natty

Hi everyone

One of the main reasons we decided to move to Tasmania was that we fell in love with the place when we came to visit my sister ( she has lived here 15 years) I also thought it wouid be lovely to live near my sister as due to our gae gap ( 7 years) we have never spent any time together. I planned to have kids once we got here and thought it would be lovely to have the advice and support of my big sister.

We spent the first 2 weeks with here and then found a place to rent - everything was fine when we lived there but then the trouble began. I kept ringing her to invite them round for dinner ( her, her husband and my two nephews) and she kept saying she was busy- I made sure I rang her every couple of weeks but she was always short with me on the phone and when I left a message she never rang me back. In the end I assumed I must have done something to annoy her so I kept trying her and finally got hold of her last week- She was really short with me on the phone so I finally asked if I had done something wrong- she refused to speak for a minute or two and then she said she didnt want to talk about it- well i was so shocked as I really didnt have a clue what I had done. She said she needed time to think and she would ring me back- a week later I had heard nothing. Then today I received a 5 line letter from her which basically said that she felt she had nothing in common with me and that she didnt see any point in spending time with me and therefore good luck for the future and goodbye !!!!!
I was so upset and angry and still am- I just don't undertand it- even if she doesn't like me ( which in alot of families happens) you don't just cut someone out of your life do you ???? She says we have nothing in common- how about the fact that we are sisters !!!! My husband is so angry as he can see how upset I am but part of me refuses to cry because I have wasted enough tears over the last few months worrying about her as it is. I am going to speak to my dad tonight as I really dont understand her at all. What makes it worse is that we have finally made the decision to start trying for a baby and I can't share that with her and it seems I wont even be able to see my nephews again .
I am sorry to go on but sometimes you have to unburden yourself and i hoped that some others who have emigrated might have experienced something similar and might be able to offer some advice.

Thanks for listening

Nat

cranni

Just because you are sisters does not mean you will get on, maybe she is jealous, there must be something else she is not saying, but i can understand you being upset.
My mum and dad emigrated in the 70s, my mum had not seen her sister for 20 yrs, she was nothing like my mum, and she called my nana some horrible things, my mum did not like her, and her hubby was a creep he could not keep his hands to himself, so my mum went home, and regrets it now, dont give up because of your sister, you will make new friends, youknow what they say , you can choose your friends. All the best Denise

jad n rich

Thats really sad, perhaps they will come round once you have established your own lives and they realise you dont need any of their help or time, are there any other people in tasmania like from this site who can get you started on a social life.

Sorry cant be more helpful sometimes you cant win with family, main thing we experienced was arriving in melb to lots of partners family and they were as cold as the weather, but I think they were scared we would move in with them with all the kids and all, or wouldnt find work and want money or something, now we live in qld we cant get rid of them wanting free holidays

Chin up have a drink

Timber Floor Au

Gday Nat

That is very sad, and you must be in such a confused state.

Perhaps, she feels threatened by you, sounds to me that perhaps she feels jealous.

You didnt mention how you get on with her husband and children ?

I hope it works out, just remember dont try to hard with her, it will increase the pressure and perhaps make her more alienated towards you, for whatever her reasons.

Get on with your life, and just keep in touch with her, and let her know whats going on in your life. Least in months perhaps years to come, she cannot throw, YOU CUT ME OUT, back in your face, which is often the case.

Have seen mates fall out, and the perpetrator becomes the victim, in his mind... weird but true.

You be YOU and live for yourselves. Blood is thicker tan water, but a beer tastes better

Good luck with tryin for a Bubba !

Steve n Co.

RReed

Nat, how awful for you. I think Steve and co are right - It sounds like there may be more to her behaviour. Perhaps if you back off, but stay in touch she will think differently in a little while.

Did she move to Tasmania to get away from family? Perhaps you bring back feelings she was trying to escape from (not necessarily to do with you). I have enjoyed being on the other side of the world from my family, despite the fact that we all get on well. I have felt quite liberated by the distance. My mother visited for a month and I started to feel quite 'oppressed'. Can't explain why. I love her and she didn't overstep the mark (staying in a motel and doing her own thing lots). I think I was guilty of being a bit 'short and distant' with her before she left.

