Another Question
Mar 21st 2001, 11:32 am
#1
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 16
Ok, after my last post regarding being able to move to the US to be with my gf..then finding the route blocked due to: a) we cant get married at the moment as she is still in college and has to live with her parents who are paying the course fees. We could marry in secret but as she has no income, and I would not be able to get a job until we marry, also I would not be able to live with her. Her parents would basically not approve!
b) I cant do the employment route at the moment as first of all I need to find an employer to sponsor me (wont be easy as I will need to be in a specific area) and I dont have any academic qualifications (I have been working for 10 years, but 12 apparently does away with the qualifications, but does this need to be in a specific field?)
So at the moment there is no route through that I can see unless someone can suggest otherwise. I was prepared to drop everything to be with her and take the proceeds from my house etc (25k) to the US and set up a new life near her until she finishes College (3 years!!)
The other option we may have would be to marry in the UK, now I realise that she has to live here - or at least for 15 days - but what is the proceedure after that - do I still need to apply for all of these pesky US immigration forms or is this route easier? And would she be able to go back to the US at the end of the summer whilst I await the paperwork? I would still have the problem of finding a job, but again do I have to apply for a work permit also?
The final extreme measure would be for her to up sticks and come over here and live with me, but as her parents are paying the course fees and would give no support if she did this (and it would give her mother a heart attack!!). But I cannot really expect her to give up her education one year in and start again here can I? It would be too much of a big step for me to expect her to do - and although she would be giving up everything - which I was prepared to do but cant now - it seems to be our only hope.
Any help would or opinions would be appriciated on this, as basically it looks like we are in for a long long wait!
Eddie
p.s. what are the chances of being able to work casually in the US without a work permit/visa?? Is the risk too high for this?
b) I cant do the employment route at the moment as first of all I need to find an employer to sponsor me (wont be easy as I will need to be in a specific area) and I dont have any academic qualifications (I have been working for 10 years, but 12 apparently does away with the qualifications, but does this need to be in a specific field?)
So at the moment there is no route through that I can see unless someone can suggest otherwise. I was prepared to drop everything to be with her and take the proceeds from my house etc (25k) to the US and set up a new life near her until she finishes College (3 years!!)
The other option we may have would be to marry in the UK, now I realise that she has to live here - or at least for 15 days - but what is the proceedure after that - do I still need to apply for all of these pesky US immigration forms or is this route easier? And would she be able to go back to the US at the end of the summer whilst I await the paperwork? I would still have the problem of finding a job, but again do I have to apply for a work permit also?
The final extreme measure would be for her to up sticks and come over here and live with me, but as her parents are paying the course fees and would give no support if she did this (and it would give her mother a heart attack!!). But I cannot really expect her to give up her education one year in and start again here can I? It would be too much of a big step for me to expect her to do - and although she would be giving up everything - which I was prepared to do but cant now - it seems to be our only hope.
Any help would or opinions would be appriciated on this, as basically it looks like we are in for a long long wait!
Eddie
p.s. what are the chances of being able to work casually in the US without a work permit/visa?? Is the risk too high for this?
Mar 21st 2001, 11:16 pm
#2
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Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 16
ok lets move this to the top again lol
Mar 21st 2001, 11:39 pm
#3
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 2
She must be pretty fabulous! Good luck EddieUK, you have quite a hurdle there to overcome, but it is all worth it to be with the one you love. But no matter how hard it gets, dont give up! We are cheering for you guys!
Mar 22nd 2001, 12:22 am
#4
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Posts: n/a
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DON'T DO IT!!
Yes, the risks are very high. You could be barred for a very long time if you
were caught, so don't take that chance.
I know it seems like forever, but have you considered continuing a long-distance
relationship? It's not as bad as it sounds. Yes, it's hard to be apart. But Shawn
and I have been doing that for about a year and a half now (and others have done
it for even longer). You come here to visit for a week or two every three months
or so, maybe a month when she's on break from school. She flies over there once
or twice in the summer. Your trust and commitment has to be high, and it can be
trying, but it has its perks to. And all those months of doing not much but
talking means you get to know someone very well. And if memory serves, the life
of a student is so hectic that, truthfully, you probably wouldn't get to spend
that much time with her even if you were living here.
Also check into whether her university offers study abroad programs. Many do. If
she qualifies, perhaps she can spend a year or so studying over there, but the
credits count towards her US school.
Best of luck, Beth
>
DON'T DO IT!!
Yes, the risks are very high. You could be barred for a very long time if you
were caught, so don't take that chance.
I know it seems like forever, but have you considered continuing a long-distance
relationship? It's not as bad as it sounds. Yes, it's hard to be apart. But Shawn
and I have been doing that for about a year and a half now (and others have done
it for even longer). You come here to visit for a week or two every three months
or so, maybe a month when she's on break from school. She flies over there once
or twice in the summer. Your trust and commitment has to be high, and it can be
trying, but it has its perks to. And all those months of doing not much but
talking means you get to know someone very well. And if memory serves, the life
of a student is so hectic that, truthfully, you probably wouldn't get to spend
that much time with her even if you were living here.
Also check into whether her university offers study abroad programs. Many do. If
she qualifies, perhaps she can spend a year or so studying over there, but the
credits count towards her US school.
Best of luck, Beth
Mar 22nd 2001, 12:29 am
#5
Guest
Posts: n/a
P.S. Eddie, if you're not aware of it already, look up a company called OneTel. They
do international long distance plans. UK to PA is only 3p a minute.
International dating: welcome to the world of hundred dollar phone bills!!
do international long distance plans. UK to PA is only 3p a minute.
International dating: welcome to the world of hundred dollar phone bills!!
Mar 22nd 2001, 1:05 am
#6
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 16
Thanks for your kind words Beth, and for the info on One Tel
wow you have been waiting for ages, how do you cope??
We are arranging another visit for the Summer at the moment and are just taking things one step at a time. But it just seems like a huge mountain to climb at the moment, I know it is worth it though.
wow you have been waiting for ages, how do you cope??
We are arranging another visit for the Summer at the moment and are just taking things one step at a time. But it just seems like a huge mountain to climb at the moment, I know it is worth it though.
Mar 22nd 2001, 1:52 am
#7
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Posts: n/a
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It IS worth it, if the relationship is strong enough. How do we cope...? Well, we
e-mailed and phoned for nearly a year before we met, so we were going at a slower
pace to begin with. But you cope, honestly, by living your own life. Lots of
e-mails, lots of phone calls, and little things like small inexpensive gifts,
postcards, letters, etc to let each other know you are thinking about each other
from so far apart.
I've known people who had to be apart for ages for other reasons (military
service springs immediately to mind). It is not an easy way to have a
relationship. But it can be very rewarding. It leaves little room for anything
but complete honesty, so it can actually make both of you stronger. But it's not
for everyone, certainly.
Definitely look into the studying abroad thing; if you could mix in one year of
her living there with a year on either side of living apart, the time will go by
before you know it. And above all, remember to be grateful for what you DO have.
If it's love, than it's a lot.
Best wishes, Beth
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It IS worth it, if the relationship is strong enough. How do we cope...? Well, we
e-mailed and phoned for nearly a year before we met, so we were going at a slower
pace to begin with. But you cope, honestly, by living your own life. Lots of
e-mails, lots of phone calls, and little things like small inexpensive gifts,
postcards, letters, etc to let each other know you are thinking about each other
from so far apart.
I've known people who had to be apart for ages for other reasons (military
service springs immediately to mind). It is not an easy way to have a
relationship. But it can be very rewarding. It leaves little room for anything
but complete honesty, so it can actually make both of you stronger. But it's not
for everyone, certainly.
Definitely look into the studying abroad thing; if you could mix in one year of
her living there with a year on either side of living apart, the time will go by
before you know it. And above all, remember to be grateful for what you DO have.
If it's love, than it's a lot.
