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Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

Old Mar 4th 2010, 7:40 am
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Default Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

Please help! I urgently need advice on what to do. To give you some background to the situation. We got our PR visas January 09, activated them April 09 and my husband has just been offered a job based in Campbelltown. We have until tomorrow to decide whether to stay or go!

My husband is fairly indifferent to the situation – he doesn’t really mind either way. I was always the driving force behind moving to Australia (we did the usual year out travelling around Australia 6/7 years ago and lived in Sydney for 4 month of that and I always vowed I would return some day). Until last week I only saw the positive aspects of the move – essentially the better weather and the lifestyle that brings with it but since breaking the news to our parents and seeing their horrified reaction I have started to look at things negatively. We already have x2 children (aged 3 & 1) and are expecting another in July (so I will be 5/6 months pregnant when we move). The reality of the situation will therefore be that I will be stuck at home with x2 children and a new baby while my husband is out of work with no friends or family support. I am worried that the buzz of the better weather, beach etc will wear off quite quickly and I will essentially feel quite alone. I am fully prepared to put in the effort of going to playgroups etc to try and meet new friends (and I am usually a fairly outgoing person) but after reading a few negative posts on this I am also worried that meeting new friends will be hard and trying to fit in with Australians will be difficult. I am not sure if where we decide to settle will have a big effect on this. If my husband accepts the job in Campbelltown then we would live in the North Wollongong suburbs (Austinmer) but he also has a 2nd job interview this evening for another job which would means we would be based in the Northern Beaches. Would this make a huge difference to meeting people and whether I would settle?

Australia was always the dream but I am worried that the dream will always be better than the reality. If we never made it out to Australia we always had a Plan B which would be to relocate within the UK to Northumberland (Alnwick) from South Yorkshire. My husband is originally from Newcastle and his family are quite a few friends are still there so we would have a readymade support network. I am determined that my children will grow up by the coast (for reasons I can’t really explain) and we love this area and it could give us a huge amount of what we are looking for. At this time in our lives it would be the sensible option. My husband could do an internal transfer with work so wouldn’t need to look for a new job, my mum (who I see 4/5 times a week at present) would come up once a month for a long weekend and my in-laws are a 40 min drive away. There are good schools, lovely beaches, green countryside, historic towns/villages and country pubs. We could be really happy there. The only thing would be that it would be cold weather!

Australia was the dream for so long I am obviously reluctant to let it go. Should I just accept that this is bad timing with the new baby, go for Plan B and if this for whatever reason doesn’t work out then move to Oz knowing that the UK is just not for us? Or should we just go for Australia in the first place and give it a go knowing that it could all go horribly wrong? I am so emotionally drained from thinking about it in the last week that I do not know what is right and wrong anymore. I know at the end of the day only us can make the decision but I think it would really help to hear from people that have made the move (especially mums with young kids) just to confirm whether my fears about the reality of living in Australia are actually true.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Sally
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Old Mar 4th 2010, 8:06 am
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

I don’t think you can ever be 100% certain of the correct thing to do. There will always be the “should I, shouldn’t I?” questions. I suppose you have to start by looking at your reasons for moving in the first place and then think about what you are happy to compromise on. There’s also consideration needed around the issue of not going and then spending the next 20 years saying we should have gone.

It is never an easy decision leaving family. I am going to be heartbroken when we go ourselves but ultimately I want what is best for my family and I think that will be Australia.

At the end of the day though, I cannot guarantee that we will settle and that Australia will feel like home. We are going with every intention of making this a long term move but nothing in life is certain.

Only you can make the decision about what’s best for your family and feeling unsure is not unnatural with a move of such magnitude.

We have had any family issues to deal with. I know my mum and dad are sad that we are going but they have never forced their feelings onto me or my husband/daughter. With that in mind, this has still been one of the most difficult decisions I/we have ever made!
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Old Mar 4th 2010, 8:29 am
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

The reality of NSW is often quite different from the "dream" - it's in many ways a failed state with big problems of health services, transport, corruption etc.

But, having made the visa validation trip I would go for it.

The 88 between the Gong and Campbelltown is a fast, easy road but has a bad safety record because of the infantile driving but if you are careful and don't try to beat the record it's a viable commute.

