Vicky88

I totally agree that it is up to each of us to make the effort to get a new circle of friends. It doesn't help to compare everything to your mates back home. I try and remember that I have to do all the work to make new friends, because the truth is I need the people I meet more than they need me if you KWIM.

Making new social contacts is possible, however sometimes people have to remember that it won't happen overnight. Personally I think 4 months is too soon to call it quits. Reason being it normally takes at least 3 months to get on your feet and even know where the best place to buy your favourite cheese is located. I find by month 4 things start clicking into place and life becomes easier.

nosuchluck

Exactly my point, 4 months in nothing in the scheme of things, we will give it at least 2 years in hinterland Brisbane, we will get our citizenship and if we are still not settled then we will look at somewhere else but we have all decided that we won't be coming back to the UK full time, this has never felt like 'home' to either my husband or i. Like you and Warren said echoing my thoughts, it will be hard and i don't expect never to be homesick but not for the place but the people in it! we are under no assumptions that life will be hard but we will work at it, just as we would work hard wherever we lived.
best regards
rach, mark and chanelle

GetMeOutOfHere

I can appreciate that good friendships & close family left behind can be a hard adjustment for many.
This site is excellent for sharing not just the paperwork, jargon and offical stuff bu also the personal experiences many are/have gone through. The one negative observation I have found with this fora is that there are NOT enough meetings (want of a better word) to help others who are arriving in their chosen destinations, for example why don't people(i know Pollyanna has already posted a thread on this) meet up on a regular basis to help new emigrants settle?
Surely good friendships could develop between emigrants and you would have that emotional support that some say is missing.

Only a thought but seems an ideal way of helping eachother!

Watt Dabney

My tip for settling is if you have kids of any age join the PTA. You will meet lots of people this way. These people tend to be very community minded and have a huge network of friends & aquaintances that they are only too willing to share. You get a crash course in the schooling system and a helpfull parent is always welcomed with open arms. You get insider knowledge about the kids which is very valuable whan your kids are making new friends and you want to be sure they are 'suitable' friends.


Paula

Elaine M

Just wanted to say I think the idea of regular meetings to help new migrants settle in is an excellent one - why didn't we think of it before?

I'm lucky in that I'm going to Adelaide where my sister lives so I have family to stay with/visit/talk to but she says it was hard for her when she emigrated 12 years ago and knew no-one except her partner.

I can see how much more difficult it would be to settle in if you don't have anyone to introduce you to people, eg if you're not working.

Anyone now living in the major cities want to be the first to volunteer to start up a regular face to face?

I'll help when I get to Adelaide next August...

Elaine

nightnurse2

Hi all,

just wanted to remind everyone that there is another programme on tonight called 'no going back' about a family who emmigrate to the gold coast. Think its on at 9 pm

Tracey

Vicky88

I think having regular meetups of expats is a great idea. However, something people should be aware of, it can become too easy to rely on those from "back home" and you may not integrate as you should. There needs to be a mix of locals, so you get to know the country and lifestyle you have chosen, and some from back home who know what you are talking about when you mention M&S readymade meals or Eastenders.

I made a mistake in a previous move where I became "best" friends with someone from home who hated her new life and all she did was complain and I now realised made me into a totally negative person. If there is a poisonous apple you need to be aware of it and jettison them before they colour your view of life, even if it means being Jonny-no-mates.

Pollyana

Vicky,
I can see what you mean, it would be very easy to meet up with Brits, and just stick with them. You are so right that we need a "mix" of people.

I think what we need to try and do in a new country is forge links with the Brits (easy enough cos we all have things in common) and then through them, meet other people - including Aussies. The meet we are trying to do in Brissie is certainly not going to be all Brits, and hopefully people will move on to meet other Aussies from there.
Speaking for myself, I don't intend to spend my life here with either just Brits or Aussies, I want to do what I did in the UK, and have friends from all over. In some ways I'm lucky as I have friends here already from both countries, and I also have my Bloke's Aussie family. However, I know what it feels like to be a fish out of water, and I think Mrs Dagboy had similar thoughts on mind when we decided on a meet. I think we all need to build as big a network as possible, later we can pick and choose who we get close to, (and if we are lucky we find a good friend quickly) but in the meantime, I think any new migrant should make friends wherever they can.
Anyone out there who feels alone in their bit of Oz or NZ, just put a post on here - we were amazed how much reaction we got!!
Similarly, anyone still back in the UK should do the same - we did 2 meets in Brighton, and were amazed at the people that travelled miles to be there. friends I met that way, will remain friends when we all meet again over here.

Vicky88

Pollyana

You are so right when you say people should say if they are feeling alone and would like to meet up because sometimes it just takes the first person to say the words to get the ball rolling.

Glad to hear that these gathering are being so positive for everyone, because moving to another country at the opposite side of the world is hard. No-one should place unrealstic pressure on themselves to fit in within 5 minutes because moving is stressful as everything is so unfamiliar.

