JayDeee

Same here, I probably like Australia more than the Aussie hubby and Hubby likes Europe more, as places but then we have the whole location of family to pull us back to where is more important.

Dya know what, That is exactly what scares the crap out of me as far as having Kids is concerned.

Dont get me wrong I love my hubby to bits and cant imagine beng apart but I have seen enough happy marriages fail to know that not everything is forever. We are at that stage where Kids are on the agenda but I am petrified, what if we do split up in 5 years etc, I could never take someones kids from them, I just couldn't do it so I knwo I would end up staying here even if I didn't want to, people get stopped from taking there kids to another state here aswell so you cant even think that you could try and start afresh in another state.

Yep nail on the head there It is a massive thing marrying someone from the otherside of the world

Merlot

Ditto that one, I do think that this is one of a few reasons why we have chosen not to have children, where the hell to you settle????

Hats off to you jad n rich for proving it can be done.

M

MrsDagboy

Dagboy has always said, that for him, moving to Australia couldnt have been easier. He had someone to show him how things worked, help him if he got stuck with something, someone to help with the local stuff, someone to show him around, a house to move straight into, a car etc etc. He did also have the advantage of having a job to come to, but if he hadnt, we could have survived on my wage until he got something.

For him, that meant that the only main thing he had to overcome was the homesickness part & luckily he doesnt suffer from that.

Like Sophie Louise said, he was just glad that he was going somewhere that his partner knew.

Interesting thread Merlot, I often read the posts by aussie/pom relationship posters & wonder about the logistics of it all. So many times there are couples moving because one or the other isnt happy in Australia & they are going back to the UK & I always wonder what happens in 1-3-5-7-X years time, do the other half of the couple feel the resentment towards the UK & the need to escape that the poster feels? (hope all that made sense?)

Also as Sophie Louise said, if your relationship is strong enough, you love & respect each other enough & you suport each other as much as you can, where you end up living in the world is pretty irrelevant. Ive always said that I would happily move back to the UK if there was a need to, it wouldnt matter where in the world I moved, as long as I was with him & the kids.

Merlot

Yep all makes sense.

I do think that the males do seem to settle better wherever, not sure why. I am waiting for more males to respond to this thread.

My husband took to returning to the UK like a duck to water, he hasn't lived over here for 18 years and is more "Australian" that English. Mind with Mrs Merlot organising everything his life can only run smooth . . . haha maybe that is it, the female takes more on, has more emotional ties, is more stressed over the little stuff???

You are right, the people you are with are the most important thing. You read the occasional story on these Forums of those that have come over and one partner wants to return. Sometimes reading a little between the lines makes me think that the relationship is more fragile than the move to another part of the world and that the relationship was on the rocks before the move????

M

Merlot

I missed this one when I was posting on another, good to hear a male perspective.

Do you think males settle better in countries other than their own?

Safe journey back to the UK, pack those jumpers as a tad chilly :scared: Snow predicted again.

M

bondipom

Looks like there will be a 30C difference between getting on and off the plane.

I think men are less likely to be dependant on family and the emotional support of friends. Those who seem to struggle to settle invariably seem to miss friends and family.

MrsDagboy

Thats another thing that Dagboy found great - he loved having a ready made family to fit into. No, its not his family, but he still loves them nonetheless & is glad that he has someone (other than me) that he knows he can turn to if he needs help.

Helps that they adore him - if anything ever happened between us, Id be the one ostracised from the family, he'd still be sitting around the table for xmas dinner .(although it didnt always come so easily, when we first got together my mother & brother didnt want to even meet him! he's had to work at the relationship with them, but it didnt take long before they came around )

Shellfish

As hard as I can imagine it must get, I think it is more difficult coming to a country when you are both 'foreign' and don't have any ties, family or friends. I would have loved for my husbands family to be in Australia (provided you get along) because the pros must far outweigh the cons. I also think that they adjustment to the country would be slightly easier when your partner is from that place.

Merlot

LOL, as I said if we ever divorced I think my Dad would marry my husband!

Merlot

This is a true observation.

M

Sophie Louise

I didn't meet my boyfriend until he'd been over here a few months. He moved to the UK with the plan of it being a permanent move away from Oz. His inital plan was to live in the UK a few years and then move on somewhere else in Europe. We met at the company we both worked for, and did some travelling around Europe for a few months, but both agreed that we wanted to settle somewhere English speaking for the sake of our careers.