You have a few years to make up your mind but, if the state of the pound permits, why not go for broke now? Just don't expect paradise - you are going to be disappointed.
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Old Mar 4th 2010, 8:50 am
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

Sally, you are very close to your family, really, do you want to sacrifice that for a good memory from a few years ago?
I would suggest that you relocate within the UK first & see if you feel more settled. You have several years to make a final decision about Aus & by then, your children will be a little older.
Lots of luck & follow your heart!
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Old Mar 4th 2010, 8:55 am
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

Originally Posted by barnsleylass View Post

Australia was always the dream but I am worried that the dream will always be better than the reality.
The dream will nearly always be better that reality ! But reality can still be pretty great.

If I were you, I would :
a) consider making the move in a year or two,
b) if you make the move now, think of it as a temporaryt move only, with the intention of returning in 2 or 3 yrs. You never know, you might stay longer and like it...
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Old Mar 4th 2010, 8:56 am
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

Originally Posted by barnsleylass View Post
Please help! I urgently need advice on what to do. To give you some background to the situation. We got our PR visas January 09, activated them April 09 and my husband has just been offered a job based in Campbelltown. We have until tomorrow to decide whether to stay or go!

My husband is fairly indifferent to the situation – he doesn’t really mind either way. I was always the driving force behind moving to Australia (we did the usual year out travelling around Australia 6/7 years ago and lived in Sydney for 4 month of that and I always vowed I would return some day). Until last week I only saw the positive aspects of the move – essentially the better weather and the lifestyle that brings with it but since breaking the news to our parents and seeing their horrified reaction I have started to look at things negatively. We already have x2 children (aged 3 & 1) and are expecting another in July (so I will be 5/6 months pregnant when we move). The reality of the situation will therefore be that I will be stuck at home with x2 children and a new baby while my husband is out of work with no friends or family support. I am worried that the buzz of the better weather, beach etc will wear off quite quickly and I will essentially feel quite alone. I am fully prepared to put in the effort of going to playgroups etc to try and meet new friends (and I am usually a fairly outgoing person) but after reading a few negative posts on this I am also worried that meeting new friends will be hard and trying to fit in with Australians will be difficult. I am not sure if where we decide to settle will have a big effect on this. If my husband accepts the job in Campbelltown then we would live in the North Wollongong suburbs (Austinmer) but he also has a 2nd job interview this evening for another job which would means we would be based in the Northern Beaches. Would this make a huge difference to meeting people and whether I would settle?

Australia was always the dream but I am worried that the dream will always be better than the reality. If we never made it out to Australia we always had a Plan B which would be to relocate within the UK to Northumberland (Alnwick) from South Yorkshire. My husband is originally from Newcastle and his family are quite a few friends are still there so we would have a readymade support network. I am determined that my children will grow up by the coast (for reasons I can’t really explain) and we love this area and it could give us a huge amount of what we are looking for. At this time in our lives it would be the sensible option. My husband could do an internal transfer with work so wouldn’t need to look for a new job, my mum (who I see 4/5 times a week at present) would come up once a month for a long weekend and my in-laws are a 40 min drive away. There are good schools, lovely beaches, green countryside, historic towns/villages and country pubs. We could be really happy there. The only thing would be that it would be cold weather!

Australia was the dream for so long I am obviously reluctant to let it go. Should I just accept that this is bad timing with the new baby, go for Plan B and if this for whatever reason doesn’t work out then move to Oz knowing that the UK is just not for us? Or should we just go for Australia in the first place and give it a go knowing that it could all go horribly wrong? I am so emotionally drained from thinking about it in the last week that I do not know what is right and wrong anymore. I know at the end of the day only us can make the decision but I think it would really help to hear from people that have made the move (especially mums with young kids) just to confirm whether my fears about the reality of living in Australia are actually true.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Sally
Should you to immigrate to OZ or not is not a question anyone can answer,
immigration works out great for some people and they love OZ , for others it turns out badly and they can't wait to go back to the UK, it all depends on the individual and individual circumastances.
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Old Mar 4th 2010, 8:59 am
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

Hi,

It's very difficult to advise on a situation when i don't know you or your young family but i can only tell you the thought process we've been going through.
I am not a mum yet and we have not moved to Oz yet but we have been umming-and-uhhing over whether to go out there as permanent residents settle down etc and start a family bearing in mind we'd have no family/friends support etc. To me family is very important, but as another member said, think about whats right for YOUR family.
we have pretty much decided that money & jobs permitting we will go to Oz and make our lives out there. It's not like massive great iron barriers go up around England when you go to Oz, if you really don't like it you can come back. i know it's expensive to think about spending all that money going out there only to spend more to return but it's just money and yours and your family's future and happinness is what truelly matters.
I don't want to hit 50 and think 'Oh bugger, i wish i'd tried that'.

