morrie

HELP. MY SON IS 15 AND DOES NOT WANT TO COME WITH US. THE COMPLETED APPLICATION WAS SENT THIS WEEK SO HOPEFULLY WE SHOULD HEAR SOON. WE OUR GOING ON A FIANCE VISA AND HAVE ALREADY SENT ALL MEDICALS AND POLICE CHECKS. IS THERE ANY 15 YEAR OLD BOY FEELING THE SAME AS MY SON AT THE MOMENT OR DO ANY PARENTS HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM. WHAT DO I DO IF HE REFUSES POINT BLANK THAT HE WILL NOT GO. MY DAUGHTER WHO IS 12 IS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE MOVE. PLEASE HELP OR GIVE ME SOME ADVICE.
ROSIE AND MORRIE

Vee

Turn off your caps lock first! When you type in CAPS LIKE THIS it is considered yelling.

Other than that, sorry can't help as I am a 31 year old woman who knows nothing about 15 year old boys.

Pollster

What are his reasons for not wanting to go?

If I was a 15 yo lad - the thought of all those young lassies in their swimming cossies on the beach would have me raring to go, surely?!

Funky Chicken

Why not try and try and introduce him to the girl from the 'life down under' prog from last night. See WBB thread on the subject

morrie

the reason i had caps on is that i am so angry and uptight about this situation. The only thing that I can get out of him is that he will miss his family and friends. We all feel the same but we will allways have them and there is nothing stopping them from visiting us. Two years ago we bought a large house in Perth which is being rented out till will can be accepted in the country. H e is at that horrible tenage year that what ever I say he will disagree with. I truly was hoping that someone on this site will read the and help me. I have an elderly mum mum here and two sisters and a brother here but unless the same old story if I did not visit them I WOULD NEVER see them.

morrie

he is not bothered or so he says about girls at the moment .every time i mention to him about australia he justs say he is not going rosie

Vee

Has he ever been to Oz/Perth before? Why not suggest that he tries it for a while - a year say - and if he doesn't like then he can come back. Do you have people there already? Is it possible to send him on a visit / holiday / trip beforehand?

Funky Chicken

It is a long time since I was 15 but I do remember that they were difficult years. In my experience most 15 year old boys are obsesed with girls and sex? However, if you don't have one you probably don't want to admit that you are interested. Does he have a good friend base? Firends are very important to teenagers. I don't think that there is an easy solution. The more you try to fight it, the more he will probably push back.

Sorry, not much help I suppose

scrawni

I am in the same position, my daughter is 17 and doesn't want to come with us. She will however, be validating her visa with us but then she will come back home to finish the second year of her college course. She will be living with grandparents.

When she first told me, I cried and said that if she wasn't going then neither was I. Now I've had time to think and talked to many people, I have calmed down and realized that she would be leaving the nest soon anyway.

I know my situation is not the same as yours but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this, if you search the forum you will find similar posts as your.

Mandy

Billabong

My method for what it's worth would be this:

1) Slap him round the earhole
2) Tell him he has more hormones running through him at the moment than brains
3) Do not give him a choice
4) Call him Kevin
5) Withdraw all privileges

BLAH BLAH BLAH

If that doesn't warm him to the idea then at least get him to validate the visa and then let him make his own mistakes in life.

Probably none of it would work but I'm an old fashioned git (children should be seen and not heard and all that)

Pollster

P'raps a BIT heavy handed there Billabong - but the bit about giving him no choice...

I know it would prob be hard but if he is giving you all this trouble with you trying to be reasonable and actually talk to him about his worries, why not do the 'I am your mother and what I say goes' thing.

Tell him he is going and that is that. As you said, with teenagers you can't do right for doing wrong so just tell him straight to stop being daft because that is the final decision.

And with regards to yourself... he will be just fine anywhere he goes so don't beat yourself up about him.

Can people with kids perhaps start a thread on here that they can have for themselves so they can talk to each other about the move - there werea couple chatting before but I haven't seen anything since - how about swapping email addresses?

If Perth - is ascii still about (you might have to mind the maguage!)?

Bix

Rosie & Morrie,

We are in the same boat but have both 15 and 17 year old sons who say they do not want to go.

From day one we told the younger he had no choice but to go otherwise he would be taken into fostering by the government because in law he is a minor.

It does seem to have worked as we get little trouble from him other than the occassional snide comment.

A different tack was needed for the elder brother but that is another story.

We try to avoid provocation and discuss it with them like grownups but that aint easy at times.

When they are in earshot (but not listening of couse !!!) we talk about positive things OZ will bring the family.

It's now a matter of perseverance and hoping they come round to the idea over time.

If only they could appreciate our decision to emmigrate was not just for us patents but with their futures in mind as well.

So as Billabong said it's no choice.

Good luck.

maxpaxx

After seeing that programme last night I saw how hard it can be for children of a certain age.

At 15 are you giving him a choice? I wouldn't discuss it further with him just thats it's settled and he has no choice - if he still feels the same way at 18 he will be able to make his own choice. It's a hard line but a 15 year old is not capable of understanding that there is a big world out there and that all this will seem silly in a few years time - so you have to do that for him I guess thats the hard part of having teenagers! Mine are still small so thats one hurdle I don't face.

I wish you the best of luck with this it must be hard for you but I'm sure he'll come round.

Max x

funbags mags

hi there rosie and morrie,
sorry if ive missed it but where is it that you are going. We hope to go to perth later this year and our 15 year old boy Tom who was really up for it 3 years ago when first talked about is now having douts. We try and talk about the posative side of starting a new life full of new oppitunities, today we spent time looking at jobs on the net we had a laugh as some are very different to here. He will miss his friends and somtimes i think we get wrapped up in all the things that we need to think about and forget how they are feeling. I tell tom that as we will be going into rented accomadation for at least 6 months there will be plenty of time for getting out and about and spend time togather, that we dont get here as we spent a lot of our time maintaining property. Hopefully by the time we move to our own home he will have lots of new friends. He is also looking forward to laerning to drive which they can do at 16, and we have disscussed buying a 4 wheel drive for off roading in.
Lastly we have said that he must stay untill he is 18 and then if he is still not happy we will pay for his ticket back to the uk. Just remind him that in 12 months or so many of his friends here will be doing there own thing so in many ways its not a bad time to try somthing new. Hope this helps, our 12 year old daughter is also really up for it
kind regards
maggie & paul

bonza69

Hi there sorry to here about your situation,it must be tough ,we also have 2 children,but are,s r 3 and 4.5.
I dont think shouting and bawling and telling him he has no choice but to go, is going to work,how long has this been going on?and it has not worked yet, has it?Why dont you have a cool off period ,let him just chill on the idea for a while,maybe go online and get some info for teenagers on the area your planning on moving to, ie;
local sports, skateboarding, surfing, diving ,let him ave a look,dont go on at im :lecture:
He will come round soon enough .Theres ways to do things and as for chidren should be seen and not heard ,or whatever it was ,thats bollocks.!!!!!!!