Beer! How much is too much?
#35
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 2,949
Re: Beer! How much is too much?
Beer drinking and beer fridges are an iconic part of Aussie blokes.
I'm having a bit of a dispute with my husband at the moment about exactly how much is too much. He suggested that I found out how much other people drink, so I thought that I would ask the good expats.
Men - How much do you drink a week?
Woman - How much does your man drink a week?
My husband is spending on average $100 a week - about 48 bottles plus a couple of bar visits. I think its excessive, he disagrees.
I'm having a bit of a dispute with my husband at the moment about exactly how much is too much. He suggested that I found out how much other people drink, so I thought that I would ask the good expats.
Men - How much do you drink a week?
Woman - How much does your man drink a week?
My husband is spending on average $100 a week - about 48 bottles plus a couple of bar visits. I think its excessive, he disagrees.
My husband likes a beer but it's never been a bone of contention between us and I wouldn't imagine it ever would be but if your husbands drinking is upsetting you then something needs to be done.
To answer your question about how much Husbands drink...
My husband doesn't really drink a lot during the week maybe a couple of bottles of strongbow or a glass of wine in the evening, not every day and no more than 2-3 drinks in one sitting. On a Saturday he'd probably drink more depending on if we're at a barbie, beach or if there's a football match on.
And I'm happy with the amount he has
#36
Re: Beer! How much is too much?
My partner was spending $100 a week on beer and I told him he had to stop. After three weeks he came in with bank statements to prove I was spending $150 a week on make up and beauty products. I told him yes but that's to make me look beautiful. He said what do think the beer was for. The funeral is next week.
Last edited by suesk; Nov 5th 2009 at 4:42 am. Reason: Drunk while typing
#38
Re: Beer! How much is too much?
I think its really important not to write the OP's OH off as an alcoholic from the little information posted in this thread. Granted the amount being drunk is excessive and definitely harmful to his health not to mention the marriage - but labelling someone as an alcoholic can be detrimental to their ability or motivation to change. It can sometimes provide the excuse they need to continue drinking.
Technically an alcoholic is someone who suffers withdrawal as soon as their blood alcohol level starts to drop - they need to drink as soon as they get up in a morning, will wake in the night to continue drinking etc etc. If this guy is able to get up, go to work, come home and have tea before he starts drinking and if he can sometimes go a day or a few days without a drink then he isnt an alcoholic - yet!
Arguing, ulitimatums, totting up the cash etc wont do anything other than make him less likely to open up and discuss why he needs to drink so much. The suggestions of Al-Anon and AA both for the OP and her OH are good ones but until he admits his drinking is a problem (whether he accepts its his problem or not) nothing will change. Its a tough one - I'd probably go with letter option. Less confrontational but it has to be done in a way which is non judgemental and expresses how the OP feels when he drinks and behaves different towards her, and articulates why she doesnt think its acceptable to her. As soon as she asks him to stop/change/reduce and it becomes about him - he'll just crack another stubbie.
To the OP - 21 years is worth fighthing for - be strong - get some good advice - let your hubby know how you feel - but most of all make sure you take care of you! Good luck chuck!
Technically an alcoholic is someone who suffers withdrawal as soon as their blood alcohol level starts to drop - they need to drink as soon as they get up in a morning, will wake in the night to continue drinking etc etc. If this guy is able to get up, go to work, come home and have tea before he starts drinking and if he can sometimes go a day or a few days without a drink then he isnt an alcoholic - yet!
Arguing, ulitimatums, totting up the cash etc wont do anything other than make him less likely to open up and discuss why he needs to drink so much. The suggestions of Al-Anon and AA both for the OP and her OH are good ones but until he admits his drinking is a problem (whether he accepts its his problem or not) nothing will change. Its a tough one - I'd probably go with letter option. Less confrontational but it has to be done in a way which is non judgemental and expresses how the OP feels when he drinks and behaves different towards her, and articulates why she doesnt think its acceptable to her. As soon as she asks him to stop/change/reduce and it becomes about him - he'll just crack another stubbie.
