christmasoompa

I just had to add that when I said we had spent all of our savings on having children, absolutely none of that has been spent on things like playstations or any luxuries - just on feeding and clothing them. Most of the equipment we got has been second hand and they have very few toys from us (although the grandparents spoil them rotten!).

I have no idea what nappies (sorry, diapers) cost in the US but here in the UK they are £7 a packet for just basic Tesco's ones - two packs of those a week and that's over £700 a year, just for those!

I've just worked out what we spend on food, clothes and diapers and wipes for them for the year (NO other luxuries or even including things like bills, mortgage payments etc - I'm purely talking basics for the kids here) and it comes to more than £7000. I'm sure things are cheaper in the US but it might well be worth doing yourself a budget to see if you can afford to have a baby.

Added to which, I've since read that you are feeling depressed in the US. I'm sure that having a baby would make you happier than you've ever been - but throw in being away from friends/family, post natal hormones, bleeding nipples, stitches in your nether regions, and struggling to cope with a new baby on 3 hours sleep, and it could be a recipe for post natal depression.

I got PND (admittedly mild) with my daughter after a very traumatic birth and 5 days in hospital (another note - I'd had such an easy pregnancy that I was advised to try for a home birth, goodness only knows what that birth would have cost me in the US!!), and the only thing that got me through it was the support of my husband who was off work for a month (not sure what paternity leave your hubby would get?), plus having my parents 5 mins down the road to cook us food, help us out, let us sleep while they watched her etc.

I really do hope you don't take offence to this post, please don't take it as 'preaching' but I'm just trying to share my experiences. If I suffered from PND with no money worries, no history of depression and full support from family and friends close by then it might be something to think about? And if we've struggled for money just buying the basics then do think about doing a budget to see how you'd cope.

Is there any way you could come home to the UK to start your family? Even if you return to the US in a few years? Just thinking that then you'd at least have maternity pay and friends and family to help out which is invaluable when you've just had a baby.

I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to do.

_jon_

Kids cost money.

They change your relationship with your spouse.

They do not offer 'good company' for a few years.

We have a 7 month old and a 9 year old, now we have the kids and things are settling down we are seeking the US move.

Both my kids were born with a genetic condition that causes febrile convulsions, panic attacks.

My wife and I are both healthy, there were no signs that there would be issues, 2 C-Section births and 2 weeks special care for each child.

Life throws a low ball sometimes, I'm glad we had an NHS for that.

lisa67

Well I'm certainly not going to apologise for my post...just trying to tell it like it is. If you can't stand the heat.....

franc111s

Just interested, what job can you get here as an immigrant on $9 an hour.

If you want to have a child, have one. Don't ask advice. If you ask advice you are not ready. A child in the USA is expensive VERY VERY VERY expensive (read risk too). The same people you say seem to "cope" I see at the Good-Will, charity food places often because they cannot afford to eat or cloth their kids. they live week to week.

Your call, no-one else's but do the research. The fact you acted so angrily implies to me, you already know they are right and you are rightly upset. If you want to live a "poor" life and have a child, there is nothing wrong with that. Loving children can come poor backgrounds, I know, because I did. BUT BUT BUT, just be aware and that's what people here have done for you.. Made you AWARE... THere is a LOT of compassion on this board, often taken as judgmental.

tamms_1965

It is very low. That's what my daughter was making as a senior in high school. Granted, minimum wage in OH is higher than the national minimum. My son in college makes $11/hr and he only has $400 to pay out every month. Look at the standard of living than many of these Mexican families have and you may change your tune.

Pennywell

To the OP, I read your initial post and here, for what they are worth, are my thoughts. If we had waited until we were financially secure then probably we would be childless at this point in time but today we celebrate our eldests 17th birthday. Although we were in the UK, so no healthcare costs, having a baby does hit the purse strings hard but if you believe that if money is the only issue, then workout how. Put a plan together, ask yourself what you can do to make it happen, so if that means getting a job, learning to drive..whatever it takes.It does not sound as if you are living the life of "Riley" at the moment, so all extras could potentially be put away for a year or so.

I agree, at the age of 32, you certainly should have the maturity to become a parent. I think what other posters who are parents are saying is that if you are not even close to 100% emotionally, take care of yourself first. I don't know what your relationship is like with your own family but boy oh boy I missed my Mummy when my eldest was an infant, just to have someone to reassure me and she was in the same time zone! Like you I was in a foreign country (England, I'm Scottish, OK not the same), didn't have many if any friends close by but I was able to put her in her pram and walk places and strangers cooing over her gave me a lift. Stuck in the house, with a crying baby, not knowing what's up, no-one to talk too is not fun and when the OH comes home and wonders why your not dressed, the house is a mess because the baby is sleeping, what is your problem?

