mrken30

It sound like you are quite anxious about the experience. I would highly recommend at the minimum just meeting with a couple of birthing doulas. They will speak up for you in the hospital if you fee that is something you would want.

What happened with us, they went through what we wanted, and how how things have gone previously for other mothers. The reason it didn't work for us is that she had two people deliver on the same day and I am able to speak up.

Find the hospital nearby that has a NICU and delivers a lot of babies.

From what people have written, it sounds like there are many different experiences. Our OB/GYN delivered our baby. So it was the same doctor from the initial ultrasound , all the way through to delivery.

I agree with finding a pediatrician now, before you have baby brain. Nearer the time start freezing meals, you really won't want to be cooking. Also you may want a cleaner or postpartum doula.

Pulaski

Short version: make sure it's what you want, and a good doula will help you achieve that.

Mrs P used a doula, and while they might not be suitable for every woman, she was great for Mrs P, and from what you have posted here may be just what you're looking for. A doula acts as an advocate for the mother and is a friend who will help you find out what you want. .... A bad (IMO) one will tell you what you should do.

For example Mrs P was disinclined to have an epidural, even though that appears to the the norm in the US. Mrs P's doula talked through the pros and cons, and although personally she hadn't had epidural when she had her own children seemed to be willing to support which ever way Mrs P decided. But having had the discussion ahead of time gave Mrs P the confidence to make a firm declaration "I won't be having an epidural." The obstetrician noted that and moved on.

Another non-zero risk is the amniocentesis test, which is commonly performed, and is "recommended" for older mothers, as a way to identify possible Down's syndrome babies. There are two problems (i) there are some false positives (the baby is normal, when the test said "Down's symdrome"), and (ii) there is a risk that it can lead to a miscarriage. Having considered and discussed the pros.and cons, Mrs P told the obstetrician that she wouldn't be having that test. The obstetrician noted that and moved on.

Mrs P also told the obstetrician to stop pelvic exams - not all obstetricians believe they have value and perversely apparently some women expect them during the third trimester, and therefore some obstetricians perform them because they think the mother expects them to be performed each visit. This appeared to be the case with Mrs P's obstetrician, who was happy to stop, told us they really didn't serve much purpose, but that many women expected them.

mrken30

Also depending where you live, you may be able to have gas and air. This tends to only be available at a few select hospitals. There is only one hospital near me that gives that option.

Rete

I've honestly have never heard of a woman getting or needing a pap test during pregnancy. And on the rare occasion that it was necessary, why would it be harmful to the fetus?

I understand you are anxious, as well you should be. First child and all. Talk to other pregnant women and professionals such as Mr. Ken suggested, doulas.

There is absolutely no reason why you can't have a fully natural birth if that is what you chose to have and you can stand the level of pain that occurs. My both were natural and I went through the birth of three of my grandchildren while their mothers had natural child birth. Two of the three were born at home with a midwife and assistant in attendance and the third was in a hospital with an OBY and a nurse. There was no delivery room, the birth was right in the room where she labored and she remained there after birth with her husband and child until discharge.

It is not a walk in the park, but with classes and information and supportive loved ones, i.e. your hubby, with you, you can do it.

Chesten

I'd just like to add my own congratulations and best wishes. Fear is sensible and OK - this is pretty major shit happening to your body. It's cool to use that fear to make informed plans/ decisions.

The wand: it's really not so bad. The early images on a screen quickly outweigh the awkwardness IMO. Seriously, dildo cam is not a big deal. My kids are IVF so the wand I got to know very well. The idea is worse than reality and honestly, when you are labouring and they're checking how dilated you are, or giving you a sweep if trying to bring on labour: a hand up the foof is FAR worse than a wand. The indignities of preg and labour...

I haven't given birth in the US so I have zero practical advice to add on that front.

But in case it offers perspective: even in U.K. you'd need to self advocate. I bet it's 100 times more daunting overseas, I don't underestimate that. The Royal Berks were insisting I be induced before 38 weeks on basis I was aged over 40 for my second child. I had to "push back" (unfortunate phrase!) against 2 consultant Drs who each did their best to intimidate with very flawed stats. I got my way (I work with stats!) and like others have said, do insist on evidence rather than hospital protocol. I got my way and a midwife-lead natural birth with only gas and air at 40+3 and I'm so glad I did. Such a positive experience.

I found challenging my docs seriously stressful, they can really try and patronise you, and that was with a second preg/ child and in my local UK hospital, so I don't underplay how hard it must be to navigate your way round a foreign system. Best of luck.

