Lordflasheart

Yes it does and you still owe me a shag. The kettles on.

Lordflasheart

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Men's Life before marriage.




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Men's Life after marriage.

soapy©

poor bix eh

Lordflasheart

Rooksie

waahey!!!!

i'm all yours!!

alkristensen

Whats all this got to do with australia. LOL

A bigwig from a newspaper goes to the pope and tells him that he will give him $5m if he will change the lords prayer to give us this day our daily mail, he totally refuses saying that it was blasphemous and to go away.

He goes back the next day and offers 50m, the pope refuses, so not wanting to back down, he returns the next day with a counter oiffer, his most and final of $500m to change it to give us this day our daily mail. The pope cant help but ponder what that money would do for the catholic church so he tells the guy that he will consult all the hierachy and get back to him.
The pope calls all the churches bigwigs together the same day and says.

Ive got some good news and some bad................................
The daily mail is offering to give the church $500 million .
The bad news is we've lost the warburtons contract!

LOL

Rooksie

Gary Glitter facing the firing squad is asked if he has a last request. He replies yes i want peter crouch to shoot me.


i'll get me coat

ROBnCAZ

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!"
Then the teacher reluctantly called on Johnny.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fxxxing beautiful!' "

Anne4Terry

Good one

ROBnCAZ

Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.
The first one says, "My Daddy is so cool he can eat four Burgers at one meal."

The second one says, "That's nothing. My Daddy can eat six."

Little Jonny starts laughing and says, "My Daddy can eat light bulbs."

The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks His daddy can eat light bulbs.

Little Jonny replies, "Last night I was passing my parents room and my Daddy said, 'Honey, turn out that light I want to eat that thing.'"

Lordflasheart

Brilliant. Why does "Little Johnny" always star in the type of jokes. He sounds like a right little sh1t. I'm betting he's a chav.

Rick C

A blond went into a world wide message center to send a message to
her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she
exclaimed: "But I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get
a message to my mother".
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect) "Anything?" he
asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blond promised.
Well then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the
next room. The blond did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. He then said "Now
get on your knees".
She did. "Now take down my zipper".
She did. "Now go ahead ... take it out .." he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands ... then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well ... go ahead."
The blond slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding
it close to her lips, tentatively said...
"Hello, Mom can you hear me?"

Rooksie

No Christmas lights in Vietnam this year - they're only hanging glitter ......

Keith&Lol

One day a father gets out of workto go buy his daughter a birthday pressie. He pulls over outside a toy store "how much is the barbie in the window".
The sales assistant asks "which one? we have"

workout Barbie for $19.95

shopping Barbie for $19.95

beach Barbie for $19.95

disco Barbie for $19.95

divorced Barbie for $345.95

The amazed father asks"what why is the divorced barbie $345.95 and the others $19.95?"

"Sir divorced barbie comes with:



Kens car

Kens house

Kens boat

Kens furniture

Kens computer and

one of Kens friends.....

Rooksie

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were
getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're
starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll
hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the
day. Then tonight, we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the
campfire."
The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.
That night over dinner, the first man tells his story: "Today I hiked into a
beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I
swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and
dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were
filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your
day?"
The second friend says, "I went south and ran across a set of railroad
tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to
the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and I had
sex with her in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so
tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."
"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was MUCH better than mine. Did
you get a blow job, too?"
"Nah," says the second friend over his meal, "I couldn't find her head."