AlliF

Hey Spellbound,
Really sorry - it sounds like you are having a shitty time of it.
It's just a thought but does he have any other friends that could maybe pull him aside and have a word in his ear? Sometimes it is less confrontational to come from an objective outsider - and if another bloke tells him he is over the line then maybe he would be more willing to accept it?

My Oh used to drink a lot - he went out every night before I met him and was seriously in debt (ie we had to sell both our properties to dig us out of the financial hole) and couldnt get it into his head that he was drinking too much. Even though it was tempting to nag him and shout at him I went for the more positive suggestions route. Using the carrot rather than the stick. He also was stubborn so it was more a battel of wills if tried to tell him he was wrong.
If he likes sport why not give him a goal to aim for - tell him that you want to get fit and do a fun run and could he help motivate you or something. Challenge him to get fit. Enter him for a charity event. give him something to fill his time up with that doesnt involve drinking.
I told mine that I wanted to lose weight (which was true anyway) and needed his help, we joined the gym and competed with each other to see who performed the best - he had to cut the beer out right then and there - he went down to having low strength beers one night a week. (and we lost a heap of weight - 10 kilos - into the bargain!). now he cant drink as much because having been off the strong stuff his tolerance has come right down! He is a cheap date now!!
Good luck with it.

MartianTom

Okay. And my apologies to you for making that assumption. I was basing my remarks on my own experience of years of alcoholism and of being with alcoholics, and being in an alcoholic family. I wouldn't stick to a hard and fast technical definition myself as I think it can easily be misleading, suggesting that the illness takes one form with one set of symptoms.

But anyway, that's by the by. I'm sorry again. Your final comments are absolutely right and are all that matter in this context.

spartacus

Very good point. A pal of mine back in the UK refused point blank to accept he had an issue with the drink because he had a job and a home (i.e. in his mind all alcoholics are unemployed and homeless) despite the fact that he drank two bottles of wine a night during the week and much more on a weekend. He was a functioning alcoholic.

ponyrama

Apology accepted mate. No harm done. I appreciate exactly were you are coming from and good on ya for being so open in the interests of helping others.

humpy

Drinking at home here is more of a culture thing than it is back in UK, I hardly drank at home in the UK but over here, I drink more in than out... I worked with a guy a few months ago who said he went through 3-4 cartons of beer a week, said as soon as he got home from week cracked a stubby open. I must admit that after a hard days work here in summer it's refreshing to open a beer but it stops there, I might have one more and it's not every day. Versions of being an alcoholic differ, I must have been classifed as one in my younger days, I went out Thursdays, Saturdays and all day on a Sunday, I drank copious amounts on every night out, god knows how many units I had, I could knock back 20 pints as a young guy, scary s.hit.....

shycouple2009

Whats the latest Debbie, hope all is ok with you

ianhutch1

Must admit that ive noticed myself slipping down a slope with beer since moving to Australia. Before Christmas I noticed I was getting in every night and drinking 4/5/6 long necks of beer and then going out at the weekend and drinking 7/8 pints while out with friends.

Problem is its easily done here, much more in the UK as that refreshing drink when you get in from work is far too appealing.

Ive now decided to not drink at all when at home during the week and just leave it to either drinking when out or only at the weekends and im hoping I lose some weight as well because thats also been piling on lately.

Good luck to the OP, have to say that it sounds like this has been a problem for a while and if he is saying "like it our lump it" then I personally would be out of the door to leave him to it.

welshviking

Me too!!!

I didn't have a drink from Saturday til last night 5 days!!!, and only had 1 red wine, Thursday nights started to be over a bottle to myself.

The weight issue is definitely an...issue. Let's keep up the good work

copa

I'm down to about 1 schooner every two weeks.

I used to drink considerably more but just started to lose interest and i got sick of it all...

I got heavily into fitness, lost over 20 kilograms and have never looked back. Life is much better these days.

asprilla

I have to disagree with you. You have given the modern day, AA definition of what constitutes an alcoholic and wrapped it around a rough approximation of the medical definition (which I've highlighted in red).

Lots of people have a few drinks to compensate for disappointments, boost confidence etc.... that's because life isn't just one happy merry-go-round. People drink at funerals, people drink to get the confidence to ask that pretty brunette out on a date, people drink to forget about their mind numbing day jobs. Life isn't one long celebration of champagne corks and celebrations.

Just because people drink for the above reasons, it doesn't follow that they are not in control.

asprilla

Is this the quote of the year for 2010?

asprilla

In all fairness to Ponyrama, the fundamental issue here is that there are numerous definitions of "alcoholism". Not one definition is the "right" one. I disagree with your definition... but I wouldn't go as far to say "you're wrong MartianTom" because this isn't a matter of right or wrong.

asprilla

Spellbound,

I was about to reply to one of your earlier posts, and make the suggestion that perhaps there is something else in your partner's life that he is dissatisfied with...perhaps if this "other thing" could be identified and addressed, he might then show the desire to reduce his consumption of alcohol....

But - then I went onto read some of your other posts. It sounds to me like your bloke is not in control of his drinking. If I were in your shoes I'd listen to MartianTom's advice,

best of luck.

asprilla

well, I always thought that I consumed roughly twice the recommended intake per week... but when I actually started to record how much I was drinking over a period of approx 14 days I realised it was actually 4 to 5 times as much as the recommended intake.

Like your husband, my wife is the bane of my life, telling me that I should stop drinking so much. So that I can get a bit of peace and quiet, I will be reducing my drinking to approx 32 standard drinks per week for her (that's 1.5 times the limit).

Like kporte, I enjoy drinking regularly, but it isn't something that I need to do. As such I do not consider myself to be an alcoholic.

Wol

>>I'm having a bit of a dispute with my husband at the moment about exactly how much is too much. He suggested that I found out how much other people drink, so I thought that I would ask the good expats.<<

Many many serious and useful comments on this thread - drinking is certainly a huge problem here in Australia and it is getting worse by the year.

Twenty years ago you would see drunks rolling around in groups - part of the culture, as it were - but they rarely interfered with third parties who happened to be passing. Nowadays acts of random violence seem to be common.

As for the question, everyone is different in their reaction to booze. I have never had a high tolerance but I do like a drink before dinner and occasionally at t'club - so much so that until about six months ago I was drinking just about every day; a couple of Cascade Lights and a glass of wine (*not* the 100ml glass, either!).

Now I don't have a drink Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays just to try and stay clear of the habitual effect.

Must say I prefer Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays......