Rooksie

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field
on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over
the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on
his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigate responded, "I shot a duck and it fell
in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and
you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best
trial attorneys in theUnited States and, if you don't
let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take
everything you own.
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you
don't know how we settle disputes in Tennessee.
We settle small disagreements like this with the
"Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute
occurs on my land, first I kick you three times
and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth
until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed
contest and decided that he could easily take the
old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor
and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the
toe of his heavy steel toed work boot
into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last
meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third
kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his
will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face
with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, Now it's my turn."
[I love this part....]
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You
can have the duck."

gobbyjock

LOL - karm aon it`s way for that one - gave me a chuckle

Rooksie

oh goodie - ive posted jokes on here before and they have gone down like a bag of sh**!!!!

gobbyjock

Im crap at telling jokes - always forget the punchline or get round the wrong way!!

The Johnstons

:d :d
TJ

How weird, no smiley's???

Lordflasheart

Never give up Rooksie. Boll*cks to the "Whats that got to do with australia" brigade.

Anne4Terry

I stuck one on a 30 minutes ago on another thread and nobody's read it So......

What do you call a Russian with 3 testicles?









































Oojanikabolokov!!


My 13 year old son told me that!

Keith&Lol

Now that was funny.................Lol

MJELNC

pmsl,Very good both of them.Anymore?

soapy©

what does kermit the frog and henry the eighth got in common?????????????

















































the both share the same middle name

Keith&Lol

two aussie coppers sat in their patrol car, eating a couple of snags wating for throwing out time at the bar across the street when a fella comes staggering out, two steps forward one step back and fumbling in his pockets. The coppers look at each other and put down their snags and began to watch the man stagger all over the car park.
Eventually he finds his car as its the only one left, gets his keys, opens the door and falls inside, just as he's about to drive off the coppers stop him " your nicked" the man looks up and the copper says "you should always have a designated driver, "We did it was bruce......... i'm the designated decoy

gobbyjock

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

Keith&Lol

SYMPTOMS OF BIRD FLU:
If you experience any of the following please seek medical treatment immediately..

1 high fever



2 congestion



3 nausea



4 fatigue



5 aching joints



6 an uncontrolable urge to shit on someones windscreen

Rooksie

my aussie mate sent it to me - does that count!?!?!?

Buzzy--Bee

OK here is my favourite joke of 2005 -

A man goes to the doctor to get his test results. The doctor says "I'm afraid it's terrible news. You've got cancer, and also you've got alzheimer's!"

The man says - "well thank goodness I don't have cancer!"



cheers

Buzzy