Australians as they see themselves ! (from the Times....)
Jul 19th 2003, 9:55 pm
#1
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Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
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Australians as they see themselves ! (from the Times....)
From today's "Times": here's their weekly posting from cyberspace, as contributed by someone called natalieben (and nowt to do with me!)...............
Australians as they see themselves
1) The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2) The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3) Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that can't be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4) If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a millionaire. Or on the other hand he may be a wharfie.
5)The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
6) On the beach Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7) The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the host and blithely begins turning the meat.
8) You can refer to a best friend as a "total bastard". By contrast your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard"
9) The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to him but also to mosquitoes.
10) The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
11) If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it)
12) When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
13) The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.
Comments anyone.......
Australians as they see themselves
1) The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2) The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3) Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that can't be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4) If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a millionaire. Or on the other hand he may be a wharfie.
5)The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
6) On the beach Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7) The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the host and blithely begins turning the meat.
8) You can refer to a best friend as a "total bastard". By contrast your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard"
9) The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to him but also to mosquitoes.
10) The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
11) If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it)
12) When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
13) The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.
Comments anyone.......
Last edited by Pollyana; Jul 20th 2003 at 12:52 am.
Jul 19th 2003, 10:16 pm
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 100
Re: Australians as they see themselves ! (from the Times....)
Originally posted by Pollyana
From today's "Times": here's their weekly posting from cyberspace, as contributed by someone called natalieben (and nowt to do with me!)...............
Australians as they see themselves
1) The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2) The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3) Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that can't be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4) If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a millionaire. Or on the other hand he may be a wharfie.
5)The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
6) On the beach Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7) The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the host and blithely begins turning the meat.
8) You can refer to a best friend as a "total bastard". By contrast your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard"
9) The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to him but also to mosquitoes.
10) The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
11) If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it)
12) When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
13) The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.
Comments anyone.......
From today's "Times": here's their weekly posting from cyberspace, as contributed by someone called natalieben (and nowt to do with me!)...............
Australians as they see themselves
1) The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2) The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3) Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that can't be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4) If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a millionaire. Or on the other hand he may be a wharfie.
5)The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
6) On the beach Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7) The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the host and blithely begins turning the meat.
8) You can refer to a best friend as a "total bastard". By contrast your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard"
9) The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to him but also to mosquitoes.
10) The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
11) If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it)
12) When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
13) The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.
Comments anyone.......
All quite amusing, but hasn't this been posted about three times already? (sorry Pollyana) Also I seem to remember this floating around with other nationalities instead of ozzies....
Jul 20th 2003, 12:51 am
#3
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Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,809
Why do I bother! Just made me smile, which not much does these days, so I thought I'd share it cos a lot of people out there seemed to be feeling as low as me. Sorry to everyone who'e already seen it. 
Jul 20th 2003, 3:30 am
#4
Cheesy Member
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 1,033
Why do I bother! Just made me smile, which not much does these days, so I thought I'd share it cos a lot of people out there seemed to be feeling as low as me. Sorry to everyone who'e already seen it.
And if it makes you smile, then that is good.
Jul 20th 2003, 4:31 am
#5
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Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Angle vale Sth Australia
Posts: 5,353
Re: Australians as they see themselves ! (from the Times....)
Originally posted by Pollyana
From today's "Times": here's their weekly posting from cyberspace, as contributed by someone called natalieben (and nowt to do with me!)...............
Australians as they see themselves
1) The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2) The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3) Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that can't be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4) If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a millionaire. Or on the other hand he may be a wharfie.
5)The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
6) On the beach Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7) The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the host and blithely begins turning the meat.
8) You can refer to a best friend as a "total bastard". By contrast your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard"
9) The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to him but also to mosquitoes.
10) The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
11) If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it)
12) When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
13) The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.
Comments anyone.......
From today's "Times": here's their weekly posting from cyberspace, as contributed by someone called natalieben (and nowt to do with me!)...............
Australians as they see themselves
1) The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2) The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3) Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that can't be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4) If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a millionaire. Or on the other hand he may be a wharfie.
5)The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
6) On the beach Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7) The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the host and blithely begins turning the meat.
8) You can refer to a best friend as a "total bastard". By contrast your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard"
9) The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to him but also to mosquitoes.
10) The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
11) If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it)
12) When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
13) The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.
Comments anyone.......
MM
Jul 20th 2003, 5:16 am
#6
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 181
You know there's plenty of beer at a party when upon your arrival the host tells you to put your carton in the bath which is already full of ice and about 50 beers.
Parks with no car-parks will be completely empty. Shops with no car parks will go under. Houses without room to park at least 3 cars under cover will be hard to rent.
Concrete footpaths are seen as an unnecessary extravagance. Why waste money on something that will never be used?
Drive through the bank then drive through the liquor store then drive through KFC and go to the drive in movie.
People will only use public transport if there is enough car parking at the train station.
Parks with no car-parks will be completely empty. Shops with no car parks will go under. Houses without room to park at least 3 cars under cover will be hard to rent.
Concrete footpaths are seen as an unnecessary extravagance. Why waste money on something that will never be used?
Drive through the bank then drive through the liquor store then drive through KFC and go to the drive in movie.
People will only use public transport if there is enough car parking at the train station.
