British Expats - app before august 2001

ignore the subject,i tried to delete my post,couldnt,so i thought i.d stick this in

1. How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

2. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

3. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me."

4. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

5. All wives are alike. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

6. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:

I don't like to interrupt her.

7. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.

8. Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Many say monogamy is the same.

9. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It is called Wedding Cake.

10. Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

11. Our last fight was my fault:
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said,"Dust!"

12. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

13. Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two Mothers-in-law.

14. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

15. A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred lettres.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."