I should say, I argued because I was fighting a "rule" rather than opposing a medical diagnosis. My baby wasn't sick/ distressed etc. I asked and received regular scans to confirm that.

It is worth adding that going in to my first delivery, I had my birth plan but needed an intervention in the end. It happens. Don't stress it. Of my NCT cohort of 9, 8 of us had an intervention of some sort. We all had plans and ultimately 8 of 9 of us needed to vary that plan. We all had healthy kids in the end so all good. So my best advice is to have a plan, feel ultra informed and feel comfortable enough to understand medical advice and change that plan if needed. With a first child sometimes a helping hand is needed.

Can't wait to hear about bubbas safe arrival in due course.

Also I don't know what the US version of NCT is, but I hope there is one and if so, do plug into it. I valued the friendships I made. I miss those ladies.

Chesten

Apologies for oversharing. The last glass of wine and then going online last night were not my greatest idea. I can't edit the post.

British_in_Brooklyn

Thank you for all the advice. I didn't stick to my guns at all today - see update at the end!

Thank you. I am very anxious in general, so yes, this experience is adding to that general anxiety! I had my first appointment today, so I'll update at the end

I had all sorts done to me at my first appointment today. Quite shocked, but it's done now! Update to follow Thanks so much for all your help,

They did a PAP test today and I wasn't keen because in England they recommend against it. I thought (assumed, maybe) that it was because it was risky, but it turns out that they don't recommend it because there is more chance of it coming back with abnormal cells because of the pregnancy.

Thank you so, so much for sharing (not oversharing at all) - all information and advice is appreciated!

British_in_Brooklyn

UPDATE: I finally (sort of) worked out insurance, etc. and managed to pick a hospital and a OB/GYN. Thank you to EVERYONE who offered guidance, stories, help, advice - all very much appreciated.

I had my first appointment this morning and I was TERRIFIED. I'm scared of going to my GP back home just for regular things so this was a huge deal for me.

I got there and I had to fill in some forms and pee in a cup. I managed about 2 cm of wee due to nerves and my current aversion to my beloved water.

My weight was then taken by a nurse and then I was asked to strip and put a front-opening gown on and I was told my Doctor would be in to see me. I was terrified at this point.

My doctor came in and the first time I see her I'm naked all except the gown. Seriously. She asked me to put my arms in the air for a breast exam. I was not expecting this!

Then I had to get in the stirrups for a PAP, then a pelvic exam (finger) and then finally an internal U/S. I could not have been more nervous or uncomfortable. I'd like to point out that this was my first PAP and examination of any kind. This might explain some of my anxieties.

All of this was (very almost) forgotten when I got to see the baby on the screen. We got a couple of print outs and then got dressed and into the doctor's office to discuss what to do and what not to do. Oh, and a flu shot.

Then, back to the nurse for somewhere between 7 and 10 bottles of blood to be taken for genetic testing. I'm extremely needle-phobic, so this was awful, but from what I can tell, there isn't even a bruise and my arm feels fine!

I have another appointment in 3 weeks for a Nuchal Translucency scan.

I'm only disappointed that we didn't get to hear the heartbeat, but we sure did see it pumping away!

Again, THANK YOU, so much for all your help and advice. Hopefully this information will help someone else in the future.

Rete

Your exam seems perfectly normal for a new patient, with or without, being pregnant. They need an internal to be sure that the cervix and uterus are normal in size and position. A tipped uterus could be problematic to carrying full term. A pap test is only a small scraping of your cervix and is nothing to cause concern. Blood is needed for typing and to see if you are deficient in any minerals and/or vitamins that are essential to both you and a healthy fetus.

This type of exam is off putting for many women, but frankly, you get use to it, never liking it, but accept it for what it is, a non-sexual peek into your health and with pregnancy a need to ensure a healthy living environment for the next 8 months or so for the fetus.

Congratulations on your first photos of the little one and a successful visit with your new OB/GYN.

British_in_Brooklyn

Thank you so much! I'm really pleased at the outcome. It was my first medical appointment in the US, so you're right, they needed to be thorough. I'll feel a little less nervous at the next one, hopefully.

ellie_gbr

Get used to peeing in the cup - you'll have to do it at every appointment!

I am a very needle phobic person too (I pass out) but there's something about knowing it's for the baby that makes it easier. I always tell them about it and the nurses were great at the doctor and in the hospital. When I went to be induced I was more scared about getting an IV than birth!! I even managed the epidural without passing out.

Congratulations again and it is worth all the anxiety :-)