5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

Hi everyone. I normally just lurk on this forum way back when i first started my plans of migrating to Australia. This can be quite long but i hope some may find the time to read it and offer me some support.

I have been here in Melbourne for 5 weeks now. I have a husband who's left behind in the UK due to work commitments and a 3 yr old daughter whom we had to leave with my parents back in the Philippines as neither of us can look after her in this sort of situation. We are Filipino but had acquired British citizenship thus making me now a BE :). They are due to come over here by December just before Christmas.

It was initially our plan to come here altogether but OH was begged by his boss to stay til December to finish off the project he's been handling (he works as one of the IT consultant). I thought holding off coming to Oz until OH is ready but got scared that the hospital sponsoring me will back out with the job offer if i tell them i'm not going til Dec (they have initially expected me to start last July). In return his company had given him an increase in salary and given him paid hours to work on his Microsoft certification which is why i have agreed for him to stay. We're hoping he'll get a better chance of working here in Oz as an IT once he pass his Microsoft certification. So here it goes:

I have left the UK with my daughter while OH sorting out the sale of our house, stopped over in the Philippines for more than a month to leave my daughter with my parents. Plan is OH coming to Philippines in Dec to fetch my daughter then come straight here to Oz in time before Christmas.

It was heartbreaking when i left my daughter as she really clings more to me than OH. I know she'll enjoy it there anyway as she has lots of cousins to play with.

Now, I have arrived in Oz Sept. 1. Stayed with a friend way back from UK who also mad the move 6 mos ago. They were the ones who really given us a beautiful picture of what its like living in Oz. To cut my long story short, i have found all the beautiful things they said were true such as:

- good outdoor lifestyle (which i still can't enjoy as i'm missing my OH & daughter)
- better working condition as a nurse working in a private hospital (surprisingly i did miss working in the NHS as there's more autonomy for nurses as here everything has to be consulted with the consultant)

Now here's the things i found out for myself which is making me want to go back to the UK:

- expensive childcare cost,
- tax more or less the same
- housing also expensive but houses here are bigger and more variety to choose from
- benefits not that great compared to UK such as maternity benefit, child benefit etc
- IT salary not that great (think my OH is earning more in the UK)
- childrens clothes quite expensive even when on sale (badly miss sales from Next, mothercare, and debenhams)

As early as the 3rd week of being here i've been telling my OH i would want to go back to UK. I just miss the familiarity, the routine, friends that i've left behind. Even thinking about the gloomy weather in UK doesn't stop me now on going back. Probably when my family comes here a lot will change i suppose. But i don't want to end up regretting i haven't given Oz a chance or regretting i should've gone back to UK sooner. I know we've shed out quite a lot financially and looking at the wages here i know we're better off in UK.

I know a lot of us have felt the way i'm feeling now just reading at some of the post here. So i hope anybody who've been in this same situation can try and guide me what i really need to do.

Thanks a lot for reading this. It's a relief somehow that i've shared my feelings thru this forum.

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

To be perfectly honest I think you need to remember the reasons you decided to move to Oz in the first place.

Anyone in your situation would feel as you do. Your on your own with your child in one country and your husband in another. If you ask me I would say that there was something wrong with you if you didn't feel this way.

In my honest opinion, I think you should wait until your hubby and child arrive. I guarantee, that if you give Oz a chance especially as a family you will not regret it.

Good luck

Trish

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

I have to totally agree with Trish
everything is hard to do when your alone:thumbdown:
love to you:wub:

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

Hi,

Ive not been in your situation and I can't imagine how difficult it must be to do it on your own whilst your family is in different countries , your not only homesick probably but missing them terribly as well.
Just wanted to echo what the others have said and to try and wait till your husband and daughter get there, in order to give it a chance as a family and take some of the pressure off yourself.

Hope you feel a little better soon x

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

I have to say that I'd feel the same as you too if I'd come on my own leaving my child in one country and my OH in another.

It wouldn't matter where I was in the world I would not be able to enjoy it at all. :(.... However this is only a temporary situtation and it will soon be resolved.

Hang on in there, it's only a few more weeks and will pass before you know it, your family will, once again, be united and all of these feelings will seem like a distant memory.... It's not forever, please bear that in mind.

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

I'm sorry your feeling the way you do. An no doubt anyone in your situation would feel the same.
There will always be plusses and minuses for everywhere you go be it down the road or 10,000 miles away. It is going to be perfectly natural for you to miss the UK and certain things about it that made life good here.
I know it must feel like forever without your husband and your daughter but you've not been there for very long.

