Aussie mates vs UK mates
Nov 19th 2003, 6:00 pm
#1
Guest
Posts: n/a
Aussie mates vs UK mates
On another thread, someone suggested that some people, particularly women, find it hard to settle in Australia even after a few months. They say they miss their mates at home, the 'network'.
To those people who experienced this, what has happened to stop you making new friends?
I mean, do people just not want to know, or, is it just that your mates in the UK are 'nicer' and 'know you better' : what seems to be the issue? Has anyone been literally 'rejected' by the locals, or secretly feel they have *never* really been accepted, perhaps years on? Maybe Dotty can comment here, or Ceri, or JaneyRay.
My story : I have great mates all over the world, OK - mostly Aussie, and US, and cos I can get on with anyone, and am independent, I've lived in 3 countries in the last 5 years etc, so I don't really envisage it being an issue for me. I've had to make every decision for myself ever since I was 14, so I never seem to need another 'shoulder'. Then I did loads of military trg from 17 - mid 20s so big moves are easy.
As a sporty bloke, and a footie player, in Australia, I find it easy to get on with aussie blokes, but I wonder about my fiancee though - maybe she'll be an emotional wreck - we'll see.
Just wondered? Any particular stories?
Badge
To those people who experienced this, what has happened to stop you making new friends?
I mean, do people just not want to know, or, is it just that your mates in the UK are 'nicer' and 'know you better' : what seems to be the issue? Has anyone been literally 'rejected' by the locals, or secretly feel they have *never* really been accepted, perhaps years on? Maybe Dotty can comment here, or Ceri, or JaneyRay.
My story : I have great mates all over the world, OK - mostly Aussie, and US, and cos I can get on with anyone, and am independent, I've lived in 3 countries in the last 5 years etc, so I don't really envisage it being an issue for me. I've had to make every decision for myself ever since I was 14, so I never seem to need another 'shoulder'. Then I did loads of military trg from 17 - mid 20s so big moves are easy.
As a sporty bloke, and a footie player, in Australia, I find it easy to get on with aussie blokes, but I wonder about my fiancee though - maybe she'll be an emotional wreck - we'll see.
Just wondered? Any particular stories?
Badge
Nov 19th 2003, 6:22 pm
#2
Banned
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,467
Re: Aussie mates vs UK mates
Originally posted by badgersmount
On another thread, someone suggested that some people, particularly women, find it hard to settle in Australia even after a few months. They say they miss their mates at home, the 'network'.
To those people who experienced this, what has happened to stop you making new friends?
I mean, do people just not want to know, or, is it just that your mates in the UK are 'nicer' and 'know you better' : what seems to be the issue? Has anyone been literally 'rejected' by the locals, or secretly feel they have *never* really been accepted, perhaps years on? Maybe Dotty can comment here, or Ceri, or JaneyRay.
My story : I have great mates all over the world, OK - mostly Aussie, and US, and cos I can get on with anyone, and am independent, I've lived in 3 countries in the last 5 years etc, so I don't really envisage it being an issue for me. I've had to make every decision for myself ever since I was 14, so I never seem to need another 'shoulder'. Then I did loads of military trg from 17 - mid 20s so big moves are easy.
As a sporty bloke, and a footie player, in Australia, I find it easy to get on with aussie blokes, but I wonder about my fiancee though - maybe she'll be an emotional wreck - we'll see.
Just wondered? Any particular stories?
Badge
On another thread, someone suggested that some people, particularly women, find it hard to settle in Australia even after a few months. They say they miss their mates at home, the 'network'.
To those people who experienced this, what has happened to stop you making new friends?
I mean, do people just not want to know, or, is it just that your mates in the UK are 'nicer' and 'know you better' : what seems to be the issue? Has anyone been literally 'rejected' by the locals, or secretly feel they have *never* really been accepted, perhaps years on? Maybe Dotty can comment here, or Ceri, or JaneyRay.
My story : I have great mates all over the world, OK - mostly Aussie, and US, and cos I can get on with anyone, and am independent, I've lived in 3 countries in the last 5 years etc, so I don't really envisage it being an issue for me. I've had to make every decision for myself ever since I was 14, so I never seem to need another 'shoulder'. Then I did loads of military trg from 17 - mid 20s so big moves are easy.
As a sporty bloke, and a footie player, in Australia, I find it easy to get on with aussie blokes, but I wonder about my fiancee though - maybe she'll be an emotional wreck - we'll see.
