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Beer! How much is too much?

Beer! How much is too much?

Old Nov 5th 2009, 11:15 am
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by kporte View Post
Brave posting mate. Good on you.
This may sound like I'm kidding myself, but I drink a lot but seem to retain complete control over it. I drink regularly and heavily. I never at any point feel that I must have a drink and have no problems going out socially and not drinking if I have the car. Sometimes I don't drink even though the car is at home.
Even so, on an average week I will consume 4 or 5 times the weekly units allowance. Some weeks I will not drink at all.....
So, what do you think, slippery slope?
Yes, in a nutshell. I'd check out both the Drinkaware websites I've already mentioned and the AA website - even if you don't think it's that level of a problem. If you're concerned about it at all, now's the time to check it out.

Good luck, mate. I know where you're coming from.
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 11:23 am
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by MartianTom View Post
Yes, in a nutshell. I'd check out both the Drinkaware websites I've already mentioned and the AA website - even if you don't think it's that level of a problem. If you're concerned about it at all, now's the time to check it out.

Good luck, mate. I know where you're coming from.
I'm not at all worried. That's what worries me....
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 11:35 am
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by Spellbound View Post
Thanks so much for everyone's reply. Some extremely thoughtful and useful advice and comments.

Personally I would say that he is borderline alcoholic and certainly has a problem controlling how much and how often he drinks. He is not sharing it with mates, its all for him. He does go to work everyday and is up early in the morning. He also does a lot around the house. He definitely has a beer gut and is a grump!

I have tried writing him a letter about how his drinking makes me feel recently and he cut down for a week, then all went back to normal again.

We had a huge row last night about it and even talked about separating and today he has brought another slab of beer into the house - the second slab since Monday, so I think I know where I stand. Time to start planning my own future I think.
Hi Spellbound, can I ask what it is that upsets you the most about him drinking? Is it because it costs alot of money, or because he turns into an arse when he's drunk? Or because he has a beer gut, or something else?

I'd actually take your finger away from the trigger for a second and consider the actual impact him drinking is having. If it's just the money, then really it IS only money, and not worth jeopardising your marriage over. You love him more than money, right?

What I'd suggest to him, to reduce the cost & intake quantity and increase quality, would be for him to start brewing his own beer. Most people who start doing this save lots of money and actually savour their own beer much more than before. Putting the hard work in, having a hobby (most people drink when they're a bit bored, right?) and having pride in what you've been able to do yourself, can actually reduce the intake. You could encourage him into brewing his own and help out as well.

If he turns into an arse when drunk then thats a no-no straight-away. Tell him.

If his beer gut and health problems worry you - tell him, but at the end of the day, you love him, right? Explain why it upsets you and see what you can both do together.

All the best
j
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 11:37 am
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by johnnyx0 View Post
Hi Spellbound, can I ask what it is that upsets you the most about him drinking? Is it because it costs alot of money, or because he turns into an arse when he's drunk? Or because he has a beer gut, or something else?

I'd actually take your finger away from the trigger for a second and consider the actual impact him drinking is having. If it's just the money, then really it IS only money, and not worth jeopardising your marriage over. You love him more than money, right?

What I'd suggest to him, to reduce the cost & intake quantity and increase quality, would be for him to start brewing his own beer. Most people who start doing this save lots of money and actually savour their own beer much more than before. Putting the hard work in, having a hobby (most people drink when they're a bit bored, right?) and having pride in what you've been able to do yourself, can actually reduce the intake. You could encourage him into brewing his own and help out as well.

If he turns into an arse when drunk then thats a no-no straight-away. Tell him.

If his beer gut and health problems worry you - tell him, but at the end of the day, you love him, right? Explain why it upsets you and see what you can both do together.

All the best
j
I like. Sensible response.
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 11:38 am
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by kporte View Post
I'm not at all worried. That's what worries me....
Well, I'll just say that I wasn't at all worried, either. My drinking pattern for a long time sounds like what you're describing. You may be okay... you may not have that switch in your head. I have, though. I inherited it from a long, long line of male alcoholics. My brother, on the other hand... he can have a cabinet full of liquor from one year's end to the next. If that was me, I wouldn't stop until it was all gone (not that I'd drink it all at once , but I wouldn't miss a day - that's why I never kept booze indoors, except at Christmas, which was always a 2-day drinkathon with me).

No harm in checking out that site. If you're concerned, then now's the time to do it. Try cutting down. Try sticking to your weekly units and see how you manage it. If you can do that successfully and not feel any withdrawal symptoms, or any urges, then fine. If not, though - and I tried it and failed spectacularly (after each break I came back and drank more and more) - then you know there might be something else to it. Either way, drinking at the level you are will have some detrimental effects on your health eventually. Some systems cope better than others, though. I've done no damage to myself, though I have a phenomenal tolerance level with alcohol. On my last binge, I drank 8 strong lagers, 2 bottles of vermouth and a bottle of vodka in an 18 hour period. I then blacked out. Next day, I got up as fresh as a daisy (I never had hangovers) and went out for a run!

