bundy

Hello people,

Yes, I know, I've been away for ages. Been a busy bee with loads going on, a lot of it revolving around BundyMum. Since a few (kind and thoughtful) people have asked, here is the latest on BM. It's long, so get comfortable.

The last few months have not been good. BM was doing really well during the summer - my parents came over in August, mum looked well, was moving about without sticks and so on, and there was much fighting talk. We ticked along like that for another month or so with BM continuing to make great progress. Then smack, another brick wall.

I got a phonecall from my dad in a very distressed state saying that BM seemed to be getting very ill very quickly. Needless to say, I got the next flight down to Jersey to see what was going on. Mum wasn't looking great and was sleeping a lot when I first arrived. Over the days that followed she went downhill very rapidly - unable to speak or move, confused, making no sense, loss of control of her limbs (and worse) - basically she was acting as though she had had a stroke, though we knew she hadn't. We cared for her as best we could at home but it was soon apparent that my dad and I couldn't really cope because she was so ill, so she was transferred to the hospice. Still nobody could tell us what was wrong. The day she went in was awful - she was terribly distressed, saying that she was dying and scared. She asked to go to a local craft fair because she wanted to buy something for her grandchild-to-be (sister in law is pregnant), a grandchild she is unlikely to see. The three of us trailed round in tears. Horrible day.

By Saturday BM was pretty much unconscious with facial drooping and jerking limbs, totally incoherent. The doctors came and went and she continued to worsen. On Sunday the hospice chaplain came and gave us all communion which was awful and had us all in tears (too like a funeral for me). By Sunday night the doctors had diagnosed severe intercranial pressure, all relatives were called and told to get out to Jersey pronto, and BM was admitted to hospital with a lot of head-shaking and worried looks.

On the Monday morning the situation was critical - I was at home and got a call from the hospital saying to get in immediately, the assumption being that I wouldn't make it in time (my parents live just 15 minutes from the hospital). I've never driven so fast in my life - not the best time to find yourself on an island where the maximum speed limit is 40mph!

By the time I got in, BM was unconscious and being pumped full of everything. We were told to prepare for the worst as they assessed her (CT scans, MRI scans, x-rays, blood tests, you name it). And then came the diagnosis - hypercalcemia. Basically, calcium poisoning. Because mum's cancer spread to her bones, calcium has been leaching out into her blood and it was slowly poisioning her. It can be fatal, stopping the heart. And it causes all the symptoms she was having, including the severe depression which had descended. So they pumped her full of fluids (4 litres on the first night!) and lots of drugs.

Meanwhile, the family descended en masse and we took over the miserable Medical Admissions Unit where mum had ended up with all the overdoses, car accidents etc. Anyway, with all the treatment she staged a near-miraculous recovery and was in hospital for just short of a week. My dad had a minor op on his back so I switched being my mum's nurse to being my dad's, changing dressings etc. Nice.

On release BM went back to the hospice to recuperate but again took a turn for the worse. Endless blood transfusions and drips were hooked up but she was still very ill and the powers that be were running out of ideas. We managed to get her stable, just about, the family all went home and after a few days I had to make the tough decision to go home - work were making it very difficult for me and I wasn't being paid. I missed my boyfriend and was getting very tired and stressed. It felt selfish, but I had to go back for a few days at least. My dad sobbed at the airport, begged me not to go - bit of a nightmare to be honest.

Anyway, things were ok for a while and then mum got worse again and ended up back in hospital once more although not in so serious a state. Yet more tests and this time it was the calcium causing the problem. The docs were scratching their heads when they finally hit upon something I've been saying to them for months - mum's thyroid is underactive, just like mine. So, the changed the treatment again.

The consultant came over from Southampton to assess BM and told us that the cancer is continuing to spread, but slowly. He decided upon another form of chemo, pill-based and much less harsh than the last intravenous lot. Mum was uncertain as to whether to bother because she's tired and ill and fed up. But she wants to make a decent stab at sticking around for Baby Bundy so she's giving it a go.

She finally came home on Friday. Home Nursing delivered a new electric bed, and my dad converted a room downstairs. She's ok. For now, at least.

This has been the hardest time - not because of mum being so ill, or because of the time in hospital - but because, for the first time, she wasn't my mum. She couldn't talk, couldn't make any sense, acted like a child, needed feeding, changing, holding as she cried because she didn't understand what was happening. In all the serious times before, she's still be able to talk to us, still talked fighting talk and we lost that for a while. Thankfully it's back, for now, but it's shaken us all, and I found this latest episode the hardest to deal with this time. It's seen me finally bowing to the medical profession and allowing myself to be signed off sick for a couple of weeks because, in my GPs words, I'm 'knackered'. I finding it hard going and I've not quite got the chin back up yet. I even cried watching Emmerdale the other day - that's how bad it's got! I'm on constant alert to go out there, but I need to put in some time at work first (they're not impressed at my latest absence on grounds of 'nervous stress') so I've arranged for a variety of friends and relations to visit. And I'll be going out at Christmas, again expecting it to be our last together. Mum isn't expected to make it much past the New Year, but then we've heard all that before so who knows.

So that's where we are at the moment. Still in limbo, still battling the unknown, still straining against timescales we have no hope of guessing. It's hard going, but we keep going. In the immortal words of my darling younger brother, "it's a mother*****er this cancer business - literally". I know it's crass, but that made us all laugh (BM most of all).

Sorry this has been so long but a lot has happened and I know some of you want to know about it, so here it is.

Timber Floor Au

wow

spines tingling here.

I would love to say i hope all goes well, but inevitably feel it wont. But i sincerely hope, your MUM does see Baby BM ! does get another XMAS ! and does stabilize.

Must be awful for you, and the family, and your poor old dad !!

This is without doubt the most honest post, and moving post ive ever read, and quite frankly dont know how you managed to type it all.

I will leave it there, suffice to say, you have our love and thoughts and fingers n toes crossed.

Love Steve Debs n Menagerie xxxxxxxxx

bundy

Thanks Steve et al,

You know, it's a strange thing, but you sort of detach yourself from it. Or at least, I do. Half the time, even when things are bad and I'm out there at mum's bedside, I can still feel happy from stupid things like the lovely view from the hospice and the sun shining in from the window.

I guess I don't yet see how awful the situation is - I think that will come afterwards. Can't grieve for someone until they've gone.

Timber Floor Au

NUP !!

my Mum passed away 30th August 2004 from an inter cranial haemoragge. She had battled all her life with an inoperable aneurism. Was decorating her hallway, wallpapering, and felt giddy.....

ho hum

Your mum sounds like a bloody stalwart battler GURLY !!! and she has the love of her family, around her.. and

well lets say... we all have our time :/

joanneS

Hi Bundy, all I can say is my thoughts are with you and your family at the moment, be strong, look after yourself because you will be no good to anyone if you get ill as well. I'll say a little prayer for your mum tonite.
Jox

bundy

Exactly - and BundyMum has already been knocking around for 18 months longer than first predicted. Every day is a bonus, and I don't care how corny that sounds!

Sad about your mum. Tell you what though, doesn't it make you grateful for small things when you know there are people out there battling so much?

madsad

So sad to read,i sincerly do hope Bundymum keeps fighting towards her wish to see her grandchild.
As always, our love,hope & strength are with you all x

Donna & Family.

bundy

Hi Donna,

Yep, she's doing her best. I think what makes it worse is that (other than this being the first grandchild) my mum's closest friend at the hospice died a couple of months ago after suffering exactly the same form of cancer and exactly the same treatment with the same consultant, just two weeks before her first grandchild was born. I think mum just sees too many parallels.

Juliecabs

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Bundy.
Julie

bundy

Thanks Julie - send them all to my mum though. She's the one that needs them the most

debbiemc

thanks bundy,

i suppose we just didnt like to ask and it had to come from you in your own time.

what can i say bundy, just that my thoughts and prayers are with you all, theres nothing more i can say really, just good to hear from you and that you seem ever strong.

take care

love debbie x

herrchook

Madsad has said it all. My thoughts are with you all.

Hugs

Gill

biggy

hugs and kisses for BM, sending lots of positive vibes to her and to you and your family

stay strong
xx

Timber Floor Au

I cant tell you how much i concur.

It puts some significance into proportions, when we hear of those in pain, and suffering...

I gotta go work now, and am so relieved and humbled that you have shared your story with us. Kinda pales my PILES into insignificance.

Do you realise, how what you have typed will be in the minds of so many people reading this post ??

Lets hope that positiveness and compassion can go some miniscule way into setting some balance for you your family, and ya MUM !

Steve n Debs xxxxxx

bundy

Yep, I've always said, read this and then go call your mums if you're lucky enough to have them, or hold those dear to you close because you never know how long you have with those you love.