mavine1

Hi guys,

Well, trying out living in another country has been something we have wanted to do for a long time. Not for any other reason than we didn't want to wake up at 80 and realise we had always stayed 4 miles down the road from where we were born. We've always said this is our adventure and may not be forever but we want to see what's out there.

So......ACS assessment done, Qls sponsorship sorted, Visa submitted to DIAC, about to have meds....

and bang........cold feet

I suspect the cold feet is a result of my mother ignoring me for one week when we told her of our plans. Of the immense guilt I feel that I am taking her grandchildren away. (She won't fly so our visits home will be her only option to see them)

So sad that one person's happiness can cause someone else's immense pain. My kids who are also up for the adventure can't wait to go but are also feeling very guilty about leaving their beloved Nanny behind....sigh

I feel very selfish right now and have told my husband perhaps we are nuts and should wait till we retire adn then travel....he says Nope....his bag's packed and he's in the departure lounge.



Is it normal to feel like this?

JENNYMG

I would say normal , been there and we haven't even applied for a visa yet! Best wishes

Kalenge

100% normal.
All the other things in the steps to emigrating can simply be ticked off.

It only really hits when it all seems quite possible.

shussel

Yes, very normal. We left the UK 18 months ago with the grandchildren, feeling very selfish and guilty....we still do. But, we're loving life in Australia. The kids have adapted very well and the lifestyle for them is perfect.
My parents have already come and spent 6 weeks here and are booked to come for another month very soon.
Skype is great for staying in touch, and emailing videos and photos of the kids regularly.
Hopefully you'll find that once you get here your mother will get over her fear of flying and come and visit.
It's not easy but as long as what you're doing is right for your immediate family unit, I'd say ignore the cold feet and feel confident that things will work out for the best.
Good luck!

giz

When I read this I thought that my wife had written it 5 months ago. We arrived from Ireland at the end of April, experienced the guilt that you describe and the cold feet but we were determined to see it through.

Now that we're here we still waken up some days and say "what the hell did we do?". The first few months were definately the toughest but now that we are both working, kids are settled in school, got a nice house (rented), and spring around the corner things are starting to look up.

We found that the easiest bits all happened before we stepped on the plane...i'm not saying that it was easy just easier than it has been since we got here. What we found tough were the three biggies in our life....finding house, school & childcare, and 2 (commutable) jobs. Getting this balance right has been a nightmare and whilst we've got most of it sorted it's still tough.

On a brighter note...I just bought my big barbie and outside furniture in preparation for the good weather that will be upon us soon. Also my 3 year old has been Aussie-ised already...talking about dollars, soccer, raisin toast and vegimite.

I hope yours will be a little easier than ours has been.

Good luck.

mavine1

I know alot of people struggle with the '3 biggies'....and I do feel quite blessed on that front. I have an old school friend in Queensland and she owns 2 houses so bingo she's put one by for us when we arrive...location seems ok and we have 4 schools lined up with available places so just have to pick when we get there. So that leaves jobs...although in the New Year both of us will be redundant anyway...so it does seem like the time is right and things are falling into place but I guess it's like the comment someone posted further up....it's when it all seems more real it starts to feel quite daunting......

giz

Yes, ours kinda fell into place before we left. My wife was made redundant whilst we were in the process of applying for the visa and so didn't bother looking for another job. I'm an IT contractor and my contract at them time finished a few weeks after we got the visa. We also got the house sale agreed one week after it was on the market and contracts signed 3 days before we flew out. So as far as falling into place went (before we left), there were no complaints and it all felt like it as "meant to be".

But karma does prevail...and we've had to work 10 times as hard at the other side of the equation.

You are quite luck to have a friend (and with a house)...we came over to no-one. But we've managed to make a friend or two and have been invited to our first Aussie barbie next Saturday, so looking forward to that.

It's good to do the school research first. I know there is a league table website that my wife used (for primary schools at least). The name and website escapes me but I'm sure someone on here will have it.

mavine1

Thanks Giz...where are you in Oz? My husband is in IT also...and work looks pretty thin on the ground here and in Oz at present...it does worry me he could be out of work for a long time....

billingham

Right there.

Jensanco

Bless your little heart.

