ali south

After nearly two years we have finally got our visa. Our 14 year old son is now really devastated. He is popular and things are going really well for him at school. He has a fantastic group of friends, goes to a great school, plays rugby for the A team. Life passes him by without a care in the world.

I have two questions

firstly - are we doing the right thing?

secondly - how can we help him through this?

Thanks for your help

Tara

tracey.d

Hi Tara,
I'm really sorry that your son is feeling so sad. I don't have any answers for you I'm afraid it's a difficult one. I suppose all you can do is highlight the good things about the move to him. He may really enjoy it when he gets there especially as he seems very sporty. Plenty of clubs for him to join over there.

I hope everything works out for you all. Have sent you some karma in the meantime
Tracey.

moneypenny20

Fraid that's an "only you can decide" one If he is so popular, enjoys life, makes friends easily, loves the out door life, he will obviously fit in well in Aus. Remind him how easily he moved on from Primary to Secondary school - has worked with my eldest (most of the time). If he has known about the plans all along he has probably just blanked them out - kids. I think you would be better off getting him out now ish rather than leaving it with exams not an awful long way away.


My eldest (only 12) was really really anti to begin with, not going, staying with friends etc etc but over the past few months has really come round, looking forward to leaving party, getting msn addressess, looking at schools on the internet, reading posts on here. Although she is still not as keen as youngest (10) she is far happier about the move. She has also enjoyed the meets we have been on, although she has never said much whilst there and regularly asks about people she has met - whether they have gone yet and where.

Keep plugging away, validate and see how he feels then. At the end of the day he is still only 14 and unfortunately for him, has to do what he is told Once there, he will settle in much quicker than you. And if you don't go, will you hold it against him forever, whilst he moves on with his life?

Bra

My daughter is 15 and my son is 18 and what we did was go on a fantastic holiday which we had planned for December 2004 and luckly our visas came through one week before we went so we were able to validate whilst we were there. The trip cost us a fortune but we looked at it as selling the Ozzie lifestyle to our kids so that they could experience it first hand and also gave us a chance to look at Sydney, Queensland and perth to see where we liked best. We had lots of friends that have gone to Perth and luckily it was the place that appealed to all of us. We are not going to leave until next year when my daughter finishes her GCSES and my son his HND college course so it will be a natural break in their education to make the move. We would love to go now but just think it will be better to go at this time when they have both finished their courses and then my daughter will go to college in Perth and my son to Uni for one year to finish off. I am just hoping that boyfriends or girlfriends do not get in the way and start to influence their decision.

fraser

Show him loads of piccys of Aussie surf chicks
It works for me

baconmaster

Just tell him that the chances are as new the Brit kids at the aussie school he'll be very popular with the chicks in his class!!

Ialibu

He will get over it. Its just @ that around that age they start to to feel that they have something to contribute. Let him contribute but also let him know that a family is a family and until he can support himself he will have to fit in with what the family wants/does/needs. Then offer an olive branch of some sort.

wafoo1

We moved our daughter 12 at the time over here,worst move we ever did,education system is the pants,dropped behind,she's popular at school but the kids don't mix after school here,so she's dragged them off their bottoms and forced them to do sleepovers ,shopping trips etc, she can't wait to get back to the UK

Elvira

He may or he may not. We have three sons who were in their teens when we moved to the US. The one who was most adamant that he didn't want to move is now as happy as a bunny in clover. The one who made all kinds of 'intellectual' arguments against the move has come to see the benefits of moving - though he is still planning to move back once he's finished his undergraduate degree. But one of them... - well, let's just say that for him it has not worked out. He is now torn between wanting to go home and not wanting to leave his family.

So, all in all, there are no easy answers, and it is almost impossible to predict how, or whether, they'll adjust. But you also have to think of your own future. If you do not have any younger children, you are getting to the end of your child-rearing years, and there are a lot of professional and couple years ahead of you. So don't think you're being selfish if you consider your own needs as well.

superam74

Hi Tara, It sounds as if you are talking about our son, he's 14 & plays rugby for the local team, he also has loads of friends home here.But I've tried to explain to him, that he will lose contact with most of his school friends at 16 whether he lives here or on the other side of the world.That's what happened to me when I left school, I slowly formed a different circle of friends without really noticing I'd done it. We are planning to move to Melbourne in about a year hopefully.....If our sons have a lot of friends home here ,they are obviously good mixers & shouldn't have any problems finding new friends over there.So ,yes you are doing the right thing, your son has his whole future in front of him & I can't think of anywhere better than Oz to live it!!. Sometimes we ,as parents have to make decisions for our kids that they think stink!but I feel that in a few years time he will love Australia as much as you do & you'll wonder what you've been worrying about.Look at the bigger picture! I hope this has been of some help. Regards, Pete & family

jad n rich

3 sons here too, not one has the same opinion on australia, and all 3 at some stage have wanted to go back, one even refused to come at all at first, arrived later, hated it, loved it and still hasnt made up his mind.

Its a nightmare that never stops and I know deep down through all this we are most likely to end up with family split up on both sides of the world.

The thing is when you are in the UK you assume everything here will be better and everyone will love it, sadly for many families that does not happen. Theres a great thread on the return to UK forum, its a Poll by julius who went to canada so not all the posts are relevant but it has some really thought provoking comments about kids who dont settle if you have time to read it all.

Rooksie

yeah but youre old enough to be their dad mate!!!!

fraser

Ah but Rachel could get freindly with them she's only 27

Rooksie

have sent you karma. if you dont go for it now, youre son will probably kick you when he's older anyway!!!

i remember what i was like at 14, i refused to even move house to another village!!!! Kids !!!! but then i am the least sporty person you are ever likely to meet!!! good luck with it

Rooksie

babysitters....!!!???