Notwhereiwanttobeinlife

Hello everyone, I am aware that this idea is extremely difficult and complicated but I am willing to wait years pursue this IF it can be done.

I am born and bred in London, I had a very rough life living in South London and I have just started getting my life together by doing a psychology degree to pursue my dream of being a clinical psychologist. I am aware of how to go about that, I would have to do a masters degree, get some experience and complete a 3-year PhD/doctorate in clinical psychology BUT I want to practice in the U.S. After I am qualified. However I am not sure wether it would be best to carry on with my studies in the U.S. to pursue this due to visa issues

I feel like I have nothing in this country apart from my education, I have just moved on the outskirts of London and done a massive life detox as I was surrounded by VERY negative people. What makes it worse is now it takes me 2 hours to commute into the heart of London to go to uni and it's not like I can drive due to congestion charge. Even though I've moved if I was to be a psychologist in this country, I would have to study and work in London which I am not keen on doing because the journey takes me over two hours on some days, me only turning up to a two hour lecture on some days would take up my whole day and like I said its not even like I have the option to drive there. I find London one of the most loneliest places and I feel extremely isolated here and I don't feel like I can build a life here especially since I will never be able to own my own property due to soaring house prices. My university in the heart of London is so socially isolating that I know people who have dropped out due to the isolation and loneliness. I am not keen on pursuing a career in a place like London or the UK for that matter because I find that the midlands and other places out of London are too cold and the people are chavvy (generally speaking btw I can't speak on behalf of all people in all areas), I just am not keen on those areas, especially since the weather will be worse. I am just not keen on living in the UK anymore hence why I want to move to LA or anywhere in California since I've heard it's a good place for university's and psychology.

Nobody on my degree course actually wants to be a psychologist or achieve anything, most just study for the student loans/finance, i feel like I am stuck in this negative place. I actually don't have any real friends right now or a massive family in the UK so I got nothing to lose and I want to establish myself in a more positive, warm environment with more of a sense of community than London.

Enough moaning from me! The question is how do I go about this? I know I would either have to get a student visa or get sponsored by an employer in the U.S. But how would I go about this in the field of psychology? And will I be better off completing my doctorate in the UK since it is funded by the NHS?
Where I currently live is extremely cold and damp (UK weather doesn't help) and me and my mum has been isolated since, my mother also is in severe pain due to the cold and damp (our house has severe structure issues which won't be sorted and we are paying £80 per week on heating which is extortionate) and I feel like the warm weather would help her joint problems.
I just want to work towards a better life for me and her in the U.S., preferably L.A even though it's expensive there too.
My mothers visa issue is also another concern! If I get a sponsorship could she come with me?

I am only 22, I have this plan in my head and just don't kno how to go about it. Brutally honest answers are appreciated, I just want to know if this is possible or doable, if this is out of reach please let me know, if not how could I go about it?

Sorry if this post sounded negative, I just don't want to end up like my father who lives in London. Most of his life he just works and comes home, he has no social life like a lot of people I know in London. I want to live life to the full and be positive!

Rete

Yes, there are a lot of negatives but sometimes in our lives that is all there is. It isn't until things get worse or when we mature that we discover that negatives can be thought of positively and as a stepping stone to success. You are leaning towards that end. So good for you.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but if you were to emigrate to the US, Mum will not be able to come with you under whatever visa you then qualify for.
At some point, you will be able to petition for her but not at the very beginning.

To educate in the US, you will need to have the money upfront to pay for your tuition, books, living expenses or get a full scholarship which is very hard to get.

There are many knowledgeable people here who will help you with more detailed information.

tom169

Just so we can rule the obvious out:

• Read Pulaski's Ways: How to Live and Work in the USA : British Expat Wiki
• Do you have any family ties?
• Do you qualify for Diversity Visa?

It likely can be done, but be prepared for the long haul.

I'm not sure about the requirements of a psychologist. I do know that a few US friends have degrees in this field, but have gone into a research career instead.

If you were prepared to pay a large sum and study in the US for your masters it would likely be possible under the F-1 visa.

This would also open you up to being eligible for extra spaces on the H1-B visa

It sounds like you're at a low point right now. The weather across the rest of England really isn't much difference. There may be a couple degrees Celsius in it. It isn't all doom and gloom up north!

