MartinColl

Im in a similar situation. We are in the process of going through an Executive transfer on an L1A visa. We have two sons who will come with us and a 21 year old daugther who will not. She is in full time employment now, engaged and with a 1 year old baby so she wold not want to come even if she had the right.

Shes an adult now anyway and wants and needs to stand on her own two feet and make her own life.

However circumstances can change and at some point she might need/want to come and live with us.

We fully intend to make the move to the US permenant. Once we get there the Green Card application process will start immediately. Question I have is if we get the green card would that improve the chances of a direct relative being able to gain a visa with our support?

Pollyana

Devil's Advocate time......If your child, currently aged 21 and living independently, had a job offer and the promise of a new life in A N Other country, would you expect them to give that up just in case you wanted to move in with them and have them look after you later in life?


Comes down to whether your life as a family will always be intertwined and interdependent. I was virtually dumped into lodgings aged 16 while still at school doing my O levels. I had to learn to be independent and after that I could never have gone home to live. If I moved back to the UK now I would only live with family for the minimum time necessary. A 16 year old from a very sheltered background can do it at a few days notice. A 21 year old who has been through university certainly should be able to manage without family on the doorstep.
And there are thousands of kids out there who never have the chance to go home. If home isn't there, they have to find another way to cope. Thats life.

You only have one life. live it for you.

MarylandNed

This is exactly what I did. My parents lived in NI and I went to uni in Manchester. I started a job there immediately after graduating and 3 years later emigrated to Canada. I saw my parents less frequently as time went on.

Sounds easy right? Because that's what it was like in our day. Times have changed. We're now in a much more global economy competing with others around the world. Everyone and their dog is getting a degree these days and it's often not enough to land a job. Now you often need more than one degree to separate yourself from the pack. I see many more kids moving back in with their parents and/or still dependent on them for financial support as they try to find their feet after graduation. Obviously there are still exceptions but things in general have definitely changed.

jjmb

What is she studying? I agree with the other posters who say she is more than old enough to find her own way in the world. No doubt you have other family in the UK and she has good friends she can rely on. Once you become citizens, if you go down that route, then you can apply for a visa for her. Of course by then she will be established in her own career and not that interested.

Being a safe haven for your children might seem like a good idea but I have daugther who came back 2 yrs after her degree and she is still here! Admittedly she is studying at night school but she is so comfortable, I am beginning to think she is going down the same route as my cousin who is nearly 60 and living with her elderly father. Great for my cousin's 2 brothers but I suspect she has miss out on a lot as after a certain age it was expected she would look after her aging parents. Once the studying has finished, if not before, DD will be gently pushed out the nest before her siblings come the same conclusion my cousin's brothers did

We are meant to leave home as young adults and most of us achieve that stage on our own 2 feet with a lucky few getting some help from our parents from the sidelines. At least she will have the prospect of a 3 month vacation if she wants.

What about your middle child? As they are at Uni they are at least 18, have the lawyers discussed with you the likelihood they age out before you can submit your gc application. Getting a gc with a L1b is not as easy as getting one on a L1a. Is there any chance you can come over on an A rather a B visa?

petitefrancaise

I've been surprised at the number of my friends kids who moved back to home after their studies whilst they get jobs and get some savings under their belts.

It is different now from when we all left uni... rents are high and mortgages difficult to get without a hefty deposit so it makes sense to move home if you can.

However, the kids I've seen haven't moved back home because they needed emotional support - it's been a financial decision. So, can the OP afford to keep the family home there for them if needed?

I have some friends here from Glasgow and they were in the OPs position with 2 kids who were young adults but hadn't flown the nest. They moved to the US anyway and have kept the house in Scotland. It meant they had to wait a few years before buying a house here but it has worked out v well. Their eldest now lives in the house with his family and helps out with the costs - a win/win situation for everyone in the end.

kodokan

I agree young adults now often need financial help to get started, supporting through an internship or a second degree, etc. But I don't believe tying it to a fixed address - an inappropriately large family home, no less - is the best way to provide it. There may be a small percentage of kids whose parents happen to live in the exact area for the industry and type of job the former student is seeking, but it's unlikely for most.