It's a weird one. No sense in it at all. It affects everyone differently.
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 11:55 am
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by MartianTom View Post
Well, I'll just say that I wasn't at all worried, either. My drinking pattern for a long time sounds like what you're describing. You may be okay... you may not have that switch in your head. I have, though. I inherited it from a long, long line of male alcoholics. My brother, on the other hand... he can have a cabinet full of liquor from one year's end to the next. If that was me, I wouldn't stop until it was all gone (not that I'd drink it all at once , but I wouldn't miss a day - that's why I never kept booze indoors, except at Christmas, which was always a 2-day drinkathon with me).

No harm in checking out that site. If you're concerned, then now's the time to do it. Try cutting down. Try sticking to your weekly units and see how you manage it. If you can do that successfully and not feel any withdrawal symptoms, or any urges, then fine. If not, though - and I tried it and failed spectacularly (after each break I came back and drank more and more) - then you know there might be something else to it. Either way, drinking at the level you are will have some detrimental effects on your health eventually. Some systems cope better than others, though. I've done no damage to myself, though I have a phenomenal tolerance level with alcohol. On my last binge, I drank 8 strong lagers, 2 bottles of vermouth and a bottle of vodka in an 18 hour period. I then blacked out. Next day, I got up as fresh as a daisy (I never had hangovers) and went out for a run!

It's a weird one. No sense in it at all. It affects everyone differently.
Interesting. I seem to exhibit none of the "signs" apart from drinking far too much. Taking the last couple of weeks, tonight is the first time I've drunk through the week. I drunk a lot last weekend because we were away on holiday, but the previous weekend I had none. I very rarely drink on my own. I have had a bottle and a half of wine tonight but am absolutely sober. I only get hangovers with mixing.
I did the Bris to Gold coast 100km cycle and drank no more than a couple of glasses of wine over the 7 weeks I was gearing up for it, with no withdrawal symptoms..... I think booze has varying effects on people.
I am not suggesting I don't have a problem or potential problem, I am just trying to understand it.
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 11:55 am
  #52  
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by johnnyx0 View Post
Hi Spellbound, can I ask what it is that upsets you the most about him drinking? Is it because it costs alot of money, or because he turns into an arse when he's drunk? Or because he has a beer gut, or something else?

I'd actually take your finger away from the trigger for a second and consider the actual impact him drinking is having. If it's just the money, then really it IS only money, and not worth jeopardising your marriage over. You love him more than money, right?

What I'd suggest to him, to reduce the cost & intake quantity and increase quality, would be for him to start brewing his own beer. Most people who start doing this save lots of money and actually savour their own beer much more than before. Putting the hard work in, having a hobby (most people drink when they're a bit bored, right?) and having pride in what you've been able to do yourself, can actually reduce the intake. You could encourage him into brewing his own and help out as well.

If he turns into an arse when drunk then thats a no-no straight-away. Tell him.

If his beer gut and health problems worry you - tell him, but at the end of the day, you love him, right? Explain why it upsets you and see what you can both do together.

All the best
j
My biggest problem with him drinking is that it controls him and its everyday. Then - that the drinking scares me as he can be an arse, says really cruel things/putdowns (I have forgiven those over the years, but still remember the worst of them) then the money, then health - he does have a beer gut but I am not too worried about that (I'm not a skinny model). I also have a problem of discussing this with him as he is never sober! and I have learnt over the years that I get the backlash if I approach the subject when he has been drinking.

He is telling me now that he is going to continue drinking and if I dont like it, then I can ***** off!
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 11:57 am
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by Spellbound View Post
My biggest problem with him drinking is that it controls him and its everyday. Then - that the drinking scares me as he can be an arse, says really cruel things/putdowns (I have forgiven those over the years, but still remember the worst of them) then the money, then health - he does have a beer gut but I am not too worried about that (I'm not a skinny model). I also have a problem of discussing this with him as he is never sober! and I have learnt over the years that I get the backlash if I approach the subject when he has been drinking.

He is telling me now that he is going to continue drinking and if I dont like it, then I can ***** off!
It may be time to do that. Can you take a break and stay with mates to see if it shocks him into action?
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 12:01 pm
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Sorry guys that this thread has got so heavy!

Its been great for me to have so much helpful advice and comments as I don't have any friends or colleagues that I feel that I can talk to, here in Aus.

British Expats
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 12:04 pm
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by kporte View Post
It may be time to do that. Can you take a break and stay with mates to see if it shocks him into action?
Yep, if it's like that, then time to make a break on your own.... Good luck
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 12:24 pm
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by kporte View Post
It may be time to do that. Can you take a break and stay with mates to see if it shocks him into action?
Been there before. Unfortunately my shock gestures have got bigger over the years but nothing works. The last time things got really bad between us I moved out, rented my own place (and I did that to shock him for 9 months) and he lived quite happily on his own pleasing himself. It didn't even phase him! (but then he was having an internet affair at the time, so that kept him going!) Hes Taurus and stubborn.

