Dicko

In my wife's mother's house anyway
My daughter was there the other day and tried talking to her nan about it, guess what she said, I quote:
"Dont Mention that word while your in this house as it just upsets me and it is costing me 3 grandchildren"
She can say it to us but I don't want her to try and poison the kids minds
Have any of you had to put up with these sort of comments as well?

Just as we thought they were getting used to the idea

bridiej

Dont worry, I've read lots of posts like that on here, you're not the only one.

sending you some karma

moneypenny20

You probably can't say this to your MIL but when my mother said "but what will I do without you?" my eldest (not a lot of love lost between them) said "well you will die soon and we will have to do without you so what's different?"

Funnily enough, my mother hasn't said anything negative about Aus since!

bridiej

LMAO!!!

I guess it's just because they love you but I dont think it's fair playing the "you're taking my grandkids away" emotional blackmail game....

HiddenPaw

PMSL

Sorry to hear your troubles Dicko. My MIL tells my daughter that her "nasty daddy" is taking her away from her nanna. OK, so she's only 10 months old and can't understand yet but it still pees me off no end. My mum told me a few years ago that she'd die if she ever had grandkids in Oz while she was in UK. She thinks its fate that my sister (who has lived in Oz for 15 years) can't have children as god didn't intend for her to have children so far away from the grandparents. (This really upsets me as my sister has been devastated at not being able to have children).

Sometimes parents semm to have such a one-sided view of things. I have to remember that they are going thru a lot of hurt but their comments can be so cutting.

Keep smilin'

moneypenny20

But what is it with parents (in particular)? I spend my life explaining to my girls, think before you speak so you don't upset people without meaning to. They get it, I get it, why don't the old folk? My mother complains when the girls say something she may not like or understand, but it's ok for her to hurt them - I don't think so!

Dicko

It is so annoying,

Wouldn't it be nice for once for them to just say: "How proud I am that my grandchildren are going to see a different culture and are experiencing a different country"
and as mad as it may sound, we have always emphasised that it isnt forever,(it may be) but we are going with very open minds, and may well come back in a few years?
But if they choose not to discuss it then what can we do?

D,K,J,B,J

jimtrish

jims parents are being exactly the same! its got to the point where we feel we cant even share info with them now. the kids are even asking why nanny and grandpa are being this way and why they wont visit when we go.
so we know exactly how you are feeling, its kind of emotional blackmail.
dont know about you, but id certainly respect them more if they just admitted they didnt want us to go and will miss us.
hopefully it will get better for all of us as time ticks closer.

Trish

Jennie

my mother is the same and says that the next time we will see her it will be to bury her (she is 53) and says that she will be ill and the children can live with her while we are in oz (children are 6 and 4) as if that will happen.

It is really difficult to get what she says out of my mind and I am trying to stay positive. My husbands parents are all for this as this is something they wanted to do, so they seem quite positive about this.

Anyway we have not been accepted yet and hope that we will be, otherwise all this heartache would have been for nothing except for knowing whether we could get there or not.

Laurie1st

My family is struggling as well. My father refuses to talk about it, and changes the subject whenever I mention something about it.

You just have to do what's best for you, and try to remember that she is only acting that way because she loves you all, and doesn't want to see you go. Sometimes, people act poorly but they still have good intentions.

aussiesoon

I've just posted on the 'Ooops' thread with exactly the same situation. My mum doesn't understand, whereas my in-laws are really positive. When we finally sold the house (after getting the visa) I rang my parents to tell them the news and to tell them the date we were going. My Dad answered the phone (very rare - is it a male thing?) and got really excited, tried to call my mum over to speak and her response was 'I'll ring her back later - I'm eating my tea'.

I understand how upset they are, but they have known about this for 18 months. They have told me that they will never come and see me (Mum has never been on a plane and is phobic) and like one of the replies has said that if we ever have kids in Aus, she will be devastated. We haven't told her that having kids is one of our first priorities when we get to Aus.

I think that one of the worst things is that I am excited and scared, but feel that I can only share the positive feelings with my parents, otherwise she will say 'Why are you going, then?'. I know they are upset, but sometimes I need support in this too and can't get it from them.

Thank goodness for lovely husbands! (Well, just the one actually!)

Rachel.

sudds

sad to read about the responses from parents......just a question to people who are attempting to improve their lot in life. " have you noticed how no one talks about it or dismisses that it may happen" any psycologists out there shed any light on this?????
Friends that are interested ask intently but relatives shy away from talking about it. If a relation of mine was going i would be so proud that they had the guts to give it a go and would give them loads of encouragement

blossom

[ If a relation of mine was going i would be so proud that they had the guts to give it a go and would give them loads of encouragement[/QUOTE]



As a grandparent myself with 2 beautiful grandchildren (9) and (7), I can well understand how many of your parents feel. I am in the fortunate position of being thankful my daughter is taking her children to Oz so that they can have a much better lifestyle and freedom that isn't possible in the UK.

When we took our daughter to Australia at aged (5), I didn't think too deeply about the hurt I was causing my parents at that time, but as a grandparent myself now, I do understand what they went through.

It is extremely painful for grandparents to lose their grandchildren, more so than the actual child(parent) leaving them, but believe me they do get over it and as soon as you are settled and ready for your first visitors, they will be on that plane quick smart! We are in the fotunate position of being able to follow them (as soon as our house is sold) - many of your parents will not be in that position - so treat them gently in time they will come around - albeit when you are 12000 miles away.

Blossom

BillyGoatGruff

when we first told my parents that we were going to be coming out here, my dad was against it. we all went out that evening and he spent the entire evening trying to get his cronies to agree with him that it was a terrible idea. unfortunately for him, they all thought it was a wonderful idea (well bought off!) so that got him thinking from a "non-selfish" point of view. he came around!

jad n rich

I wonder how many of you will find your parents comments easier to understand when you have arrived in australia. Before you jump down my throat.. The fare home is years of savings on aussie wages, you havent seen your family for 4 years and the younger kids have forgotten who your parents/family are.

If you think I am being mean or rude, just add up how many times your parents and kids are likely to see each other again once you live this far away.

Just maybe your parents have already done that calculation, for gods sake have some heart about how they must feel, especially as there are grandparents out there who love your kids as much as you do. Sure some of their comments could be more tactful but come on folks!

We are in the position of having a eight year old whos seen my parents for three weeks in 5 years, he left when he was two, arrived on their doorstep last year and apart from photos had no idea whos they were as 'people, real live people' that is.

Our oldest son is 19, suppose he marries here and we return to the UK, we'll see a lot of him too or his kids.

Just try and understand how this will look once you are here, my mums bitchy comments suddenly became crystal clear.