suesk

Alcholism the only disease you can get shouted at for having.

kporte

Along with deafness....

Lord_Farquar

Pardon?

kporte

20 past 3 mate.

LouiseR

$100 a week does seem quite a lot to be honest. Personally I wouldn't be happy with $400 a month being spent solely on beers. Is he sharing any of it with mates? You don't say he is drinking 48 bottles...

My husband likes a beer but it's never been a bone of contention between us and I wouldn't imagine it ever would be but if your husbands drinking is upsetting you then something needs to be done.

To answer your question about how much Husbands drink...

My husband doesn't really drink a lot during the week maybe a couple of bottles of strongbow or a glass of wine in the evening, not every day and no more than 2-3 drinks in one sitting. On a Saturday he'd probably drink more depending on if we're at a barbie, beach or if there's a football match on.

And I'm happy with the amount he has

suesk

My partner was spending $100 a week on beer and I told him he had to stop. After three weeks he came in with bank statements to prove I was spending $150 a week on make up and beauty products. I told him yes but that's to make me look beautiful. He said what do think the beer was for. The funeral is next week.

spartacus

No . . . its just the cut of my trousers and the way I'm standing . . .

ponyrama

I think its really important not to write the OP's OH off as an alcoholic from the little information posted in this thread. Granted the amount being drunk is excessive and definitely harmful to his health not to mention the marriage - but labelling someone as an alcoholic can be detrimental to their ability or motivation to change. It can sometimes provide the excuse they need to continue drinking.

Technically an alcoholic is someone who suffers withdrawal as soon as their blood alcohol level starts to drop - they need to drink as soon as they get up in a morning, will wake in the night to continue drinking etc etc. If this guy is able to get up, go to work, come home and have tea before he starts drinking and if he can sometimes go a day or a few days without a drink then he isnt an alcoholic - yet!

Arguing, ulitimatums, totting up the cash etc wont do anything other than make him less likely to open up and discuss why he needs to drink so much. The suggestions of Al-Anon and AA both for the OP and her OH are good ones but until he admits his drinking is a problem (whether he accepts its his problem or not) nothing will change. Its a tough one - I'd probably go with letter option. Less confrontational but it has to be done in a way which is non judgemental and expresses how the OP feels when he drinks and behaves different towards her, and articulates why she doesnt think its acceptable to her. As soon as she asks him to stop/change/reduce and it becomes about him - he'll just crack another stubbie.

To the OP - 21 years is worth fighthing for - be strong - get some good advice - let your hubby know how you feel - but most of all make sure you take care of you! Good luck chuck!

bluekipper

Hi, for your hubby to want to make changes in his life, such as drinking less, stopping smoking etc, he has to feel positive, so I would`nt go down the road of nagging him & telling him all the negatives of his drinking, people will only make positive changes when they feel positive!

I really hope you two sort it out between you both, as it is obviously putting a strain on your marriage.

Good Luck
Bluekipper

Spellbound

Thanks so much for everyone's reply. Some extremely thoughtful and useful advice and comments.

Personally I would say that he is borderline alcoholic and certainly has a problem controlling how much and how often he drinks. He is not sharing it with mates, its all for him. He does go to work everyday and is up early in the morning. He also does a lot around the house. He definitely has a beer gut and is a grump!

I have tried writing him a letter about how his drinking makes me feel recently and he cut down for a week, then all went back to normal again.

We had a huge row last night about it and even talked about separating and today he has brought another slab of beer into the house - the second slab since Monday, so I think I know where I stand. Time to start planning my own future I think.

MartianTom

Don't always assume that. A standard-sized 500ml can of beer can contain anything from 1 to 7 units, depending on the alcohol content. A 5% lager will be around 2.3 units. Something like Special Brew or Tennant's Super will be 4.5%. When I was in France, there was a beer called Maximator (I used to call it Terminator!), which was 11.6%, so closer to 7 units.

We can all drink too much on occasion, have binges, etc. The danger signs are when it becomes a habit, when it's done to change the way you're feeling, when you find it hard to get through the day without a drink.

I denied I had a problem for years - I was just someone who enjoyed a drink more than most people. It never affected my health, fortunately. But when it got to the stage when I was drinking a bottle of wine every day, sometimes 2 a day at weekends, plus the occasional cans of strong lager and the occasional bottles of spirit.... and, on days when I wasn't drinking, I found myself thinking about it all the time - then I knew I had a problem. I think I found AA at just the right time, before I really started to slip down the slope.

This is a UK website, but the information on it is pretty universal. For anyone who's concerned, there's no harm in checking it out:

http://www.drinkaware.co.uk/tips-and-tools/drink-diary/

MartianTom

Every 6-7 weeks? Now, that's sensible. Come the end of my drinking days, if I had a bottle of vodka... once that top was off, mate, it didn't go back on. That's the difference.

MartianTom

The old ones are the best!

I had a friend say to me 'I used to prefer you when you were drunk.' I said, 'That's odd... I used to prefer you when I was drunk, too.'

kporte

Brave posting mate. Good on you.
This may sound like I'm kidding myself, but I drink a lot but seem to retain complete control over it. I drink regularly and heavily. I never at any point feel that I must have a drink and have no problems going out socially and not drinking if I have the car. Sometimes I don't drink even though the car is at home.
Even so, on an average week I will consume 4 or 5 times the weekly units allowance. Some weeks I will not drink at all.....
So, what do you think, slippery slope?

MartianTom

I'm not writing him off as an alcoholic. Just saying that his drinking is excessive, and he could be exhibiting alcoholic traits. Sadly, I know only too well what they are.

Sorry, no - you're absolutely, fundamentally wrong on this. Not all alcoholics drink all day. I didn't. I lived my life perfectly well - went to work, came home, took exercise, ate my meals at the right times. I was still an alcoholic, because of the amount I was drinking and the reasons I was drinking. I could go a few days without a drink. Weeks sometimes. But I was still an alcoholic. At different stages in my alcoholic 'career', I was both a binge drinker and a top-up drinker. Every alcoholic is different in their habits, their consumption levels, etc. You really shouldn't talk about something that you don't understand from the inside.

Al-Anon is for the families and friends of people who are concerned about a family member's drinking. It offers support and guidance. You can go along freely even if you don't think the family member concerned is an alcoholic - just if you think they might have a problem, or if you're concerned in any way, or if you just want advice. The OP feels her marriage may be threatened. She needs some help. Al-Anon - if she chooses to go that way - can offer it.

I'm not sure about the letter. If my wife gave me a letter like that, the first thing I'd do is go and ask her why she needed to write in the first place... couldn't she just speak to me? If anything, it might rile me even more. But it's up to the OP.

Ultimately... her husband still has to accept first, and has to be prepared to discuss his drinking.