Just wondered? Any particular stories?
Badge
Last edited by sky; Nov 19th 2003 at 6:44 pm.
Nov 19th 2003, 6:42 pm
#3
Senior member
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Paris
Posts: 835
Re: Aussie mates vs UK mates
Originally posted by badgersmount
On another thread, someone suggested that some people, particularly women, find it hard to settle in Australia even after a few months. They say they miss their mates at home, the 'network'.
To those people who experienced this, what has happened to stop you making new friends?
I mean, do people just not want to know, or, is it just that your mates in the UK are 'nicer' and 'know you better' : what seems to be the issue? Has anyone been literally 'rejected' by the locals, or secretly feel they have *never* really been accepted, perhaps years on? Maybe Dotty can comment here, or Ceri, or JaneyRay.
My story : I have great mates all over the world, OK - mostly Aussie, and US, and cos I can get on with anyone, and am independent, I've lived in 3 countries in the last 5 years etc, so I don't really envisage it being an issue for me. I've had to make every decision for myself ever since I was 14, so I never seem to need another 'shoulder'. Then I did loads of military trg from 17 - mid 20s so big moves are easy.
As a sporty bloke, and a footie player, in Australia, I find it easy to get on with aussie blokes, but I wonder about my fiancee though - maybe she'll be an emotional wreck - we'll see.
Just wondered? Any particular stories?
Badge
On another thread, someone suggested that some people, particularly women, find it hard to settle in Australia even after a few months. They say they miss their mates at home, the 'network'.
To those people who experienced this, what has happened to stop you making new friends?
I mean, do people just not want to know, or, is it just that your mates in the UK are 'nicer' and 'know you better' : what seems to be the issue? Has anyone been literally 'rejected' by the locals, or secretly feel they have *never* really been accepted, perhaps years on? Maybe Dotty can comment here, or Ceri, or JaneyRay.
My story : I have great mates all over the world, OK - mostly Aussie, and US, and cos I can get on with anyone, and am independent, I've lived in 3 countries in the last 5 years etc, so I don't really envisage it being an issue for me. I've had to make every decision for myself ever since I was 14, so I never seem to need another 'shoulder'. Then I did loads of military trg from 17 - mid 20s so big moves are easy.
As a sporty bloke, and a footie player, in Australia, I find it easy to get on with aussie blokes, but I wonder about my fiancee though - maybe she'll be an emotional wreck - we'll see.
Just wondered? Any particular stories?
Badge
Having said that, I have a few very good Australian friends here in London, whom I met whilst in Australia. They are beginning to feel as important as many of my lifelong English friends and we are feeling a bit guilty as we have agreed to spend New Years eve with our Australian friends, which has really pissed off a couple of our lifelong English friends who are sticklers for the 'usual' routine.
Ah well, the beauty of lifelong friends is that you know they'll get over it!
Nov 19th 2003, 6:48 pm
#4
(Jon) returning to NZ 04
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 816
yes I think i depends on your personality. some people make friends at the drop of a hat, other people are shyer, and take longer to form friendships.
It is very easy to forget how much of a social network you have before you move to a new country. You can take so much for granted - think of how many social engagements and friendships you have which were seeded by an existing friend or contact.
Take that whole existing network away - and that can make it very tough. suddenly you have to make a much greater effort - it doesn't come so much 'out of the can'.
The other thing is that for a while - there is a lack of shared 'history'. eg when you first arrive, small talk can be tricky - after all for the first weeks you don't even know what the weather was like last week, or who such and such celebrity is, or what was on TV last week etc etc. This can making fitting in a little harder in the early days.... (not to mention the lack of the longer history - common childhood experiences, common universities etc etc)
It is very easy to forget how much of a social network you have before you move to a new country. You can take so much for granted - think of how many social engagements and friendships you have which were seeded by an existing friend or contact.
Take that whole existing network away - and that can make it very tough. suddenly you have to make a much greater effort - it doesn't come so much 'out of the can'.
The other thing is that for a while - there is a lack of shared 'history'. eg when you first arrive, small talk can be tricky - after all for the first weeks you don't even know what the weather was like last week, or who such and such celebrity is, or what was on TV last week etc etc. This can making fitting in a little harder in the early days.... (not to mention the lack of the longer history - common childhood experiences, common universities etc etc)
Nov 19th 2003, 6:50 pm
#5
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Mar 2003
Location: Going Home
Posts: 1,215
As a sporty bloke, and a footie player, in Australia, I find it easy to get on with aussie blokes, but I wonder about my fiancee though - maybe she'll be an emotional wreck - we'll see.