You're in one of the world's most populous cities. How do you know that moving to a US city won't make you less lonely? My in-laws live in a city that is a direct neighbor of mine... it still takes 45 minutes to drive there at 70 MPH! Especially as your mom won't be joining you.

As a northerner, "chavvy" isn't speaking generally for the populous outside of London. Come on, I thought you were educated.

This isn't exclusive to the UK. There will be many people here in the US bumming off their parent's college checks each month.

Read Pulaski's Ways: How to Live and Work in the USA : British Expat Wiki

You likely have the two options you illustrated - study or work.

I'm not sure about psychology in specific (being certified etc), so i'm talking generally here.

Study in the USA (F-1 Visa)

• Study will be expensive in the US (you will be both an out of state resident / international and also pursing an advanced degree) - you will likely incur debt in the tens of thousands $$.
• It may open more doors and give you more connections to having a career out here.
• It will give you the chance to experience some of life in the USA.
• You may meet a significant other and end up being qualified for a family visa.

Study in the UK, work in the USA (few different visa options)

• You will need to gain significant experience to make you competitive against US counterparts
• It will be cheaper!!
• It will realistically be a 10+ year plan for moving to the USA.

You mom won't be joining you as anything other than a temporary tourist. If you became a US citizen you could petition for her to join you. However, that's a way way way away.

If you think £80 per week is expensive, consider paying for a pumping out AC/heat system, replacing roofs more often than the UK, being locked into a simple monopoly for your utilities.

If you are going to study in the US you can be picky about where you want to apply for, in your case focusing on CA. If you are going down the work route then being picky will not serve you well. Work first, location second (to begin with at least!).

It will be possible. The timeline revolves around if you want to pay the extortionate fees to study internationally in the USA.

Largely the ethic in the US is you go to work and pay your way in life. Work to provide for you and your family. There is a lack of paid time off here and some careers have a crappy work life balance.

It's not all green grass, perfect beaches and sunny weather.

Good luck.

yellowroom

Positivity is to a great extend, in your own mind. If you are finding it hard to make friends while at university in one of the largest cities in the world, then what would you do differently in a strange city in a different country? If you can answer that with some ideas, then maybe you could try those ideas at home first and see if they make a difference?

Also, as a "chavvy" Northerner, I find it hard to understand why you have such a closed mind to the people and geography of the rest of the UK, while thinking LA and California will be the land of milk and honey. I suspect you may find LA just as socially isolating as London - open your mind to the rest of the country first! It's not that much colder, in fact the north has been relatively warm recently while the south froze...

Bit radical, but why don't you transfer to a University out of London - either in the UK or Europe (I don't know if this is technically possible, but people here have reported that many European universtities are offering more and more courses taught in english). That would give you the opportunity to try a different area, different culture, different people without making a massive commitment that is hard to reverse.

ian-mstm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Notwhereiwanttobeinlife

Brutally honest answers are appreciated...

Well then, in that case...

Quote:

I have nothing in this country...

... and yet you expect to have something in another country! How odd.

Quote:

I find London one of the most loneliest places...

Newsflash: Los Angeles will be the same but multiplied tenfold... because no one in the US will even know that you exist! You won't even have your mother for comfort!


It is both possible and doable - but US immigration is not the answer to your issues. Whatever demons you're currently struggling with are not going to be vanquished by moving elsewhere. Why? Because you're still the same person regardless of where you go. As someone interested in psychology, surely you must understand that much about yourself.

Quote:

I want to live life to the full and be positive!

Good. Solve your personal issues first - and then, when you're ready, we can talk immigration.

Ian

Anian

Transfer to a campus-based university and live there. People who go there will become your friends and you can hang out in the evenings because you will all live close to each other.

OR

Join a club, society, common interest group. Loneliness is only cured by socialising with people. Moving to a city where you can't even buy your comfort foods or watch your usual tv shows will make it worse.

hungryhorace

Moving to the cesspit that is LA will not fix your problems. Fix your life in the UK before you even considering relocating on the whim that it will magically fix your issues.

This is away with the fairies nonsense. The _vast majority_ of people have lives like this. They work long hours, come home knackered, and just want to sit and relax. When you're a bit older, and not quite so blissfully ignorant, you'll understand this.