From how you've described your friend's case, it sounds like the eldest is now married/ in a relationship with his own child(ren), but living in a house he couldn't afford on his own income, being subsidized by his parents. The parents may be perfectly happy with this arrangement - financially comfortable, like to have the UK base for their own visits, take pleasure in helping the young family - but for many people, that sort of open-ended commitment to supporting a second family living above their means would completely derail things like their own retirement, or at least place limits on the money available for their own housing, travel desires, etc. Most parents wouldn't be able to do this indefinitely, and it wouldn't be much of a win-win for anyone if the parents suddenly had to sell the house to fund, say, medical expenses or assisted living, and trigger an upsetting move where the children had to change schools, etc.

username.exe

I had a similar experience, left home at 17, and by 20 was living on the west coast of Canada. But I was a black sheep, as I imagine many on this forum are. None of my contemporaries at the time has such an appetite.

Other posters note that Times have changed, and I concede that I probably would not have been able to choose such a path under current circumstances.
I feel for graduates who are entering a very competitive workforce laden with outrageous debts. Ask too easy to say:'...when I was your age...'.

That said, my wife works at a university, and the level of parental mollycoddling these days is pathetic.

petitefrancaise

You are making far too many assumptions here.
What makes you think they couldn't afford this house on their own? You don't know what the house is like, you don't know whether they are reimbursing the parents, you don't know the parents situation here either. You don't know any of their long term plans.

I guess they could have rented out the house to tenants who wouldn't look after it? Paid an agency for doing nothing much? Paid for on-going repairs out of it all? Paid tax on the rental income perhaps? The kids could have paid rent to other people, taken on a mortgage and paid interest rates?

All I can say is that everyone is happy with the situation. And the parents have a lovely house here that they can sell if/when they choose too.

You're right, not everyone can afford to do this. This particular couple made choices that they thought were right for them and their family.

Bob

It'll be a shit long wait if she's over 21 and especially if she gets married, but once you have US citizenship, it would be better.

kodokan

Of course - the internet is more fun that way

It was mostly from the 'helping out with the costs' comment, which usually implies more of a mates' rates arrangement than paying market rent or covering the actual cost the parents will be sustaining.

I'm also much more in the 'dump the complications of having a house in the old country' camp, which colors my view. I assume they've worked through the capital gains issues..?

But yes, for some people it'll be ideal; I just wanted to put the opposite lose-lose proposition.

petitefrancaise

It's too emotional an issue for me! My kids will be leaving me in the next few years. I'm pretty sure 2 of them will end up back in Europe and lord knows where eldest will be. My heart sinks at the thought of having everyone so spread out. So, although I have the opposite situation to the OP, I can understand his desire to figure out a way to have his daughter with him.

I will be persuading kiddos to take up citizenship though, as will I, just to keep options open.

jjmb

We thought that would happen PF and sure enough they did move, 2 within state (TX is big) and 1 out of state. Now 2 are really close and the other one is only 50 miles away. Seems being expats made them want to be closer to us, so don't despair. Youngest still talks of moving back to Europe but I really don't see it happening and if it does, yeah, more holidays for us Thing about Austin, its a good place to to get a good job.

kodokan

Right there with you, PF (although a few years behind; my oldest is 15). He's very much a Europhile, having lived in Switzerland and travelled extensively throughout Europe with us; he does, though, talk about going to a US college, perhaps in one of the more cosmopolitan East Coast cities. My 11 yr old is more chameleon-like and assimilates easily; she barely remembers the UK anyway.

Meh, they're probably both going to globetrot! Our plan is to not be working once they've finished high school, so we can if necessary relocate ourselves to wherever they end up (visas permitting, of course). We too shall be taking US citizenship as soon as eligible to, to keep our options open.

kins

I wouldn't leave a 21 year old behind unless s/he was happy for me to do so.

007fair

in a nutshell