007fair

I am still considering an offer to work in orlando (from Scotland) The main sticking point now is that my eldest daughter is 21 and will finish her degree next summer. Initially we / she thought she would have the choice to come out and join us .. but seemingly this is not so as she can only come for 3 months max as a visitor. I'll be there on an L1 B and GC process will take a while I think.
So she will finish Uni and have no where to stay while looking for a job and it is unknown how long it will take to get that job and where it will be and the salary etc Anyone been in this position and worked around it ?

sir_eccles

How about an F1?

What is your long term intention? Do you want to stay in the US?

Bob

At 21, can't she doss at a mates place until she squares a job away and get a flat share?

What's she doing for digs now?

NatashaB

I don't think there are any easy workarounds. You cover the (significant) costs of her getting a student visa and pay international student fees for her to do some postgrad study, if she wants to come with you, or she remains at home and you help her out with living costs to live independently.

007fair

Whats an F1?! I'll look that up .. We would like to stay in the US for at least a couple of years and then decide whether to stay longer

She is renting a flat in Aberdeen where she is at Uni She should be eligible for benfits of some sort until she gets a job There are ways round it but even so are quite a close family and it feels strange to sort of cut her off even though she will be 22 Are we too soft or just caring ?

retzie

IMO, she is definitely better off staying put, with such a short amount of time left of her studies. Indeed, good luck convincing any decent school to accept that much transfer credit - she'd probably need another two years of study to complete over here (which means 2x$$$). I imagine she has a decent support network in place now, which can help take up the slack when you're gone.

More generally, I'm sure she'll be just fine launching into her adult life without the security of family nearby. Indeed, it might help focus the process.

The former! She'll be fine . I also consider myself very close to my immediate family - if anything, living on the other side of the world has made our relationship stronger! You can still offer all the emotional support, without it getting muddled up with material assistance.

sir_eccles

F1 is a student visa. I was thinking she might want to do a masters degree.

Maybe also look at a J1 for some sort of graduate internship?

SpoogleDrummer

You're not cutting her off, you're just moving. When I was 21/22 I'd finished uni, was renting my own flat and working at McDonald's whilst looking for job. If a bone idle swine like me can do it anyone can. Besides there's nothing to stop you from sending her money if she can make you feel guilty enough.

username.exe

It's a bit different when you're telling your kid: "We're moving thousands of miles away to a country where you will have no right to reside, and will be lucky to see us for anything more than a couple of weeks per year. And we might stay forever. PS We're going to be in Orlando and you're stuck in Aberdeen."

No offence to any Aberdonians.

petitefrancaise

What does your daughter say?

Is this something you are worrying about and she isn't?

I do know of a couple who left their adult children behind - the kids (??) stayed in their parents house and got on with their lives. Worked fine but now that a grandchild has arrived it is more difficult .

What chance of a job with an oil company in Scotland and then a transfer to US?

md95065

It's not that much different from what I did.

For practical purposes I "left home" at the age of 18 when I went to university.

While I did spend some of my vacation time at home with my parents while I was at university, I also spent a lot of it elsewhere, I never, ever, "moved back in" with them and, from that time onward, I was typically living at least several hundred miles away (in the UK) and seeing my parents for (at most) a couple of weeks a year. This wasn't because I didn't get on with my parents it was because I had my own life and they had theirs and none of us expected or wanted it to be any other way.

At 21 the OP's daughter is an adult who will, presumably, be 22 by the time that she graduates. It is up to her to decide for herself what she wants to do when she graduates and then do whatever is necessary to make that happen.

rebs

I wouldn't do it. It would mean totally cutting off the option for my adult child to ever (at least while I was living in the US) come back home to live for however long/short period of time might be necessary.

Personally, that would always be an option I would want to keep open (even if it was never used).

md95065

The OP's daughter could, presumably, visit her parents in the U.S. for up to 90 days under the VWP and the OP could always return to the U.K. if the situation warranted it.

At what point (if ever) would you no longer feel the need for such an option?
If you really *always* wanted that option then presumably the OP would never be able to leave the U.K.

rebs

Personally, I think being able to visit is not the same as a young person having a back up option of moving back home if necessary.

I guess I don't know if/when I would not want that option open - it would depend on individual circumstances, but I would probably always think very very carefully about moving to a country where my kids would not have the right to live. That would still leave me a fair few countries to move to

kodokan

I'm another 'never went home after uni', so barring occasional periods during the holidays, I effectively moved out at 18. This was normal then (in the 90s). My parents lived hundreds of miles away, in a place where I had no intention of settling down (expensive London commuter belt), so why would I want to move back there even temporarily? My life was much further north.

I finished my degree, sofa surfed with friends for a week or so, got a full time bar job for immediate money and rented a room in a shared house; a month or two later, I got a proper job. Even if something had happened to my job, I wouldn't have relocated away from my social and employment network to somewhere I no longer had any real connections and didn't want to be.

I'm certainly not planning to provide an open-ended accommodation promise for my kids, who by then might be based thousands, not hundreds, of miles away. I'd help them out with a month or so of rent or some groceries if they were laid off, but I just can't see why they would want to pack up their life and move back into their childhood bedroom because of a normal life road bump like unemployment. The only thing I could see that would drive that would be catastrophic illness or accident that's going to fundamentally change the course of their life, and then the parents could always move back if absolutely necessary.