Megalania

Suggestion:

At your meetings, find others who would like to join you at an evening class providing a common interest. That way you will not be on your own, not in a Clique, further your interest / hobby and may meet a few people you like whom otherwise you would not.

dotty

Somebody made the comment that perhaps those who return "have not thought it through properly", good point, however how can anybody "think it through properly" if they have
never set foot in OZ? as is the case with so many people on this forum

As for making friends once here, its vital to mix with aussies too, how else are you going to get business contacts, leads etc? Pom meets are great for a bit of security but if its OZ you choose its OZ friends you will need too.

Jirrupin

There are no raw nerves in Oz, it doesn't come as part of the lifestyle package you sign up for. I think your comments are naive. I do not blame you for that you couldn't possibly fully understand what I am talking about unless you have been here and witnessed it.

I am pleased that you are 110% sure this is what you want. I hope you enjoy living in OZ and it all works out perfectly for you. But if you are here 3 months in and feeling completely miserable and can't wait to get out of the place, just cast your mind back to these posts.

I am lucky to now be on the other side and I have some hindsight at my disposal. We once sat where you were with plans and thoughts swirling through our minds. Now we see others in the Uk doing it and often we think, (it'll be good to read their posts when they arrive).

Often people don't post in detail and to get a real flavour of what they are thinking you have to read between the lines, but rose coloured specs don't allow that and anything negative will roll off your back like water of a duck.

It was never our intention to be negative, we actually don't think we are overly negative but realistic about how life can be in OZ. Some people post bought a great house, in a great area kids are happy got a job, been here two months, i would love to know how it all seems in 6 months etc.

I wonder for a lot of people that they settle into mundane routine stuff, work, school shopping cleaning, and life passes them by, I wonder how many would stop and say 'is this the dream we had planned'.

People say 1 hour commute is so much better in the sunshine etc won't bother me at all, I sit here and think a ten hour day, I've done that for years and not a lifestyle choice for me. I too used to have a scenic drive to work in UK, the novelty wears off.

Anyway I have nothing personally against yourself Rach, it is just your recent post which to me showed a very limited insight into the possible realities waiting for some on the other side.

Don't you think that almost everyone who comes out here who sacrifices so much believes it is the right thing they are doing for themselves and their families. For some it is the best thing they have ever done, for others it is change and for others a disaster.

Humans are discernible beings it doesn't take us 2 years to decide if we want or like something or not. For me life is too short to be bloody miserable, so I think if you don't like it, find something you do like, don't endure it because it might get more bearable.

It is false to consider that anyone who doesn't like it here after a matter of months to be a failure. I wouldn't have thought like that before I got here, but I do now.

Pollyana

Very true Dotty, I think you need friends of both types - the Poms, cos we have so much in common, and the Aussies cos - well, they know what its like here!
I'm lucky, I have an Aussie mate, who has lived in the UK and can see both sides. we are hoping that our Brissie meets will have people from both countries (and others maybe) - also, that people who have been here a while, and are more integrated, can come along and help those of us who are still finding their feet.

As for stopping to think is this what we expected - I couldn't tell you what I expected, I just knew it would be different. And even if you have expectations, just be prepared that the country may be different - it may well still suit you, and if you go in to it with an open mind you may still thoroughly enjoy it. the one thing I'll always say to anyone consdiering emigrating is - the ONLY person who will know whether it works for you, is YOU. And YOU won't know for sure until you try it.

nosuchluck

In response i didn't and wouldn't call anyone who came back to the Uk a failure, they at least tried where many millions wouldn't/couldn't/didn't have the oppurtunity. I also agree with the concept that life is too short to be miserable and that is why we are leaving the Uk because we are miserable here, we can only hope and work very hard to make our lives, day to day living better in Australia,
You pointed out that everyone who emigrates makes sacrifices??? what do you mean? i certainly don't feel like i am sacrificing anything.
To end, if we don't make it in Australia, if it is not for us and we move on then i will be the first to admit it and i do hope that you find what it is that you are looking for.
regards
rach & family

downunderpom

Just to add my two-penneth....

When we first got here my wife spent about 3 months with no-one to talk to during the day, at home alone, without even any furniture. Just a radio to listen to, (with the same 20 songs being played over and over!) It nearly drove her nuts, but she stuck it out. After those 3 months the furniture (and computer!) arrived, and she was able to look for jobs and send off her CV. After 6 months, as jobs in her (data analyst) field are few and far between, she's found a temp position, and has been temping for the last 6 months or so, meeting new mates, having things to talk about other then 'how was your day', which translated into 'Give me some mental stimulation, NOW!!!' And it's always easier to get a job when you're working, rather than when you're out of work.

So, Donna, I empathise with your position, TOTALLY. When (note, 'when', not 'if') you get a job sorted out it will change your outlook completely. Hang in there - it really is worth it. At least you have the forum, and can vent your frustrations. My wife didn't even have that. Look at what you have, and then see what you can make of it. As the expression goes, "If life hands you a lemon, make lemonade!" We've been where you are, and it all worked out for us. It can work out for you, too. Stay positive, it comes across in your applications. And good luck!