Best wishes, Beth
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Mar 22nd 2001, 11:34 pm
#8
Guest
Posts: n/a
Eddie- Ooops I replied to Biilypilrim by acciden and not the newgroup- Here's
my advise:
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[usenetquote2]>>From: [email protected] Newsgroups: alt.visa.us.marriage-based Subject:[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>Re: Another Question Date: Wed, Mar 21, 2001, 9:52 PM[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
>
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>----------[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>> Thanks for your kind words Beth, and for the info on One Tel[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>> wow you have been waiting for ages, how do you cope??[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>> We are arranging another visit for the Summer at the moment and are just taking[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>> things one step at a time. But it just seems like a huge mountain to climb at the[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>> moment, I know it is worth it though.[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> It IS worth it, if the relationship is strong enough. How do we cope...? Well,[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> we e-mailed and phoned for nearly a year before we met, so we were going at a[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> slower pace to begin with. But you cope, honestly, by living your own life.[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> Lots of e-mails, lots of phone calls, and little things like small inexpensive[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> gifts, postcards, letters, etc to let each other know you are thinking about[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> each other from so far apart.[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> I've known people who had to be apart for ages for other reasons (military[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> service springs immediately to mind). It is not an easy way to have a[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> relationship. But it can be very rewarding. It leaves little room for anything[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> but complete honesty, so it can actually make both of you stronger. But it's[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> not for everyone, certainly.[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> Definitely look into the studying abroad thing; if you could mix in one year of[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> her living there with a year on either side of living apart, the time will go[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> by before you know it. And above all, remember to be grateful for what you DO[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> have. If it's love, than it's a lot.[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> Best wishes, Beth[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>> --[/usenetquote2]
my advise:
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[usenetquote2]>>From: [email protected] Newsgroups: alt.visa.us.marriage-based Subject:[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>Re: Another Question Date: Wed, Mar 21, 2001, 9:52 PM[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
>
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>----------[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>> Thanks for your kind words Beth, and for the info on One Tel[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>> wow you have been waiting for ages, how do you cope??[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>> We are arranging another visit for the Summer at the moment and are just taking[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>> things one step at a time. But it just seems like a huge mountain to climb at the[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>> moment, I know it is worth it though.[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> It IS worth it, if the relationship is strong enough. How do we cope...? Well,[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> we e-mailed and phoned for nearly a year before we met, so we were going at a[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> slower pace to begin with. But you cope, honestly, by living your own life.[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> Lots of e-mails, lots of phone calls, and little things like small inexpensive[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> gifts, postcards, letters, etc to let each other know you are thinking about[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> each other from so far apart.[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> I've known people who had to be apart for ages for other reasons (military[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> service springs immediately to mind). It is not an easy way to have a[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> relationship. But it can be very rewarding. It leaves little room for anything[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> but complete honesty, so it can actually make both of you stronger. But it's[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> not for everyone, certainly.[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> Definitely look into the studying abroad thing; if you could mix in one year of[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> her living there with a year on either side of living apart, the time will go[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> by before you know it. And above all, remember to be grateful for what you DO[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> have. If it's love, than it's a lot.[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>> Best wishes, Beth[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>>[/usenetquote2]
[usenetquote2]>>> --[/usenetquote2]
Mar 22nd 2001, 11:36 pm
#9
Guest
Posts: n/a
find a comparison that helps you cope. My parents were separtaed for 3 years because
of WWII. When I think of my mom sending my dad off to fight a war....geezzzzz and not
knowing from day to day....and no email or phone calls. It made my wait a little
easier. ----and I am changing the end of the story.....we are NOT having a baby 9
months after my husband gets home! good luck......and don't live TOO close to that
mother....she sounds like it is her way or the hiway. Eileen
EddieUK wrote:
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of WWII. When I think of my mom sending my dad off to fight a war....geezzzzz and not
knowing from day to day....and no email or phone calls. It made my wait a little
easier. ----and I am changing the end of the story.....we are NOT having a baby 9
months after my husband gets home! good luck......and don't live TOO close to that
mother....she sounds like it is her way or the hiway. Eileen
EddieUK wrote:
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Mar 23rd 2001, 9:49 pm
#10
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 16
Well thanks for your kind words all....it doesnt make it any easier...lol
I guess I am going to have to wait now though...I cant see any other alternatives at the moment and there probably isnt any....Oh well.
We are both going to meet up again in the summer and see how it goes from there...I mean if it is too unbearable then it will be drastic action time!! lol
If anyone has any other suggestions or advice it would be appriciated.
Thanks
Eddie
I guess I am going to have to wait now though...I cant see any other alternatives at the moment and there probably isnt any....Oh well.
We are both going to meet up again in the summer and see how it goes from there...I mean if it is too unbearable then it will be drastic action time!! lol
If anyone has any other suggestions or advice it would be appriciated.
Thanks
Eddie