Sarah
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Old Mar 4th 2010, 9:09 am
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

Originally Posted by barnsleylass View Post
Please help! I urgently need advice on what to do. To give you some background to the situation. We got our PR visas January 09, activated them April 09 and my husband has just been offered a job based in Campbelltown. We have until tomorrow to decide whether to stay or go!

My husband is fairly indifferent to the situation – he doesn’t really mind either way. I was always the driving force behind moving to Australia (we did the usual year out travelling around Australia 6/7 years ago and lived in Sydney for 4 month of that and I always vowed I would return some day). Until last week I only saw the positive aspects of the move – essentially the better weather and the lifestyle that brings with it but since breaking the news to our parents and seeing their horrified reaction I have started to look at things negatively. We already have x2 children (aged 3 & 1) and are expecting another in July (so I will be 5/6 months pregnant when we move). The reality of the situation will therefore be that I will be stuck at home with x2 children and a new baby while my husband is out of work with no friends or family support. I am worried that the buzz of the better weather, beach etc will wear off quite quickly and I will essentially feel quite alone. I am fully prepared to put in the effort of going to playgroups etc to try and meet new friends (and I am usually a fairly outgoing person) but after reading a few negative posts on this I am also worried that meeting new friends will be hard and trying to fit in with Australians will be difficult. I am not sure if where we decide to settle will have a big effect on this. If my husband accepts the job in Campbelltown then we would live in the North Wollongong suburbs (Austinmer) but he also has a 2nd job interview this evening for another job which would means we would be based in the Northern Beaches. Would this make a huge difference to meeting people and whether I would settle?

Australia was always the dream but I am worried that the dream will always be better than the reality. If we never made it out to Australia we always had a Plan B which would be to relocate within the UK to Northumberland (Alnwick) from South Yorkshire. My husband is originally from Newcastle and his family are quite a few friends are still there so we would have a readymade support network. I am determined that my children will grow up by the coast (for reasons I can’t really explain) and we love this area and it could give us a huge amount of what we are looking for. At this time in our lives it would be the sensible option. My husband could do an internal transfer with work so wouldn’t need to look for a new job, my mum (who I see 4/5 times a week at present) would come up once a month for a long weekend and my in-laws are a 40 min drive away. There are good schools, lovely beaches, green countryside, historic towns/villages and country pubs. We could be really happy there. The only thing would be that it would be cold weather!

Australia was the dream for so long I am obviously reluctant to let it go. Should I just accept that this is bad timing with the new baby, go for Plan B and if this for whatever reason doesn’t work out then move to Oz knowing that the UK is just not for us? Or should we just go for Australia in the first place and give it a go knowing that it could all go horribly wrong? I am so emotionally drained from thinking about it in the last week that I do not know what is right and wrong anymore. I know at the end of the day only us can make the decision but I think it would really help to hear from people that have made the move (especially mums with young kids) just to confirm whether my fears about the reality of living in Australia are actually true.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Sally
Well, you are obviously very close to your parents and that is why they were 'horrified' when you mentioned it, which by the way begs the question ."Was this the first time you mentioned it to them?".
Making friends at playgroups will be easy, making friends with neighbours will be easy, forget about australians vs british, fact of the matter is that there are so many ex brits over here your new neighbour might even come from Barnsley themself!!
The kids will love it, your hubby will be a better father as the weather enables the whole family to get out and do things, unlike the cold, mud and rain in UK.
But.....your parents........will they support you looking for a better life for your immediate family, or, will they vilify you for leaving them.....you know them better than anyone else and its your heart that will be affected, not hubbies or kids.......you are fortunate in that you have lots of options.
What would I do??? Go to Oz, see how you as an immediate family get on, then see what the repurcussions are from your parents. If they turn against you then actually that shows who they care more about, you or themselves? If they truly want the best for you then they will leave there own heartache aside and wish you the best. Hey, they can always come and visit!
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Old Mar 4th 2010, 9:36 am
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

When we moved out to Oz, our children were 1 and 3. Hubby was offered the opportunity to work in Sydney doing the same job that he loved in the UK. We weren't particularly close to my mum and sisters, but I was very close to my gran, although we lived 4 hours drive away from her. We were far closer to hubbys family, but even they lived 100 miles away, so we never relied on family for anything. We saw hubbys family perhaps once a month for the day, and my family a couple of times a year, if that.