Think its much the same for getting on in the work place or would go as far as to say getting work, being sporty and a team player opens up all sorts of doors.
As for women, who knows, I give up trying to understand them, I just except whatever happens in the world is my fault and if its not my fault I caused it, ask what the problem is and you get told nothing, don't ask and you are being insensitive.
Nov 19th 2003, 7:15 pm
#6
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Woodcroft, 25 kms south of Adelaide South Australia
Posts: 281
I know from when I emigrated almost 13 years ago that it is very hard to break into a new circle of friends in a new country, particularly when you are in your 30's and your peers already have established their friendship groups, some of whom would be from their school days and from their place of employment.
It changes the dynamics of a group of friends when someone new is brought into it, and some people really don't like that at all. I know from bitter experience that it is very easy to be used and taken for a fool, while you are desperately hoping that you have made a genuine friend or two.
After 13 years year I have very few true friends in this country, but dozens of acquaintances. I am still in regular contact with all my closest friends in the UK, and it is important to maintain that contact. I have two or three trusted friends, but it is just not the same as when I was living in Sussex.
Unfortunately in Australia people are only too willing to use you to further themselves, it's the Aussie system of networking. You will be flavour of the month for some, for a while. I soon got fed up with going that bit further in an effort to try and make friends, having BBQ's, dinners. drinks, inviting people for coffee etc. only to find that it was not reciprocated. In the end it seemed that I was the one making all the effort.
I would suggest to mum's to do voluntary work at the kid's schools, or other work out in the community. I found that my husband made friends quickly because he was working with other Aussies - mainly people from Poland, the UK, NZ, Vietnam etc!! But being a stay at home mum when you get here cuts you off from that, so you have to make an effort to go out and make friends. I found my closest friend at college and I am eternally grateful to have her in my life. In fact she's just made her early morning call to me to see if I am ok cos she knows just how bad my life is at the mo. She's worth her weight in gold!
It changes the dynamics of a group of friends when someone new is brought into it, and some people really don't like that at all. I know from bitter experience that it is very easy to be used and taken for a fool, while you are desperately hoping that you have made a genuine friend or two.
After 13 years year I have very few true friends in this country, but dozens of acquaintances. I am still in regular contact with all my closest friends in the UK, and it is important to maintain that contact. I have two or three trusted friends, but it is just not the same as when I was living in Sussex.
Unfortunately in Australia people are only too willing to use you to further themselves, it's the Aussie system of networking. You will be flavour of the month for some, for a while. I soon got fed up with going that bit further in an effort to try and make friends, having BBQ's, dinners. drinks, inviting people for coffee etc. only to find that it was not reciprocated. In the end it seemed that I was the one making all the effort.
I would suggest to mum's to do voluntary work at the kid's schools, or other work out in the community. I found that my husband made friends quickly because he was working with other Aussies - mainly people from Poland, the UK, NZ, Vietnam etc!! But being a stay at home mum when you get here cuts you off from that, so you have to make an effort to go out and make friends. I found my closest friend at college and I am eternally grateful to have her in my life. In fact she's just made her early morning call to me to see if I am ok cos she knows just how bad my life is at the mo. She's worth her weight in gold!
Last edited by wizzywozza; Nov 19th 2003 at 7:24 pm.
Nov 19th 2003, 7:26 pm
#7
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Mar 2003
Location: Going Home
Posts: 1,215
I have to say that my best friend is Donna, so I dont really need anyone else, she can be a complete pain in the arse, but she is always there for me. It gives me no end of pleasure to know she is on this forum bending ears, as it save mine getting bent. 
Think wizzywozza suggestion of voluntary work is a good way to meet people.
Think wizzywozza suggestion of voluntary work is a good way to meet people.
Nov 19th 2003, 7:27 pm
#8
I'm lovin' it
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 1,525
Re: Aussie mates vs UK mates
Originally posted by badgersmount
On another thread, someone suggested that some people, particularly women, find it hard to settle in Australia even after a few months. They say they miss their mates at home, the 'network'.
To those people who experienced this, what has happened to stop you making new friends?
