Hels

We have been in Australia now for 5 weeks. We spent 3 weeks prior to arriving, in Florida.

Since arriving in Australia, the Hubby got a job right away (within 5 days), we got a nice place to live, a car and have been keeping busy most weekends.

Why is the Hubby feeling homesick already? He is feeling down and says he misses home??

I am home....I am from Australia and was living in the UK for 4 years. I am at a loss as to what to do to help?? He doesnt understand why he is missing the UK this soon either and I think its frustrating him. He just said that he wants to go home....but doesnt want to go home....

Any advice for him would be really helpful as I just dont understand what it is he is feeling as I am not also going through the same thing. Some advice for me to help him through this would also be helpful as I cant see myself ever wanting to go back to live in the UK.

Cheers

Hels

worzel

My guess is he just needs somewhere to feel is home. We had 3 fantastic months holiday down under 18 months ago but even though we loved it there were still times where I longed to be at home, with a cat and paper in my lap watching the telly. Give him time and make him feel at home.

walaj

not done the actual move yet, so a bit of guess work. Maybe that things have fallen into place 'so easily' he does not have the big tasks like finding a job or house to keep him occupied. Maybe it is now that those are in place, he is missing things he would normally do in UK? Such as going out with mates for a drink in the pub, or the familiarity of a place is lacking and that frustrates him.

Would joining a club help to him meet others and have something new to enjoy in his new home help or you both ensuring you have some time out together at least each week making the most of where you live, like a walk on the beach?

I hope you can find some answers, but it maybe time is the healer

Siren & Brian

Ditto....

What does he do without you.... mates etc...

Hels

At the moment, not too much. He is going to join the SES, perhaps that will help....

I am finding this really difficult because on one hand, I am so excited to be back home with him and wanting to showing him everything and introduce him to all of my friends and try to help him settle....and it feels like anything I do isnt working....

Siren & Brian

Sounds like a normal bloke to me....unless he can find his own mates i reckon its gonna be hard.

Age???

Real friends are hard to replace and take alot of time. Sorry I dunno if there is an answer, or that the answer is inside him.

Hels

He is 32. The thing is, when we were in the UK, although all of the friends he has he has had for a long time, he didnt see them all that often. We could go for months without seeing some friends. He has never really been the type to go to the pub for a drink each week or whatever. In the UK he was more of a homebody....

Perhaps thats part of it?? Since we got here we have been really busy all the time...Just about every weekend we have either been away visiting, or busy doing things here in Bendigo? Maybe thats what he isnt liking?

You could be right though, the answer might be something only he can find...

Thanks for your help though...Its really appreciated...

Hels

nmccallum

For me it's going to be the other way round - I'll be the new one and my boyfriend will be the one at home! I'm very scared of feeling totally out of place especially coz we'll be staying with his folks, near his friends, etc etc. So we've made a pact that we'll join new clubs or whatever to meet new people together. That way we'll both be in the same position of being the new one and both have to make new friends.

So perhaps you should do something new like joining a club or group or something - so that you will also experience a little of what he's going through.

This will be the third time I move to a different country - it's never easy and making new friends is probably the hardest part.

But as others have said - it's early days still and with time it'll get easier!!!

stephenwhite68

let him do something Blokey ....

Something that he likes ....

S

Hels

LOL....Let him?

I dont stop him from doing anything he wants....

Pollyana

Hi Hels,
Quite possibly the root of it is the lack of familiarity.
I was horrendously homesick at first - still get waves of it now, yet like your hubby I didn't see most of my friends very often, saw my family every few months, and really didn't miss the UK at all - I just missed knowing what was going on. Its very hard to describe, but you find yourself unable to go shopping for something cos you don't know where to buy it from; unable to arrange to meet someone because you don't know any good places to go; even a simple task like posting a parcel is different. And after years of knowing how/where/why, to suddenly find yourself lost is horrible.
Also, I have a theory that its harder for spouse visa people. If you come out as a family then you all explore and learn together. When I arrived, The Bloke had his life, his familiar places, he knew where to buy stuff - and so he assumed that I would know all of that too. He is still surprised at some of the things I ask, because they are things he has taken for granted all his life.
Maybe your husband is feeling a bit like that - he is floundering, doesnt like to ask, but just feels a bit lost and unfamiliar.
This is very hard to describe - I hope you see what I'm getting at. You feel at home - he is surrounded with newness; the friends are yours - he hasn't got the links with them that he had with his own.
I don't expect he really does want to go "home" he just wants to go somewhere that he can FEEL at home.

It does get better; believe me, as things get more familiar, but for a while at least - he will feel as my signature line says "To be an immigrant is to be solitary in the midst of millions"

Good luck

Polly

Siren & Brian

Bang on Polly. I had all of the same issues with Brian. He knew where everything was and where to get stuff etc.. and would look at me with confusion when I'd get upset because I didn't know the bus route to the shopping center.

It takes time to learn about your new evironment and feel comfortable and it can be a bit alienating when you're the only one that feels that way.

Meeting people does help though (hence our ladies coffee mornings.) In a way they are almost like orientation sessions. We get together and wind up discussing where to find the best this or that and the issues that we dealt with/are dealing with after the move.

Wish I could help more but in all honesty... time and patience seem to be the order of the day.

Best of luck!

Siren

yonk

I've moved lots in the UK and even moving from Wales to England to Scotland involves a bit of culture shock.

I always get very miserable but after a bit of time settle down and start to build a new network of familiar frineds and things. You also start to forget what your life in the previous place was like so you stop comparing so much.

I am very happy where I live now but it does take a bit of time. Get him to be kind to himself - you can't make somewhere instantly "home" but one day in the future it will be ok.

madsad

Hels i reckon this is totally natural, it's just such a culture shock for him, i'm sure he will find his feet in time, both of you should just have a weekend on the razzle, chill out & do nothing at all.

All you can do at this point is support him? what about a football team, darts team etc? havin said that with you being busy all the time maybe he justs need some time to take it easy (as above).

Best of luck Hels to you & hubby, i hope he finds what he is looking for.

MR MADSAD.

jimtrish

trouble is, home isnt just about making your house nice and having a job etc, its about familiarity and feeling safe. we all get like that at some time or other, give him time, support and space to collect his thoughts, he must be feeling awful knowing that you would not want to go back to uk.
like others have said, what about getting the social life into action, building up friendships, its all gotta help.
goodluck to you

Trish