debsnshaun

My friends are in the process of putting in their main visa and their 17 year old daughter (she will be 18 Oct of this year) doesn't want to go with them.

She has been living at her boyfriends parents for over a year and the situation is that she won't have photographs taken or medical and doesn't what anything to do with the situation at all (even though they have tried).

As anybody else be in this position where they couldn't get an older child to go. Only my understanding is even if the child still doesn't want to go you still have to get them to have medicals etc.

Your advice on this would be greatly received.

Kind regards

Debbie, Lancaster, UK

CathnPaul

Debbie - our eldest isnt coming with us and he was 18 when we put our app in..it was one of the hardest things to deal with as a family - including him.

Now he has set himself up in his own home, full time job and is so happy. He has also told us this week he is planning to come over to australia in about 5 years which has made our day.

With regards to question relating to the medicals etc I am sure one of the agents will be able to advise you... we had to pull our son off the main part of the application but put him in a latter section as a member of the family and they didnt request meds/pcc's from him. He was still living at home at the time. But would rather you checked it out for you as cases are different.

jan

The child will not need the medical if she is not on the application. She will be able to apply at a later date either as an individual or if still in full time education and dependant with her parents.
I guess at her age the choice is hers,for what it is worth from my point of view i would not be held to ransom by her if i had the chance to go then i would.Otherwise possible scenario dont go stay in the u.k. and lose the chance of a lifetime and at the end of the day there is no guarantee ones children will live nearby anyway. Their own circumstances may change and they might move anywhere in the world.
But it can be heartwrenching for all.

CathnPaul

Thats what happened with us Jan - with the support of people on here we got through the trauma of him telling us he was dropping out of uni and knew what it would mean. We all suffered...but 8months on it is the best thing that could have happened to him. I am so proud of what he has achieved.

But they dont get pulled straight off the app - as I mentioned they go to a latter part of the app and not in the main part.

(Bits of an agents reply is in a link i have put after this)

Peter & Karin

We're in the same predicament, my son who will be 17 in April does not want to go to Australia. We are expecting our visas to be through any day now and we've tried to reason with him to come for a year till he's 18 then make his own decision, but he's making it very difficult for us and as he has a steady girlfriend he doesn't want to leave her and family etc. According to him we are ruining his life and I've had many a tearful day in the past few weeks. I'm hoping it will turn out okay when the time comes to go.

Karin

jan

It is so nice to hear everything worked out so well for you,It must have been a real trauma for all of you. I am sure it tears some people apart.

Lord Pom Percy

At 17 shes almost an adult if she does'nt want to go theres nothing they can do about it. If she has'nt been to OZ before then perhaps offer her a free holiday there or to visit you once your settled and then if she likes the place she might change her mind, but if shes serious about her boyfriend then she would probably still want to stay in the UK with him.

MarkandShelly

Hi,

We have a 17 yr old who doesn't want to come with us, he started college in September last year, he wants to finish that and he also has a girlfriend which doesn't help, but he'll be staying with my MIL so at least I'll know that he'll be OK, we're hoping that when we go, he is coming with us only for a holiday, he'll love it so much he will not want to come back to the UK.

Good luck to your friend

Shelly

CathnPaul

Karin - it is one of the hardest things to go through and imagine going through isnt it. Please take comfort in things working out later on. I really know the sleepless nights, tears and upset it brings to parents. You arent on your own with this and totally understand.

When I posted on here a similar thread I had some harsh things said - but in hindsite are the things that got me through.

Have a look:http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=341386

sasbear

[QUOTE=CathnPaul;4246882]Karin - it is one of the hardest things to go through and imagine going through isnt it. Please take comfort in things working out later on. I really know the sleepless nights, tears and upset it brings to parents. You arent on your own with this and totally understand.


Hi,

Been there and got the t.shirt.

Now over 2 years on and almost 3 years since I have seen my daughter - I am just beginning to emerge at the other side through it all - not too badly scarred.

My daughter was 14 and a half and almost 15 when we actually emigrated. she was on the application at the start and then refused - her dad backed her up so we had to take her name from the application.

Our agent said we had to make sure she still had the medical - not sure if this was because of her age or that she was initially on the application.

Getting her to the medical was a difficult time and you can pm me if you want further details - it is not something I am proud about - but then we all make mistakes.

I feel for everyone in this situation - and NO ONE can judge. Even people with their own kids having gone through the same thing. It is a very individual position.

The only advice I can give is.....nothing is for ever, our children do grow and move away no matter where we live. I moved to the other end of the world and my mum is still back in the UK. Just because they are young doesn't mean they have to be with parents. Hard (extremely hard for me) but true.

My best wishes to anyone going through/gone through this - no amount of advice and support can really make an impact. It is down to you and your daughter.

Sarah

shade8

Tough one.But I don't blame her even if the boyfriend dosn't last its all the friends.I would not of wanted to be pulled to the otherside of the world at that age.