Buzzy--Bee

Speaking also as one, they can be incredibly rewarding! The last thing I would want to do it date an English girl, all that vacuous talk about make up and Eastenders, then the cliquishness with which person they are going to be friends with this week.....does my head in. Much prefer to date a foreigner who has a love of travel, different experiences and new cultures.

Maybe I just never met the right English girls......

BB

Beoz

Here here. Well I'm the mixed Aussie Pom and Mrs Beoz is about as English as a lass can get. Never travelled or lived abroad. Did not want to move to Australia at all. After over 2 years I think she enjoys it, of course misses family and friends, but the door is always open for us to return to the UK.

That's the key in this. He has spent a long time living away from his family. He wants to see what its like again. If you are willing to give it a try, which you should if you are committed to the relationship, then you should expect something in return. That's the abillity to return to the UK when you feel the time is right. If you can't get the commitment then don't go.

Doesn't seem all doom and gloom to me. Both of you need to keep an open mind. Argument s are occuring right now as you both have a closed mind. That's my tip.

Bermudashorts

Well that is a bit insulting to the good ladies of BE.

Beoz

If it makes a difference, I find aussie birds too masculine. Could never do the aussie bird thing myself. Too high maintainence as well. Mrs Beoz has nothing to worry about living in Oz.

Buzzy--Bee

I don't think so. The type of English ladies who emigrate would not fall into the makeup/Eastenders category!

BB

spouse of scouse

I'm too busy scratching my goolies to be offended.

Dorothy

Inter racial? Since when are Australian and British races?

Snap Shot

Glad someone's pointed that out.

Snap Shot

Well, I don't want to be unsympathetic, but, I do side with the contributors to this thread that say don't go to Australia. You are in your twenties with plans for your own future. He's in his early thirties and, frankly, not wanting to settle down in Britain. Can you see where this is going ? Clean break is what I'd say.

I'll tell you my story. It sounds similar to yours.

In 1992 I met a British born kiwi in London, he was 29 and his two year OE was four months from ending. I was 24 and single. He was great to be around and we started a relationship that led to our marriage in 1994. I told him before we got married that I did not want to live in New Zealand (just not interested, in my view it's to similar and I knew New Zealand and I would not be a good fit) and I did not want children ('cause I don't want to be a parent). If he married me thinking I would change my mind, then, that way led to divorce. Also, he was sceptical of NZ employment laws and some of the social issues in Auckland at least as that's where he came from. I believed this and I told myself that as he loved me and was commited to me he was therefore commited to life in Britain. It turns out I made that promise on his behalf but I've nearly finished cringing through that one. Oh well, I live and learn.

Anyway, while we were visiting NZ in 1994 so I could meet my future in-laws, tragically his father died of a sudden heart attack. In the days after this, I asked him if he wanted to live in New Zealand now. He did not have a job at that time. He replied, 'what be unemployed in New Zealand instead of Britain ?' I thought, ok, that's me told. It also confirmed that he really did not want to live in NZ. After his father's funeral we came home to Britain and got on with our lives.
Anyway, fast forward to Summer 2006. September 2005 my mother had died. My husband was mowing the lawn and working the process of moving to NZ in his head. He finished what he was doing, came back in the house and said, 'I've just had a terrible thought'. I wondered what he was referring to. He further remarked, 'we could sell this house and move to nz, both get jobs and live mortgage free.' At that split second I felt my stomach lurch and I held on to the kitchen worktop for support. I said ok. I said we probably will go, I just need time to grieve for my mum. I was astounded that I had to ask for time to grieve for my mums death and all the family hoopla that had come in the months afterwards. He has admitted, recently, that he could have handled it better i.e. informing me of his decision for us to move to NZ.

Anyway, once 'agreement' had been reached there was no going back. The die was cast. The following years were spent planning and preparing. He remarked, 'I want to see my little nieces'. That remark went straight to my heart. It wasn't until we got to New Zealand that he said, 'I didn't come here for them'. Them meaning his family, his 78 year old mother is alive and lives in Auckland. His sister is married with three kids and also lives in Auckland. I think he needs to make up his mind. Also during discussions about our move to NZ he really had a, 'yeah, like you'd know, you're not going to stop me' look on his face.