That few months travelling showed me that I really could be anywhere, as long as it was with him. Not that I'm trying to make people feel ill at this time of day, but you both support each other. I've been there for him when he's struggled through icy winters(!!!) and he's been there when I've struggled through - er - family trauma! Not quite the same, but the thought was there.... Hopefully you know what I mean..

Sophie

MarkMyWords

First of all, emphasis on the seem to. We are, on the whole, discouraged from expressing our problematic feelings.

Secondly, men are (slightly?) more likely to be the ones going out to work and not be the ones stuck at home (with or without children) feeling isolated.

Simone

Well, it is a British expats forum! ;-)
But thanks, now I feel a bit more ok about butting in.. though I usually do anyway...!!


Anyway, our situation is a bit different, though will soon be more similar...
For those who don't know, I'll TRY and keep it short:
I am born Dutch, grew up in Australia(and became a dual citizen) and me and family went back to The Netherlands when I was 14(9 years ago nearly)(mum was homesick etc).
I met Pascal there when I was 16(he 20) and we've been together ever since(!! ;-) ).
I wasn't homesick for Oz(though dad was), but it did feel like home, and after a holiday here in 2000, we decided to live here 'for a while', and see what happens.
We've settled really well, though it's only been 7 months, but he was lucky to get a good job, a nice colleague, and a good friend in my friends boyfriend..
He isn't missing his family(they have been out though, and will come again in September probably!!!), neither have I, because been to busy, aren't that close, and email and phone is enough.
I always was a bit worried about when we have kids though, because I would like my kids to at least know my parents, they're great!

Anyway... now my parents and brother are moving back here too. My dad always wanted to stay in Oz, so that's fine. My mum still has doubts(specially about her parents who are getting old...), but misses me and Pascal.
Brother Maarten doesn't have a girlfriend at the mo, so is fine with coming out(otherwise my parents wouldn't have, he's 21 and still living at home).

So, in August we'll be more like the rest of you, half half mostly....
I think it will go well, because Pascal gets along better with my parents than his own, and he's loving it out here, but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed, things can change, and especially, like mentioned, if I've got my family here, and he doesn't.
Luckily he doesn't really have friends to miss in Holland, and neither do I, so that helps a lot.

I don't even want to think about if he does want to go back to Holland some time in the future.
And I also don't want to think to much about my parents moving back here, what with them moving, again, to an area where (old) friends are about 2 hours drive away, and them leaving their elderly grandparents behind(my grandma who we're all closest too is on the internet though, I skyped with her, and she's getting a webcam )

And please everyone keep your fingers crossed that my brother doesn't get a girlfriend before they come out in August!!!! :scared:

Luckily I'm not really the worrying type though, I don't usually spend sleepless nights worrying(my dad does though....)


:scared:

It would've been much easier if Pascal and I had just stayed put! Boring though! :-D

Koza

It is easier to have at least somebody but yourself in this country, but it's hard to have your parents over there and knowing you may not be there when needed

And it gets worse with time, as parents don't really get younger....

No friction with husband, just not enough money for everything, alas.

mlbonner

Sorry, but I have to disagree... possibly a case of 'always greener', but to me, moving over here and experiencing all these things as new to both of you, while daunting and tiring, is not as emotionally draining as one of you being (in my case 35 years well adjusted V. a newbie!) at opposite ends of the scale of learning.
I wrote in another thread recently, how difficult I find every day conversation, I can not talk about music, taxes, laws, cars, sports, drinks and foods even as easily as I could at home, and while I am learning it, to me at least, almost feels like I foreign language. I would consider myself at 'holiday and business fluency', I can get by enough to be understood and not laughed at, but as soon as the conversation goes away from 'pre-learned text book' stuff, I become a bit lost!!

I love my partner dearly, but it is nothing short of extremely testing for both of us. For us as well, me being here is the only option, as he has a young daughter who he does not (and quite fairly, will not) be away from. I wrote a lot on this recently (possibly one of the threads Merlot was referring to originally) and so I shan't write it all again. Suffice to say, it is possibly one of the hardest things I have to do ever.