I've been told by so many people to give it at the very least 6 months, if not a year or more. Yes it's an expensive thing to do moving to Australia. You could at soem point regret the decision and decide to return, but you could decide that when your family is there with you, it's all worth while. Childcare costs in the Uk are going up, aswell as petrol :mad: again, Yes you do get more house for your money but there are also various housing options that aren't all hugely expensive, I guess it's just a case of hunting around.

I really do feel for you and in all honesty this start probably hasn't been the best to help you feel you want to stay there, but needs must as you say.
Try and throw yourself wholeheartedly into making plans for your family to get there, with xmas and being reunited after such a long time apart.

Try and give it some time.

Jen

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

Hey keep your chin up! God you have got so much going on!! Just try to wait until hubby and baby arrive - Im sure you will all be fine once you are reunited! I have travelled without OH before -with 3 kids - but there is nothing like being together as a family - you'll be fine!!

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

Hey, sorry to hear you're feeling glum (not surprising given your situation).
change is always hard for us humans - we are creatures of habit and routine, its so hard on us when we give up all that is familiar in one go....and to be without your baby and OH is just trebly hard.
Just try and enjoy the culture, new things, check out some cool places to take the family when they get there, use your friend for support, take a walk on the beach, breathe in the fresh air, enjoy any sun you get, get some great coffee, explore the bush...simple pleasures to just keep you going.
This might seem a bit of an odd suggestion, but maybe try some meditation and/or yoga - to gain some stillness of mind may help you begin to start coping with your situation....there is lots of stuff like that going on in Melbourne.
Don't feel bad about investing some time in yourself - you'll be a stronger and happier person to help your hubby and baby settle when they do arrive :)
I wish you luck, keep ya pecker up, and I hope you are all together soon in Melbourne - voted the world's most livable city a few years ago, a place where many people would give their right arm to go and live - you're lucky!!!:wub:

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

Your poor thing I can't believe what you are going through. Things are bound to be very hard at the moment but you must remember it is not forever and don't give up for what you have worked so hard for! (just the application is enough let alone the separation)

Christmas will soon be here and you will be altogether to celebrate the new year, in a new country for a new brilliant start. Just think how much closer the rest of your family are now for visits in the future!

Keep your sprits up and take the advice here about having some me time. Just remember childcare costs are not forever! Babies soon become independent far too quick!

x

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

Just woken up and glad to read all your replies. I appreciate it and i must say it made me feel a little bit better. I'll try my best to be more positive and not dwell on things i want back. I'll always remind myself why i came here which is better lifestyle for my family and better working conditions being a nurse. Just had a serious talk with OH after i made this thread and he has agreed to come over sooner than planned. He will be talking to his boss today and God willing next month they will be here. Something to look forward to now. Thanks everyone.

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

Wow! I admire your bravery, and that's what it is. It's hard especially at first when everything is new, it can be quite confusing and very daunting. It takes some courage to move here with your family, never mind on your own.

All of us miss something from where we come from, whether it's family, shops or whatever so that is quite normal and hopefully you'll be able to fill in the gaps you have with an alternative.

Chin up girl, you are doing remarkably well and when your family get here it will make you feel better, I know when my son was here it brightened up every day for me (and he's 20!). :)

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

ditto - wait till they both come and join you and then as a family decided but you are very brave to do it alone (((hugs)))

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

Have a look if there is a Filipino club in Melbourne,there are a lot of Filipinos working in OZ now.Seems as if people are the largest export at the moment.

The Filipinos in Perth seem to have a good time at weekends meeting up and supporting each other,I' m trying to pick up a bit of Tagalog at the moment from the guys I work with once in a while,bloody hard work.

Yellow pages may be the place to look or ask at the main library,they may have a list of organisations,Good Luck.

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

Hope you are all back together sooner than you'd originally hoped. Glad you're feeling a little better :)
If you need support, this is the place to B.E.!:thumbsup:

Re: 5 weeks in Melbourne...wants to give up
 

Hi

Just wanted to say that last year my OH came out here before we did (myself & 2 girls had to remain in the UK to complete the house sale). My OH had the sponsorship and so he came out first. He hated being without us even though his brother is here (and he's no softy) it made him miserable. The house sale fell through and he had to return to the UK.

BUT

We are all now here and LOVING IT, the kids love it and so do we. So far we wold not want to return to the UK.

Christmas must feel alongf time away but if you can steel your self and hold on then things will look a whole lot better once your all together again.

Good Luck:thumbsup: