12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Arrived on 10th July,i feel sad and lonely.Cant stop thinking about the uk and everyone and everything in it.
Have tried really hard to make friends,but far from holding them hostage i cant make them want to keep in touch (even though i try):ohmy
My oh trys to re-assure me that things will be fine,but when i feel so low,i cant see anyfurther than now,and i end up struggling to get through my days here.
Is this normal to feel like this,or have i lost my flipin mind?????
How long does it take to get through this stage on to the next one?
From what i have read it is different for everybody,but i just to need to move on from this sadness and start to build a life here. If there are any tips out there for me i would be gratefull.
How is the best way to make new friends,how do you bury your feelings so you can get on with now instead of dwelling on memories of the past.
Your help is very much needed

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Sorry you feel like that at the moment but you know what i think everyone feels like it at the 3 - 4 month in bit.

Have you tried the meet up section dont know where you are but it is deff worth a look as everyone it like you looking for a friend to chat too, you may not click with everyone there but it only takes one to make a differance to your days.

chin up and keep striving for that goal of a better life it will come!

:)

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Listen, I'm not much help with these sort of things being a bloke and all, but it seems that

1. These feelings are extremely common, particularly among the ladies.
2. These feelings pass. How long it takes is individual.

Buzzy

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Hi Mandy,

Its about the 12 week mark that it gets to you, it really will pass, where are you in Oz??

Amanda :lol:

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

It can be a tough time for some. The busy busy time is over and normal life resumes but you are in a different place. Added to that you have Christmas looming. Check out the meetups section as mentioned and make yourself go out and about every day. Do you have kids? Do you have a car? Once hub and girls were working and schooling, although I didn't get down I did make myself get out and drive and drive and drive just so my neighbourhood became as recognisable as my old neighbourhood. If you have kids, get involved in the school - tuckshop, reading etc.

Don't think you're alone. Think of it as a period of time you need to get through and look around. It's very easy to become blinkered to your feelings. Stop, smell the flowers, see what's happening and it will (or should) pass.

Good luck. And don't bottle it up. If you can't explain it all to hubby, then remember to come on here and offload.:D We understand, locals don't (generally)

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Yes I agree with the above, hit me about 4 months in, not to bad but I do agree think it hits everyone around then!! But I found it lasted a couple of weeks and I am fine, but the OH it lasted a lot longer!!

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Hi Mandy,

I am so sorry you are feeling lonely.

We haven't even got our visa through yet, but the way you are feeling now is the way I envisage feeling once I get there.

But you need to put the whole thing into prospective, I live in Northern Ireland and my neighbour across the road is from Wales and married a Northern Ireland bloke. She assures me that she may as well live in Oz, as she knew no-one except her OH when she moved over here. She never meets old friends from long ago when she goes shopping, she relies on her work and kids to make friends.

Sometimes I used to feel so sorry for her because she was lonely. Being neighbours we did our bit with the invites etc, and it got to the stage where I felt obliged to ask them over every time I had a party.

But, guess what 3 years down the line she is in full swing and loves Northern Ireland. It is a chore to her to go and visit her folks in Wales. She loves it here and has her own network of friends and has settled well.

I guess what I am trying to say, is that it just takes time. Don't be desperate to make friends, people can sense this. It's like being desperate for a boyfriend, the more desperate you are the less likely you are to get one!

I know I am going to feel the same as you. I mourne for my old life and I haven't even left yet. It does seem to affect women more. I think men find it easier to adapt, because us girls are so emotional and sensitive we find it much more difficult.

Open a bottle of wine tonight and relax.

Good Luck,


Lynne

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Organise a meet, post it on here and people will come (especially if beer is involved). Some will become mates.

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Are you working?
if so then why not try and organise something with workmates.

If you are not working then maybe you should think of doing so...you will meet people and start to build a social life.

Jackie
xx

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Think everyone is different, some get down, some dont.

We've been here 20 weeks now and I felt tearful and low pretty much from day one!!!!!!! Think it's only been helped by getting a job!!! I had no intention of working until the new year after my mom had visited, but a job took my fancy and I applied and got it and think it's helped me keep my sanity, along with a few BE friends, you know who you are!!