I mean, do people just not want to know, or, is it just that your mates in the UK are 'nicer' and 'know you better' : what seems to be the issue? Has anyone been literally 'rejected' by the locals, or secretly feel they have *never* really been accepted, perhaps years on? Maybe Dotty can comment here, or Ceri, or JaneyRay.
My story : I have great mates all over the world, OK - mostly Aussie, and US, and cos I can get on with anyone, and am independent, I've lived in 3 countries in the last 5 years etc, so I don't really envisage it being an issue for me. I've had to make every decision for myself ever since I was 14, so I never seem to need another 'shoulder'. Then I did loads of military trg from 17 - mid 20s so big moves are easy.
As a sporty bloke, and a footie player, in Australia, I find it easy to get on with aussie blokes, but I wonder about my fiancee though - maybe she'll be an emotional wreck - we'll see.
Just wondered? Any particular stories?
Badge
On another thread, someone suggested that some people, particularly women, find it hard to settle in Australia even after a few months. They say they miss their mates at home, the 'network'.
To those people who experienced this, what has happened to stop you making new friends?
I mean, do people just not want to know, or, is it just that your mates in the UK are 'nicer' and 'know you better' : what seems to be the issue? Has anyone been literally 'rejected' by the locals, or secretly feel they have *never* really been accepted, perhaps years on? Maybe Dotty can comment here, or Ceri, or JaneyRay.
My story : I have great mates all over the world, OK - mostly Aussie, and US, and cos I can get on with anyone, and am independent, I've lived in 3 countries in the last 5 years etc, so I don't really envisage it being an issue for me. I've had to make every decision for myself ever since I was 14, so I never seem to need another 'shoulder'. Then I did loads of military trg from 17 - mid 20s so big moves are easy.
As a sporty bloke, and a footie player, in Australia, I find it easy to get on with aussie blokes, but I wonder about my fiancee though - maybe she'll be an emotional wreck - we'll see.
Just wondered? Any particular stories?
Badge
Another thing that I think is important is being able to shrug off 'knocks'...especially on a personal basis..e.g: being able to ignore/stand up to, idiots/arseholes. There's a lot made of how the Aussie's treat us 'poms' on this site and I suspect that a lot of those reporting on such issues take things very personaly, which after a while can really get you down.
It never ceases to amaze me how, from time to time, someone threatens to leave this site because they don't like what somebody else says....How will these people cope in Aus?
Nov 19th 2003, 7:29 pm
#9
Senior member
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Paris
Posts: 835
Originally posted by wizzywozza
I know from when I emigrated almost 13 years ago that it is very hard to break into a new circle of friends in a new country, particularly when you are in your 30's and your peers already have established their friendship groups, some of whom they would be from their school days and from their place of employment.
It changes the dynamics of a group of friends when someone new is brought into it, and some people really don't like that at all. I know from bitter experience that it is very easy to be used and taken for a fool, while you are desperately hoping that you have made a genuine friend or two.
After 13 years year I have very few true friends in this country, but dozens of acquaintances. I am still in regular contact with all my closest friends in the UK, and it is important to maintain that contact. I have two or three trusted friends, but it is just not the same as when I was living in Sussex.
Unfortunately in Australia people are only too willing to use you to further themselves, it's the Aussie system of networking. You will be flavour of the month for some, for a while. I soon got fed up with going that bit further in an effort to try and make friends, having BBQ's, dinners. drinks, inviting people for coffee etc. In the end it seemed that I was the one making all the effort.
I would suggest to mum's to do voluntary work at the kid's schools, or other work out in the community. I found that my husband made friends quickly because he was working with other Aussies - mainly people from Poland, the UK, NZ etc!! But being a stay at home mum when you get here cuts you off from that so you have to make an effort to go out and make friends. I found my closest friend at college and I am eternally grateful to have her in my life.
I know from when I emigrated almost 13 years ago that it is very hard to break into a new circle of friends in a new country, particularly when you are in your 30's and your peers already have established their friendship groups, some of whom they would be from their school days and from their place of employment.
It changes the dynamics of a group of friends when someone new is brought into it, and some people really don't like that at all. I know from bitter experience that it is very easy to be used and taken for a fool, while you are desperately hoping that you have made a genuine friend or two.
After 13 years year I have very few true friends in this country, but dozens of acquaintances. I am still in regular contact with all my closest friends in the UK, and it is important to maintain that contact. I have two or three trusted friends, but it is just not the same as when I was living in Sussex.
