loose

I've searched but cant find anything relating to my situation.

I wont bore you with details (its a long and complicated story) but basically I cant take my daughter to Oz with me. She's nearly 5 and I see lots of her and regularly at the moment. I adore her and as you can imagine the soul searching for the last year or so has been huge. I've thought about all the potential problems and am only now going ahead as my relationship with my ex is trusting enough for us to make things work. I will be visiting my daughter for a good break once or twice a year, and she will be coming to me as often as possible (depending on family coming down etc).

What I'm asking I guess is whether there is anyone who's been through this kind of situation, and can let me know how things are going. Or is anyone better at the search facility than me, who can find a suitable thread.

Please, no stroppy "I could never do that" replies. As I said, this has been the hardest decision of my life, and I've considered all negatives.

Any help appreciated.

Thanks.

Sandy.l

My stepdaughter is in Australia. Her Dad finds it really hard with her so far away, but our situation is different in that there is no communication and no relationship at all with her mother & stepfather, only directly with his daughter every fortnight on the phone.

If you can keep up the contact and remain on good terms with your ex, then you must follow your dream.

Think positively as your daughter will have a whole world of opportunity opened up to her, which is much better than most kids have. Children of separated parents are so often drawn into bad situations, or find them torn between families. At least you have good communication and can offer her so much more than just the odd trip to McDonalds on a Saturday afternoon, like most absent fathers have to put up with.

You keep in there, keep her interested and stay on good terms with your ex!!

sandy

nosuchluck

Hello there,
i will be leaving my daughter behind, she is 19 so things are a bit different but i do understand how you feel to some extent.
Sandy.I gave you great advice and all i can do is echo that really, as long as you keep in contact with her i'm sure she will grow up knowing that you love her no matter where you live in the world.
best wishes to you both
regards
rach x

bazfer

Hi
I thankfuly am not in your very difficult situation.
I am now a grown Up (or so i am told ) with children of my own. my parents seperated when i was about the age your daughter is. my dad would just "disappear" for years at a time. His contact with us was very patchy,that was hard. although you are going to be physically a long way form your daughter, you will be able to keep regular contact with her. she will always be aware of your love for her. plus she will be able to visit oz, and tell all her friends about it- how jealous will they be!
I think the point i am trying to make, is that there is no ideal situation , when you cannnot be with your child full time. but at leat you want to make your relationship work, despite being so far away. many parents are in the same country, and don't give half as much care as you want to.

neal

Hi there Loose,Mrs.Neal here.
We are leaving behind my husbands two children from previous marriage,ages 9 and 13.We are really close to them even though they don't live with us,and my husband has already left them once when he left his ex so feels pretty damn terrible leaving them again.However,as with you,many years of soul-searching have gone into our decision and we know it's right even though it's tough.
What I thought when I read your thread was that (in my opinion )you should put in as much ground -work as you can now as 5 year olds are very perseptive and can learn and adapt to a huge amount of stuff.We have a 5 year old daughter who's coming with us and we're teaching her how to e-mail and use a webcam with our families before we go-she comes in from school now wanting to send an e-mail !!
Have you thought of setting your ex up with a basic computer/webcam and then teaching your daughter how to e-mail?I'm pretty sure that aswell as your fear of missing her you must be frightened that she'll forget you?I know my step-children are afraid our daughter will forget them.Five year olds don't forget bloody ANYTHING:scared: -trust me,I try to get away with things on a regular basis and it NEVER works!!
If communicating with you via e-mail and seeing you on a webcam become "normal"while you're in this country(in between seeing her)then it won't be such a trauma for you both when you go.What do you think?
And what you definately have in your favour is your relationship with your ex-something my hubby hasn't got and who's ex delights in filling his childrens heads full of c**p at every opportunity.
Do you have a computer?And what about setting up MSN messenger on it if you do?We have it now and you can chat backwards and forwards via text (or audio if you have a webcam-I think you need the webcam for the audio bit,not very computer minded I'm afraid ).
Just a few thoughts to ease the pain-pm me if you want some support.
Mrs.Neal

jeannie

This is good advice........

neal

Thankyou... Mrs.N

loose

Thanks all........brilliant advice and really really appreciate it. I've just nipped on at work at the moment, and will get back on later when I've more time to reply and thank you properly.

Thanks..

loose

Thanks again for your replies. I wasn't going to put anything on here about my situation cos its obviously personal, but hearing from people in a similar situation, and hearing constructive comments helps a lot.

I do get on well with my ex, and even get on well with her new beau - and we've talked about setting up a web cam etc. Like they said, it will work if we make it work, and they know how much my daughter means to me, and how much I mean to her. I think I just get upset worrying about her being upset when she hasn't seen me for a while. Hopefully as time passes and I see that its working ok, and that she continues to be the happy kid she is now, maybe then I'll relax 100%.

eeee its tough innit! I'm an optimist though, and have manged to keep smiling this far so sure I can continue to do so!!!

Roll on the web chats and phone call, the parcels sent back and forth, and the regular once or twice a year together. (for a good several weeks each time).

Thanks again guys - its weird how its easier to talk to relative strangers sometimes.


Hope everyone else's situations work out. I'd imagine it must be so upsetting and frustrating when the relationships aren't great and childrens minds are being filled with nonsense.

Chins up eh!!