denhim

a friend of mine sent me this, she is australian by the way...



Happy Australia Day

We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional
wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from
New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we
reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We
are One Nation but divided into many States.

First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in
lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte,
grand final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne and thinks it's in
the same league as Sydney. It's chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable".
At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

Next, there's NSW. Its capital Sydney, the realm of tack and flash, a whore with no knickers .
It has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it.
Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and
right sides of their brains separate.

Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family
that sleeps together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra
chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest
faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the
Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of
foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where
else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in
Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the
Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One
drivers to sleep at the wheel.

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main
claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because the cows
would get confused when milking time was and the sun would fade the
curtains more. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and
many of them still work there in the government and business.

The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains,
sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and
dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of
anywhere on the planet. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national
culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to flyover it on our
way to Bali.

And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a
document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God
probably made Queensland, as it's beautiful one day and perfect the
next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.

Oh yes and there's Canberra. Moving on.

Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and
pissed by lunchtime. We have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst
dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a pizza
delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Australia
do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras but chain
the pens to the desk. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded,
sports-obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.

I am, you are, we are Australian.

P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National
Crest!!!! No other country has this distinction!

Paylia

Hey




Great Post -great descriptions that sum up the essence of life in Australia



but where's the joke?

Simone

lol!
I think it's a great joke that this had been posted at least 5 times before (in about 2 weeks)!
BUT some people obviously haven't spotted it yet, so who cares, carry one!

bondipom

You are right it is an old one that keeps getting posted and posted and posted,

Don

Yeah but Bondipom they got you about right though, eh?