Unfortunately in Australia people are only too willing to use you to further themselves, it's the Aussie system of networking. You will be flavour of the month for some, for a while. I soon got fed up with going that bit further in an effort to try and make friends, having BBQ's, dinners. drinks, inviting people for coffee etc. In the end it seemed that I was the one making all the effort.
I would suggest to mum's to do voluntary work at the kid's schools, or other work out in the community. I found that my husband made friends quickly because he was working with other Aussies - mainly people from Poland, the UK, NZ etc!! But being a stay at home mum when you get here cuts you off from that so you have to make an effort to go out and make friends. I found my closest friend at college and I am eternally grateful to have her in my life.
Other courses we did which led to some good freindships were photography, french and ballroom dancing. Completely against my expectations (my wife dragged me along) ballroom dancing was full of young Aussie couples, mostly our age (30 at the time) just having a laugh.
Ah, fond memories....
Nov 19th 2003, 7:31 pm
#10
Kiwified member
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: New Plymouth, NZ
Posts: 1,647
Making friends easily is definitely a bloke thing - give them a beer, a sporty topic of conversation and a free hand and before you know it they are bosom buddies for life!
Women just take that little bit longer - like a few years!
Women just take that little bit longer - like a few years!
Nov 19th 2003, 7:32 pm
#11
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 11,149
Depends what you mean by a friend. If you mean someone you can yarn about crap with for years on end then just pop down any pub. They'll talk forever given half the chance.
If you want someone you can rely on in troubled times and will support you whatever then it will take a long time to meet the right person. True friends are hard to find whatever the place.
There is this funny attitude from some in Australia that "mateship" (whatever that means) is uniqely Australian. Anyone know what they are harping about as the last time I looked people had friends round the rest of the world as well.
If you want someone you can rely on in troubled times and will support you whatever then it will take a long time to meet the right person. True friends are hard to find whatever the place.
There is this funny attitude from some in Australia that "mateship" (whatever that means) is uniqely Australian. Anyone know what they are harping about as the last time I looked people had friends round the rest of the world as well.
Nov 19th 2003, 10:45 pm
#12
Guest
Posts: n/a
Great answers!! Got me thinking! Some answers of mine own..
Too true. To me, mateship is everywhere; but in Australia, a stranger can be 'matey', even if he doesn't know you - but not just in a chummy, 'polite', might-buy-you-a-beer way - but in a "buy you a beer and invite you into his home-give you his first born daughter-stick you on the team sheet for the next match" way. There's no nervousness, no messing. They either love you or hate you - there's less of knowing where you stand. Australians I think are particularly good with strangers, I'd add. When I got back to London, I found social situations more difficult - I wanted to have a yarn, yet people held back..
Also as a military bloke, the mateship thing I can particularly identify with. I find a lot of my professional peers a tad prissy, but forget that they haven't had the 'all round' outdoors experiences I have.. aussie mates remind me of soldiers I served with..strange...
Some bizarre paradoxes:
1) Aus is a large country
2) Has a small pop
3) everyone knows every town in their state it seems and knows a family there..
4) many people move inter-intra state in the course of their lives.
= transigence.
Someone said - you miss out on all the "detail".
I can tell you now : be there as little as a year, make the right mates, and you'll pick up the details that other aussie's know..
The other day, I was yarning to an aussie at a mate's dinner party, and he said:
"How LONG were you there for?" I thought you were Australian and the stuff you know would have taken years to pick up (!)..." So there's hope yet..
oh, cheers Chippy
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There is this funny attitude from some in Australia that "mateship" (whatever that means) is uniqely Australian. Anyone know what they are harping about as the last time I looked people had friends round the rest of the world as well.
Also as a military bloke, the mateship thing I can particularly identify with. I find a lot of my professional peers a tad prissy, but forget that they haven't had the 'all round' outdoors experiences I have.. aussie mates remind me of soldiers I served with..strange...
Some bizarre paradoxes:
1) Aus is a large country
2) Has a small pop
3) everyone knows every town in their state it seems and knows a family there..
4) many people move inter-intra state in the course of their lives.
= transigence.
Someone said - you miss out on all the "detail".
I can tell you now : be there as little as a year, make the right mates, and you'll pick up the details that other aussie's know..