To the OP - 21 years is worth fighthing for - be strong - get some good advice - let your hubby know how you feel - but most of all make sure you take care of you! Good luck chuck!
#39
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 470
Re: Beer! How much is too much?
Hi, for your hubby to want to make changes in his life, such as drinking less, stopping smoking etc, he has to feel positive, so I would`nt go down the road of nagging him & telling him all the negatives of his drinking, people will only make positive changes when they feel positive!
I really hope you two sort it out between you both, as it is obviously putting a strain on your marriage.
Good Luck
Bluekipper
I really hope you two sort it out between you both, as it is obviously putting a strain on your marriage.
Good Luck
Bluekipper
#40
Re: Beer! How much is too much?
Thanks so much for everyone's reply. Some extremely thoughtful and useful advice and comments.
Personally I would say that he is borderline alcoholic and certainly has a problem controlling how much and how often he drinks. He is not sharing it with mates, its all for him. He does go to work everyday and is up early in the morning. He also does a lot around the house. He definitely has a beer gut and is a grump!
I have tried writing him a letter about how his drinking makes me feel recently and he cut down for a week, then all went back to normal again.
We had a huge row last night about it and even talked about separating and today he has brought another slab of beer into the house - the second slab since Monday, so I think I know where I stand. Time to start planning my own future I think.
Personally I would say that he is borderline alcoholic and certainly has a problem controlling how much and how often he drinks. He is not sharing it with mates, its all for him. He does go to work everyday and is up early in the morning. He also does a lot around the house. He definitely has a beer gut and is a grump!
I have tried writing him a letter about how his drinking makes me feel recently and he cut down for a week, then all went back to normal again.
We had a huge row last night about it and even talked about separating and today he has brought another slab of beer into the house - the second slab since Monday, so I think I know where I stand. Time to start planning my own future I think.
#41
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Herne Bay, Kent, England.
Posts: 442
Re: Beer! How much is too much?
We can all drink too much on occasion, have binges, etc. The danger signs are when it becomes a habit, when it's done to change the way you're feeling, when you find it hard to get through the day without a drink.
I denied I had a problem for years - I was just someone who enjoyed a drink more than most people. It never affected my health, fortunately. But when it got to the stage when I was drinking a bottle of wine every day, sometimes 2 a day at weekends, plus the occasional cans of strong lager and the occasional bottles of spirit.... and, on days when I wasn't drinking, I found myself thinking about it all the time - then I knew I had a problem. I think I found AA at just the right time, before I really started to slip down the slope.
This is a UK website, but the information on it is pretty universal. For anyone who's concerned, there's no harm in checking it out:
http://www.drinkaware.co.uk/tips-and-tools/drink-diary/
Last edited by MartianTom; Nov 5th 2009 at 10:21 am.
#42
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Herne Bay, Kent, England.
Posts: 442
Re: Beer! How much is too much?
That's a bit too much for everyday living. 6-8 bottles a night thats a beer gut in progress right there.
I would spend about $40-50 on a slab every 2-3 weeks. The wife would consume about a bottle of Vodka every 6-7 weeks.
I cant drink if I am working within the next 12 hours so my go nuts opportunities are rare. Mrs Z rarely drinks at all.
I would spend about $40-50 on a slab every 2-3 weeks. The wife would consume about a bottle of Vodka every 6-7 weeks.
I cant drink if I am working within the next 12 hours so my go nuts opportunities are rare. Mrs Z rarely drinks at all.
#43
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Herne Bay, Kent, England.
Posts: 442
Re: Beer! How much is too much?
My partner was spending $100 a week on beer and I told him he had to stop. After three weeks he came in with bank statements to prove I was spending $150 a week on make up and beauty products. I told him yes but that's to make me look beautiful. He said what do think the beer was for. The funeral is next week.
I had a friend say to me 'I used to prefer you when you were drunk.' I said, 'That's odd... I used to prefer you when I was drunk, too.'
#44
Account Closed
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 10,784
Re: Beer! How much is too much?
