Irish Gal

Hi there,
I'm really worried about my 6 year old. We foolishly told our kids that we were moving to Oz when we applied (thinking we'd be there by now ) and she's been really upset the last few days since we've got our case officer. I think she finally knows something is happening.

Any advice, as she's really teary-eyed a lot of the time and listing out who's she's going to miss, etc. I've told her that everyone will be visiting, phone calls, etc but no consolation.

I've described the fabulous house we'll have , she'll be with her cousins .....

Its really beginning to upset me now because I'm starting to lose my patience as nothing I say will cheer her up.
Help please

Lizzie2

Hi

Yes I have three children and the eldest (14) does not want to move anywhere ever!!! We are only at the beginning of the process so dont actually talk much about moving as it may take a while before we actually go.

Liz

lulubel

Hi,

I have 3 girls, and my oldest is 8 years going on 18!! gets quite upset by the whole move. We live in France and she considers herself French not English as she has only ever been here to school. We did try not to talk about it too much but it was difficult as my other daughter who is 6 cannot wait to go! I have tried to point out all the positive points about Oz and have found a school that teaches French in primary and continues in secondary. I think that I am winning her over but it is difficult and I really feel for you because its not easy. Because you are so exceited about the move you feel your offspring will be too! Give her time to adjust and I'm sure once she is out there and doing so much more outdoors she will soon love it. The hardest thing will be leaving behind grandparents etc but I find children are quite fickle and soon move on. Good luck for your move and in time you will laugh at all this!!

Lulubel

PaddyHaHa

This a difficult one, initially our 10yr old daughter had exactly the same reaction, but all I can tell you is what worked for us:
1. A reccie trip to Oz to show how great the country is and to meet all her rellies- she was even able to go to school with one of then for a few days.
2. The promise of a dog.
3. The 50 metre swimming pool in the town that we want to settle.
4. And finally not enjoying year six at school in the UK and the constant squabbles between the girls in her class.

Also, I would say it's not foolish to tell her early, the longer it goes on the more she'll get used to the idea. Enforced change will effect kids the same as adults and time can help. Maybe you could try and get her extended family to talk really positively about it as well - that might help.

Good Luck, Mrs PHH

Kaitlin

We have 3 and 5 years old kids + the baby now 7 weeks.

The girl 3 years old ask sometimes when are we going, but don't know if she understands yet that it's a different country and so on.

Five year old boy is looking forward to going to school in Oz. He wants to leave. Either of them hasn't got too many friends since we just moved to this flat a year ago. Don't know still how he'll react when we finally do leave.

So basically I'm mostly worried about the pre school the five year old will be going to. How he'll manage with different language and so on.

Kaitlin

MORCPOM1

Hi All,

I also have a little girl of 9 that is very upset at the thought of moving. Although she has visited family in Australia 4 times, she has only ever lived in England. We have tried to include her in all the decision that we have made, but have also had to promised her a kitten on the other side. Have been to library and got many books on Australia, especially anything to do with animals. It must be just as stressful for the children as it is for us adults. The only difference is that we can visualize what will maybe happen, where they can't. We have tried to make an adventure of it, we have started a diary where she can write down her thoughts. Maybe for children that our younger you could get them to draw pictures. You will be amazed at what the pictures will show. Our little girl still gets upset, but is coming around to the idea. Her main concern is leaving her friends and whether she will find more friends. Children are very adaptable, Im sure she will find friends but have let her talk about her fears. The internet has been a great help for us, just letting her look at the area, what things you can do there, and the beaches. Hope everyones move goes well and that your dream is exactly what you hoped it would be. Maybe the children around the same age could PM one another to talk about what they are expecting from Oz. Please PM us if anyone has a girl of 9ish.

Pugsy

My kids were opposites when when we got the opportunity to move. The older one was all for it, tired of the dreary welsh weather and looking forward to one day getting a dog and having a pool. The younger girl who was 6 was not happy at all, so we decided to not talk to her about it. Most of our conversations with the exited older one were at bedtime, etc, to limit the stress on the younger one.

Yes there were tears all around, but when the time came close to leaving the little one kind of enjoyed all the attention she was getting, which cheered her up. Plus, when a child goes with little to no expectations this can help them settle in quicker as what can happen and what we found is that they find happiness in the smallest, littlest things. Our younger one who thought, it would all be horrible, all doom and gloom came home smiling from school on day 1 and hasn't stopped since. On the contrary the older one had built it up so much and had too an great expectation and was disappointed and took much longer to settle in, but it did happen eventually!