The other day, I was yarning to an aussie at a mate's dinner party, and he said:
"How LONG were you there for?" I thought you were Australian and the stuff you know would have taken years to pick up (!)..." So there's hope yet..
oh, cheers Chippy
Badge
Nov 19th 2003, 11:08 pm
#13
home again, home again
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Notts to Perth, Perth to Notts
Posts: 1,748
In the UK I had lots of friends and some really good 'close' friends. These friendships had taken time to develop and were 'freindships' made from something that we shared a passion about.. horses. Other close friendships I have were through meeting people when I had my daughter, anti natal classes and through school. I had brilliant friendships with people I had met at work, male and female.
When I arrived in Oz I didn't know anyone, but had been writing to a few people who were arriving (after me) from the Aussiemove website. I also made the effort to meet up at Kings Park with fellow Brits from an arranged meeting with Poms in Perth. I have a few friends here that are nice friends but I have said this before, the friends you make is a different kind of friendship. It's a friendship of circumstance because you are all in the same boat. I have found that I don't have much in common with most of the people I have met and if we were back in the UK I would probably never have struck up friendship with these people. One lady I was writing to only lasted here 4 weeks which was such a shame but we still keep in touch and will meet up back in the UK.
When we decided to return to the UK I thought it was only fair to tell people our plans but this made friendships difficult to. Some people just seemed to take a step back and didn't want to know us anymore (which I can understand in one way) but others have been supportive. I have met a few from this site who have been lovely and I'am sure we'll keep in touch.
I have Australian friends but nothing like the friendships back in the UK. It is difficult and I imagine that if some of you coming here are shy/reserved then it's even more difficult. I tend to find though that all the British I meet are that 'certain' type of person, outspoken - adventureous - lively - confident so they don't really have much trouble with socialising.
I do find that if we go to a barbie all the conversation revolves around is talking about Oz and comparing things, moaning about this and that. It's the same every single time!! Now the conversations have turned and all it seems to be is why we want to go back. This is what I mean by having nothing in common, no one seems to talk about their lives in the UK, where they worked, what they did in their spare time, what their interest are, who there friends were etc etc. Maybe they just want to shut that part of there lives away andd get on with their new lives I don't know?. maybe this is what makes the difference between someone staying here and someone leaving?
I also find that because every suburb is spread out you can't just pop round for coffee you have to drive everywhere. Of course if you make friends with your neighbours then thats different!! I say hello to mine but thats about it. Everyone I know seems to work so we only meet up every now and then.
Most of the week I spend alone, but I have you lot on here and to be honest I feel I know you all as well as anyone I have met face to face, strange isn't it!!!!! Wish we could all meet up but then would we just talk about Oz and compare it to the UK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha ha ha
The best thing here at the moment is the thought that my best friend is arriving on Boxing day with her family and that I only have six months left here! It is very lonely and this is my biggest problem, I love to be around people and to have conversation.
I don't want to give it time, I have given it nine months and it's been the lonliest time in my life!!!
Life is what you make it and what you want it to be, laid back and lonely is not for me thats all.
Any mistooks (!) are because I'am rushing to get my daughter to school!!!
When I arrived in Oz I didn't know anyone, but had been writing to a few people who were arriving (after me) from the Aussiemove website. I also made the effort to meet up at Kings Park with fellow Brits from an arranged meeting with Poms in Perth. I have a few friends here that are nice friends but I have said this before, the friends you make is a different kind of friendship. It's a friendship of circumstance because you are all in the same boat. I have found that I don't have much in common with most of the people I have met and if we were back in the UK I would probably never have struck up friendship with these people. One lady I was writing to only lasted here 4 weeks which was such a shame but we still keep in touch and will meet up back in the UK.
When we decided to return to the UK I thought it was only fair to tell people our plans but this made friendships difficult to. Some people just seemed to take a step back and didn't want to know us anymore (which I can understand in one way) but others have been supportive. I have met a few from this site who have been lovely and I'am sure we'll keep in touch.
I have Australian friends but nothing like the friendships back in the UK. It is difficult and I imagine that if some of you coming here are shy/reserved then it's even more difficult. I tend to find though that all the British I meet are that 'certain' type of person, outspoken - adventureous - lively - confident so they don't really have much trouble with socialising.
I do find that if we go to a barbie all the conversation revolves around is talking about Oz and comparing things, moaning about this and that. It's the same every single time!! Now the conversations have turned and all it seems to be is why we want to go back. This is what I mean by having nothing in common, no one seems to talk about their lives in the UK, where they worked, what they did in their spare time, what their interest are, who there friends were etc etc. Maybe they just want to shut that part of there lives away andd get on with their new lives I don't know?. maybe this is what makes the difference between someone staying here and someone leaving?