When hubby was offered the job, we considered it very carefully. We spoke to our family (they were all of the opinion that it was a great move for us, and to go for it) and decided that as our children were so young, they would be far easier to settle, rather than have to pull them out of school and put them in to a new school in a new system. So we decided that we would give it a go, but rather than view it as a permanent thing, we would view it as temporary until we knew one way or other whether we liked it. So, we said that we would stay for five years, which is plenty of time to let the dust settle and see whether we could make it long-term.

Perhaps you should view the move in that way. Rather than see it as a final and permanent move, look at it as a temporary thing that may become permanent depending on how you get on. We have been here (south Sydney) for just over a year, and I can tell you that we have decided that we love it enough to stay for the time being. It has been hard work and scary at times and if in another couple of years we decide that it isn't for us, we will come back to the UK and view the experience as an adventure and something to tell the grandchildren!
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Old Mar 4th 2010, 11:35 am
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

Unfortunately you wont know until you try.

My partner is English and I am a kiwi. I had never ever travelled anywhere (not even to the south island of my own country) when we moved here.

Oz was somewhere my partner wanted to go but I liked being near my close family (mum + 4 siblings) and my friends.

But for him I moved and its not as bad as I thought. I have a phoen so I can talk to them whenever I want. And now one of my sisters and her hubby have moved up to Brissy with their kids too so they are only an hour away by plane which is great.

Lots of English people up in the nOrthern beaches I hear - I wouldnt know as I live in the inner west with all the italians and greeks lol

We went for a drive down to Wollongong a few weeks ago and it was really nice down there though.

I dont think you would have any issues fitting in with Ozzies - if you actually get to meet any. When I first moved here I worked in a team of 8 and half of us were kiwis plus a south african and an indian....only a couple of Ozzies lol
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Old Mar 4th 2010, 6:46 pm
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

Many thanks for your help and advice! It is much appreciated. We have been given a few more days to decide so I don't feel under quite so much pressure.

It was the first time I mentioned it to my parents last week as I didn't want to worry them unnecessarily. My husband was never prepared to move without a job offer so until he had one we didn't see any point mentioning it.

As many of you say whatever our decision now it needn't be forever. If things don't work out in either Sydney or Northumberland we simply pack our bags and try the other. We are lucky I guess to have the luxury of so many options and our kids are young enough to adapt quickly.

I think maybe I'll give my brain the night off .....

Sally
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Old Mar 4th 2010, 8:41 pm
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

Originally Posted by barnsleylass View Post
Please help! I urgently need advice on what to do. To give you some background to the situation. We got our PR visas January 09, activated them April 09 and my husband has just been offered a job based in Campbelltown. We have until tomorrow to decide whether to stay or go!

My husband is fairly indifferent to the situation – he doesn’t really mind either way. I was always the driving force behind moving to Australia (we did the usual year out travelling around Australia 6/7 years ago and lived in Sydney for 4 month of that and I always vowed I would return some day). Until last week I only saw the positive aspects of the move – essentially the better weather and the lifestyle that brings with it but since breaking the news to our parents and seeing their horrified reaction I have started to look at things negatively. We already have x2 children (aged 3 & 1) and are expecting another in July (so I will be 5/6 months pregnant when we move). The reality of the situation will therefore be that I will be stuck at home with x2 children and a new baby while my husband is out of work with no friends or family support. I am worried that the buzz of the better weather, beach etc will wear off quite quickly and I will essentially feel quite alone. I am fully prepared to put in the effort of going to playgroups etc to try and meet new friends (and I am usually a fairly outgoing person) but after reading a few negative posts on this I am also worried that meeting new friends will be hard and trying to fit in with Australians will be difficult. I am not sure if where we decide to settle will have a big effect on this. If my husband accepts the job in Campbelltown then we would live in the North Wollongong suburbs (Austinmer) but he also has a 2nd job interview this evening for another job which would means we would be based in the Northern Beaches. Would this make a huge difference to meeting people and whether I would settle?