Families are strange things!

Rachel

woodyinoz

Sorry to hear about all of this...

You must feel so distant at the moment.

Remeber that you can enjoy yourselves in Taz and your little one will have a great start. Your sister is the one missing out, not you.

eintracht

Reading your post purely as an outsider and with no emotional attachment to your situation I think there is more to it than she has told you.
Personally, if it was me I'd wait until I knew her husband and children were out (it might be something to do with them), go and knock on her door and thrash it out. One way or the other you'll at least know the truth, it may hurt but you can then at least evaluate the situation. If you just leave it and don't talk to her you'll never know and will be wondering for the rest of your life.

Not easy at all I know so good luck whatever you decide to do.

natty

Thanks guys for the replies and I agree with everything you have all said. I also think there is something else going on but as she refuses to speak to me on the phone and has now basically stated that she wishes to have nothing further to do with me then I am unsure how to find out- I dont have the guts to go to her house and I think that would just cause more angst for all concerned so guess I have to accept it for now.
I think that perhaps she thinks that we are a bad influence on her kids because we brought them gifts when we first got here and they dont get stuff as they dont have much money- I get the feeling she thinks we are irresponsible because we have a drink or two but realy we are two young people, we dont have kids yet and we enjoy life- we are not irresponsible as far as I am concerned- I would considor myself to be an excellent aunt and would do nothing to harm those kids at all but somehow she makes me feel like I must be a terible person !!
My dad thinks that perhaps she is jealous as she had kids young and always struggles with money and we have a bit of money as we dont have kids yet.
I also think that she did run away from home to a degree ( although I was young at the time and didnt know much about it ) and perhaps its has brought old stuff back ( we have the same dad and different mums and my mum was horrible to her when we were young) so I guess it could be a combination of all these things.
Its has upset me and to an extent I do feel very alone because of it but on the other hand I have a good job, we seem to slowly be making friends and are planning a Halloween party- we have found an area we want to live in when our lease runs out and we are starting to try for a baby so my life does go on and I refuse to let her destoy that. Its just sad thats all isnt it !!

Once again thanks for your support

Nat xx

Stitch

I haven't expereinced any of that except the age gap, I'm the older one and my sis is seven years younger. I can't think of any answers for you as although my sister and I aren't close-close we would be there for each other. I really feel for you and hope that your Dad can shed some light. They do say you can pick your friends and maybe you need to go search some out. It must be so hard but you and your husband will get through it. you have each other.

Cheers

Ginny

glittababe

Nat did you choose to live in tas because your sister was there? If you did then that kind of rejection can make everything seem worst. The guys are right, just cos your sisters doesn't mean you have to like each other as friends. Maybe there is some jelously involved too. I have 3 sisters one brother, I rarely talk to my sisters as they just create so much trouble. Sometimes 12,000 miles just isn't far enough! Good luck chick X

possoms

Hi Nat it sounds like theres a deep resentment there, its hard to forget your childhood years when they werent happy ones. I guess your mum was not horrible to you? Try and look at it as an outsider.

she had a bad time with your mum but found a new life in Tas, now you've come out there and sort have took it away from her, if you know what I mean. And not only have you come out to her territory but you've gone better equipped, more money etc. Its only natural to feel some jelousy even if we dont like to admit it.

Give her some time, then try and get her to talk to you about it all, you both need to bury the past to move on.

Now aside from all that, you have got your own dream. Get on with enjoying your new life and if you need something to do you can start planning a party for us

pm me anytime you want to mate

Kay xxx

herrchook

Nat, what a heartbreaking and bewildering situation to be in. I think that you do deserve the whole truth though, and it sounds very much like you're not getting the whole story. You have said you're not brave enough to go talk to her but I think that's probable the best thing. If not you, then could your husband or Dad not do it. I think your Dad ought to be talking to her at the very least as it sounds like she may well have a deep seated problem that goes further than you might think.