Maybe a help could help you keep your mind a bit more occupied too?
Good Luck! C x

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Really sorry you are feeling so low. Fingers crossed it will soon pass!
Have you tried posting on the meets forum for people local to you? There is probably something going on near you & would be a chance to talk with others who will fully understand what you are going through!
Best wishes:thumbup:

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Where do you live? If you're in Perth, we have a meetup going on the 25th at King's Park. We'd love to see you there.

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Hi

Think it right about the 3 month thing. I've been fine and then this week I've suddenly started to think about the UK, family and what I maybe missing. I've been great up to now and have a small group of friends that meet up once a week, which I really look forward to. These are ladies I've met through BE and its great to have every Tuesday to look forward to. I hope that I can make closer friendship with them as they are a really nice group.

Not sure where you are but I'm in Redland Bay, Brisbane. If you ahppen to be in the same area, give me a shout.

Meet ups are good thing to do but you ahve to be brave and like me wander up to stranges in a cafe and say 'Hi, I'm me, can I join you' you'll be surprised how nice people can be.

Chin up.

Michelle

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

I found work was the greatest distractor I could have. Otherwise I would have gone stir crazy with a baby and a workaholic husband. I started out by doing a course which upped my professional qualifications and got me employed. It was interesting though that I didnt believe any of my work colleagues were friends and I once remarked that I had no friends here. They were all up in arms because they thought they were my friends!!! Now that I have retired, some of them have slipped into friend status but others will be soon forgotten (sooner rather than later I hope with some of them!!!!)

As for little tips about how to make things better
1. "Fake it til you make it" If you go around telling yourself that you feel like the bottom just dropped out of your world then you will go on feeling like sh*t. Instead, tell anyone who asks how you are that you feel bloody fantastic!!!! (say it like you mean it!) and very soon that is how you will begin to feel.
2. Thought stopping - when you feel down and start remembering stuff from home, say (aloud if you are in a place that wont make you seem an utter dweeb) STOP! that is a UK thought and I wont think about you now but I will make an appointment to think about you at (then name a good time for a cuppa and a cogitate). Chances are you wont remember to think about the UK at that time so that thought missed its appointment (if you see what I mean!) You could make 3pm think about UK time and not at any other time.
3. Get physical - go for brisk walks, go to the gym (you can always ogle the muscles even if you are half hearted about working out), take a dance class etc. Physical activity releases the endorphins and you feel happier.
4. Volunteer - give your time to someone else just for the pleasure of doing it. Make sandwiches at the tuck shop, become a Lifeline volunteer, join the SES, read books to the elderly in nursing homes etc etc the list is endless.

Ultimately, it is all about choice. You can choose to sit and be miserable or you can choose not to, it is up to you. Time wont necessarily make the homesickness go away but you may work out ways to deal with it. I am incredibly homesick on and off (mainly on!!!) but have been here nearly 29 years. Some days I hate it with a passion, other days I tolerate it and very occasionally I have a day where I dont wish that I was back home.

Hope you can work out something!!!

Re: 12 weeks in and feel negative
 

Mandy,

First of all what you are feeling now is normal, we've all been through it.
We are humans not robots to make such a dramatical change in your life
and feel like as if nothing happened.It does take time to adjust.
Please, don't think that smth is wrong with you, trust me it's very normal and common to feel this way.
We all have different stories and different periods living outside of home country and what you can observe reading this forum is that no matter how long you live here you can feel homesick from time to time.
I've been living in the states for 13 months (which is not long) and i had days when i didn't want to wake up and go outside, all i did was crying.
So what helped me
1.Sports. When you exhaust your body- your mind is not able to think:D
Try to be outside a lot.
2.Meet other people (even if they seem strange and alien)- get out of the house, explore the new place. Find the places where you can have memories
(like find your coffeeshop, a place where you like to read etc)
3.Make a list of little things you'd like to achieve. It's much easier to live when you have a plan.
4.I also started to knit here.Made scarfs for everyone:) It relaxes and occupies you a bit.
5. Take vitamins and maybe try St john's Wort (Remedy #1 of BE)
It really takes time.Try to be patient with yourself.Come here and share with us.I found BE one of the reasons i didn't go completely crazy.
Gd luck