanounced and univited for nothing more than to cause trouble
#6
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Joined: May 2005
Location: Bunbury WA
Posts: 1,844
Re: Consider your family
Originally Posted by RReed
I agree, it can have a funny effect on friends. I think they get a bit sick of the emails and photos of you having a fantastic time in a beautiful environment. I have even been accused of being 'smug' after sending an update about how happy we are here. What do I have to do? Lie and say it's s*it. I think you are right. People are jealous because they haven't got the guts to do it. I get the feeling that there alot of people in the UK (ex work colleagues and aquaintences) just waiting for it all to fall to pieces so that can feel justified in not taking the risk.
Rachel
Rachel
My family are happy for us.
But do you know i phoned a friend, well i thought a friend the other week, and she said oh can you ring back i am just about to start t. DID i heck ring back, im phoning from the other side of the world, i would have dropped everything if someone rang me. They dont want to hear you say how great it is. Well i say buggar them it is their loss, they could have had some great hols. Denise
#7
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Joined: May 2005
Location: Bunbury WA
Posts: 1,844
Re: Consider your family
Originally Posted by steve`o
no its not strange i personally can not wait until certain minipulative
and selfish relatives are at a distance that i dont have to worry about them coming around unanounced and univited for nothing more than to cause trouble
and selfish relatives are at a distance that i dont have to worry about them coming around unanounced and univited for nothing more than to cause trouble
#8
Re: Consider your family
Originally Posted by cranni
Do you know 12000 miles is not far enough for sme of them, they still seem to get a message to u.
LOL
work colleagues are the bloody same !
on a recent holiday to lower hunter valley NSW
my mobile rang – and like a complete dick I answered it
( stupid I know )
hi steve sorry to mither but
who`s dealing with this
how can complete this
etc etc etc
for 25 minutes
non of which couldn’t be sorted easily by themselves
worst bit is i`ve just received my phone bill and it cost me
£8.20 for the pleasure :scared:
#9
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: the wrong place
Posts: 892
Re: Consider your family
[QUOTE=steve`o]LOL
like a complete dick I answered it
(QUOTE]
holiday is a holiday and work is work they need to be seperated........never answer a mobile on holiday.....if it's an emergency you can listern to the message and reply
like a complete dick I answered it
(QUOTE]
holiday is a holiday and work is work they need to be seperated........never answer a mobile on holiday.....if it's an emergency you can listern to the message and reply
#10
Re: Consider your family
I agree Rachel. To me families are very important, esp as I want Zeke to grow up knowing his cousins etc. I am really glad of the internet and hope he talks to his rellies in the UK via MSN when he is older.
I don't think I could have moved to Oz with no family support here. Looking after a new baby has been a real shock to the system
I don't think I could have moved to Oz with no family support here. Looking after a new baby has been a real shock to the system
#11
Re: Consider your family
Its interesting how many people say friends are jealous etc. I should change your friends if thats the response you get! My friends are genuinely very happy for me and love hearing about life over here. The important thing to remember when you say people are jealous and its because they wish they could do it is this isn't for everybody and a lot of people don't want to move from the UK or wherever and that's why they stay. Its easy to rubbish the uk when you are making a decision to emmigrate and by doing that you're rubbishing other peoples lives so you have to be careful.
I love it in Oz - I do miss my friends and family enourmously (I miss the english humour and having a good laugh - there are sadly only a few very funny australians) although I thought it would be a lot harder than it has been - but in a way I also still think it is rather a selfish thing to do. Yes it is your life and you have to do whats right for you but I look at things like my gran who was looked after by myself and my sister - my sister now has that burden and can't share the load with me and I feel bad when i know she's spent her weekend looking after her. If my sister decided to move what then? Put her in a home? So however you look at it there is an element of selfishness in moving abroad but there you go.
I love it in Oz - I do miss my friends and family enourmously (I miss the english humour and having a good laugh - there are sadly only a few very funny australians) although I thought it would be a lot harder than it has been - but in a way I also still think it is rather a selfish thing to do. Yes it is your life and you have to do whats right for you but I look at things like my gran who was looked after by myself and my sister - my sister now has that burden and can't share the load with me and I feel bad when i know she's spent her weekend looking after her. If my sister decided to move what then? Put her in a home? So however you look at it there is an element of selfishness in moving abroad but there you go.
#12
Account Closed
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,997
Re: Consider your family
I get concerned when people who are very dependant on their families and friends in UK say they are moving to Aus. This does seem to be the biggest motivator to moving back.
The excitement of moving to Aus soon loses it's veneer and the reality of "same old, same old" comes in to play fairly quickly. The job culture is very different, the Australian way of life is very different and those who are especially dependant on their family and friends soon miss the closeness of family members. Even those of us who love it here sometimes become frustrated by certain things that seem strange so anyone who has a tendancy to share this frustration with their close family or friends may find themselves feeling more and more isolated and alone if they are unable to do that here. From those who have homesickness or "people sickness", I gather it becomes hell to live here and each day gets worse. Things start to seem alien and molehills soon become mountains that are impossible to climb.
The other point made on here about UK friends distancing themselves is also a good one. There is a saying "people who play together, stay together" and I think this is true. The reality is when we move to Aus, to some degree we lose that closeness. We are no longer bonded to our UK friends and family by everyday occurrences and the sharing of good and bad times, of family gatherings, of gossip or work or even everyday UK news, occurrences and culture.
