robos

hi all

i dont know where to start but...
we have had our visas for 18 months now and we have just been waiting to sell the house. we have 3 kids a lad of 18 a girl of 16 and another lad of 14. all along we have been worried that the eldest lad would meet someone and say he doesnt want to come as right from the start its been all of us go or none do (personally i dont think i could go all that way and leave one of my kids behind. thats just my opinion and the hubby feels the same)
anyway about a month ago i posted that the 16yr old daughter had met a lad and was full on with him she thinks thst she fell in love with him when they met(bearing in mind this is her first ever boyfriend)
a couple of weeks ago we had an offer on the house so our dream was becoming a reality after 3 years of waiting and endless years of planning only for our daughter to say she doesnt want to come now because she is in love anyway things happened and days went by then we had another discussion with her about it and she said she would kill herself if we insisted she was coming with us. anyway that situation was resolved or so we thought then the night before last we had a blazing row and one thing led to another then when we went to pick her up from work yesterday evening they said she had gone out for her lunch and not come back........
we got home phoned round the boyfriends dad and asked had he seen her then his sister and they said they hadnt seen her
so we phoned the police who we gave the number plate of the byfriends car
an hour later they said they had found her she is safe but because of her age they cant force her to come home if she didnt want to and guess what she didnt want to (even though she has only just turned 16 a couple of months ago they could of forced her how ironic)
just after the police phoned us we got a call from the boyfriends dad stating that they were there...........
he asked if she could stay there against by judgement i said yes(only because i had no choice)the police had as good as told us that we couldnt go and get her our hands were tied
anyway the bfs dad said he would bring her home today after he finishes work
its killing me waiting i still dont know for sure if she is definately coming home and there is nothing anyone can do about it
and quite frankly i dont think i want to ever see th bf or his dad again i just get so angry i no my little girl is not totally blameless in all this but the bf and his family arenot helping at all
our whole lives and future look like they are going to be ruined by a stupid little no mark who at 19 yrs old cant support himself (as he has no job) let alone keep my girl inthe life she is acustomed to and his family who might i add they have all known from the very first day what our plans were
we have done things to try to resolve this by coming up with ways around it ie the possibility of him getting some sort of visa and following and that she only had to stay for the two years and get her citisenship then she can come and go as she pleases but frankly thats just not enough
im looking for answers if anyone has gone through this and come out the other side
we are at the end of our tether dont know what to do or what the law allows us to do

anyway if any of you are bored enough to of read this thanks it helps me get it off my chest

jan xx

Sammy T

Sorry to hear about yuor dilema.
I have no experience in this, so I hope some others who have maybe been through the same thing might be able to help you.
The only thing I would say is not to show your dislike or anger for the boyfriend and his family as in my experience of being a teenager, that will just make her more determined to be with him.

Really feel for you and hope you can find a resolution that suits you all.

Sam

sonlymewalter

Sorry to hear about your dilemma. It is heartbreaking being a parent to grown up kids and I hope you sort it out but there's no easy answer.

Whilst it is understandable you want to blame the BF and his dad, remember it was the BF's dad who has kept you informed and has offered to bring your daughter back home safe.

At the end of the day your daughter is at an age where she can make up her own mind and once she turns 18 she will be legally entitled to. It sounds like you and your husband may have to come to terms with the fact she may not make the move and what this might mean to you. Reality is it might mean you sacrificing the move or leaving your daughter to lead her own life.

Whatever the decision I wish you well.

PS. You might get a better response in the Barbie

moneypenny20

Knowing only what you've posted, could it be that the boyfriends family are trying in some way to help but letting her stop there rather than maybe wandering around 'homeless'. Don't go heavy on her. It must be terribly hard on her, I can remember my first love and jeez it's heavy.