Once, just out of the blue before relocating to NZ was mentioned, appropos of nothing at all he said, 'if we'd had kids, I'd want them to go to school in New Zealand' Inwardly I thought, 'good job we're not having kids then'. I was astounded at that remark. There was no point discussing it because said children did not and will not exist.

So anyway, here we are in NZ. We've been here since Feb 2011. We're living off of his salary because whilst I'm getting job interviews, I'm getting no job offers. We're in danger of falling behind financially because we are a single income household and me being out of work is doing my head in.
I knew before we left that whilst I was saying, 'forever' about living in NZ, I was just humouring him. I'll give it five years and then we go home is all I was prepared to commit to. I didn't furnish him with that information until we got to New Zealand. I'm a little scamp aren't I ? I didn't want to be the bad guy for saying no to moving. Even though I'd already told him in 1994. For some reason, that meant nothing when he was working the process in his head in 2006.
I felt I would have become his jailer if we stayed in Britain. I felt that I would have ended up throwing him out so he could have gone to NZ via the divorce court. I came to NZ, largely, to save my marriage. What I've got to ask myself is, 'is it worth saving ?' The jury is still out on on that one. I had not heard the phrase, 'the emotional gun' until recently. That's a new way of saying emotional blackmail. I've told my husband the next time he holds, 'the emotional gun' to my head I will tell him to pull the effing trigger.

My attitude was, 'ok, we can be in Britain discussing our move to NZ or we can be in NZ discussing our move to Britain.' So, with that in mind, lets get to NZ soonest. If the only thing that was going to stop him whining about living in NZ was to live in NZ, then here we are. Did I do it to teach him a lesson ? Hell yes !

He had no concept of things going wrong in NZ. He had planned it all in his head. I had to work up the nerve, twice, to ask him whether he would claim unemployment benefit from the NZ government referring to when he worked here in the 1980's. Both times he was non commital.

Hopefully, he is now in the process of removing his head from up his backside and we can see a clearer future i.e. next chapter, move to Britain. He has said all along that if one of us isn't happy then it isn't working and we come home. Well, I'm not happy, so looks like my five year plan is working !

Don't let him crash his doubts and possible future mid life crisis right across your life, your future. If he's not happy in either Britain or Oz then he won't be any fun to live with. Why should you have to support him through his emotional upheaval when he's brought it upon himself ? Australia is a foreign country. He's in love with his past. A past that doesn't involve you and that's quite hurtful. He'll be busy reintegrating into Australia. He might not have a great deal of patience with you seeing it as totally foreign, 'cause it isn't to him.

macy

This is a bit of deal breaker and not being able to agree in this stage of your relationship doesn't bode well..... make sure you go in with your eyes wide open if you do agree to live in Australia for a couple of years, if children come into the equation once you live in Australia it could then go horribly wrong, he can refuse to let the children leave with you to go back to live in the UK and then you would be stuck in a country you don't want to be... far fetched maybe but it does happen.... I will sound heartless now and say that the relationship might be at a turning point and I agree with the other posters... good luck

ozzieeagle

After reading each post very carefully, after getting what was probably the wrong end of the stick on my first skim read and reply early on in the thread here's my carefully considered two bobs worth.

Everyone reacts differently and is rightly different within a relationship. Having said that for me personally I cannot understand that the differences between Australia and England as an abode outweigh the strength of a relationship.

So for me personally I'm saying I definitely 100pct rate my own personal relationship with my Australian wife far higher than where we live... Given that it's a straight choice between Aus and England..... IE: If she wanted to go live in England and personally I wouldn't be exactly enamoured with that idea at this particular time, I'd go with her without hesitation.

Personally I'm having trouble seeing the problem...... But thats me.

Beoz

Didn't the "you get my drift" mean I couldn't find a better term at the time ?

Dorothy

Sorry. Bad day at work

Beoz

Sounds like a drama that's NOT waiting to unfold, or maybe it is, but what's the point in dying wondering.

Totally agree with you Eagle. I'd rather be with my wife whether that's in Oz, UK, Mongolia or whatever ...........

Men are from Venus women are from Mars or is it the other way around?

Snap Shot

Or as I once heard it said, 'men are from earth, women are from earth, deal with it.'