I also find that because every suburb is spread out you can't just pop round for coffee you have to drive everywhere. Of course if you make friends with your neighbours then thats different!! I say hello to mine but thats about it. Everyone I know seems to work so we only meet up every now and then.
Most of the week I spend alone, but I have you lot on here and to be honest I feel I know you all as well as anyone I have met face to face, strange isn't it!!!!! Wish we could all meet up but then would we just talk about Oz and compare it to the UK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha ha ha
The best thing here at the moment is the thought that my best friend is arriving on Boxing day with her family and that I only have six months left here! It is very lonely and this is my biggest problem, I love to be around people and to have conversation.
I don't want to give it time, I have given it nine months and it's been the lonliest time in my life!!!
Life is what you make it and what you want it to be, laid back and lonely is not for me thats all.
Any mistooks (!) are because I'am rushing to get my daughter to school!!!
Nov 20th 2003, 12:07 am
#14
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Perth, Jnr is back!
Posts: 1,286
Interesting one Badge.
Almost all my friends here are Uk'ers, my 2 closest friends are ones who I'd written to for at least 2 years before coming here so we already had a history to share so to speak.
On the Aussie front, there are only a couple of females where I work and they are friendly enough but they don't do any out of work socialising. I did go to a playgroup before I started working and they were a good bunch and friendships would have developed further there as a natural progression I think.
Like Jane, we just say HI to our neighbours, some friends of ours are building a house and they already get on well with their neighbours (drinks & coffee etc) which is really nice.
I think that meeting Aussies through your children is quite easy and joining clubs etc (if you have time & money) would prove a good way to mix.
I think women view frienship in a different way, when we first applied to emigrate 8 yrs ago my hubby didn't really want to cos of his "mates" (drinking buddies) but as life went on, their little group disbanded and he isn't in touch with any of them really whereas I think women tend to view friendship as a life long commitment.
DI
Almost all my friends here are Uk'ers, my 2 closest friends are ones who I'd written to for at least 2 years before coming here so we already had a history to share so to speak.
On the Aussie front, there are only a couple of females where I work and they are friendly enough but they don't do any out of work socialising. I did go to a playgroup before I started working and they were a good bunch and friendships would have developed further there as a natural progression I think.
Like Jane, we just say HI to our neighbours, some friends of ours are building a house and they already get on well with their neighbours (drinks & coffee etc) which is really nice.
I think that meeting Aussies through your children is quite easy and joining clubs etc (if you have time & money) would prove a good way to mix.
I think women view frienship in a different way, when we first applied to emigrate 8 yrs ago my hubby didn't really want to cos of his "mates" (drinking buddies) but as life went on, their little group disbanded and he isn't in touch with any of them really whereas I think women tend to view friendship as a life long commitment.
DI
Nov 20th 2003, 1:40 am
#15
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,809
I would advise anyone to take the hand of friendship wherever its offered. Whether its from this site, from your kid's new school, someone you are introduced to, whatever. Remember how we all made friends with people originally - they came from all sorts of strange places, in unexpected ways.
So take any chance you get to go round for coffee or whatever. even if you (or the other person ) decide you can't be bosum buddies, you may make other frineds through them and their existing circle.
I'm not an outgoing person, in reality I'm very shy and reserved. But I resolved that the only way living here will work is if I really make an effort to meet as many people as possible. Get choosy later on, but in the meantime, even"superficial" frineds are better than sitting home alone.
And just to prove it - I now have a really good mate here, who I hit it off with straight away - though when she first rang and suggested meeting up , I was so scared I was thinking, "oh god, give me an excuse"!!! I'm so glad now that I overcame my "birtish reserve" and agreed to meet.
So take any chance you get to go round for coffee or whatever. even if you (or the other person ) decide you can't be bosum buddies, you may make other frineds through them and their existing circle.
I'm not an outgoing person, in reality I'm very shy and reserved. But I resolved that the only way living here will work is if I really make an effort to meet as many people as possible. Get choosy later on, but in the meantime, even"superficial" frineds are better than sitting home alone.
And just to prove it - I now have a really good mate here, who I hit it off with straight away - though when she first rang and suggested meeting up , I was so scared I was thinking, "oh god, give me an excuse"!!! I'm so glad now that I overcame my "birtish reserve" and agreed to meet.