You need some sort of support network in place and haven been clinically depressed myself, it seems to me, that should happen whether you get pregnant or not. People are people and I have learned give them a chance but to do that you have to get out and about. St Johns Wort lowers birth control effectiveness so please make sure that you are taking extra vitamins because believe it or not, you will be seen as a higher risk pregnancy because of your age.

I wish you all the best and I truly don't think anyone was going out of their way to be nasty just pointing out their own experiences.

lisa67

Well said

Jo1973

Maybe you could check with your local hospitals about the insurance thing, I have heard some will allow you to pay over a certain amount of time and at a reduced cost, but for the life of my I can't remember where I heard that. (It may of been on one of the pregnancy boards I visited last year).

You could also look into applying for WIC, it is based on income levels and I do not think you have to be a USC.

http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/

Hope some of this helps. You could always get pregnant and nearer due date try and fly back to UK for delivery, not sure how that would work out though, would save on medical bills lol. (No one flame me for that last comment, it was just a personal thought)

All the best TTC

Rete

Why? Are you interested in applying?

She didn't ask if she should have one but if she were entitled to healthcare assistance from the state/federal government.


That's your opinion. People react in any number of ways when they feel that they are being treated condescendingly.

meauxna

A very nice former member sent me this information to add to the thread:

http://www.chipmedicaid.org/english/qualify.asp

Who qualifies?

To qualify for CHIP or Children's Medicaid, a child must be age 18 or younger, a Texas resident and a U.S citizen or legal permanent resident. The citizenship or immigration status of the parents does not affect the children's eligibility and is not reported on the application form.
Who can apply?

Any adult who lives with an uninsured child and provides care for that child can apply. This includes parents, step-parents, grandparents, other relatives, legal guardians or adult brothers or sisters.

---------------------

That said, these people would be putting themselves in a poverty level or lower situation, which I can't imagine is a ringing endorsement for being 'ready' to have a child. In fact, I feel a lot more strongly about it than that but will spare you all.

Ash UK/US

My youngest is almost three so I am going back (but not that far back) when prices were a little cheaper. I do most of my shopping at Meijer, I knew before I even walked into the store each week, before I even added another items to my trolley that I had already spend $26 on formula, $9 on diapers and $10 on baby food. That is almost $50 per week before buying anything else... kids don't come cheap!

Tracym

Hospitals will give discounts to someone without insurance in many cases - you have to ask the billing office. But even at 25% off or so, it would still be expensive. And there is prenatal care also... and heaven forbid if something went wrong.

As far as flying back to the UK near term - first of all, I don't know if any airline will allow that - my guess is probably not.

Secondly, if one has been out of the UK a while, they are not entitled to full medical care, just emergency care. OK... so one could call giving birth an emergency I suppose - but I suspect doing so deliberately might be considered abusing the system. It might work, but I do not know if it is intended to.

Bluegrass Lass

Look into this very carefully. I don't know if WIC is more for the child, or the mother. If it's the mother, the OP needs to look into whether WIC is considered a means-tested benefit. If it is, then the government can come back on the sponsor for repayment. If her sponsor is her hubby, they could have to foot the bill, and then getting WIC wouldn't have done them any good.

SecretGarden

Too bad there isn't a "waving white flag" smiley. I surrender.

I will just say again that I did not intentionally upset this woman, or attempt to condescend to her. Obviously, she has a hell of a lot going on in her life, as evidenced by her other thread, which I had not read until now. Even so, I would not expect the response I got. Call me naive. I even stated that I was being a "nosey b*tch" but she certainly could have just taken my comments for what they were worth to her and agreed with me about my nosiness.

So, two things: if no one on this board ever offered an unsolicited opinion when a simple question was asked, the board might cease to function. We have ALL done that in one way or another, and I sincerely believe that the majority of people want to help by sharing their own experiences. Our opinions are shaped by our experiences---the two go hand in hand.

Secondly: Again, I do wish her luck, and I hope she will draw on the experiences and observations of others here, even if they are not necessarily what she wants to hear. My experiences are apparently of no value to her in her process. She really does have a lot going on with very few outlets and will hopefully find those she can connect with. It doesn't need to be me.

Have a good night, everyone.

~SG

Mummy in the foothills

Too true.
Plus I know my ideas of life in the US were totally different the first three or so years, Now I see things very differently having been here 23 years.
Many people don't seem to get that this is a foreign country, things don't work like the UK 'cause it's not the UK, they speak english (kind of) but thats about all we have in common. Planning a child around public assistance is pretty abhorrent to all the USC's I know.
$9 and hour is what my teenager earned in highschool, it's not a living wage unless the OP continues to live with the inlaws. even then the budget will be skin tight with a baby to see to. Formula here is about $22 for a 4 day supply, WIC is for those who need it. Not something to plan on.
I think the Dh in this case needs to plan a career move and improve life before planning babies.
Or why not see about moving back to UK with the Dh on a spousal visa, and do it there. Can't be worse living with the parents than the inlaws surely