PS - if you want a warmer climate, move to Spain or the south of France like everyone else does.

scrubbedexpat099

Obvious option and probably the most realistic is Match.com® | The Leading Online Dating Site for Singles & Personals : Match.com

For both of you, not sure how likely that is.

Do not just think of LA, the weather in for example North Carolina is nice.

You may find the fees associated with a Student Visa mind boggling.

I actually do not doubt your issues, they have been alluded to on other threads but not relevant to US Immigration.

ddsrph

Along the same lines:
As a university student you can qualify for a summer job in the US. Meet someone, get married, not just for a visa of course. Someone mentioned this before ,check out BUNAC for summer jobs. I never heard of it until it was mentioned on this site.

Nutmegger

Step one: actually visit LA so that you can stop building it up to be something that it isn't. It will be nothing like you imagine it to be, and you will find yourself far more lonely than you have ever been in the UK. Of all the places in the US, you have chosen the one with the most superficial culture -- if you feel you don't fit in in the UK, you have no idea how much a fish out of water you will feel in LA!

Twinkle0927

If you are feeling extreme loneliness at university in London, then you are going to feel that in any other city too. It's not the location that's the problem. University days were a social whirl for me, and I'm not the most extroverted person around. If it takes you 2 hours to get there, don't just go for one 2-hour class. Meet up with others for coffee or form a study group in the library. I went to university overseas and actual "lectures" (where someone stands in front of a theatre of students and talks without interruption) were optional because they carried very low value. Study groups, seminars, classes and tutorials were what counted. These were where you interacted and discusssed the subject, researched together, and so on. Are you not doing these? These are a great way to mingle with like-minded individuals.

Whatever it is you're missing in your life here, you won't find it in the US. The issue is deeper than location. And why LA? Limiting yourself to one city on the whole planet is surely going to lead to disappointment. Either disappointment that you didn't get to go there or disappointment that you did get there and it wasn't anything you thought it would be. You're a bit too old to be running away from your problems. Deal with them.

I find it interesting that a lot of people come to this forum and say "I have nothing in this country". How about the NHS? You'll certainly miss that when it's gone! And a very reasonably-priced education by comparison.

Yes, the weather isn't brilliant at the moment here. But it's winter. Happens every year. You should be used to it by now. And give me a nice crisp frost over the LA smog any day. It's easier to warm up with extra layers and blankets than it is to cool down in the summer there - you think you are spending too much on heating here, what do you think cooling your place costs there?

Notwhereiwanttobeinlife

Okay, I cannot respond to every individually so I am going to make on response here to everything I have read, first of all thank you! thanks for taking the time to write detailed replies and second sorry if I offended any northerners! (seriously) but I just don't think places far out of London are for me or anywhere in the UK, yes I have not explored in thoroughly but I just want a MAJOR change. I have even admitted myself that where I was brought up was chavvy, so chill, its nothing personal.

Okay as I was saying, majority of responses are giving the "fix yourself first" message and I agree! But I need an end goal in order to do that, to feel more positive. I will give a small list as to what ive been through and why I need this new start, yes I wont be 100% happy if it does work out, but I am just craving change right now.

1) As a result of being bullied (which I am now psychologically over), from the age of 16 I had to replace my A-levels and GCSES with BTECs at college, in the process of that I met people who dropped out, did not want to study at all and were very negative. My college also closed down half way through a two-year course so I was transferred to another college
2) This new college was even worse, I was a 2nd year student being put into a 1st year class who could barely speak any English. My stuff was stolen, academic records were lost and I had to redo assignments which were lost and marked by students due to a month strike. I even had to print off a piece of compulsory coursework to pass the course of the examination board that wasn't even taught in class and had to do it myself since it wasn't even mentioned, if I was obsessive with checking my work and what I needed to pass, I would've failed. I was the only person who passed from that initial class. People even harassed me when I got good grades and tried to plagiarise my work..
3) All I could do is apply for a low ranked uni (which is where I am at now), I tried joining societies but they only cater for certain ethnic groups so I couldn't join most of the few societies listed (this university has very few societies compared to other unis) and the psychological society has the same people in my class who don't talk or socialise anyway! I attended a few events and had 18 year old freshers who excluded me and one of my associates out (he has now dropped out, we are both 22) and the other events I got chatted up by older men who actually insulted me in choosing to study psychology and said how it was a sh*t topic based on a crazy coke head (Sigmund freud) THIS was the type of small minded people attend this university. I blamed myself and did wonder if it was me, or something I was doing until a Canadian student reached out to me and said that he dropped out as he experienced similar and know people who have dropped out due to the isolation. I was always friendly to people on my course and organised days out and events, my messages would get ignored or they would be "busy", now everyone else has dropped out and I have one good associate who ive been working with on work, she too has been ignored by the others on the course, she would organise revision sessions and nobody would turn up so we have been sticking together.