He fairs better than me when we live separately as he earns more than me and only has himself to look after. I, on the other hand struggle and it constantly worries me that I will go under, financially. He gets to live in a one bed and I end up renting a two bedroom with my young adult daughter and one who visits occasionally from the UK, so my money stretches less too.
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 12:27 pm
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by Spellbound View Post
Been there before. Unfortunately my shock gestures have got bigger over the years but nothing works. The last time things got really bad between us I moved out, rented my own place (and I did that to shock him for 9 months) and he lived quite happily on his own pleasing himself. It didn't even phase him! (but then he was having an internet affair at the time, so that kept him going!) Hes Taurus and stubborn.

He fairs better than me when we live separately as he earns more than me and only has himself to look after. I, on the other hand struggle and it constantly worries me that I will go under, financially. He gets to live in a one bed and I end up renting a two bedroom with my young adult daughter and one who visits occasionally from the UK, so my money stretches less too.
F**k. Don't know what to say pet, keep yer chin up....
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 5:01 pm
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by Spellbound View Post
Been there before. Unfortunately my shock gestures have got bigger over the years but nothing works. The last time things got really bad between us I moved out, rented my own place (and I did that to shock him for 9 months) and he lived quite happily on his own pleasing himself. It didn't even phase him! (but then he was having an internet affair at the time, so that kept him going!) Hes Taurus and stubborn.

He fairs better than me when we live separately as he earns more than me and only has himself to look after. I, on the other hand struggle and it constantly worries me that I will go under, financially. He gets to live in a one bed and I end up renting a two bedroom with my young adult daughter and one who visits occasionally from the UK, so my money stretches less too.
I'm Taurus, too!

There's help out there. If you go the Al-Anon route, it may just be the best thing you've ever done. It was for my mother, I know... and she had 42 years of it with dad. She was weak, frightened and completely shattered at the end of it - every bit of confidence she'd ever had had been sapped. Al-Anon gave her tremendous strength. In many ways, I think it saved her life - as AA has saved mine. I just wish my dad could have found AA, too - but he didn't want to stop drinking.

I wish you the very best, love. Stay strong. You'll get through it.


Last edited by MartianTom; Nov 5th 2009 at 5:06 pm.
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 7:08 pm
  #59  
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by MartianTom View Post
I'm not writing him off as an alcoholic. Just saying that his drinking is excessive, and he could be exhibiting alcoholic traits. Sadly, I know only too well what they are.



Sorry, no - you're absolutely, fundamentally wrong on this. habits, their consumption levels, etc. You really shouldn't talk about something that you don't understand from the inside.
My first comment was not directed at you. Apologies if you thought it was. Also in your opinion you may feel like my definition of "alcoholic" is fundamentally wrong but thats your opinion. Dealing with alcohol abuse, alcoholics, and all that goes with it is my job and has been for many years and you will find that the clinical definition of a dependant drinker or "alcoholic" is as stated. Also please do not assume that I do not have any "inside experience" as you put it.

Apologies to the OP for using her thread to defend my opinion in this way - but I feel it necessary on this occasion. Now please lets focus on the issue at hand and not turn this into a debate about who is more "qualified" to provide advice.

The best advice will always be the advice that works in the given situation.
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Old Nov 5th 2009, 10:02 pm
  #60  
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Default Re: Beer! How much is too much?

Originally Posted by Spellbound View Post
Thanks so much for everyone's reply. Some extremely thoughtful and useful advice and comments.

Personally I would say that he is borderline alcoholic and certainly has a problem controlling how much and how often he drinks. He is not sharing it with mates, its all for him. He does go to work everyday and is up early in the morning. He also does a lot around the house. He definitely has a beer gut and is a grump!

I have tried writing him a letter about how his drinking makes me feel recently and he cut down for a week, then all went back to normal again.

We had a huge row last night about it and even talked about separating and today he has brought another slab of beer into the house - the second slab since Monday, so I think I know where I stand. Time to start planning my own future I think.
I was about to say hang on don't be hasty...then you typed the rest

Originally Posted by Spellbound View Post
My biggest problem with him drinking is that it controls him and its everyday. Then - that the drinking scares me as he can be an arse, says really cruel things/putdowns (I have forgiven those over the years, but still remember the worst of them) then the money, then health - he does have a beer gut but I am not too worried about that (I'm not a skinny model). I also have a problem of discussing this with him as he is never sober! and I have learnt over the years that I get the backlash if I approach the subject when he has been drinking.

He is telling me now that he is going to continue drinking and if I dont like it, then I can ***** off!
Serious, I'd be sayinfg **** you too pal! And outta there, seems like there's only negatives, is there anything positive?

Originally Posted by Spellbound View Post
Been there before. Unfortunately my shock gestures have got bigger over the years but nothing works. The last time things got really bad between us I moved out, rented my own place (and I did that to shock him for 9 months) and he lived quite happily on his own pleasing himself. It didn't even phase him! (but then he was having an internet affair at the time, so that kept him going!) Hes Taurus and stubborn.

He fairs better than me when we live separately as he earns more than me and only has himself to look after. I, on the other hand struggle and it constantly worries me that I will go under, financially. He gets to live in a one bed and I end up renting a two bedroom with my young adult daughter and one who visits occasionally from the UK, so my money stretches less too.
Yeah time to go for it maybe, it'll be hard, but hopefully you'll be happier without his hasle?
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