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Am I being selfish?

Am I being selfish?

Old Feb 6th 2022, 4:49 am
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Default Am I being selfish?

Hi, I need some help please. I came over from the UK 14 years ago with my partner of now 25 years. He works away for 2 weeks every month and has done since we arrived all those years ago. I have tried making a life for myself/ourselves but am now feeling very lonely. My only son (not my partners) lives in Qld and I now have 2 young grandchildren too. I really am ready to head over there but my partner is not interested and likes his life here. I work full time and always have and know I will be able to find work there and can stay with my son and family for a while until I find somewhere to live. What to do??? 🥲
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Old Feb 6th 2022, 5:07 am
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Default Re: Am I being selfish?

You only have one life. Don't spend it unhappy
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Old Feb 6th 2022, 7:10 am
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Default Re: Am I being selfish?

Originally Posted by verystormy View Post
You only have one life. Don't spend it unhappy
Thanks, very true words that I need to really think about.
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Old Feb 6th 2022, 8:18 am
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Default Re: Am I being selfish?

Does your son approve the move? Would you live with them? I'm thinking of a woman we know who moved to QLD from Perth to be close to son and grandchildren, only to find the reality was the son's wife was not welcoming and son cooled to the idea later. Obviously free child sitter was welcome but rest fine but at a distance and not too often.
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Old Feb 6th 2022, 8:25 am
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Default Re: Am I being selfish?

Originally Posted by the troubadour View Post
Does your son approve the move? Would you live with them? I'm thinking of a woman we know who moved to QLD from Perth to be close to son and grandchildren, only to find the reality was the son's wife was not welcoming and son cooled to the idea later. Obviously free child sitter was welcome but rest fine but at a distance and not too often.
Hi, yes we are very close and they are all desperate for me to move there. I would only stay with them for a couple of weeks and find a rental. That wasn’t really my question though its more about my partner not wanting to go after I have suffered Adelaide for 15 years most of the time on my own and now I want to spend time with my family he doesn’t! TBH I’ve probably answered my own question.
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Old Feb 7th 2022, 8:00 am
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Default Re: Am I being selfish?

No you are not being selfish.

Decisions like the one that you face are impossible for outsiders to make because its a one sided view of a very complex relationship. You may go there and be lonely? Often when people are far away they pine for each other but once together novelty dies off and life becomes nitty gritty and sometimes lonely I suppose the real issue is the relationship.

I think you are re-evaluating your life it also appears during the time you spent apart you have become distant from each other maybe spend time discussing things more before making a life changing decision but........ Bottom line in my view it is nice to make other people happy but our own individual needs should be met first and foremost. Good luck whatever happens.

Last edited by Mrs M; Feb 7th 2022 at 8:02 am. Reason: missed question
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Old Feb 7th 2022, 8:38 am
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Default Re: Am I being selfish?

Originally Posted by lickylady View Post
Hi, yes we are very close and they are all desperate for me to move there. I would only stay with them for a couple of weeks and find a rental. That wasn’t really my question though its more about my partner not wanting to go after I have suffered Adelaide for 15 years most of the time on my own and now I want to spend time with my family he doesn’t! TBH I’ve probably answered my own question.
I suffered Adelaide/SA for a number of years but luckily I escaped East. Surrounded by many other happy ex Croweaters
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Old Feb 8th 2022, 4:44 am
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Default Re: Am I being selfish?

Marriage counselling - get it out there with an impartial third party so he can hear what you are saying. Then, if you decide to move together then that's a win otherwise you have to decide whether he is the bloke you want to grow old beside. and If he isn't, and you are prepared to hit single life in older age then pack your bags and move on. If you cant see an old age without him then work out what compromise is going to work for both of you. If he works away for 2 weeks a month, why could he not do that from Qld? I think I would be slightly wary of the family who are "desperate" for you to move closer - sometimes it skews the balance in their relationship and it is easy to start intruding in their lives albeit unwittingly and if your daughter in law has no one of her own around and your son has you, that can lead to resentment. If OTOH your daughter in law is already surrounded by her family, it's less likely to be an issue.
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