I have also lived below radicals who despised white people on my estate, we had constant noise nuisance for 6 years and the council accused us of being racist when we complained and wouldn't do anything so me and my mum had to move, we even called the police due to physical violence and just got called racist and islamophobic when this wasn't the case, my closest classmate that dropped out is Somalian and is muslim. So me and my mum felt some kind of prejudice in our past area.. and the joke is my parents specifically moved to London due to the diversity!

I was also followed home and stalked in my area, when I was a teen I was constantly harassed by guys on my estate and the nearby estate in Brixton, the guys were complete dogs and one guy who ran a youth group said that south London is notorious for guys that will pressure women for sex and stop at nothing.
Along with being friends with loads of toxic females who slept around and dropped out of school/college and who tried to influence me into that vicious cycle of sleeping around, taking drugs... so here I am, trying to find my place and positive people, I thought id find people like this at university, clearly not, most have dropped out and don't even want to pursue a career in psychology!

Nobody can blame me for wanting to start a new and start a new life in a completely different area and to better my life for me and my mum. Something completely different. Somewhere where people are treated as equals.

After all of your advice, I plan to visit there and look into some masters courses since I do have a lot of money saved for important things like; a car, flat deposit ect.. but then again education is funded in the UK and is better, but I don't feel like I belong here, I have no positive people to look up to and ive always loved American culture, to whoever thinks London is social, think again, it can be very isolating or you can end up in the wrong crowd, one thing I did like about California (from what I heard) is the lack of drink and drug culture, I assume it would be a healthier, happier environment, I am completely done with London..and the UK. I am just trying to do the best I can academically (I am getting 1sts and 2:1s in my work, and that's very good for someone who did not do traditional A levels and has gaps in their education), I am very focused on coming out the other end and making something of my life for the better and for the positive, I also have this strong drive to meet new people, completely different to those I was brought up with.

SanDiegogirl

How much is a lot of money? Masters courses in the US are in the tens of thousands of dollars and you won't be eligible for student loans.

There is a large drink and drug culture in many areas of California; I'm surprised you have not heard about it.

ian-mstm

Good! In that case, I suggest your end goal should be to fix yourself.


I'm sorry you've had it rough but, with respect, none of this actually matters!


Nobody blames you - and, as noted earlier, you mom will need her own visa to move to the US. That said, your low self-esteem isn't going to be raised any until you face your demons... where you are - not in some rose-colored idealized vision of media hype called California.


I'm sorry, but if you're looking to the US as that place then you're going to be bitterly disappointed. You might blend in, but that's not the same thing... and over here, the bullies have guns, and so do the stalkers, and so do the people who don't like white folk!


I submit that what you've loved is what the media has shown you... and that's not the same thing!


This is exactly what I'm trying to get at. You've believed the media hype without even trying to find out the truth!

Ian

Twinkle0927

I've cut out all the "woe is me" stuff. This isn't Dr Phil.

I'm shaking my head in disbelief here. Where are you getting your information from? Hollywood Studios? Walt Disney? Certainly not from my husband who was BORN in Southern California and lived there until his mid-20s. He was a homeless heroin addict on the streets of LA back then and the only way to get clean (which he has been for 20 years) was to move AWAY from there. The streets are awash with drugs. Where do you think the whole crack epidemic started? Ever heard of Skid Row?

Did you know LA has a population of around one twentieth of the UK but has half the number of murders that the UK has. You think men in Brixton with dogs are bad - you wait till you take a wrong turn one day on your way home from work and end up in the path of the Bloods or the Crips. You ain't seen nothing yet. They don't just have dogs. They have guns and machetes.

I thought it was interesting that you deleted your post about people whose first language isn't English. You do realise that more than 50% of the population of Los Angeles does not speak English as a first language? Many of them speak no English at all.

http://www.expatfocus.com/expatriate-los-angeles-language

But yeah it's sunny there so life must be wonderful.