Irish Gal

Thank you all for your comments. I was feeling really down this morning as we had another crying session before school.

I'm taking a bit of advice from each of you - namely:

1. Promise a pet
2. Try not to talk about it too much in front of her
3. Get her drawing pictures (she loves art so this will definitely help).

I certainly feel a lot better than I did this morning. Its so stressful - and worse when the kids are not behind you. We're doing this mostly for the kids as it is!!!

Phew! thank God its the weekend!
Irish Gal

Irish Gal

PS. Morcpom1

I have sent you a pm. My daughter, also 9, would love to hear from yours
Regards
Irish Gal

sarskis

My daughter is 6 also and loves her school, our home and all here so much its unreal. We have told her that we are going to check out Australia for a bit and have told her about holidays in campervans, the wildlife, beach, etc. so she is pretty keen at the moment. I got some brochures from Trailfinders too and showed her lots of pics - I know how you feel it is hard but I have some friends who moved over at around this age and stayed for years and hated coming back here, they are adults now and they tell me they settled in very quickly, they tell me school is much nicer over there even... best of luck with it...

talbot

Until your kids are 16, they are there for the ride!!!

tawkins1

I know what you mean! My eldest (11) was really looking forward to moving to Oz, that was until we did a recci in Oct07 when we stayed with my sister who has 3 monsters for kids!!! Everything was mine,mine,mine, wouldn't share anything with them, constantly moaned they were bored & didn't like having my kids around & really put the dampener on our whole experience of OZ. We did have a lot of days out on our own tho which my daughter loved so I just have to keep reminding her of the days we had away from them. She has 'sort of' come round to the idea but we have promised we won't live anywhere near her cousins which has made her a bit happier. She's sad to leave some of her friends behind but as she was bullied in school last year & part of this one I think she realises she can get away from them too!

Our expectations were ruined by my lovely sister & her family:curse: but as we say now "nothing can be worse than the 3 weeks we spent with them?"

Still looking forward to our adventure & at the end of the day were doing this for the kids, they just don't realise it yet!

sundropstar

I have 2 girls, 10 & 4. The 4 year old is a little unsettled but isn't too bothered. Mostly looking forward to seeing a joey.
The 10 year old, on the other hand, isn't 100% happy with it all, especially since we have never even moved house.
We have told her, on no uncertain terms that it is tough, she is 10 years old and will do whatever we think is best. We have also said they will not be getting any animals (we are parting with our family dog in the next few weeks).
Sounds cold, but firstly, I think the more you give, the more they will push, and I feel guilty enough taking her away from everything she knows without screaming great tantrums whenever she is going through a 'don't want to go' stage (which we don't have, thankfully). Secondly, because it is my guilt, not hers. She doesn't need to feel bad for other people on top of feeling awful for herself.
No animals because I don't want to promise anything that I can't 100% provide. Maybe we will get a new dog, or a cat once we have settled, but she's not on a promise and so if it doesn't happen, she won't feel let down because that will rock her confidence in us.

We have been as honest as we can be with her, won't be rich, can't promise the world, will do our best. She won't be losing old friends, but meeting more, family will be over to see us, we have Skype, but most importantly, that we will be together and all having new experiences.

We have been mostly working on her confidence, teaching her how to get along with people and how to make new friends (she is a great person and she can carry that wherever she is) and trying to focus on the positives. It seems to be working out well, she has concerns, and discusses them, she cries when she thinks about leaving people, but accepts that is what is going to happen.

Doesn't help though when my sister said to her the other day 'nanny cries alot because she doesn't want you to go' who is that helping?

Good Luck.

Jo.

PaddyHaHa

Just another thing - we're also doing a memory box with our daughter - she's decorating it and we're filling it with photo's of school friends/family, video's of when she was smaller, some of her special nik naks that remind her of events/places, her sporting medals etc. She's also going to take the camcorder to school of her last day and do some filming. She really likes this idea and it seems to have helped her.
Mrs PHH

northernbird

I don't mean to be rude but she is 6, don't pander to her. Just stop mentioning it. She has to come with you and she will get used to it. She knows it bothers you and she is milking it. It is what kids do. Try and enjoy the time you have left in the UK