No advice really, just try and stay calm.

robos

thanks for all your kind words

i just had a text message off her to say she isnt coming home

i cant let her ruin my two other kids lives so we will still make the move we have just signed the contracts on our house sale and took them to the solicitor so here is to our new life!

thanks again jan xx

Gonnago

oh no thats dreadful - god i was just the same at 16 thought my BF was the whole world - personally I would go, because you know 6 months down the line she will be right behind you, it will run its course. Its gonna be painful but it will work out in the end.

((hugs)) you have my sympathies, i have three daughters and i am not looking forward to these days!!

Sammy T

My kids are only 9 and 11, so have not to face anyhting like that yet but I think you are doing the right thing as you need to live your life too and do the things you have dreamed of. If you chose not to go because of her decision, that would only cause bitterness. Given her own space to think about this and in time her relationship with her boyfriend may change, she may well wish to join you later.
Sending you lots of good wishes.

Sam

cheekivimto07

Well Done for making that decision.. (a very difficult and hard one i know) I did a simular thing to my parents when i was much younger and boy did i regret it after a short period of time. Eventually you will get that call saying mum ive made a mistake can i come home, regardless of where you live. I wish you all the very best and fingers crossed she returns home sooner rather than later.

Sam xx

ASHO

Good on you that takes a lot of bottle!.We were all 16 once hopefully it will all be over in a couple of months and shell be right behind you, good luck i wish you the best.(by the way my 15 year old has just met a girl that he is really fond of)

robos

thank you all for you kind words they are really helping me to come to terms

jan xx

Timber Floor Au

Cannot be easy, especially as a head strong 16 yr old.

Remember what is was like?

The farthest you could see was the end of your nose.

Your life up till then, revolved around rules and routine.

You were given others opinions, and told that this is the way. Then suddenly, you become opinionated, and everyone elses opinion sucked.

When discussion became argument.

_______________________________

Cannot be easy, I think you must make your own minds up and perhaps be selfish, but Im not sure what I would do given the same circumstances

Steve

suttons

wishing you all the best and like everyone says i'm sure she'll not be far behind you, give her any support she needs and make sure she knows she can pick up the phone anytime no matter what, good luck in your move x

alipally

All I can do is wish you every success in your new life.

As the mother of older teenagers, I can sympathise with your situation and I'll pass on the advice my own mother gave me...

Zip up your mouth, say nothing, no matter how much you disagree with their choices... Listen to their problems. Do not judge aloud... EVER! Always make sure that they know that they know you love them and if they need help you will always be on hand!

The probability is that this relationship will run it's course and by the time you're ready to move out to Australia, she will be coming with you.... If not, ensure that she knows there's always a ticket waiting for her should she change her mind or want to come and visit...

I wish you every luck with your future, and I'm sure that your daughter will follow you soon enough.

Ali x

ausi dream

been to aus twice and back in last three years and trying for our third attempt, both our boys are 17 and 19, and the nineteen has got a steady girlfriend and has left home a few times, adamant he wont go.Already been twice before with him,cant bear to leave him behind and still trying to convince him to come. We were set up with jobs accommodation e,c,t and have had to postpone for now, and start all over again as time ran out on the job front for starting date.

srd

hi, had a situation similar to yours, only it was my son who did not want to come, we encouraged (gave money to buy a car) him to come, i have 3 teenage children, now 20,19,17, none of them were overjoyed at moving to australia, but we asked them to give it a go, like you we had planned etc for about 3 years, the day we sold our house they begged us not to do it, we gave in and stayed in the UK and rented for a while then decided no, we wanted to make the move so forced the issue, by then none of them were happy but went along with it. the older two were in australia for 13 days, we had hell for that time, tears, tantrums and terrible arguments which ended with them returning to uk. my daughter is still here with us but very unhappy and this is resulting in us trying to return. we have bought a house, got a puppy and our lives are turned upside down. we felt just like you when in the uk, but if i could turn back the clock i would have stayed there. my OH and i much prefer australia to uk but it is awful having a torn apart family and it makes it very difficult to settle knowing that you are not together.

of course you daughter may realise that she would rather be with you and she is finding it hard to deal with. i wish you all the best with your decision, if you would like to PM me i will chat more. srd