Australia was always the dream but I am worried that the dream will always be better than the reality. If we never made it out to Australia we always had a Plan B which would be to relocate within the UK to Northumberland (Alnwick) from South Yorkshire. My husband is originally from Newcastle and his family are quite a few friends are still there so we would have a readymade support network. I am determined that my children will grow up by the coast (for reasons I can’t really explain) and we love this area and it could give us a huge amount of what we are looking for. At this time in our lives it would be the sensible option. My husband could do an internal transfer with work so wouldn’t need to look for a new job, my mum (who I see 4/5 times a week at present) would come up once a month for a long weekend and my in-laws are a 40 min drive away. There are good schools, lovely beaches, green countryside, historic towns/villages and country pubs. We could be really happy there. The only thing would be that it would be cold weather!

Australia was the dream for so long I am obviously reluctant to let it go. Should I just accept that this is bad timing with the new baby, go for Plan B and if this for whatever reason doesn’t work out then move to Oz knowing that the UK is just not for us? Or should we just go for Australia in the first place and give it a go knowing that it could all go horribly wrong? I am so emotionally drained from thinking about it in the last week that I do not know what is right and wrong anymore. I know at the end of the day only us can make the decision but I think it would really help to hear from people that have made the move (especially mums with young kids) just to confirm whether my fears about the reality of living in Australia are actually true.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Sally

Its actually quite easy to meet other people when your kdis are that young, playgroups, school etc, however will you click with them like you would with your mates in the UK. You would hope sydney would be quite multi racial and you would find a variety of people to meet, however many women do find clicking with aussie women difficult.

I think your right to already feel you need more than beach and weather, the novelty soon wears off. Dragging 3 kids to the beach is a lot of hard work in my experience anyway, well for mums anyway Sun is much overrated - skin cancer concerns outweigh the 'benefits' IMO.

One thing I would check is the cost of living here now, if you came here 6/7 years ago you might be shocked at the cost of anything in OZ let alone sydney!! However aus is very very generous with family benefits to families, far higher than the UK, you could get massive handouts to offset the extreme cost of living.

Lots to think about
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Old Mar 5th 2010, 1:22 am
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

As others have said you will not know until you try.

But as someone from Northumberland area, lived in a little village near Alnwick and Rothbury.
There is no competition between Alnwick and Australia. Australia lifestyle wins hands down.

Alnwick is very nice place and has nice coast, used to visit Alnmouth beach regular with my kids. It does have nice national trust places nearby eg Cragside. However after a couple of years we had seen them so many times it got boring.

Also the drive on the A1 to Newcastle or the Metro centre is usually jam packed during commuting times. Not sure what your work is, but hubby hated the drive in to Newcastle every day due to traffic. Ok at first but after a couple of years it really wears you down.

However housing is not cheap and in Alnwick or Morpeth. Personally Id rather use the money setting up in Australia.

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Old Mar 5th 2010, 1:56 am
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

It's a tough one, but given that you're pregnant and the new bub will be born in Oz, I'd probably stay where I was for the time being. Emigrating is emotional enough without adding to the situation by making it hormonal as well. Time's on your side, your husband's skilled enough to get a job from other there, and there are other jobs. Add to that the shocking exchange rate which will make oz seem very expensive . . . I'd bide my time . . .
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Old Mar 5th 2010, 2:12 am
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Default Re: Advice urgently needed! - should we stay or go??

Originally Posted by spartacus View Post
It's a tough one, but given that you're pregnant and the new bub will be born in Oz, I'd probably stay where I was for the time being. Emigrating is emotional enough without adding to the situation by making it hormonal as well. Time's on your side, your husband's skilled enough to get a job from other there, and there are other jobs. Add to that the shocking exchange rate which will make oz seem very expensive . . . I'd bide my time . . .
We have two boys and although we have great friends I really miss the old friends and the family and the help we could have, we both work now and normally things juggle along quite nicely but when kids are ill or there is an emergency it really brings home how alone we really are and it all falls apart quite quickly. Please don't underestimate how hard it would be in a new country with nobody, we did it tough and looking back if the kids were not so settled now I would consider going home to old friends and the family we left behind and this is six years on. By the sounds of it you have a good thing going, Australia is great and the weather is a huge plus but it is amazing how quickly you can take these things for granted, you can end up very lonely in paradise......
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