Have you thought about writing to her, sometimes it's easier to put emotions into words. Explain to her that you are aware of how your Mum treated her but make it clear you couldn't do anything to change it as you were too young and that you love her as the sister she is, and you're not your Mum. Try and find something that connects you, even if it's just that you're both in Tas!

It might even help to let her know your plans of having a baby and how much you want her to be part of it - reach out to the maternal instincts she has.

My dad had a huge falling out with his sister about 14 years ago over her jealousy of his success. They've barely spoken since then and it's such a shame. We've lost cousins and an aunt and uncle through it - so sad. I think that even if you can't get through to her, never give up. Always, make it known you're there for her, and you love her and her family. You never know when she might just come back to you, just make sure the door is always open for her - she's obviously got what she feels is a good reason to feel the way she does right now, but one day, she may need you more than you think.

A difficult situation, and you're going to need to be strong either way. Good luck and let us know how it goes. Here's a big hug from Scotland (((Nat))).

Linda Lushardi

I do feel you deserve a reason for her actions, but you should also prepare yourself in case she hasnt got the strength of character to face you head on. This could be for many varied reasons many of which, may not be down to you at all. I find that when people react in this manner, theres often underlying factors being acted out.

Whatever it is, try to remember that there is nothing wrong with YOU. Not everyone likes everybody and it sure doesnt mean that because you come from the same family it will automatically follow that you like each other.
I spent most of my life entrenched in a family that i didnt "fit" into. Wasted many years thinking there was something wrong with me. I finally realised there wasnt, and i just didnt have the same values and outlook on the world. Doesnt make me bad, nor does it you.

One of the most unsavoury things about us humans is an all too often, inability to accept people for what they are and embrace it. Those with small minds will reject and abuse those who dont share their same view of the world. Just the way it is i guess.

I hope you get a resolution. If not, just hold you head up high and move on. Theres plenty of other people around more suited to you. Its merely a case of finding them.

Good luck

natty

Just wanted to thank you all again for your kind replies and great advice. I have a bit of an update in that I spoke to my dad about her- he was extremely upset about it and also very angry at my sister. He rang her the same evening and rang me back the next day and basically said that she just kept giving him the same reasons that we had nothing in common. He said she sounded very hard on the phone- he asked her how she would feel if they next time she saw me was at his funeral ( ok a little melodramatic but i guess he thought it would have some impact!) anyway he said she said she would see me " if he wanted her to" which kinds of defeats the point doesnt it !!
When he rang me the next day he actually thought she would have rang me already but ofcouse she hadnt and still hasnt so I wont hold my breath !

Dad asked me to do everything I could do to bend over backwards to see her if she finally rang and although I am very angry with her right now and I dont want to see her at all, I did agree for his sake really.

I did think about telling her about our plans to have a kid but for now we really wanted to keep it secret until I actually get pregnant- when that day arrives I will tell her and explain how much I would like her to be involved. If that doesnt want to then I guess I will have to accept it.

This weekend has been so hard- I guess its the first time in my life that someone has rejected me. she can say what she likes about not getting on or nothing in common but it has to come down to the fact that basically she doesn't like me and that is a bitter pill to swallow BUT I know I am a good person and she is the one missing out on my amazing wit and charm ( thats a joke btw !!)
This time next year hopefuly I will be in my lovely new home in a beautiful village in Tasmania with my gorgeous husband and maybe even a baby or at least a big bump- my life will be great and that is the same whether my sister chooses to be in my life or not.

Thanks you all for your insight and wisdom

Nat xx

Timber Floor Au

I sincerely hope 3 things for you Nat:

1. you get pregnant and have a wonderful pregnancy
2. win the lotto, and treat yourself to something special, like a shotgun lol ( joke )
3. that you still, maintain the compassionate personna in real life as you do on here, and your sister sees that within you, and comes to her stupid selfish senses


Edited cos my stupid keyboard is dyslexic