Olibeneli

Long time for me to be on here, but with the recent announcement of new tests in the citizenship application I could not resist.......

Instead of asking the usual about the national flower, date of First Fleet, colours of the flag, etc etc why not ask the REAL questions that determine your suitability for Ozzie citozenship:

Here's my list, please feel free to ADD TO THIS LIST AND MAKE IT FUNNY

(NB.....I await an Australian to come up with the same for British Citizenship.....two way street this taking the pee.......)

Here's the real questions to ask:

1. How long does you hair have to be before it is officially a mullet?
2. If persisting going barefoot to the supermarket, how do you stay clean and hygenic but also save water?
3. What is the current record for most dollars spent trying to improve a 20 year old Holden Commodore to go fast and also sound loud?
4. How many men can you get around a standard 6 burner BBQ?
5. How long does it take a standard traffic light to complete one cycle:
   30 seconds
   10 minutes
   5 hours
   half a day
6. What are the standard bank fees per month:
   $1
   $10
   $100
   too bloody much ?
7. How many decent TV programmes are there originating from Australia?
   None
   One
   What is TV again......
8. How many hours of TV are dedicated to sport each day?
   23 hours 58 minutes
   23 hours 59 minutes
9. Who are the current Rugby World champions
   Australia
   Australia
   or Australia (we don't recognise the last world cup you see)
   
   

Come on - PLEASE make this funny...it's an English trait to take the pee out of our situation isn't it ?

ianandhelena

here's a harder version from last year:

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...ighlight=slabs

Olibeneli

Had not seen this - so funny it had to be repeated:
(PS,...anyone answers Bon Scott to the AC/DC question please see me - WRONG !!)

You must answer 75% (28 or more out of 37) of these questions correctly in order to qualify for Australian Citizenship
How many slabs can you fit in the back of a Falcon Ute while also allowing room for your cattle dog?

When packing an Esky do you put the ice, or the beer, in first?

Is the traditional Aussie Christmas dinner: a) At least two roasted meats with roast vegetables, followed by a pudding you could use as a cannonball. Also ham. In 40C heat. b) A seafood buffet followed by a barbie, with rather a lot of booze. And ham. In 40C heat. c) Both of the above, one at lunchtime and one at dinnertime. Weather continues fine.

How many beers in a slab?

You call that a knife, this is a knife. True or False?

Does "yeah-nah" mean "Yes and no" or "Maybe" or "Yes I understand but No I don't agree"?

The phrases "strewth" and "flamin' dingo" can be attributed to which TV character? a) Toadie from Neighbours b) Alf from Home & Away c) Agro from Agro's Cartoon Connection d) Sgt. Tom Croydon from Blue Heelers?

When cooking a barbecue do you turn the sausages a) Once or twice b) As often as necessary to cook c) After each stubby d) Until charcoal?

Name three of the Daddo brothers.

Who was the original lead singer of AC/DC?

Which option describes your ideal summer afternoon: a) Drinking beer at a mate's place b) Drinking beer at the beach c) Drinking beer watching the cricket/footy d) Drinking beer at a mate's place while watching the cricket before going to the beach?

Would you eat pineapple on pizza? Would you eat egg on a pizza?

How many cans of beer did David Boon consume on a plane trip from Australia to England?

How many stubbies is it from Brissy to the Gold Coast in a Torana travelling at 120km/h?

Who are Scott and Charlene?

How do you apply your tomato sauce to a pie? a) Squirt and spread with finger b) Sauce injection straight into the middle?

If the police raided your home would you: a) Allow them to rummage through your personal items b) Phone up the nearest talkback radio shock jock and complain c) Put a written complaint in to John Howard and hope that he answers it personally?

Which Australian Prime Minister held the world record for drinking a yardie full of beer the fastest?

Have you ever had/do you have a mullet?

Thongs are: a) Skimpy underwear b) Casual footwear c) They're called sandals, bro?

On which Ashes tour did Warney's hair look the best? 1993, 1997, 2001 or 2005?

What someone is more likely to die of. 1) Red Back Spider 2) Great White Shark 3) Victorian Police Officer 4) King Brown Snake 5) Your missus after a big night 6) Dropbear?

How many times must a steak be turned on a conventional four-burner barbie?

Can you sing along to Cold Chisel's Khe Sahn?

Explain both the "follow-on" and "LBW" rules in cricket and discuss the pros and cons for the third umpire decisions in the latter....

Name at least 5 items that must be taken to a BBQ.

Who is current Australian test cricket captain: a) Ricky Ponting b) Don Bradman c) John Howard d) Makybe Diva?

Is it best to take a sick day on: a) When the cricket's on b) When the cricket's on c) When the crickets on?

What animal is on the Bundaberg Rum bottle?

What is the difference between a pot and a middy of beer?

What are Budgie smugglers?

What brand and size of Esky will you be purchasing?

Did you cry when Molly died on a Country Practice?

A "Hoppoate" is: a) A breed of kangaroo b) A kind of Australian "wedgie" c) A disgraced Rugby League player?

What does having a 'chunder' mean?

When you were young did you prefer the Hills Hoist over any swing set?

What does the terminology 'True Blue' mean?

walaj

an alternative per The Age (can't be arsed to come up with my own one )
http://www.theage.com.au/articles/20...067108372.html

Streaks

- this is very entertaining
S xx

Olibeneli

It's getting funnier:

LANGUAGE
1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"?
2. What is a mole?

3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?

4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."

CUSTOMS
1. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
2. Complete the following sentences: a) "If the van's rockin' don't bother … b) You're going home in the back of a …

c) Fair suck of the …

3. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss

4. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?

5. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard "up on blocks"? Is his name Keith and does he have a wife called Cheryl?

FOOD
1. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
2. What are the ingredients in a rissole?

3. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.

4. Do you have an Aunty Myrna who is famous for her tuna mornay and other dishes involving a can of cream of celery soup?

5. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been nicked from a bath full of ice?

6. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?

7. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?

CULTURE
1. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
2. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?

3. Who would you like to crack on to?

4. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue" Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?

5. Is there someone you are only mates with because

they own a trailer or have a pool?

6. Would you love to have a beer with Duncan?

The people to be granted citizenship are the ones who call it a crock and cheat.