I personally miss my close friends and family lots. There isn't a day when I don't think "oh, mum and dad would enjoy this or that".....or "I'd like to ring our Trish [my sister] to come for a BBQ and a few beers"........or.... "I wish my girlfriends could come round for a pampering girlie afternoon of wine, chocolates and facials". But I accepted this before I left the UK.
It takes years and years for most people to gather a handful of true, close friends and close family can never be replaced. This is something you have to learn to live with.....otherwise Aus probably wont be for you. Of course there is another saying "you don't know until you've tried"....however it's going to be one hell of a stressful trial if you are that doubtfull to begin with.
At the end of the day, no one, not any one of us..... is the same. We all have different values, expectations and needs and it's for this reason only YOU know what's best for you and your family. There is no right or wrong and it's not an easy journey....some are lucky, some are not so lucky.
Whoever you are, wherever you are....think about the negatives and positives about living here. Try reading the "Back to UK forum" so you can see what people are feeling and imagine yourself in their shoes. Understanding things to that extent and seeing how things can be from various perspectives can only help you prepare for the worse. Putting your head in the sand isn't going to work as you'll soon need to lift your head out to take a breath at some time!!!
Anyways, whoever you are, wherever you're going, good luck..... and all the best for your journey
The excitement of moving to Aus soon loses it's veneer and the reality of "same old, same old" comes in to play fairly quickly. The job culture is very different, the Australian way of life is very different and those who are especially dependant on their family and friends soon miss the closeness of family members. Even those of us who love it here sometimes become frustrated by certain things that seem strange so anyone who has a tendancy to share this frustration with their close family or friends may find themselves feeling more and more isolated and alone if they are unable to do that here. From those who have homesickness or "people sickness", I gather it becomes hell to live here and each day gets worse. Things start to seem alien and molehills soon become mountains that are impossible to climb.
The other point made on here about UK friends distancing themselves is also a good one. There is a saying "people who play together, stay together" and I think this is true. The reality is when we move to Aus, to some degree we lose that closeness. We are no longer bonded to our UK friends and family by everyday occurrences and the sharing of good and bad times, of family gatherings, of gossip or work or even everyday UK news, occurrences and culture.
I personally miss my close friends and family lots. There isn't a day when I don't think "oh, mum and dad would enjoy this or that".....or "I'd like to ring our Trish [my sister] to come for a BBQ and a few beers"........or.... "I wish my girlfriends could come round for a pampering girlie afternoon of wine, chocolates and facials". But I accepted this before I left the UK.
It takes years and years for most people to gather a handful of true, close friends and close family can never be replaced. This is something you have to learn to live with.....otherwise Aus probably wont be for you. Of course there is another saying "you don't know until you've tried"....however it's going to be one hell of a stressful trial if you are that doubtfull to begin with.
At the end of the day, no one, not any one of us..... is the same. We all have different values, expectations and needs and it's for this reason only YOU know what's best for you and your family. There is no right or wrong and it's not an easy journey....some are lucky, some are not so lucky.
Whoever you are, wherever you are....think about the negatives and positives about living here. Try reading the "Back to UK forum" so you can see what people are feeling and imagine yourself in their shoes. Understanding things to that extent and seeing how things can be from various perspectives can only help you prepare for the worse. Putting your head in the sand isn't going to work as you'll soon need to lift your head out to take a breath at some time!!!
Anyways, whoever you are, wherever you're going, good luck..... and all the best for your journey
Last edited by phoenixinoz; Oct 7th 2005 at 4:38 am.
#13
Banned
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 73
Re: Consider your family
I think that people need to realize that life in the UK will go on without them. Your friends may seem smug or distant because they have thier own trials and triumphs to worry about. Thier lives didn't begin when they met you and they certainly won't end because you are gone. They probably aren't sitting around waiting for you to fail, why would they? They are your friends and they have to think about thier own lives. Maybe they are sick of recieving emails about how great your life is but hey wouldn't you be? It is difficult to come to terms with the fact perhaps you aren't needed as much as you thought you were but that is the truth. Life goes on with or without you!
#14
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,997
Re: Consider your family
Originally Posted by Hunterau
I think that people need to realize that life in the UK will go on without them. Your friends may seem smug or distant because they have thier own trials and triumphs to worry about. Thier lives didn't begin when they met you and they certainly won't end because you are gone. They probably aren't sitting around waiting for you to fail, why would they? They are your friends and they have to think about thier own lives. Maybe they are sick of recieving emails about how great your life is but hey wouldn't you be? It is difficult to come to terms with the fact perhaps you aren't needed as much as you thought you were but that is the truth. Life goes on with or without you!
#15
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Posts: 892
Re: Consider your family
Originally Posted by cranni
I think friends do change and a lot of the time its jealousy, because they have not got the guts to do what we do. And they dont need the contact like we do, my family is very close, i would go to my mums 2-3 times a week,
we always had get togethers, but the last couple of times there was trouble, so i dont miss them any more, i speak on the web cam lots, so i dont really miss them, this is my family , me , hubby and our brood of six.
David does not miss his, never saw them anyway, they dont know where we are. Denise
we always had get togethers, but the last couple of times there was trouble, so i dont miss them any more, i speak on the web cam lots, so i dont really miss them, this is my family , me , hubby and our brood of six.
David does not miss his, never saw them anyway, they dont know where we are. Denise
wow all your eggs are in one basket now....your gonna have to guard that basket like a hawk.........on another note why do you say they have not got the guts to do what we did.... not everyone on the planet wants to move to OZ.......and imo it doesn't take guts.....it only takes guts when you have something to lose and from reading your post you have nothing to lose