I felt like Jekyll and Hyde when we did it in 2008... I'd be hypo excited one minute and felt like I was having some sort of emotional breakdown the next...
Can't describe how I felt when the container took the furniture away
Then after a day or two I felt slightly better, my mum and her husband came to the airport tho and that obviously wasn't a good idea as i had another cold feet panic attack.

Its hard for other people I expect she loves you a great deal and is trying to sort out the pain and everything of missing you all. I had guilt trips off my family.
Oddly enough since we returned to the UK most have pretty much ignored us, my mum is preparing to say goodbye to us again and I can see she's struggling a bit with it but you can't live your life for other people.
Moving house - even 15 minutes down the road can be stressful, allow yourself that its ok to feel cold feet, guilt, sick, panicked unsure because you are moving to a different country and realistically a different lifestyle to what you've always known !
One thing I regret is I didn't give it time, tho I had a double shocker soon after we arrived - pregnant (HORMONAL) and found out I have a heart condition so in panic I returned home - when really we should have stayed.
You will on the whole have to put yourself out there and put the effort in to make friends and find things for you and your family to do and be involved in which generally makes, making friends easier.

Don't feel odd about it, what you're feeling is normal.
I hope you get out there soon and enjoy your new life and I hope your mum defrosts a bit and makes it easier on you

MrsE

Hi there - I am constantly going going through those feelings! Sometimes they are worse than others! One week I am sooo excited and the following I am wondering if we are doing the right thing! When I see my girls playing so nicely with all their close friends I do worry if I'm doing the right thing and then see how well they are doing at school, more worry about taking them away from that! Then I listen to the news about the dire job situation and what it will be like when they leave school in 10 years time and then look out of the window and see the vile weather we have here for most of the year I am back to thinking we are doing the right thing. Sunshine is a wonderful thing and makes everybody happy

It is good to know that it's a normal thing to have these emotions

Jensanco

Life is what you make it MrsE - it doesn't matter where you are.
Though we like you feel that to give the kids the best chances possible we want to move to Australia, let them enjoy a more outdoor orientated lifestyle which I think they would enjoy here if it wasn't for the weather, cost of parking for them to play at parks :$
I've thought about this - the kids could be picked on for being poms, but they get picked on for one thing or another here anyway, they do have some good friends here but they're not as close with the friends they had 5 years ago, and I look at when I left school, I see 1 friend I went to school with and have known most of my life.
Take heart kids will make friends at school where ever they go, it might take time but when they do and friends start coming over life for them will be happier, and it will have a knock on effect - you'll be happier cause they'll be more settled and it will in turn make you feel more settled.
If they are doing well at school too there is no reason why they can't do well at school in Australia, plus I like to think that Australia school year runs a few months behind, which really should be pressure off learning initially while they find their place, tho there will be different things to learn, generally they prob started school at least a year earlier than they do in Australia too as most start after their 5th birthday.

I'm sure I'll have panics too - they come naturally to me anyway, I have panics about things I don't need to panic about LOL
Give it a go. Try and get the most out of what will be a great life experience if you let it, plus they'll see a bit of the world.

Dreamy

Thirty five years ago, my parents had the opportunity to move to Australia. The reactions of my grandparents (both lots) put paid to the idea.

They've regretted it ever since and, deep down, felt resentful about being made to feel guilty.

Its a very different world now - don't let other people dictate to you how you live your life. Don't let it be your problem. Selfish? Definitely - but no one else should be telling you where you should live.

MrsE

Hiya

Thanks for the reassurances we are going no matter what but it doesn't stop the collywobbles creeping in every now and then!

And to be honest I am a worrier and will always find something to worry about - but at least I can worry in the lovely sunshine and on a beautiful beach

Our girls are really looking forward to it! We just need to get out house sold! It's been on the market over a month now and I'm geting impatient.

Whereabouts are you heading to and when?

Jensanco

We come from the same breed of Collywobbles then maybe? I think especially when you have kids you always worry the decision you make is the best decision for them, but in my head I keep saying life will never be PERFECT anywhere you are there'll be ups and downs anywhere you live.
The boys are excited. We are putting our house on the market in the next 4 weeks - couple of things to tie up first before it goes on.

We are heading just North of Brisbane