bundy

As some of you know, one of the reasons we went to Oz back in November was to attend a good friend's wedding. She's a pom and was marrying an aussie. She met him whilst out there on her working holiday visa but they had only been a couple for 6 months before they got married. She was supposed to leave the country in November but as they were in love (as you are after only 6 months!), on his suggestion, they decided to get married and apply for a spouse visa. They weren't officially living together - they argued that they didn't believe in cohabiting before marriage (all lies!) and, my mate's FIL being Someone Important, they had lots of things signed by JPs, solicitors etc etc, stat decs from worthy sorts and so forth. My mate reckoned they would coast it.

That was until she had the DIMIA interview which lasted several hours and was all very Green Card - they were split up and grilled for ages and they kept trying to trip her up. Which restores my faith in DIMIA somewhat, but didn't help my mate. She is currently on a bridging visa gathering more evidence and awaiting a decision.

But the visa is the least of her problems. Last weekend, she and her new husband sat down and got talking about their future plans. She desperately wants the simple country life, he has a business in Sydney and is all for being a big Sydney businessman. So their priorities are totally opposite. He wants kids, she doesn't...the list goes on.

Then they got talking about their pasts and discovered all kinds of things about each other that they weren't too happy about.

And now she is regretting getting married for a visa that may not materialise to a man she now realises she barely knows. She was once so positive about her future, and now she is depressed about it.

Which makes me grateful for the fact that I have gone about this the slower way!

Fuzzyness

how terrible for her. she must really have liked australia to risk doing what she did though which i suppose is a good sign for her if she wants to stay there either with her husband or without.

i guess a lot of people feel like staying in oz when they are on their year long working holiday visa. its not enough time to settle and it doesnt let you experience the country properly as if you were living there and workign there. by that i mean not travelling around and doing fruit picking jobs just to get by.

Rossi

Isn't there an old saying ?

Marry in haste, Repent at leisure

podgypossum

Not always...i only knew my husband for 9mths before we married..best hasty decision i ever made!!

But i guess we are older and maybe a little wiser. We talked everything through BEFOREHAND.

bundy

It's a complete nightmare for her, and here am I, thousands of miles away and I can't help her. It's frustrating.

I have 5 friends, all of who tried to get de facto visas on the basis of people they had met whilst on their WHM visa. None of them made it past the application stage. I too met Mr Bundy on my WHM visa, but that was over 4 years ago and we are only just getting round to applying now.

The problem is that people get so involved with the aussie life that they can't bear the thought of going home, even if that is the most sensible option (dragging partner with them, if possible). Been a lot of heartache in my circle of friends

bundy

True. Although my mate thought she had discussed everything, reckoned she was going into it with open eyes. I would play devil's advocate while she was trying to make her decision, but she wouldn't listen to the negatives. The rose tinted glasses were firmly in place

Fuzzyness

that sounds exactly the same as my sister. she had terrible depression when she left oz after her year there. took nearly 6 months of being back until things eased.

as you say the wisest thing would be bring them back here. at least aussies get 2 years here.

i was also friends with an aussie girl who came to england. when she had to return her english boyfriend went back there on a tourist visa. she basically kept him but whilst he was bimbling around he managed to fall on his feet with a job and got sponsorship so taht he could stay and work. i dont know the exact details but it does show that all is not lost and there are ways of doing it other than marrying someone you hardly know.

bundy

I tried to point this out to her. She did consider skilled migration, but she doesn't have a degree; sponsorship, but she couldn't find an employer; student, but it cost too much. Silly thing is that her husband is her boss, so I'm sure he could have sponsored her through his company. In the end, she thought marriage was the easy option (:scared: ) and the quicker one.

I dragged Mr Bundy back here with me, but as he has Right to ABode over here, there's been no time constraints which is great for us.

Fuzzyness

i used to go out with an aussie that had a uk ancestry visa. we always had intended to stay in england while we made up our minds whether we were going to stay together before we moved to oz. luckily for me we found out sooner rather than later that we werent compatible. still hastn stopped me from wanting to go but as a single bloke rahter than in a couple.

bundy

Wise move. I'm sort of the opposite! Mr Bundy and I have been unofficially engaged since April 2000, 6 months after we met, so we could have got married and stayed in Oz, or applied for de facto from there. But I was so obsessed with not wanting to appear like a visa-hunting pom, and Mr Bundy was so keen to come to the UK that we decided to come over. Been here longer than expected, but at least we know that we are a committed couple and are in it for the long run (even if we've never got further than unofficially engaged!)

Fuzzyness

that sounds really postive for both of you. it must be reassuring knowing that you are going into it together. at least that is one less thing to worry about once you get there isnt it?

bundy

That's the idea. It's an enormous step to take, and not one to be taken lightly, which is why we've taken so long to do it! But better in the long run, I think. Now we both have experience of living in the other's country, which I reckon is important, and we both know each other's families and friends well. Should make for an easier transition

Fuzzyness

definitly. i am of the view of by going by myself it will be easier to settle as i'll get to go where i want and do what i want and when. quite daunting in that i wont have the support structures around me but i feel that being by myself it will be easier to build those when its only you making the decisions.

Bundy, what will you be doing when you get out there.

bundy

What will I be doing? God knows. I really have no idea. I'm not the most career-minded person on the planet, to say the least. At the moment, I'm a manager in academic administration but I doubt I'll carry on with that. Most of my job is really event/project management so I could go down that path. I have good qualifications and a little bit of experience, so who knows.

When I was living in Oz, I was employed mainly as a camp-oven cook (cooking up enough food for 120 people in cast iron pots over the open fire), but I worked as a jillaroo and a goldmining assistant on the side. Seriously. I'm pretty flexible!

I could also teach, or tutor if I put my mind to it as I've done a bit of that in the past.

We'll be starting off in the tiny outback town where we met, and where we lived for a year. Mr Bundy's family are all there, so we've got the old support network in place. The longterm goal is to get an outback pub, but we're way off that yet.

Fuzzyness

at least you have dreams. yours are an awful lot closer than mine in being realised. i'm still making my mind up about when to start applying.