This may sound like I'm kidding myself, but I drink a lot but seem to retain complete control over it. I drink regularly and heavily. I never at any point feel that I must have a drink and have no problems going out socially and not drinking if I have the car. Sometimes I don't drink even though the car is at home.
Even so, on an average week I will consume 4 or 5 times the weekly units allowance. Some weeks I will not drink at all.....
So, what do you think, slippery slope?
#45
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Herne Bay, Kent, England.
Posts: 442
Re: Beer! How much is too much?
I think its really important not to write the OP's OH off as an alcoholic from the little information posted in this thread. Granted the amount being drunk is excessive and definitely harmful to his health not to mention the marriage - but labelling someone as an alcoholic can be detrimental to their ability or motivation to change. It can sometimes provide the excuse they need to continue drinking.
Technically an alcoholic is someone who suffers withdrawal as soon as their blood alcohol level starts to drop - they need to drink as soon as they get up in a morning, will wake in the night to continue drinking etc etc. If this guy is able to get up, go to work, come home and have tea before he starts drinking and if he can sometimes go a day or a few days without a drink then he isnt an alcoholic - yet!
Arguing, ulitimatums, totting up the cash etc wont do anything other than make him less likely to open up and discuss why he needs to drink so much. The suggestions of Al-Anon and AA both for the OP and her OH are good ones but until he admits his drinking is a problem (whether he accepts its his problem or not) nothing will change. Its a tough one - I'd probably go with letter option. Less confrontational but it has to be done in a way which is non judgemental and expresses how the OP feels when he drinks and behaves different towards her, and articulates why she doesnt think its acceptable to her. As soon as she asks him to stop/change/reduce and it becomes about him - he'll just crack another stubbie.
To the OP - 21 years is worth fighthing for - be strong - get some good advice - let your hubby know how you feel - but most of all make sure you take care of you! Good luck chuck!
Technically an alcoholic is someone who suffers withdrawal as soon as their blood alcohol level starts to drop - they need to drink as soon as they get up in a morning, will wake in the night to continue drinking etc etc. If this guy is able to get up, go to work, come home and have tea before he starts drinking and if he can sometimes go a day or a few days without a drink then he isnt an alcoholic - yet!
Arguing, ulitimatums, totting up the cash etc wont do anything other than make him less likely to open up and discuss why he needs to drink so much. The suggestions of Al-Anon and AA both for the OP and her OH are good ones but until he admits his drinking is a problem (whether he accepts its his problem or not) nothing will change. Its a tough one - I'd probably go with letter option. Less confrontational but it has to be done in a way which is non judgemental and expresses how the OP feels when he drinks and behaves different towards her, and articulates why she doesnt think its acceptable to her. As soon as she asks him to stop/change/reduce and it becomes about him - he'll just crack another stubbie.
To the OP - 21 years is worth fighthing for - be strong - get some good advice - let your hubby know how you feel - but most of all make sure you take care of you! Good luck chuck!
Technically an alcoholic is someone who suffers withdrawal as soon as their blood alcohol level starts to drop - they need to drink as soon as they get up in a morning, will wake in the night to continue drinking etc etc. If this guy is able to get up, go to work, come home and have tea before he starts drinking and if he can sometimes go a day or a few days without a drink then he isnt an alcoholic - yet!
Al-Anon is for the families and friends of people who are concerned about a family member's drinking. It offers support and guidance. You can go along freely even if you don't think the family member concerned is an alcoholic - just if you think they might have a problem, or if you're concerned in any way, or if you just want advice. The OP feels her marriage may be threatened. She needs some help. Al-Anon - if she chooses to go that way - can offer it.
I'm not sure about the letter. If my wife gave me a letter like that, the first thing I'd do is go and ask her why she needed to write in the first place... couldn't she just speak to me? If anything, it might rile me even more. But it's up to the OP.
Ultimately... her husband still has to accept first, and has to be prepared to discuss his drinking.
Last edited by MartianTom; Nov 5th 2009 at 10:29 am.