Wandathecat

Hi

We are going to Oz in Sept, my OH leaves behind 2 children which he has always provided for in full. Because we go without jobs we have told the ex we cannot pay her any maintenance until we do have a job and then the priortiy will be paying for plane tickets for them to come out once per year.

Of course she is not pleased but we cannot pay for everything, whilst we will give her what we can we also have to live.

Anyone in the same boat or gone through a simular thing?

Can the CSA take your through court in Oz?

Cx

Australia_bound?

The Australian CSA can take money from you. CSA UK can't. But if you're not earning how can you pay?
Would be better to come to private agreemnt once you're working.

tasmas

I'm glad someone posted this thread. We due to move Octoberish. We pay every month on an agreement rather than the CSA, which we have done for 12 years now, but once we move we won't be able to afford it (I'm studying full time, he working only 20 hrs a week). However OH son is 16 but has been pushed into studying by OH exwife so she can still get money from us. OH son is doing 16 hrs a week at a local college - and apparently this is classed as full time!!! Blimey I wish my job was 16hrs full time. He gets paid for this and claims £130 per term for travelling. OH exwife has never worked in her life. Really Pisses me off.
Sorry for the rant.
Tracy:curse::curse::curse:

Wandathecat

Rant away!!!!!

I get really fed up with it TBH, We give the kids so much and all she does is moan. Yet she claims for everything and doesn't tell them her OH lives with her!!!!

Anyway, there is something called variations on the CSA website. This is will allow us to reduce payments for exceptional circumstances. So, If we pay out 2k per year to fly them over to us and have them for 2 months (which we won't pay her for) can this be deducted from the maintenance we give her?

If we don't then we will never be able to afford for them to come out and surely its in their interest to see their dad rather for the OH to get her nails done?

Would love to come to some agreement with her but she just sees it as losing income and not a wonderful opportunity for the girls. OH has already tried with no real progress!!!:curse:

Cx

Australia_bound?

Have to ask how old kids are?

tasmas

Oh my god, tell me about it. We're having him for a week soon and OH told her that she wouldn't be getting money for that week. As she says the money is to pay for electric, food, hot water etc so we said we'll need it to pay for his upkeep that week. She didn't go for it, said it was her maintenance. We also tried putting the monthly amount into his sons account - to give him some responsibility, so he could pay his mum bed and board. But he rang up saying he didn't want to be involved in his mums maintenance cause the money is for her. Anyway she has his pin number anyway. I've been devious and only paid her for 3 weeks this month!!! Waiting for the phone call - should be fun!!!

Tracy xx

hereshoping

I think the 2 months they are with you it would be reasonable to expect to be deducted, but not the flight costs as ultimately you have chosen to live that far away from the kids and so it is your responsibility to pay for them to visit not their mothers

If you deducted the flight cost from their maintainance she would have to make up so would be paying for your move. That does not seem fair.

Your OH choose to have the kids and has a responsibility to them, perhaps you should factor this in and save up until he can continue to pay for them before you go.

Wandathecat

They are 10 and 11

x

tasmas

His exwife also chose to have the kids, and therefore she should also pay for them. Not every exwife with kids is honest about where the money goes. My OH ex has never worked a day in her life, has not told anyone she now has someone living with her, and has not paid anything towards the upkeep of the child. We have paid over £30,000. And as she says when we threaten to not pay her for some reason "how will i pay my phone bill, catalogue bill, etc etc". As I say under my breath - "get off your fat arse and get a job".

Wandathecat

Whilst I do agree with your point of view my OH would say it was her decision to end the marriage and ship another bloke in a week later. He then had to move away as his job required him to do so which was not his choice.

Whilst I agree its our decision I think this should be taken into consideration when calculating maintenance, I am not saying we should not provide for them. The system should be fair and neither parent should be out of pocket as a result.

If we had custody of the kids and she wanted to come visit for a month or so I would not expect her to pay a bean towards their keep.

Cx

Wandathecat

Tee hee!!!!!

Anyway, her idea of having no money is not being able to get her hair cut and coloured as often.....thats honestly what she said!!!!

Well I colour my own hair....its cheaper!!!!

hereshoping

I didn't say she shouldn't- it is both parents responsibility to pay for the kids (regardless of the things that wen't wrong in their relationship). Not knowing the people concerned I'm in no position to comment on their honesty/ what they spend money on etc. I would say however that as a parent with responsibilities these have to be considered before taking such a drop in income.

Wandathecat

Totally agree, I just wish both parties would just think about the kids and remove emotion out of it. One of the main reasons for going is to give the kids an opportunity of a lifetime by being able to live somewhere totally different and experience so much life has to offer.

I came from a divorced family and what went on was horrible, the fighting over money was just silly.

tasmas

I agree with your point. In our case I think we've paid enough. To make a child go to college so she can still get money off us makes my blood boil. Its a touchy subject with alot of people. I think being the second wife is hard also, I work full time so we can pay our bills which include child (not exwife) maintenance. He's not my child yet his mother can sit at home claiming every penny she can so she doesn't have to work. Its the system thats wrong. Did I mention every bit of clothing we've ever bought him has ended up on ebay? AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH:curse:

Martin J

Wow! I feel as though i wrote this thread myself! Exact same position.

I have a 12 yr old whose mother is a catatonic headcase! And thats putting it mildly.

I pay almost £400 per calendar month through the CSA and have no hope of keeping this up if i want to pay for him to come over.

I am having to consider cancelling the UK CSA order and waiting for them to review my AU circumstances and then possibly chasing me for a new order.

I happily paid for 10 years on a private agreement but she got greedy and wanted more so called the CSA. She has never worked a day in her life, yet manages to wear all the gear and visit the salon at least once a week! My son sees little or nothing of the money i send.

She calls and laughs at me on the phone trying to rub in how well she is doing while she screws the benefits agency and has her other half living with her as well!

10 years is a long time to live to learn with nutters like this, but i still feel like losing it when i think about it! :curse: